Panthalassa: Low Tide
by chiriko1117
Summary: Evangeline Knight stopped looking for a home, a place to belong. But the family she found was like the ocean; so beautiful, cold, and eternal, that she couldn't help but be swept away with the tide. After BD OC/Cullens.
1. Camp

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

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**Panthalassa: Low Tide  
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**Chapter 1 - Camp  
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The bus had terrible shocks, which was the only reason I stayed awake for the two hour drive from Ladysmith to a camp site just outside of Ashland. I was exhausted, and had been for the last three nights.

My foster family had just taken in two small children, ages three and five. And they loved to fight and cry.

They were siblings that the State didn't want to separate; their mum had run out on them shortly after the youngest one was born, leaving them with their father. He was an addict who had recently been arrested for robbery, so off to social services the little children went. They were young and cute, which was lucky for them because some family would love to snap them up, rescue those poor little buggers.

I usually didn't like finding out anything about the other foster children I lived with, because it just depressed me more.

I knew nobody wanted me, I had more or less come to terms with that, but it sucked to hear how other kids throughout the state, heck even the country, weren't wanted either.

I was one of the TOTD kids the state moved around regularly. TOTD was what Julie called us, she had heard it from someone else and apparently that's what all the social workers secretly referred to us as. Too Old Too Damaged. Nobody wanted a 17 year old who had lived in 9 different homes since she was 10.

Sitting next to me on the bus was Julie; she was sort of my only friend. I mean sort of because we never talked about much of anything, we just shared a room at the Conner's. How she managed to sleep on the bus amazed me.

I had a few friends throughout the state that I emailed once in a while. But two of them were in juvie, not a very good influence, as the State therapist had told me on multiple occasions.

Hope was the only friend I could talk to on a regular basis. She had only been in the system for 3 years because her mum got caught drunk driving shortly after her dad had been killed in Iran. Her mum had never bothered to clean herself up for long enough to gain custody of her daughter back. But Hope wasn't going to this "Retreat".

Sometimes I really disliked how people didn't say what they meant. They used politically correct language, and it bugged the crap out of me. Retreat was their way of saying "extended psychological evaluation."

I was here on this damn bus going to a retreat in some old camp in northern Wisconsin because some therapist and some social worker got it into their heads I was depressed, and needed a little bit of "fun".

I didn't like their meddling.

I was a teenager for Christ sake, and I didn't have a stellar life, so I was allowed to be a little depressed. Going to the middle of nowhere in the spring time, with a bunch of other TOTD kids to spend an extended weekend wasn't exactly my idea of 'fun'.

But as a minor I was told to go, and go I did. It really was better than the alternative of spending a weekend with the two new boys at my foster house.

Some kids would be arriving by cars their foster parents drove because they lived closer, and some others were being bused in from other parts of the state. I and twelve others were on this bus coming from the Eau Claire area. I wasn't exactly sure of the criteria for which they chose the kids going to the retreat, and I didn't really think on it.

Once the bus pulled up the camp everyone started grumbling and stretching. The dumpy, exasperated looking social worker who rode up with us stood up and told us to remain seated. The camp councilor came on the bus and gave us the whole spiel about the history of the camp, how many buildings it had, and basically bored most of us.

I did feel a little pity once in a while for the adults in charge of us TOTD kids, most of us were to apathetic, too drugged, or too angry to really care about anything they were trying to do for us.

I gathered my things, my small bag with the few clothes I had that still fit, and my guitar I named "Hans Solo". Trudging off the bus I sighed when the fresh air hit my nose.

_Ok, it wouldn't be that bad here with air this clean._ I thought.

Once my feet hit the ground I stumbled because blinding lights flashed in my eyes.

I stood there frozen for a moment trying to get my bearings back.

The goddamn _lights_ were back, and that just made my day much worse.

I had been seen by as many doctors, therapists, psychologists the State was willing to pay for, but none of them had even found out why it happened.

Once in a while I would have bright lights flash in my eyes, sometimes it hurt, and sometimes it was just distracting. But there was never any rhyme or reason for it.

The Doctors all basically said it was probably due to some head trauma from when I was a kid.

The Therapists said it was because I was stressed, and it was a coping mechanism for dealing with it. That one made no sense to me.

The Psychologist told me it was some latent emotional stress working its way out. They were all just making guesses as to why it happened.

But it happened. The first time the lights blinded me from within my own head I was 10, sitting at the courthouse with a child psychologist and my old case worker Mr. Thoms. I screamed bloody murder and they couldn't calm me down. They brought me to the ER where the psychologist took the doctors aside to suggest this was just a way for me to get attention when they couldn't find anything.

Years passed and it happened on average five times a year. I shrugged off the feeling of unease that always followed the lights, and looked around.

It was an overcast Thursday in mid April, I had heard that once upon a time this time of year in Wisconsin there would still be snow on the ground, but climate change had surely changed that. The grass was still brown in some places but it was defiantly spring time with how warm it was.

Mrs. Jordan, my case worker and the social worker in charge of the group, scanned each of our indent badges as we passed. I shoved mine back into my bag as soon as I cleared the queue, and took a look around.

I was looking at all the groups of the kids that had been forced to show up. Far too many had come from broken homes. I had lived with a few of them over the years.

Cole was standing with some other boys; they had probably ridden on the same bus. I made a mental note to avoid him.

I saw Sophila. I hoped to god I didn't get stuck with her as a roommate. As the camp councilor had told us we would be bunking in groups of three, same sex groups of course, to be drawn at random at the welcoming feast they happily called, the "Get together dinner."

Shifting my bag over my shoulder as I looked over another odd group. My eyes stopped roaming over the other clusters of kids when they landed on the six kids who all looked like models that had just walking off their private jet. I had never seen any kids quite like them; in fact they didn't look much like teenagers at all. I noticed several others looking at them with envy and greed.

There were six of them, and it was obvious they knew each other and got along well, I assumed they were foster siblings. It was impressive to me that any family would take in more than one TOTD, but six? I smiled to myself and thought it was good for them.

It was clear they were well taken care of with their designer clothes. I suddenly remembered that I hadn't sewn the hole up in my t-shirt and fingered the hole absentmindedly. Forcing myself to look away from the strange gorgeous teens I noticed as the camp councilor waved us to come closer.

He announced that we had to trek about a mile into the woods to reach the cabins. The one we were currently standing by was just the front office.

There were about 38 kids, including the magnificent six, as I started to call them in my mind. And there were enough mini cabins for us to be in the fore mentioned 3 to a cabin, with two having an extra boy in each. It seemed to me there was a discrepancy with the boy to girl ratios; 15 girls to the 23 boys.

"So they managed to drag your morose ass out for this too huh?" A harsh voice piped up behind me.

I internally grimaced and cleared my throat before glancing at the dark skinned girl behind me.

"Ah lovely to see you again Sophila, I'd hoped to never have the _pleasure_ again, but alas we can't always get what we want. How have you progressed in your attempts to take the corner on the most horrid person in the western hemisphere gone?" For reasons I never understood, when I got angry I always slipped back into my accent.

I turned halfway to look at her behind me, she still had the ugliest shade of eye shadow on and her black hair was all matted in an attempt to recreate the current hair trends. She spluttered for a moment taken aback with my instantaneous response. I didn't wait for her, and caught up with Julie further up the path.

I turned back around when I heard a loud "ooph" and a startled gasp. Some boys were laughing as they passed Sophila who had tripped over something in the path. One of the boys that belonged with the magnificent six smirked as he elegantly stepped around her and her pudgy friend that was helping her up.

The trek wasn't all that bad; the path was well groomed and mostly flat. I could hear birds off in the distance quietly singing to one another. They seemed to get quieter as the loud group of teens stomped through the trees.

Once in a while I regretted judging things too fast. This camp and the retreat was one of those things I was regretting judging to be boring or a waste of time. I could easily see opportunities to sneak off so I could be alone. And I promised myself I would get some cherished alone time, and was so thrilled I brought Hans with.

All of us had finally managed to meet in the dining hall, a long wood cabin with hand crafted sign hanging over the door saying "Dig In!", I was ready to go to bed and it wasn't even 4pm yet.

It had taken almost 45 minutes for the whole group to walk the path from the parking lot to the cabins. Several of the boys took detours into the trees to smoke and generally make the lives of the adults in charge that much more difficult.

The camp had a staff of eight. The lead councilors name was Jeff Patters. He was the one who organized our schedule for the four day retreat.

Three of the staff would be helping us prepare our meals. Many started complaining about the fact we were going to have to help prepare our own meals. We had each been assigned to help prepare one meal in the four days. Ten meals. The meal tonight was going to be a BBQ that once they were done reviewing the rules, those that had to help would be going with the staff to get the meal ready for the others.

I basically blanked out the rest of the orientation. I generally behaved myself, especially when I knew I was being watched so closely by adults who controlled my fate and life. Some of the other TOTD kids weren't that smart. So I would just behave like I normally did.

It was classic BBQ fare, and although I didn't like messy foods I did enjoy the corn on the cob and corn bread with honey.

The sun had just started to set behind the dark swimming clouds, the brightness of the last rays of light made the clouds look like fish swimming in a dark pool of water. When I mentioned that to Julie she giggled and agreed, although she was distracted, as were most of the other kids by that magnificent six group.

"Do you think that tall one is single?" A girl sitting on the other side of Julie asked. I finished taking a sip of my bottled apple juice to look at the group she was talking about. Julie and I shrugged to her question.

They were sitting together on one of the picnic benches closest to the path to the sleeping cabins, but furthest away from the food. The boys were on one side and the girls across from them.

They didn't look comfortable, and I thought it must because everyone was taking long turns staring at them. Sadly I was included in that, they were just so... _pretty_, and it was hard _not_ to look at them. It seemed like they were all picking at their food, not really interested in it.

The tall blonde girl was especially difficult for me to look away from. She reminded me a bit of my mum, what my mum would have looked like if she had been a supermodel anyway.

"I heard they were all forced here by the State. Three of them were recently adopted by their foster parents," the same girl continued.

"Now just where did you hear about that?" I asked. As far as I knew most of these kids were strangers to one another.

"I heard Mr. Cole talking to the shorter," she nodded towards the boys again, "The gorgeous one," she elaborated. "And Mr. Cole said something about how this was the last time the State would intrude with them, and hoped they would all enjoy this experience."

As the unnamed girl talked, repeating what she had overheard I realized at least four of them seemed too old to even be at a retreat for TOTD kids still in the system.

Without prompting the girl identified herself as Lucy and started telling us her life story. She was like Julie in that she had only been in the system for a few months, and was already sick of it.

Julie cut off Lucy's tantrum by mentioning that I had been in foster care since I was 10. That declaration stinted the conversation so I got up to dump my plate and head over to where some of the camp staff was making smores.

.~.

After dinner outside we did room draw.

I took my number from the burlap sack, and shortly after people started asking around to see who they roomed with.

The lights flashed in my eyes, I winced and dropped the token with my cabin number on it. The palms of my hands were pressed firmly over my eyes as I willed the lights to go away. It wasn't painful this time, just surprising and bothersome.

"You dropped this." A kind clear voice said just in front of me.

"Thanks, I just... there is something in my eyes-smoke I think," I explained, trying to calm myself from the shock of the lights blinding me.

When I opened my eyes to look at the person handing me the token back I blinked a couple times, surprised.

She was a short girl, with smooth short black hair. I recognized her as one of the magnificent six instantly. She was _unbearably_ pretty, and her eyes seemed to reflect the golden color of the citronella candles beautifully, I wondered what color they really were.

I took the token from her; she was wearing very expensive looking red leather gloves.

"I'm Alice by the way," she chirped happily.

"Evangeline," I smiled.

"Listen… I don't mean to be a bother…" she looked hesitant. I tilted my head to encourage her. She really was adorable.

"I noticed you have cabin 5… my sisters both got cabin 5 as well, and I was wondering if..." she hesitated again and I sighed. I held the token out to her, and she grinned.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, well… I guess I am. But you'll owe me." I winked as she took the token back, and handed me hers. I was now cabin 2.

She giggled happily.

"I owe you big time Eva!" She happily stated just before flouncing away in a manner someone shouldn't while wearing combat boots.

I smiled to myself as I watched her pick up her bags that were next to her foster sisters.

I followed the groups of people going to their cabins to get ready for bed. When I entered cabin 2, the amount that Alice girl owed me multiplied.

Sophila was setting her stuff on one of the three beds, the one furthest from the door. A girl with straight blond hair I had never met before was setting her stuff up as well. I debated whether or not to leave the cabin before Sophila turned around and noticed me.

"Oh Hi!" The blonde said, making up my mind for me.

I stepped further into the cabin, letting the door close behind me.

"Hi," I said somberly. Sophia looked up and she was grinning evilly at me, I could almost see the cogs in her mind working on how to embarrass or hurt me.

"I'm Tina and this is Sophia," the girl gestured to Sophila.

"It's SophiLA," the evil incarnate grumbled to Tina before turning back to glare at me.

"I'm Evangeline, so… this is my bed then?" I cleared my throat and gave Tina a smile, altogether ignoring Sophila.

It was a tense few minutes as I unpacked my meager belongings, and changed into my pajamas. Sophila kept trying to make snide digs at me the whole time. Tina looked rather worried at the exchange, and when I excused myself to go to the girl's bathroom to wash up she eagerly followed me out.

I made small chat with Tina as a few other girls joined our group going to the cabin that housed the toilets and showers. We used our cabin tokens as a key to let us in, and each took up spots along the wall to clean up.

"If you think the system here is bad, I had a friend that was moved to Texas because they had some distant relative that was willing to take him in; it took them five months to come check on his living situation once he sent a complaint about having to sleep on the floor." Tina sighed sadly as the rest of the other girls murmured their shock at that situation.

"Did any of you ever meet Keith Oberman?" A fat surly looking girl with glasses asked after washing her face.

Not being too interested in hearing the plight of others in the system I quickly finished brushing my teeth and left the girls bathroom.

Later lying in the bed I tried to let my mind rest, but it just wouldn't be quiet. I wondered about the magnificent six, and Alice. I wondered about Cole, even though he didn't deserve any pity or thought from me I wondered how he was after the accident in Milwaukee.

Even though I really was exhausted I couldn't rest, especially knowing Sophila and her demented mind was less than 8 feet from me.

Tina was sound asleep, and I assumed the demon was asleep when I slipped out of bed, quietly grabbing Hans Solo and slipping on my tennis shoes. I took the flash light that each of us received with our welcome packets and stealthily slipped out of cabin number 2.

The night had cleared up some and I could see a few stars poking out through the wispy clouds. The moon was barely just a sliver so I switched on the flash light, and made my way to the lake that was supposed to be nearby. Another thing in the welcome packet had been a map and compass, so I followed the map down a steady path.

I made it to the sandy shore of Crooked Lake and smiled. I could hear the lapping of small waves on the boats tied up to the docks.

Walking to the short dock, I assumed was for people to jump off of during the warmer months when swimming would be a good idea. I sat near the edge, not getting too close and carefully set my flash light next to me before putting my guitar in my lap.

It was eerie and beautiful like some haunted or holy place. The inky blackness of the lake at night made me wonder what kinds of creatures were in that abyss.

Shaking the thought out, I looked up into the sky. I started strumming Hans a few times to check and see if he was still in tune. Before too long I was quietly playing the chords I knew, debating which song to start practicing. I settled on one of my favorite singers songs.

My mum had loved Adele, a singer that became popular when I was around the age of five. Two years later my mum and I would move to the states because of a job opportunity for her and in order to make me feel more comfortable with the big change she constantly played British bands and artists for me.

I exercised my voice a little before belting out the strong emotional song. I mostly strummed the right chords to help me keep my rhythm right. I wrapped my faded blue hoodie around myself in between my songs.

I sang, for what seemed like hours.

And when I was done I set the guitar aside, and stared out into the blackness of the lake again.

I turned my head away from the lake to stare at the guitar. It was one of the things I owned that I earned myself. No state money, no foster parent money went into it.

I worked at a little pub in Chetek Wisconsin that had jazz nights every Friday. The owner couldn't pay me much, so he gave me free food on the nights I sang with the little band, and he had his brother-in-law, the bassist; teach me how to play the guitar. When I saved up enough I bought my own used guitar when the Conner's took us to Eau Claire.

Humming a bit while I picked up my things, I headed back up the path.

I almost wished I could sleep outside, even though I didn't like the idea of sleeping outside, it would still be a much preferred alternative to sleeping in the same room as Sophila.

..~..

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V

V

V


	2. Fitness

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

..~..

**Panthalassa: Low Tide  
><strong>

**Chapter 2 - Fitness  
><strong>

..~..

It was 8 am when they played the Beatles "Good Morning Good Morning" loudly from the speakers near each of the cabins. I did not appreciate their choice of song.

Sophila grumbled and slumped out of bed, mumbling about her duty that morning helping prepare breakfast, making sure to casually kick one of the posts on my bed on her way out. I made a mental note not to eat anything that looked like Sophila had anything to do with.

Tina woke and didn't seem to want to talk so early, which worked well for me, I too didn't like talking much to strangers in the morning.

All of the mag six were up and ready and awaiting the coach near the gymnasium. It wasn't much of a gym, but a cabin big enough for a largish basketball court.

Every morning we were going to do a little bit of exercising and group activities. Those helping with breakfast didn't have to do them, which made me wonder why Sophila was grumbling at all.

I was with Julie and Tina while we did the stretching, both of them shamelessly staring at the mag 6 boys. Well, I assumed they were only staring at the men, but all six were near each other. And I took the opportunity to take a better look at them.

There was Alice, wearing some very trendy if not retro leggings and loose t-shirt. She was helping the beautiful brunette touch her toes by pushing on her back. Something about the action seemed off to me, it looked like the brunette could probably do it easily without Alice's aid.

It couldn't be reiterated enough that they were a gorgeous group. Watching them warm up was kind of entrancing, and I felt a little chill go up my back when the tall blonde boy caught me watching him. Something about his gaze made me uneasy.

Except for the shorter boy and Alice none of them looked to be the right age to be still in high school.

After some very light exercising where most of the girls kept tripping because they were watching the mag six boys, the coach told us to stop and go get ready for breakfast.

I was retying my sneakers when the lace broke off in my hand. I muttered a curse under my breath and tried to retie it to the piece that broke off.

"Good Morning Eva!" A happy chime like voice called out near me.

Looking up I saw Alice coming over, she was dragging the tall blond boy with her and the brunette was timidly walking a step behind her.

"Morning Alice," I smiled to her before finishing tying my laces back together.

When I stood up I gave the threesome a nod.

"This is Jasper, and Bella," Alice said happily indicating the two she brought over to meet me.

The boy, Jasper, nodded towards me in way of greeting.

I couldn't name the feeling or the reason behind the feeling but for whatever reason, I did not want to shake his hand and was worried he'd offer it to me.

"Thank you for switching with Alice," Bella said kindly. Her voice was so soft and pure, I wondered if she sang too.

"Well," I paused I really didn't know what to say, I mean on one hand I wasn't exactly _happy_ that I had changed cabins, but in the end it would be only two more nights with Sophila being spitting distance from me and I'd been through worse so I settled with a, "She's hard to say "no" to."

Bella and Jasper each broke out into chuckles at that, it was a harmonic and stunning sound. Alice put her hands on her hips in what looked like surprise and mock anger.

"Oh she's already on to you," Bella giggled a little as she playfully punched the shorter girls arm.

After that they were called over by their foster siblings to walk to breakfast together.

I didn't know what it was that was so captivating about the group. But in the morning light that was obscured by thick menacing clouds, I felt a little apprehensive about it.

Sure enough when Sophila handed my tray back, after she put my scrambled eggs on my plate there was something else on it. I assumed it was hair, and some sort of insect, so as soon as I left the food line I dumped her egg surprise in the rubbish bin.

I sat with Tina and couple other girls that introduced themselves as Becky, and Carry. Becky was so skinny I bet she could still wear children's sized clothing, where as Carry was average in every way I could imagine.

Jeff, the councilor informed us that the next two days events would have to be rearranged due to the fact it was supposed to storm that night.

All of the boys cheered when they said after breakfast group sessions we would be playing paintball in the woods. Those that didn't want to play paintball would be able to watch a movie in the activities cabin.

Morning sessions were depressing and I tuned them out the best I could.

It was a session about how to get into a good college or how to improve your study habits so that you could get into a college period. The mag six weren't in my group, but later Sophila made a point to gloat over the fact that two of the boys were in her group.

Apparently they were called the Whitlock's. All six of the children had come to Mr. and Mrs. Whitlock at different ages, and had been adopted into their family, but some of the adoptions were new and the State wanted to get a feel for how the kids were adjusting.

Again, my hate for people meddling in other peoples' business surfaced. All this information came to me though Sophila and her gossiping with Tina as they got ready to go watch the movie, rather than play paintball.

As I had no desire to be anywhere near Sophila for the length of a movie, I opted for the paintball.

I felt so out of my element when I stepped up to the group of boys all excitedly talking strategy with one another. Aside from myself there were 5 other girls. Alice and her adopted sisters, Carry and another girl who I hadn't really talked to. She was rather manish looking.

We were all sitting on the benches as the coach explained to us the safety precautions for the guns, and the rules, as well as the warnings. It would probably be a good bet to say that most of the boys were going to ignore about 95% of the rules of play.

We drew for teams, I was on team Green, and there were six teams of four for this little adventure.

Alice drew right after me, and took a really long time, most of the people in line behind her were grumbling. She turned happily to me and displayed her green button.

"Team Green all the way!" she said.

She was like a little bundle of happy energy and I wondered if she ever frowned, if she did I bet the world would probably stop spinning. I found myself smiling back at her.

The most handsome of the mag six boys slowly made his way over, and sighed heavily when he got closer. My eyes actually felt hot watching him approach us.

"Edward! Are you team Green too?" Alice asked excitedly. He sighed, gave me a small smile, before speaking.

"Yes, Alice." His response sounded annoyed. He turned to me again.

"I'm Edward by the way," he extended his hand to me, he was wearing the black gloves for the uniforms we were to be using. I shook his hand.

"Evangeline," I croaked, embarrassed, I cleared my throat and turned to find the right sized pullover pants. While the rest of Team Green was getting their gear on I tried to ignore the fact he was standing near me gearing up as well.

Our other teammate ended up being a nerdy chinless boy named Toby. He didn't look like he'd be too reliable to point the right end of the gun at an opponent much less run and duck. Toby was one of Cody's drugged up friends. I pitied his addiction, but not him.

I was finishing putting on the gloves provided when the lights flashed again, this time it hurt and I yelped.

Thoroughly confused I couldn't comprehend the last time the lights flashed with such frequency. I felt the breakfast backing up a bit as I stood there cupping my head. The lights behind my eyes only lasted for a second but their after image still burned.

"Are you alright?" Edward's silky voice asked from next to me.

I lowered my hands and realized I was crouching; obviously I had balled up from the sudden pain of my illness.

I cleared my throat to try and make the dry sick feeling go away. I looked up to see a new one of the mag six standing near Alice, the really tall, intimidating and bulky black haired one. He smiled kindly to me, and I found myself dumbly smiling back.

"F-fine, just…" I stuttered a bit and took Edwards hand when he offered it to me. Standing up I tried to form a believable reason as to why I suddenly flinched and fell over.

Deciding it didn't matter what I told them, they were after all strangers. "I think I'm getting a head ache. I'll go ask coach for some advil." I smiled again towards the hunk that was the last of the male members of the mag six and quickly made my exit. Toby was leaning against a tree not too far away, lazily looking at his paint ball gun.

When they gave us our ammo and the last rules of play I was standing near Alice. I kept glancing towards where I saw her foster brother standing.

"His name is Emmett," Alice said.

I glanced at her, and blinked. I was caught staring at him, and I wasn't sure if it bothered me.

"Sorry I didn't- I didn't mean to be rude before," I mumbled to her while we got into queue behind Edward and Toby to get our green pellets.

"Oh it's alright," she dismissed the apology with a casual wave of her hand. "Rose gets migraines so he understands that pain trumps politeness."

So now I had the names of all six. Rose… it was a perfect name for her. I looked to where she was standing with team red. She was on a team with Jasper and Bella, and some boy who was not hiding his glee at being on a team with her. Emmett was on team blue with three other boys. He did not look happy with the outcome of his team; he was by far the most physically fit of his squad.

Even though Edward was the tallest member of our team, he didn't seem very much like the kind of boy to do physical activities.

Now that I was standing so closely to both Alice and Edward I started to realize they both were much paler than I had originally thought. Then, almost like I had re-grown eyes I looked over the other Whitlock's again. There were all _supremely_ pale, I drew up a few plausible reasons for why they all looked like they must be part albino and decided that it didn't matter.

.~.

I had never been so dirty or in so much pain willingly in all my life.

Alice had just pushed me down into a pile of old moldy leaves near the base of a bush, with much more force than I thought her little frame could carry, just as three red splotches of paint hit the tree above us. I had been tumbling and dodging around others for a good ten minutes, with Alice once in a while pushing or pulling me away from an attacker that I hadn't even seen.

The reason I was in so much pain is that there was a strobe light going off in my eyes.

My illness seemed to flare up horribly since I had gotten to this retreat. Alice was basically my eyes. I _really_ wanted to quit, but I kept finding whenever I tried to form the words Alice would whip me around to avoid another stealth attack from within the trees.

My knees were raw under the knee pads, and my hands were stiff. I had yet to fire off a single shot. The game started off wildly, the boys on various teams pretty much abandoned the idea of regular play, and even after being hit they would continue to shoot. Toby actually went all Rambo from the moment go, and ran off into the woods only to get about 5 successive rounds from different teams to the abdomen.

Shortly after Edward disappeared with stealth that had me wondering if I'd imagined him standing next to Alice and me at the start of them game.

Alice grabbed my hand and we were up running through the woods. God she was _fast_.

We heard the five whistle blows, followed by someone over the bull horn ordering anyone who had been hit to leave the "field of play" or face cleaning duty. The time out lasted for a few minutes and I was winded so I bent over my knees to catch my breath.

This time when the lights flashed I was more or less expecting it. Despite the pain and disorientation from the brightness in my eyes I was becoming accustomed to it.

The noise of someone shuffling through the damp molding leaves and underbrush interrupted my moment of respite. I looked up to see Edward looking worse than I felt. He had dirt all over his face, and his bronze hair had a few leaves and nettles in it.

"It looks like it's just us, Rose, Bella, and Jasper," he explained.

"That's it? Everyone else is out?" I asked standing up straight.

"Yes, Bella got Emmett just before the whistle. Its team Red Vs. Team Green," he smiled at Alice and myself.

Suddenly I felt like I was a burden to their team. They both had obviously had experience running around in the woods with firearms. Maybe I could be bait then?

Alice giggled suddenly.

"I have a plan!" She grabbed my hand again, and I was sure it would be bruised by the end of the day.

I was left completely alone standing with my back to a large tree that somehow Edward had managed to climb up to take what Alice called 'sniper position one'. During the break before the whistle blew to resume the game, Alice had me walking around trees in odd patterns, until I ended up at the tree I'd started from. She and Edward explained that I would be the bait and that they would be the snipers.

Suddenly I didn't much like the idea of being bait. I didn't even hear as Rose approached, I saw her blonde hair as she speedily went from tree to tree. She knew where I was. And I had my gun trained on her.

I didn't know how it happened, but I was laying on the ground, face half buried into the ground.

The light was still fresh in my mind. I think my body must had reacted instinctively to the light and I dropped like a sack of potatoes, because not more than a half second after I fell three shots of red hit the tree just next to where I had been. I stayed down because I didn't know if I could even move.

After a small pause I rolled onto my back, and slid into a sitting position to aim my gun at anyone that would approach from the front. Rose was gone. I looked up and couldn't even see Edward.

A twig snapped and I looked up into eyes of soft amber. Bella had her gun pointed right at me, a slow smile spread across my face.

Before she could fire, somewhere up in the tree above me five shots rang out hitting Bella in the torso. She looked up sharply, glaring into the tree. Then sulked off to the others who'd been shot out.

Not long after Alice came bounding over her face ecstatic.

"We won! I got Jasper while Edward snipped Rose and Bella when they came for you! Good work!"

"Work?" I snorted, wiping the back of my hand down my face where I knew there was a lot of dirt. "I just sat there like a worm on the line. I didn't even fire a shot the whole game!" I chuckled a bit at the face Alice pulled on me. She looked impressed and content.

Edward slowly made his way down the tree, with Alice calling out helpful foot hold locations, while I rubbed my temples and watched.

I wasn't very good at not watching his ass as he climbed down, and the part of me that liked it kind of made me feel like a perv for leering at him like that.

When he finally got down he smiled at me and I felt like giggling stupidly, but I held it. Alice had taken her gloves off and gave me a light high five, I wasn't as enthused as she was, and my tender sore hand felt beaten raw.

We walked back to where the others were; coach Masters was happily awaiting us. Some of the other boys were trying to convince him to let us play again, he looked close to relenting, but when a few fat drops of rain started to fall he told us to get cleaned up and ready for lunch.

After my shower I slumped into my cabin, hoping for a quick nap before lunch. I took of my tennis shoes and sighed, looking at the state of them. Paintball in the woods had really done a number on them.

My socks were so dirty from the debris that had managed to sneak in through the various holes in the soles of the shoes, I simply threw them under my bed.

The cabin bed was much stiffer than the bed I had at the Conner's but I did manage to slip into a small nap, just before lunch.

When the lunch bell rang I got up and yawning and made my way to the door. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Hans Solo leaning where I had left it at the foot of my bed. All the strings had been cut. I gaped at it, like some mangled body of a close friend; I couldn't find my breath as it was stuck in my throat for a moment.

I knew who had done it; it was so obvious that it was almost stupid. And I was instantly enraged.

The logical side of my brain switched off and I flew out of my cabin, not even bothering with putting on new socks or shoes.

The rain was now a steady stream, not quite a downpour, and made a curtain obscuring things from far away. I found her just leaving the activities cabin going to the dining hall.

When my fist connected with her face I realized exactly how hurt my hand was from all the tugging Alice had done earlier. The sickening snap of fist meeting face didn't satisfy me.

"Bitch!" I yelled at her as she launched herself at me.

The two other girls who had been talking with Sophila stood there shocked as she and I tumbled out onto the muddy wet dirt.

I felt her fighting back, and to be honest it did _hurt_, but at the time I was so overwhelmed with my hatred for her that I kept hitting any part of her I could get to.

Water, mud, dirt, fists, knees, hair, it was all a blur to me as the rage just didn't seem to fade. Later, while I was nursing a bruised eye and bloody lip in the councilor's office, I thought back to the day I met Sophila.

.~.

She was fat, and it wasn't an insult to call her that. I never begrudged people for how they looked, so it didn't actually matter to me that she was fat. It mattered to me that she was a petty little lying thief.

I had been living with the Thorps for just over six months. They were by far the best family I had lived with. Mrs. Thorp was a dance teacher, and her husband worked for a cable company. They had two of their own children and would take in some foster kids now and again. They were kind, lively people that I had never had a problem talking to.

When I arrived at their house they had two other foster children. Eventually those kids were reunited with their parents, and I remained.

I would garden with Mr. Thorp on his days off. I would walk their dogs, and help with dishes. It was the first house that actually felt like a home to me in three years.

Sophila arrived, all 145 lbs of her. And I thought, at first, we would get along. She was 13 and moody. Mrs. Thorp tried to do her best to be nice and help the angry teenager cope with her life away from her family.

Sophila must have realized that the Thorps were a really nice family and soon started to behave around them and their children. I was the only one to see what kind of girl she really was. Maybe it was just because I was jealous that Mrs. Thorp spent so much time with Sophila that I started to see things that weren't there. But things started to disappear around the Thorp house. Neither of the adults wanted to outright blame me or Sophila.

One day my social worker came to visit and asked me if there was anything I wanted to talk about. When I said no she looked sad, and I couldn't understand it.

My 14th birthday rolled around and after school I found a envelope on my bed, a birthday card and had $50 inside. It said it was from Sophila and that she hoped we would be able to work at getting along better. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and tried to be nice.

A complicated mess of a thing happened shortly after that. Mrs. Thorp found that her heirloom pearl necklace was missing, while I had an unexplained amount of money in my sock drawer. It was Sophila that claimed seeing me steal the necklace.

For all her faults, she was fairly good at acting and crying on cue. My case worker Mrs. Jordan was there when the whole tale was told. It was all a lie, but the adults completely believed Sophila and her blubbering tears.

As she told it, I stole Mrs. Thorps necklace and pawned it off to buy the MP3 player I now had. Which of course I had bought with the money Sophila had given me. The evidence apparently outweighed my telling of events and shortly after I was sent to live at another house across town.

For years I would wonder why she had gone out of her way to ruin one good thing in my life, and for years I hated her for it, but I stopped caring about her and her petty nature as I got into high school and realized that most people were petty and devious. Girls above all others.

I held the ice pack to my eye and waited while Mrs. Jordan and Jeff talked to Sophila. They had already talked to me, and I had been a given a plate for lunch that I hadn't bothered to touch. The rain was still pouring heavily outside and I shifted the towel around myself.

"You two _need_ to be separated," Mrs. Jordan said sternly as they came back into the room.

"I know you two have a history-" Sophila made to interrupt, the gash above her eye had stopped bleeding, but dark spots were becoming apparent all over her face. She too had a cut on her lip.

Mrs. Jordan talked over the interruption, "You will both be punished for your involvement in this matter, and Sophila you will pay Evangeline back for the strings you ruined. Sophila you are moving into cabin 1 and Carry will be moving into cabin 2."

"Mrs. Jordan I want to press charges! She _attacked_ me!" Sophila was shaking in rage.

"Sophila, I can guarantee that wouldn't be a good idea. You vandalized her personal property; you also are on probation, for another two months. You press charges on her, she presses them on you, and it would be you that ends up in juvie, not her, she has no priors. Evangeline has agreed not to press charges as long as this matter ends _here_." A lot of things could be said about Mrs. Jordan, but I personally liked how she could cut through the bull shit when talking to TOTDs. Sophila looked ready to scream, and that's exactly what she did.

After the punishment was doled out, I waited outside cabin 2 under the edge of the roof that sheltered me from the steady rain; Mrs. Jordan was inside while Sophila packed away her things. I nodded in greeting when Carry came over, her backpack and duffle in hand.

The moment Sophila passed by and out of ear shot Carry started asking questions about the attack.

"Julie heard a rumor that said that you were sleeping around when you lived together before and Sophila called you out on it, that's why you don't get along," she said carefully, from her tone she seemed to know it was a lie. Sophila looked like the kind of girl who would just start shit to have something to do.

"Another one of her stories. She cut the strings on my guitar, and I-I just snapped. I've never done anything to her but she keeps… _antagonizing_ me."

Carry nodded sympathetically, while taking off her muddy shoes. I stood in the doorway realizing how achy I was, and that I needed another shower to get all the mud off from our fight in the rain.

"I'm going to take a shower, can you hand me my toiletry bag please?" I asked tiredly.

Carry nodded, after realizing why I didn't get it myself.

I got back to cabin 2 not more than 20 minutes later. Carry had left for group crafts, which I was not allowed to go to as part of my punishment. In fact for the rest of the day the only thing I would get to do was help make dinner in four hours and sleep. With nothing else to occupy my time I went to my bed to think over the day, and muse about my possible new bad ass status here at the TOTD retreat.

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AN: How are you enjoying the story so far? Leave a review and let me know, or alternatively send me a private message.

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	3. Rain

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

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**Panthalassa: Low Tide  
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**Chapter 3 - Rain  
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I woke up to the sound of someone knocking on the door, quietly but firmly. The sound of rain was constant in the background as I let my mind adjust to how sore I still felt.

Getting out of bed I opened the door to see Bella standing under an umbrella. Her gold eyes met mine and I blinked for a moment confused as to what she'd want. I had never met anyone with gold eyes before and I wondered if all the Whitlock's liked having gold colored contacts, like it was the next cool trend that they were already 'in' with.

My confusion was obvious to her because she smiled tenderly taking in the swelling of my right eye and the dried cut on my lip. I saw her swallow a couple times before speaking.

"We have dinner duty tonight, thought you might like an escort." She gestured to the umbrella and I tried to return her smile, but my lip was tight with pain and I didn't want to reopen it.

"That's very kind of you. I probably would have slept straight through dinner if you hadn't come to get me," I said yawning.

I quickly retrieved my hoodie and followed Bella out. I huddled under the umbrella with her as we made our way around puddles.

"So how bad have the rumors gotten?" I asked after a little while.

Bella shrugged and sighed.

"Sophila is trying to play victim, but your cabin mate- Tina?" I nodded, "She's been saying that Sophila's been trying to provoke you since you got here."

"It's true, when I saw her after I got off the bus yesterday I had hoped not to be forced into the same bunk as her."

"You wouldn't have been… if you hadn't switched with Alice," she sighed sadly.

"Well, hindsight and all that. But I think Sophila would have been just as mean to Alice. I don't think she much likes… pretty people."

She raised an eyebrow at my statement.

"I don't like to dance around issues Bella. Sophila is ugly, inside and out. I think the biggest reason she hates me is because I'm not 80 lbs overweight and I could actually get a date with a man that isn't already 3/4th drunk," I explained flatly.

To her credit Bella didn't look shocked or nearly as offended as she probably felt.

I had a fairly good self image, and I knew I wasn't physically unattractive. I had just finished a nice growth spurt and was a lean 5'8''. With striking blue eyes, light golden brown hair and a slight honey colored tan. Currently I was sporting wounds that looked like I had an abusive boyfriend but even still I was probably better looking to the opposite sex than Sophila was on a good day.

Despite my looks I wasn't as popular in my school with the boys as someone might think. Several boy thought when I came to their school in the beginning of the year that foster child = easy. I am not too sure on the logic they used, but most of the boys I did end up accepting an invitation for a date would try to feel me up within the first 15 minutes of the movie. So one up for Sophila I supposed, I bet when she went to a movie she at least got to enjoy it.

"I'm sorry to hear about your guitar anyway, at least it was only the strings she cut," her smooth voice sounded sympathetic. I watched, still a little bit fuzzy from having just woken up, as she gracefully and delicately pulled some hair behind her ear as we got up to the Dining Hall.

.~.

I'll admit that I did find making dinner fun.

I'll admit that the six of us were rather a quiet group, which didn't help me wake up, _at all_.

I'll even admit to the fact that Bella's hair looked so perfect that I was equal parts jealous and fascinated. But it was actually a combination of those three things that led me to start the pasta food fight in the kitchen.

Bella was asking me about my foster family while straining a large freshly cooked batch of Italian meatballs, while I had just dumped the angel hair pasta into the serving dish. I had no idea why I did it, but when she turned away to put her meat balls on the finished prep area where Scott, another TOTD was dumping the prepared meat sauce on top of the meatballs, I took a large handful of the pasta in my gloved hand and lobbed it at her.

She was half turned when it hit her in the face. I bit my lower lip, with how shocked she looked, she was very cute shocked. Biting my lower lip was used as an attempt not to laugh at how she looked with the pasta slowly sliding down her brown hair. But Scott had seen the attack, and shouted "Food Fight" then most, if not all of the kids helping prepare Italian night grabbed whatever wasn't scalding hot and started lobbing it at anyone they could.

I got a huge splotch of tapioca pudding at the neck, which also splattered into my face. I could swear that I saw one of the employee's throwing cooked peas at the two girls holed up by the garlic bread. They seemed reluctant to throw the bread.

Finally the two more sensible members of the camp's cooking staff managed to end the fight, with minimal losses. Everyone quickly went to the giant sinks where we had rinsed the vegetables before, to clean off any of the obvious mess.

Bella was next to me and I kept chuckling to myself, remembering how silly she had looked. When I caught her eye she tried to pout at me but we ended up breaking down into giggles.

Dinner ended up being 10 minutes late, which was alright because most of the other kids had to be ferried over from the activities cabin with the few on hand umbrellas the staff had. After everyone was served I took my plate and went to sit with Tina, and Carry. Carry was whispering to Tina about "how horrible it was" when I sat down across from them.

"What's horrible?" I did a double check to make sure there wasn't any tapioca residue in on my clothes that had been covered by my plastic apron.

"Sophila…" Tina leaned in and whispered.

Sophila, with her left eye just as puffy as my right, was sitting two tables away. Her back was to me, she was sitting with the manish looking girl from paintball and two other girls I assumed were her new roommates.

"Oh…" I groaned. I _absolutely_ did not want this to turn out to be Sophila weekend. How she managed to make everything about her really bothered me. "Are you just saying she's horrible in general, because I'd have to agree with you… or is this some new development?"

"Well, it turns out one of the Whitlock girls somehow managed to offend her in the painting class."

"-Which one?" I asked, worried.

"The blonde girl, Rose… I think is her name," Tina answered.

Carry took a sip of her coke before continuing, "I don't even know what Rose supposedly did to her, but Sophila was muttering something about showing her 'her place'. It just sounded ominous."

"I heard her mentioning something about how Rose probably spends more time on her hair than anything else," Tina stated. I glanced over to the table where all the Whitlock's were sitting.

I was feeling a rather confusing collection of emotions. On one hand it really looked like they could handle themselves against someone like Sophila, Rose alone probably could give Sophila a matching black eye to the one I gave her earlier. I felt protective towards the odd beautiful group of strangers, but I also felt… apprehensive and scared, but I wasn't scared for myself, I pushed my plate away when I realized I was scared for _Sophila_.

As Bella and I cleaned up dinner, her attempts to get me to talk were cut short by my preoccupation with what Sophila could be planning to do to her sister.

"Bella," I said once we had finished cleaning up after dinner. She would be heading to watch one of the two movies they had playing, while I was supposed to go back to my cabin.

I gently touched the top of her hand to get her attention and found it to be slightly cold, "I heard… a rumor. It concerns Rose and Sophila," I said gravely.

She grimaced slightly and it became apparent that she too had heard the rumors. She opened the umbrella for me to duck under, and we started for the Activities cabin, I would take the long way back to cabin 2, under the overhangs of different cabins to get to mine.

"Don't worry about it Evangeline, Rose can take care of herself," I opened my mouth to protest, wanting to warn Bella to the exact extent to which I was sure Sophila was willing to go.

Bella cut me short, "Trust me," she said. Her voice had taken on a melodic gentle plea that I just found myself dumbly nodding to.

I felt stupid after she went into the cabin where they would be watching movies that we just downloaded of the MediaMix for a nominal fee.

Of _course_ Rose could handle herself; if not just on her own she had her sisters with her to… watch her back. I sighed heavily as the steady rain beat down around me.

.~.

The first thing I noticed when I opened my cabin door was a puddle just inside, confused I turned on the light, as the sun had set and it was almost pitch black out.

The light on, my eyes seemed to take in the atrocious site in small bits.

The puddle of water was one of a few throughout the small 10x12 cabin.

Wood pieces were scattered everywhere as if a wild animal had torn a chair to pieces.

My bed's mattress was halfway on the floor it looked like half of it had taken a swim in the lake.

My bag with my things was missing, I assumed it probably was destroyed or out in the middle of the woods somewhere.

But the thing that had me blinking back tears was the fact that my guitar was in pieces. The pieces on the floor I had originally thought were part of a chair were part of Hans Solo's body.

Now, you would think this horrific scene would cause me to repeat the earlier event of trying to beat the crap out of Sophila, because it was obvious who was behind this. Tina and Carry's things were all completely fine.

But no, instead, in that moment when I saw the destruction it dawned on me the depth of which Sophila would go to try and hurt me. And although I was slightly numb with the shock, I started to feel sorry for her.

When Hans' Solo had his strings cut it was horrible because he was wounded and pitiful. Now that he was un-repairable I felt almost at peace with his passing.

Without cleaning one bit I grabbed the flash light hanging by a lanyard near the door, turned off the light and left cabin 2. The sadness and anger at the situation Sophila had caused simply by being herself kept rushing and ebbing like waves on a shore.

With half a mind I found myself heading back to the lake from the previous night. I didn't have an umbrella but rain was just water, and I was already wet, so it didn't make much of a difference.

I stood at the edge of the dock looking out onto the lake again. It was dark and the short distance that I could see through the rain, the lake looked like it was boiling. The constant thick raindrops made heavy sounds, and I felt the rage coming out of me before I knew how to stop it.

I screamed.

I yelled.

I shouted into the wet stormy night.

I exchanged with the darkness all the angry things I wordlessly wanted to say to Sophila.

When I was finally out of breath I was cold and shivering.

I must have looked so horrible and pathetic, standing at the end of the dock, like I had just gone swimming, looking beaten and worn out. I barked out a bitter laugh as I turned to head back to camp, wondering how I should deal with the whole mess.

Going straight to the showers, I passed by a few of the boys that were heading back to their cabins for the night, the movies must be over I realized. I was in the shower for long enough that I think my skin must have broken some sort of record for wrinkles induced by water.

The towel wasn't nearly as fluffy as I first thought and once I had my hair mostly dry I stood in front of the hand dryers trying to get my clothes wearable again.

Jumping nearly a foot in the air as the bathroom door slammed open I saw Julie and Tina looking franticly around. When their eyes met mine they simultaneously relaxed and fidgeted.

"Everyone is looking for you!" Tina exclaimed coming closer, looking over me worriedly. I was touched by the concern she was showing.

"The Councilors are really frantic! Did you see the cabin?" Tina continued, while Julie quietly explained she was going to tell everyone I was okay, before ducking back out of the bathroom.

"I saw…" I sighed, resuming my action of drying my pants. Tina blinked shocked with my calm, almost subdued response.

"Apparently it wasn't Sophila, we thought you might have done it, but Julie said you'd never "throw a fit" like that with your own stuff. Everyone is being questioned…" I nodded.

"Why do they think it wasn't Sophila?" I asked turning the warm moist denim in my hands, realizing my throat was rather sore from the rage I had let out by the lake.

"She was with like four other people in a group session talking about," she paused to snort rolling her eyes as she finished, "'How to manage your anger'." I remembered that was part of her punishment for what happened earlier.

I surprised both of us as I glanced at the seriousness of Tina's round pimply face, and started to laugh. It wasn't a laugh of humor, it was one of irony. She must have seriously started to doubt my sanity because she took a step back, frowning.

"Was that Olivia girl she's been hanging around with at the group?" Olivia had been the manish girl, whose name I had managed to remember after dinner that night.

Tina shrugged, "I don't know, but Mrs. Jordan is _furious_. Jeff, the councilor guy, is threatening to cut the retreat short if whoever's responsible doesn't step forward."

As soon as Tina finished talking the door opened again and Julie, closely followed by Mrs. Jordan and the little old lady that helped run the camp, came in.

"Evangeline are you alright?" Mrs. Jordan asked looking me over, the fluffy towel was still draped over my body.

I had a distinct feeling I was going to get sick from being cold and wet so much over the last 24 hours. Calmly and slightly detachedly I explained how I found the cabin after I had walked with Bella to the activities buildings, all the while drying my things under the hand dryer.

The little old lady, her name was Betty Dupius, left to go find me some other clothes to wear for the night, when I explained how all of my things were destroyed or thrown away. I told Mrs. Jordan I assumed that my bag had been thrown out side, as it was too dark to go looking for it I was going to be using sweats from the camps supply.

It really ended up being a much too long drawn out affair. I actually felt worse for Tina and Carry because the camp staff had been cleaning up things and setting up my replacement cot until 11pm.

The long, depressing, aggravating day ended with talking in the dark to Tina and Carry about our new safety precautions.

After they settled down, I was absentmindedly listening to the sound of the wind, it had stopped raining but the wind was blowing the moisture from the trees around giving the impression of sheets of rain randomly hitting our cabin. I thought about "Hans Solo", I thought about paintball in the woods, and Alice's happy laugh and I drifted off to sleep smiling to myself, thinking about Edward's bum.

.~.

If you've ever spent a night sleeping on a cot after a day like I'd had you'd understand the debilitating pain I was in. I took it slow, stretching out each of my limbs, and neck. I didn't even try to open my eye that felt tender and painful as I stood up. Tina and Carry had gone on ahead when I had barely woken up.

The only clothes I had to wear were the ones I wore yesterday; Betty had taken them to properly wash them after I had changed into the dull grey sweats. I probably looked like a kid from juvie in my getup with my bad ass face. I had missed morning warm ups, but Mrs. Jordan had told me I didn't need to worry about that this morning, but she did also mention that I was still going to have to take my punishment for attacking Sophila.

I put on the flip flops also provided by Betty, before leaving. I heard subdued shouting nearby and slowed when I saw Rose, Edward and Alice all looking rather heatedly at each other halfway between the girls' cabin and the dining hall.

Avoiding getting involved I skirted around them, when I heard Alice huff and watched as she stormed off towards her cabin. I quickly went into the dining hall when I caught Rose's eye, the look she gave me was easily the closest to an actual death stare that I had ever seen.

Suddenly I was really popular, and Lucy, Julie, Tina and Carry all wanted the details of what happened. Even though I had told Tina and Carry all I wanted them to know.

French toast, and cream of wheat were my favorite things for breakfast, and having them gave me an optimistic feel for the day. I waved goodbye to the girls as they headed off to the activities cabin, the wind blowing their hair wildly around, and made my way back inside.

I was to help clean up with the breakfast duty kids, and then help file paper work for the councilors, until lunch. Sophila would be helping clean the bathrooms. To be fair, tomorrow we would be switching places, which pretty much guaranteed that Sophila would do minimal amounts of cleaning in the stalls today.

The morning passed, and I was bored. Cleaning was a little relaxing, as I didn't have to try and pretend to be talented at arts and crafts, nor did I have to listen as all the other TOTD kids complained about their lives.

The morning continued to be boring, and as I filed the most recent billing statements away in the office I started to sing along with the Ultra Oldies radio feed coming over the MediaMix. Betty laughed and sang along with me after a while.

.~.

She let me go 20 minutes before lunch so with nothing else to do I went to the gym, I had to use my ident badge to get in as it was a secure building. I found the rack of different sports balls in the musty old side cupboard, and took out the basketball.

Being tall for a girl, I found basketball easier than other sports. That didn't mean I liked it anymore than say baseball, but I did have a greater advantage than most girls.

I took a few free throws, and chased after the ball anytime I missed.

Bounce. Bounce.

Shoot.

Swish.

Bounce. Bounce.

Shoot.

Miss.

My accuracy was damn good for only having one eye to see dependably out of.

It became habit for the rest of the day to avoid Sophila at all costs and measures. The camp staff and Mrs. Jordan were all in on it.

Group session after lunch we were asked to make goals and talk about them. Sophila was in the group as far away from me as she could be and still be in the same room, and she was with Jasper and Edward. I was momentarily jealous of the fact she had them in her group again, until I caught the side profile of Edward and he looked down right annoyed and pissed to have her near him.

Focusing on my paper, which was still blank, I tried to come up with any goals. What did I want to accomplish?

I knew I wanted to travel, so I wrote that down, I didn't have any specific place in mind, except that I would most definitely like to go back to my country. I missed London, from what I could remember of it anyway.

"So Evangeline, do you have any goals you want to share with the group?" the chubby short councilor named Tom asked from across the table.

"I want to travel." I said glancing down at my goals. It was the only one that didn't seem embarrassing.

"Any particular place?"

As he pressed I knew he was just doing his job to get me to open up and talk. The six other kids, including Rose, Julie, and Tina looked at me. Actually I think Rose was trying to look anywhere but at me.

"Back home…" I sighed.

"Home?" Tina asked, interrupting whatever Tom was going to say.

"I wasn't born here. My mum became a citizen shortly after we moved here. I have dual citizenship, at least until I'm 18." I stated as I started to doodle on my page.

"You're from England?" one of the boys asked, sounding surprised.

I wrinkled my nose, and shifted in my seat.

"Yes, I am," I spoke totally revisiting my natural accent.

Tom had to stop the conversation from getting too off course after the group, minus Rose, kept trying to ask me about London, and why I didn't have my accent still.

Talking about my home, made me _ache_ to see it again, as if going back could undo all the pain I've experienced here in America. England was the only place I could remember feeling complete and whole. And it had been ten years ago that I had lived there. Going back might not be able to heal me, but even after all this time it would feel like home, and that's all I truly wanted. A home.

.~.

Lying in bed listening to the wind howl and Tina snore, I thought about Alice. I wasn't sure why, but I felt like she had been avoiding me. I mean it wasn't like we had a great rapport, but with how enthusiastic she had been the first two days here I felt odd that I hadn't even said 'hello' to her today. It felt depressing for some reason, like I didn't get a dose of happy Alice to muddle out the fact Sophila had been giving me a solid hate glare for the majority of the day.

Thankfully tomorrow was the last day of this retreat, if the rains had stopped we would be having a late lunch/ early dinner outside and then we would be heading home. Tomorrow before I left I would make sure to ask Alice for her email, even if I never saw her again it would be nice if I ever wanted to contact her for whatever reason.

The wind was howling and I still couldn't sleep so I got out of bed and repeated the process of sneaking out.

I had to be increasingly careful as I got closer to Crooked Lake as it was still slippery from the previous day's rain. I was wearing my old clothes that Betty had returned to me after breakfast, I hadn't changed back into the sweats to sleep in, and I regretted not taking the sweatshirt. Even with my hoodie the chill still had a bite to it.

Standing on the dock again I sang.

My voice was not of quality since the shouting yesterday, and Hans Solo was lacking to back me up. But still it felt nice to sing out in the open, sing to the darkness of this lake, and to have my voice be taken away by the wind.

I ran out of good songs to sing and just started some of the blues, the old songs I used to sing with my mum.

When it started to rain again I decided I didn't want to be a drowned rat once more and quickly made it back to the path. I was passing the first cabins, the ones that belonged to the boys, when rain picked up from random fat drops into a light even sprinkling.

The little cabins were in a long oval with a few trailing back towards the main camp, and a few trailing back towards the lake, a wide path going between the two sides. The girl's cabins were split as it was due to the odd numbered cabins being on one side and the evens on the other.

I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Sophila slink out of cabin 1. She had something sharp and pointy in her hand, and for a second I thought it might be a knife, and my heart jumped into my throat.

She stopped when she saw me, not more than ten feet from me.

"What are you doing out here Eva?" she hissed, loud enough for me to hear, but I knew she was trying to keep her voice down. The wind whipped wildly and I swallowed before answering.

"I was taking a walk down to the lake… I came back when it started raining," I saw her shift, like she was going to go around me, she moved whatever she was holding behind her back in the same movement. "What do you have there?" I asked, half panicked, half worried.

"Like I'd tell you," she rolled her eyes, and moved passed me.

I took a breath of relief.

I was about to go my own way, before I got any more soaked, or Sophila changed her mind and wanted to stab me out in the rain, when I saw what she was holding and where she was heading.

"Sophila!" I hissed catching up to her, I grabbed her shoulder and spun her around.

"Shut it _will _you! God you're _so_ annoying!"

"What are you doing with the scissors?" I asked flashing my flash light in her face, we had walked to a small dark area between cabins where their little door lights didn't reach.

She indeed had very large very sharp looking scissors in her hand. The kind from the 1980's to be sure, solid metal, sharp, and long. The sturdy kind that never broke or needed replacing, the kind they had in the camp office.

"I'm going to make that Rose girl look like your old Barbie dolls," she sneered before trying to push past me.

Then I remembered something else she had done to me, something that was so benign in comparison to getting me kicked out of the Thorps. She had cut all the hair off my dolls once. Sophila had sheered their hair down to fuzz.

"Stop!" I shouted, this time not caring how loud I was.

I reached for her shoulder again, and this time when Sophila spun around she slipped grabbing at me her weight caused me to stumble. A swell of rain and wind, and I felt something sharp near my belly button.

The clatter of the flash light was drowned out by the howling wind, then it rolled away illuminating a part of the forest.

I blinked confused as I was on my knees, and could taste copper, and something salty in my mouth. Sophila made a squealing, choking noise, and in the dark I couldn't see her. I put my hand to where the pain was coming from and felt something hard and metallic.

Sophila stood up and I reached for her to help me.

"Sophila… I th-think…" I stuttered, realizing what had happened, she had fallen and accidently stabbed me with the scissors, which were still imbedded in my middle.

"Get the HELL AWAY FROM ME!" she screamed, and the hand I had on her shoulder was slapped away, then I felt two forceful hands pushing my shoulders back. And I fell.

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AN: I plan on making this Fan fiction very much like "Twilight" in the respect that it sets up the main character and settings before jumping into the action-y parts. It took roughly 16 chapters before Twilight introduce James' coven.

Also I will try to be as close to cannon as I can. I do have the "Offical Guide" and will be using that to help me stay cannon. But for some of the plot I take liberty with some of the unanswered questions Stephenie left.

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	4. Esme

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

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**Panthalassa: Low Tide  
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**Chapter 4 - Esme  
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Faces swam above me, no… not faces.

Faceless faces. And the overwhelming feeling of helplessness consumed me as I stared at the empty faces.

They were talking without mouths and their words didn't make sense, they didn't seem like words. Desparetly I wanted to get out of the bed I was in, but I found I couldn't move and it scared me.

.~.

There was a beautiful sunset, golden clouds floated above me. The bed I was in felt like a fluffy marshmallow. I started to get worried because the bed was in a room without a roof and I was completely and utterly alone. There was a small amount of water on the floor, and whenever I turned my head to look down at the water it rose. Soon it would consume the bed and I would drown, it frightened me but the more I uselessly thrashed the quicker the water rose. I pleaded and cried for someone, anyone to help me, but the room remained empty. And I remained alone.

.~.

What I noticed before I opened my eyes was a slow beeping noise.

My throat felt like I had swallowed fire, and my eyes felt heavy when I tried to open them. I saw a ceiling when I finally managed it, and I puzzled at it for a moment.

I couldn't understand why I felt _so_ tired. I was exhausted, but more than that I was confused. I couldn't remember… remember what happened. My neck didn't seem to want to obey me and it took great effort to move my head to look around my room.

The beeping noise had been constant and I now realized why. I was in a hospital. A realization that should have caused me to panic, but it didn't. Being in a hospital meant that I was being taken care of, it meant that I was safe.

My eye sight was blurry, but it didn't stop the lights from flashing briefly, this time without pain. A second later I heard a door open in front of me. Struggling I turned my head to look at who ever had come in, and I became more confused.

Confused as I was, I blinked with blurry eyes and saw the figure of someone I knew so well, someone I had dreamed of for _seven_ years.

Exhaustion fought and won but not before I spoke to her.

I whispered through dry cracked lips, as I tried to lift my unwilling arms to touch her approaching form, "Mum…"

.~.

_Scratch scratch scratch_. The sound of pen on paper woke me.

I opened my eyes and looked for the source of the noise.

"Why good morning Evangeline, my name is Sarah, I'm your RN," the nurse had mousy brown hair, that was messily tied up into a bun smiled down at me. "I am sure you are confused, and things will be explained, but you are safe, and being taken care of."

"Mum…" I croaked, blinking, my throat felt so weak and dry, and rubbed raw. My throat had never felt so sore; I could barely make out a sound.

Sarah must not have heard me because she leaned in and asked me to repeat what I'd said. When I did she pulled away and did a horrible job of hiding her pity.

"Evangeline… your mom isn't here sweetie." I tried to shake my head at that but all I managed was to wiggle it a bit.

"She… was… here… I saw… her," I breathed out, Sarah's ear close to my mouth so she could catch what I was saying. I couldn't understand why I everything I tried to do was_ exhausting_. It took so much energy to say those few words; I didn't have any energy to spare.

"Ah… well Evangeline that was Mrs. Whitlock. She'd been coming to visit every few days. She brings you fresh lily's," Sarah gestured to something off to my right, and I didn't have it in me to try and look. The name Whitlock felt familiar but I couldn't remember.

Suddenly I wanted sleep more than answers; my mum would come back, regardless of this Mrs. Whitlock. Sarah _was_ wrong, I had seen my mum, and I knew I would see her again.

My mum didn't return the next time I awoke. This time I saw a doctor, his name was eventually lost in my fuzzy brain. The things he did say that stuck with me were how I ended up here.

I had a stab wound from scissors while I was at a camp near Ashland Wisconsin. I didn't remember going to any camp, but I couldn't voice that because I was still too weak.

He mentioned how in addition to the stab wound I had fallen and hit my head on a rock, causing swelling in my brain. He was going to show me the 3d imager of what happened to me but he didn't want to overwhelm me just yet. And I gaped at him like a fish when he told me all of this had happened about 7 weeks ago.

Dr. Easily forgettable name also told me that I was lucky to be alive, and that they weren't sure until I woke up that I actually would. He spoke of how I pulled out my feeding tube on my own about 36 hours before, so they figured I was waking up and starting giving me nutrients through my I.V.

After Sarah and the Doctor left, I lay there wondering if anyone would have missed me if I didn't wake up. It was a depressing thought, to think that I would leave nothing behind when I died, no one left to mourn me.

The fact that I couldn't remember this camp or the person the doctor alluded to having attacked me really bothered me. But the fact I could form thoughts was pretty impressive given what I was to understand had been severe brain trauma.

.~.

I was rather lonely after they left, Sarah had given me a rundown of things they needed to do, and supposedly I was going to be talking to… someone that would help determine my mental agility. I hated not being able to think, or concentrate and I felt alone, and lonely. I was _too_ weak to cry. _Believe_ me I wanted to, but I couldn't make my body work up that much energy to actually do it.

Dr. Reynolds was actually really funny, for being a neurologist. He was a balding man with pepper grey hair. He was tall-ish, I couldn't really tell as I was in a giant hospital bed. Dr. Reynolds had a little round beer belly that when I looked him over, he affectionately called it his "little guy", like he was pregnant.

My arms being as weak as they were he asked me to point to certain animals on the cards as he laid them out. So my wrist rested on the little table over my bed as I swiveled my finger to the animals he said out loud.

I thought I did very well. When we moved onto common shapes, and colors I felt confused and it frustrated me.

"Evangeline calm down. This is just a preliminary test. You still have a lot of drugs in your system and that will affect how you process things, and think. You are doing very well," he calmly patted my head in a father-like motion, it was when he did that I noticed my hair was gone, it was short and I could feel every motion his hand made against my scalp, it was weird, and tickly.

Dr. Reynolds was going to check on me once every day. After he left another different nurse came in with Sarah and they started un-hooking me from different machines. They talked to me about the things they were taking off and putting away, I fell asleep as they were talking.

.~.

The next few days were frustrating and slightly humiliating. They took out my catheter, which was uncomfortable and hurt. I had a physical therapist come up twice a day to help me try to lift my arms, or move my legs. A doctor came to test my ability to swallow without choking, and I was finally allowed real water, not those damn ice chips they had been giving me.

Dr. Reynolds kept coming back to give me silly little tests, and he was right, I did get better. When I mentioned what music I liked he had the nurses put the right stations on the MediaMix in my room for me. He played rummy with me, once I was able to hold my cards upright. And he ate his lunch with me when I was approved to eat solid foods.

I had been awake for four days, and the lily's by the window were starting to wilt noticeably. Sarah made comment on how this is the longest Mrs. Whitlock had been away.

Now that I was more aware of myself I understood that whoever I had seen hadn't been my mum. There was no way. And I wasn't sure what upset me more. That I believed she'd come for me, or that I was more or less okay that it really wasn't her.

I had just finished my therapy session, this time one of the orderlies had put me in a wheelchair and brought me down to my appointment. First time out of my room was when I realized that it was a really nice hospital. I was being wheeled in when I heard Sarah laughing quietly in my room with some other woman.

"There she is! Did Joyce make you walk today?" Sarah asked brightly, moving to help Sam the orderly. (Sam was also in a band as the drummer, which we talked about.)

"She tried," I said, my voice still horribly hoarse. I slowly looked to the woman by the small window ledge as she set up a fresh bouquet of lily's.

She was _stunning_. She was a slender woman, with caramel brown hair that fell about her face almost artfully. Turning to look at me she smiled, it was warm like sunshine, and the depth of the smile reached her kind eyes. The way she looked at me was how I vaguely remember my mum looking at me and I stared at her from across the room. Her eyes had me blinking; they reminded me of something else.

"Oh!" I said out loud when I realized it.

It all came back like a door had been opened in my brain and the information came rushing in. Gold eyes, like Alice, like Jasper and Bella, the Whitlock's. This was-

"This is Mrs. Whitlock Eva," Sarah gestured the introduction just after helping me into my bed. I was sitting and I pulled my blankets up over my legs, as it always seemed to be cold in hospitals. Mrs. Whitlock looked so young; it seemed that there was no way she was over the age of 30.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Evangeline," Mrs. Whitlock said still smiling.

"The pleasure is mine… thank you for the flowers, they are really pretty." I waved as Sam said his goodbyes and Sarah left with him.

"I am surprised at how far you've progressed since I've been away," the soft way her voice caressed my ears made me sigh.

"It doesn't seem like much progress to me," I swallowed.

Mrs. Whitlock looked a little nervous but took the chair next to my bed that Dr. Reynolds usually sat in when we played cards. She was graceful and fluid.

"Oh believe me it is a miraculous change from the last time I was here," she reached over to smooth out some of my covers, slowly looking around the room.

Following her eyes, I wasn't sure what to talk about with her. I was curious as to why she had come to visit me, or bring me flowers. Curious but not ungrateful.

"Mrs. Whitlock," I began, her kind eyes focused on me again, and I was momentarily taken aback by their soft amber color. "I- I wanted to thank you for coming to visit me. Sarah told me that you were here at least twice a week. You didn't have to do that for a stranger and-"

"It was my pleasure Evangeline," I bit my lower lip as she reached out and squeezed the hand that was resting on top of the blanket. Mrs. Whitlock was a complete stranger, but I felt so at ease with her it was hard to understand.

My foster mothers varied in degrees of kindness; Mrs. Thorp had been the best. But none of them made me feel the way Mrs. Whitlock had in the few moments she had been near. I felt safe, cherished, and wanted. I couldn't explain it and it overwhelmed me. Mrs. Whitlock's hand was rather cold; like she had poor circulation, but when she removed her hand it felt like she took some of my warmth with her.

Tears were instantly in my eyes, as I saw such heart wrenching kindness in her eyes I realized that she actually cared about me. I started crying so quickly it surprised Mrs. Whitlock, the bed shifted and I felt her next to me.

Usually I wasn't much for crying, I did cry when things got bad, when I was stressed or angry, but since I had gone into the system when my mum went missing I usually cried alone.

"I'm so-sorry," I blubbered as her strong arms wrapped around me.

"Shhhh, its okay," her clear loving tone made me cry harder.

Sarah came in to ask what was wrong but I wasn't in any state to respond so she left at Mrs. Whitlock's indication. Before she left Sarah handed Mrs. Whitlock a box of tissues and patted my head gently.

"I thought you were, my mum…" I whispered after I had calmed some.

The tears were still freely flowing and I took a moment to blow my nose. Mrs. Whitlock had taken to running her cold fingers through my stubbly short hair.

"I'm sorry I got your hopes up sweetie…" when I turned to look at her, she truly did look sad.

"I felt so _stupid_ after I was told it hadn't been her, I should have known better," I buried my head in my hands.

"There is nothing wrong with wanting her here Evangeline," she cooed, still holding me.

Gradually I stopped crying and I started to focus on the fact Mrs. Whitlock was incredibly sturdy.

Once I had calmed down enough she pulled away and sat back in the chair, she had a small reassuring smile. There was an odd moment of silence, and I think both of us were trying to think of something to say.

"How are your kids doing? Alice and Bella?" I would have asked about the others, but I hadn't really spent much time with any of them.

"Oh," she chuckled lightly into her hand, "Alice is energetic, as always. Bella is doing well, she just graduated. Alice might be stopping in to visit this weekend if that's okay with you…?" I nodded and found myself grinning at her.

We talked for a little while about the others, and about her work. She worked freelance as a historical building restorer. But she hadn't been taking on much business because her kids were keeping her busy.

My dinner was delivered and she asked if I needed anything, like books, or magazines to help keep my time occupied. Dr. Reynolds had asked me that and had delivered some magazines earlier in the day. He also snuck some candy in for me, which I ate immediately.

Mrs. Whitlock eventually told me to call her by her first name. Esme. It was really a very stylish name. When visiting hours ended I felt lighter, and happier than I had since waking up. She may not have been _my _mum but it was clear that she was one to her very core. Before leaving she kissed the top of my head, and told me to get some good rest.

I spent the rest of the night watching movies on the MediaMix and thinking about the Whitlock's.

.~.

The next couple days were routine. I went to physical therapy twice a day. Joyce would have Sam help me strap on the belt to my waist, and as he held on to the straps I would try to walk. The progress was so slow I didn't think I had made any improvements. But Joyce seemed to be shocked at how fast I was progressing.

It had been a week since I found myself in the ICU, and I was being moved to a recovery ward. It was the same day Alice and Esme came back to visit.

They both lamented on the weather, as they had wanted to take me outside, it was rather stormy out so we just spent time in one of the fancy lounges by some giant glass windows looking out into the courtyard. The best times of my day were when I wasn't in my room.

My voice had gotten better, and I had been told by the doctors that there would be no permanent damage to my vocal chords. But my throat still felt sore, so I let them do most of the talking.

Esme pushed my wheelchair as Alice mentioned having to run to the bathroom. Once back in my room I sat in my bed getting ready to eat the lunch they just brought to me, when Alice came bounding in with something large and wooden in her hands.

I dropped the roll I had been about to take a bite out of.

"Alice!" I squealed as she presented the guitar to me. There was a dainty red bow wrapped around it. She was vibrating with excitement and happiness seeing my reaction.

"Esme and I thought you should have a new one… It's the only way I can make up for what happened. If you hadn't changed cabins with me none of this would have happened," she frowned slightly. The world didn't actually stop spinning, but as she set the shiny new acoustic guitar on my lap it seemed like she zoned out for a moment.

Holding the guitar I strummed the strings lightly before smiling to the two women, Esme helped me set it next to the bed and I thanked both of them.

.~.

The days were passing slowly. Esme and Alice both warned me that were busy with various things, and wouldn't be able to visit over the next few days. It was a little disappointing, but they had already been generous with their time.

I was alone the vast majority of my time, and I started craving any type of conversation. I slept a lot when there was nothing else to do. Watching movies alone in my room grew tedious. Practicing my guitar took a lot more energy than I was willing to spare.

I was walking steadily on my own the next time I saw Esme. She came alone, and looked slightly troubled and distracted as we played rummy. Not wanting to pry into her life I didn't ask.

After I had finished my lunch Becky one of my day nurses came in with two other people, Mrs. Jordan looked stressed but smiled widely when she saw me. The man was introduced as Mr. Gerwin, he was the county prosecutor. When it dawned on me what they were both doing here I felt anxious and stressed.

Esme made to leave and I grabbed her sleeve.

"Please… stay," I asked weakly, I didn't want her to know how much better I would feel if she was here for whatever they had to tell me.

"Evangeline you are looking loads better than the last time I saw you," Mrs. Jordan said. She hugged me before sitting down in the two chairs Becky brought over. After she left Dr. Keys, my main doctor came in and took the last chair.

"Ms. Knight, we have a few items we need to go over with you. Now that you are well on your way to recovery, your doctor's feel it's time we update you on some important matters." Mr. Gerwin stated, pulling out some papers from his briefcase. His handshake to me before he sat down seemed hurried and feeble.

Not feeling like I needed to say anything I nodded before sweeping my eyes over the other adults.

"Firstly, the matter of the hospital bill," Mrs. Jordan began, "You were originally taken to the hospital in Ashland. Where, once you were stable they air lifted you to this hospital, your medical bills are being covered by an anonymous donor, the donor wanted you to be given the very best of care," my case worker paused to take a breath. It puzzled me why anyone would take it upon themselves to pay for some TOTD kids medical bills, but I couldn't exactly ask.

"Your doctors say that you will need at least another 10 days of observation and therapy on site," Mrs. Jordan paused and sighed here. "The second matter is concerning where you will live after you are released. Your 18th birthday is four months away, but you will be going into your senior year-"

"What do you mean where I'm going to live? What about the Conner's?" I interrupted.

Mrs. Jordan grimaced and shifted a bit in her seat.

"The Conner's have no room anymore to take in foster children. Shortly after your accident, Julie's mom was able to regain custody of her. The Jenson children's father signed over his custody to the State. Mr. and Mrs. Conner are now going through the process to adopt the children…" Processing this I looked to Esme, she squeezed my hand reassuringly, but it the feeling didn't reach her slightly dark amber eyes.

"What about my things? My boxes?" starting to worry that maybe the Conner's wanting more room in their basement had thrown them out.

"Well when the changes started to happen, the Whitlock's stepped up to pay for a storage unit, rather than keep them at the county offices." Mr. Gerwin answered.

Quickly I turned to look at Esme again.

"When I found out, my husband and I talked it over. We didn't want your things in some public storage area where anyone could get to them." This time when she smiled it reached her eyes, and I relaxed a little.

"You will be 18 and inheriting your trust, the money that was set aside after the sale of the house to lived with your mother in," I winced when Mr. Gerwin he said it so casually.

"We are still in the process of finding a good placement for you Eva," Mrs. Jordan stepped in.

I sighed, and realized this was really a depressing conversation. The way she phrased it was the way adults always covered up the fact no one wanted me.

Good placement, there weren't enough foster parents for the amount of children that needed them in this State. Not since the end of the war at any rate. Priority went to the younger kids, older kids could be taken to the Independent Living Center in Milwaukee.

Putting my head in my hands I sighed. I had been struggling for so long to behave like my mum had taught me. Hoping that one day it might help get adopted. But aside from the Thorps not a single family that had taken care of me had a household or attitude that I wanted to stay near.

The first house I stayed at was the home of a lazy couple. The Johnson's, they were neglectful, they had at any given time four to seven foster children in their home. Mrs. Johnson didn't work and would watch TV for the majority of the day. She'd make us do "Chores" which was basically the only reason that house looked decent. The six months I lived there I never saw either Johnson lift a finger to keep the house clean. Once my complaints to Mr. Thoms finally convinced him I was moved to the Foxs'.

The best way to describe the Fox's was to say that they were addicts. They were an older couple, with one grown son who lived out of state. Mrs. Fox was addicted to prescription pills, which she would steal from the kids.

She would take us in to the doctor and claim we were showing signs of ADHD or something similar, and we would get prescriptions. Most of us at the time didn't understand what was going on but liked it when Mrs. Fox would buy us ice cream and treat us to a movie when we acted well to fool the doctor to getting us prescriptions. I always tried my best to fool the doctors so that I would stay on Mrs. Fox's good side. I thought that the Fox's were a nice couple, compared to the Johnson's anyway. Mr. Fox was addicted to gambling. He would sell whatever drugs Mrs. Fox wasn't using to get high and go out for hours on end. But between the gambling and drugs they always seemed to run out of the money the State provided. I lived there for almost one year before the State caught on what was going on.

I had turned eleven at the Fox's. The next place was probably the weirdest house I had been placed at.

Gloria Mew's, was a widow in her mid thirties. She was a decent person, and the State allowed her to have a couple of foster children, she was the only adult in the household and they wouldn't allow her to have any more than two at a time.

Gloria was an artist, it was really fun to watch her paint, or take pictures. I never understood the art. I wasn't allowed to eat meat while I lived with her, which I hated.

With the freedom she let me have I used it to be rather reckless. I met up with neighborhood kids and caused trouble. What else was I to do? It was fun, and I couldn't eat meat, so I figured it evened things out.

I was removed from her house after the FBI found what they considered child pornography, on her computers and in her art. Looking back I don't think Gloria really was a pornographer, as she had never taken any pictures of me, but the FBI thought she was and so after nine months with her I was moved to the Herman's.

I had been moved around so much at that point I wondered if I would ever find a place to call home. Like many of the foster children I lived with or met, I was depressed, and had horrible grades. I didn't care about much, and that's when I turned to rebelling.

I suppose the Herman's were actually a nice couple, but I stole liquor out of their cabinets. And stole from the gas station, so when I got in trouble I acted out and I blamed them or anyone else for my actions. Then I was medicated.

Mrs. Jordan had been assigned to me after I had been arrested for shoplifting, she managed to get the charges dropped, and she was the first adult to call me out on my shit. I would always thank her for that.

So when I looked into her eyes I knew she felt guilty for not being able to find a foster family for me.

"The third matter," Mr. Gerwin cleared his throat, "The sentencing hearing for Sophila Telk."

My eyes bulged and I swallowed hard, "Wh-what? Hearing?"

"Yes. The State filed charges against Ms. Telk after you were admitted."

"But how?" I remembered that Sophila and I had been alone, no one had been around, how they would know I had been hurt at all, let alone that Sophila had done it?

"A Mr-" the lawyer opened the folder in his lap to look at something, "Edward Whitlock witnessed the attack."

A breath caught in my throat and I coughed. My eyes went back to Esme and she gave me another sad smile.

"Edward had seen everything; he was the one who called 911. But he took it upon himself to drive you to the hospital rather than wait for it. His actions most certainly saved your life," Mrs. Jordan explained, while I was still in shock.

"Edward… did?" The question escaped before I could stop it. Esme nodded but didn't say anything.

"After Edward explained to the police what he saw happen, Sophila was taken into custody and after a few days of claiming innocence she confessed to pushing you and accidently stabbing you with the scissors."

Mrs. Jordan had visited me a few days after I woke up with a police officer to take my statement of what had happened, things at that point were a little fuzzy but I did remember Sophila had pushed me after I had been impaled.

"The sentencing hearing is on the 8th of July, you don't have to be there unless you want to, she has already signed the confession," Mr. Gerwin closed his folders as made eye contact with me, waiting for my decision on the matter. He looked impatient.

"I don't want to see her again," I stated flatly.

After Mrs. Jordan and Mr. Gerwin left, Dr. Keys stayed to take my blood pressure and generally hover.

Both Esme and Dr. Keys kept glancing at me as I sat there silently thinking about my future and what had happened to me. When the doctor left Esme cleared her throat to get my attention.

"Did you want to talk about it Evangeline?" Internally I smiled when Esme called me by my full name, even though I told her to call me Eva.

Deciding I wasn't ready I shook my head, "I'm going to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back," I slowly got out of bed, found my balance and made my way to the in suite bathroom.

Taking my time I came out quite a bit later to see Esme standing across the room by the window arranging the lily's again. My toe caught on the lip of the door and I tripped forward, I threw my arms out to catch myself, on to have strong arms catch me by the arm and shoulder. Esme's cold hand had a firm and gentle grip on my arm, and she helped steady me.

We talked for a little bit about nothing in particular. She gave me an update on Alice's trip to Chicago with Rose, and Bella. I wasn't allowed a cell phone in the hospital, and even if I was, mine had gone missing with my bag when the cabin had been vandalized.

Feeling much more exhausted than I usually did for the time of day Esme tucked me into bed and said her goodbyes.

I reveled in the feel of her giving me a kiss on the top of my head, and I wondered that if anyone else tried to do it if it would make me feel as safe as I did when she did it.

"Thank you for today Esme… and tell Edward… thanks too, I guess," I yawned out.

"You're welcome Evangeline," she said sweetly.

I grinned and wiggled deeper into my bed, my smile faded when I saw the lost look on her face. Before I could ask if she was okay she picked up her purse and smiled at me, and for the first time since meeting her I felt it wasn't genuine, the smile didn't reach her eyes.

"Get some rest and have a good nap," she said before she headed off.

Something about her walking away _hurt_ and I felt like she was running away. The way she left, and her attitude, it seemed like she was trying to say something else. I looked towards the window and the lily's and sighed.

"I don't want you to leave me too…" I whispered to the empty room, and wiped the single tear that started to form.

Since my mum had left, I had been half hopeful I could find somebody to care for me and half worried. If I let somebody care about me… one day they would leave. I was jaded, I knew, but it really was the truth. _Nothing_ lasts forever. And I felt empty as I ever had, wondering what there really was for me to live for.

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As always thank you for reading! Please review!

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	5. Questions

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

I have this story rated at T, and I think that will be good enough, if I think a chapter will need a warning I'll give it. Enjoy!

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**Panthalassa: Low Tide  
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**Chapter 5 - Questions  
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I had been right, Esme didn't come back. A week had passed, and there was no word from either Alice or Esme.

Dr. Reynolds saw how much more withdrawn I had become and did his best to make me feel better. Mrs. Jordan came back and told me that I would be moved to the Independent Living Center, at least until school started. I couldn't bring myself to ask about the Whitlock's.

It was a sunny Saturday, the first of July when I was sitting outside reading the Robert Heinlein book Dr. Reynolds had lent me, when I started to think about the aliens from the other sci-fi books he'd lent me.

The jump from thinking about aliens and the Whitlock's was completely random, but I got to worrying about what I did to make Esme go away.

I didn't hold any hope that she'd be back, and I was due to leave the on the 7th. The date had been pushed back because I was too depressed to do much physical therapy and Dr. Keys wanted to give me time to cope. Of all the staff, I think he understood what I might be feeling; having been in the room with me when I was told about how there was no place for me. He gave me space, which I was thankful for.

I walked back to my room to see the day nurse pulling my curtains back. After she left I sat on the window ledge, looking down at the spot where the lily's should be.

I had been about to get up to go to the bathroom when I realized how far away it actually was from here. I had a large recovery suite to myself. And I stood there shocked, looking at the distance.

It should have been obvious before but somehow I hadn't noticed it. It made what Esme did for me last week; saving me from falling on my face, seem like a freak occurrence. There was no way someone could cross the distance _that_ quickly.

To prove my point I did a couple trial runs for the bathroom door and back. Admittedly I was much slower than a person at normal physical capabilities, but it shouldn't make that big of a difference.

After running it several times I was sure that either I hadn't actually seen Esme by the window, or I fell slower than normal. But it bugged me all day, and as that mystery swirled in my brain other things that I had ignored came crawling in.

Alice, Bella and Esme were all so cold to the touch. And as far as I could tell they all had gold eyes. I had been close enough to Esme a couple times to notice that they weren't contacts.

All of the Whitlock's were pale and beautiful. I wasn't sure if that was a mystery or not, but it was odd to me that a family made up of adopted children were all supermodel pretty.

Then again if Mr. and Mrs. Whitlock only adopted pretty kids it would explain a lot. But Esme didn't seem like the shallow type, in fact I doubted that "shallow" and "Esme" had ever been used in the same sentence unless a "not" was added somewhere in there.

To help with the boredom I would go to the children's unit and read to the little kids. I didn't like kids, not at all actually, but they enjoyed the reading and it got me out of the recovery ward with all the old people recuperating from their hip surgeries and whatnot.

The mystery of the Whitlock's still bugged me. The more I thought about it the more peculiar it made me feel. Things I had shrugged off all started to not make sense.

In order to let the issue go I just pretended that they were some weird cybernetic aliens and they had to leave to protect their secret. When I came up with that idea I actually starting laughing out loud at the ridiculousness of it, but it made the mystery easier to deal with.

.~.

Later that day I went down to the café near the E.R. to find a brownie, Dr. Reynolds had given me five bucks to "spoil myself" on chocolate after dinner. And I wasn't about to turn down free money or the assumed brownie I would be able to get with said money.

I purchased the brownie and the teenage boy behind the counter gave me milk for free, which made me question his tastes in women a little bit. I took my tray to the tables and looked for one that was free. It seemed that this particular time was a little busy in the café.

As I was looking around I saw a young doctor sitting alone reading a newspaper. I swallowed hard looking at him; he was probably the most beautiful man I had ever seen.

Then I mentally checked myself, no he wasn't the most beautiful, Edward was. I couldn't move once that thought entered my head. Instantly my brain was clicking of the check list of attributes I had come to know as a "Whitlock" trait. He fit all of them, this young doctor. Well all the ones I could tell from the distance of 15 feet. He had perfect blonde hair, pale as snow complexion, and a classically handsome face.

Feeling a boldness I usually reserved for when I had full grasp of the situation I stepped up to his table. As my form moved closer he casually looked up. His gold eyes met mine and I knew, with the slight uncontrollable shiver, that there was something different about him.

"Hello," I said then I gestured with my elbow to the chair across from him, "Everywhere else is kind of full, would you mind if I sat here?" I cleared my throat nervously.

His smile was warm and he set his paper down, "That's just fine." His voice was like smooth chocolate, as clear and hypnotic as Edwards had been. I sat, and the doctor and I exchanged small smiles before he picked up his coffee to take a sip, and then resumed reading his paper.

Looking down to the brownie on my tray, I wondered how I should approach the topic with him. I wanted to touch him to see if he was cold too, as if somehow my cybernetic alien theory would be more realistic if this odd doctor was in fact cold. I did happen to sneak a peek at his I.D. clipped to his lab coat.

Dr. Whitlock.

Bingo.

As I was about to open my mouth to start a conversation his cell phone went off.

He seemed to notice that I was about to say something so he gave me an apologetic smile before picking it up. From what I heard him reply it sounded like _something_ had happened.

"Excuse me," he said to me with another charming smile as he scooped up his news paper, while still on the phone he headed for the exit.

I bit my lip and then took a bite from my brownie, before curiosity got to me and I got up to give chase. I ended up a couple hallways away, and Dr. Whitlock was nowhere to be seen. Esme had mentioned her husband was a doctor, but she never said he worked in _this_ hospital.

The brownie was thick and I wished I had stayed in my seat to have some of the milk. I turned around and was about to head back to see if my food was still there when the lights flashed and I nearly walked into the door I was about to go through.

I stumbled over to the wall and slid down, the brightness had been so intense I felt sick. The light itself hadn't hurt but the after image of its brightness did and I felt the palms of my hands digging into my eyes hoping to trade the pain of pressure instead of the pain from the lights.

"Are you alright?" a calm smooth voice asked from above me, and I whipped my head up to find Dr. Whitlock and his gold eyes peering down at me worriedly.

"It's nothing… just a flare up of an old illness," I murmured. He offered his hand to me and as I expected it was cold to the touch when I took it. He looked conflicted about something.

"Which ward are you from?" Dr. Whitlock asked me.

"Recovery…"

Nodding he opened the door I had been about to go through.

"I'll walk you back to make sure you are okay." Dr. Whitlock's voice was full of genuine concern and he walked next to me as we headed back to my ward. I glanced back into the café to see if I could spot my brownie, but to no avail.

"Do you know when you are being released?" he asked casually, probably in an attempt to start conversation. I suspected he knew, if he was Esme's husband, but felt it polite to ask.

"The 7th, Mrs. Jordan-my case worker-will be driving me into Madison. I was originally going to be staying at an Independent Living Center in Milwaukee but they were full so I am going to a group home nearby…" The depressing tone could not be covered, and I didn't care to. The part of me that wanted to ask about Esme and Alice shied away fearful of what the answer might be.

When we came up to the elevators he hit the button and we waited. A couple nurses came up to wait as well, I could hear them talking excitedly, and quietly behind their hands. I spared them a glance and realized they were openly checking out Dr. Whitlock. I rolled my eyes and I peeked at him, he was either a very obtuse man not to notice the women or he was completely ignoring them.

"Do those fainting spells happen often?" He asked shortly after we stopped for the elevator.

"It's not exactly a fainting thing… but no not that fre...quant-" I stopped mid sentence and stared at him blankly while my mind worked with that thought.

Did it happen often? No, not really. Not until I went to that damn camp.

I averaged about five times a year as I got older they seemed to increase but not enough for me to say anything about it to Mrs. Jordan. I was certain she had heard enough about my "flashing lights" to last her a lifetime.

Blinking I recalled the most recent times it had happened.

When we did room draw at camp, and Alice was there in front of me. Right before paintball, Emmett was there. And not more than five minutes previously it happened right before Dr. Whitlock had appeared above me.

Swallowing hard while I tried to process that information, trying to see if there could be a link, I quickly continued what I should be saying, "They've never been able to figure out what's wrong. Just once in a while I see this blinding flash of light."

As I had been talking the doors opened, a few people got off and Dr. Whitlock ushered me in by touching the small of my back. It was purely my imagination but I could feel the cold of his hand through the patient scrubs I was wearing.

"Perhaps you should have and MRI or Neuro Image taken before you are released."

"I've had an MRI before, the Neuro Image machines were never at any of the hospitals they took me to when I complained about it. Eventually they just assumed it was some sort of manifestation of my stress or some tosh like that," while talking to Dr. Whitlock I felt the same safety I had grown to associate with Esme, and I could tell that he was a really compassionate person, no one could fake the concern he was showing me.

We got off at the 5th floor and we walked side by side again.

I couldn't stop myself from asking, it would bother me later if I didn't. I had to know about Esme. For all the walls I'd built up to protect myself from others, she had wiggled her way through and no matter if I never saw her again she was important to me. That thought actually hurt a little, so I put my hand over my heart.

"You're Esme's husband aren't you?"

He nodded smiling slightly, "Figured it out did you? She told me all about your progress; it certainly is impressive from a medical standpoint."

"I owe Edward my life…" I murmured, wishing again that I could thank him in person. A small part of me wished to see him again just so I could stare at his bum for a little while.

Dr. Whitlock pushed the ward's door open for me and I waved to Becky and Brooke, who were my day nurses. Sarah would come down once in a while to visit, but she wasn't taking care of me down here.

Once back in my room he picked up my chart on the door and looked it over. It didn't seem like his eyes were actually looking at anything on the page.

"Dr. Whitlock…?" His golden eyes met mine and he raised an eyebrow to encourage me.

"Is… is Esme coming back?" I looked down to the floor to avoid looking in his eyes.

"Ah… I don't believe she'll be back before you are released. The girls ran into some car trouble in Chicago and she went down to rescue them a few days ago and ended up staying to enjoy some girl time." I nodded, not sure if I believed him. But I felt selfish; Esme had six other children probably just as messed up as me that she had to take care of.

"So, it wasn't anything… _I_ did?" Looking up to meet his gaze this time, I stood there in the middle of my room and felt so insignificant.

"Oh no… Evangeline _no_." His carefully neutral face slid into a small worried frown.

Suddenly my eyes started to tear, and I didn't want him to look at me. Abruptly I spun towards my bed and pulled myself onto it, feeling slightly tired from my short trip walking around. Hastily I wiped at my eyes.

"I put a note here for Dr. Marsh to schedule an MRI and Neuro Image before you are released; to be sure there is nothing we missed." Dr. Marsh was the recovery floor doctor; Dr Key's was still one of my doctors but only in the supervisory capacity.

"Would you tell Esme… thank you for," I shrugged, still focusing on my sheets next to my legs. "That I am really thankful for everything? Alice too?" Managing to build up the nerve I found his eyes again. They looked troubled, and resigned. He nodded once before advising me to get some rest.

Flopping onto my back I realized Alice and Esme were pushing me away, maybe they had noticed that _I_ noticed how odd they were, and they didn't want to risk getting closer.

I didn't _care_ that they were odd. They could be aliens here to conquer the world with their beauty and it wouldn't matter to me. The taste and feeling of safety I felt with Esme was enough for me to overlook just about anything. I heard the door click closed as Dr. Whitlock left.

"I don't care what you are…" I whispered to the ceiling, wishing Esme could hear me, and understand. Wishing I could tell Alice how it didn't matter that they were odd, and … and I wasn't sure what I was expecting.

Thinking about going back to my old life, just shuffling along, trying to be normal when I didn't feel it, didn't seem possible anymore. I had gotten used to this existence, more or less, and now that I had met the golden eyed beautiful Whitlock's I felt the existence I would be returning to would be like hell. Esme had been a sun in my dim existence and now she was gone and the darkness seemed more sinister than before.

I managed to skate along through the State without being drugged up on antidepressants by pretending to be well adjusted. Smiling a lot around adults seemed to be the key to fooling them. I just hated when they would think they knew me and stuck their nose into my business claiming I had "abandonment issues". Well, duh.

Eventually I fell asleep still thinking about what I was going to do.

.~.

The fourth rolled around and I enjoyed watching the fireworks on the roof with some of the staff and other patients. I went down to the café earlier in the evening to see if I could spot Dr. Whitlock, but he didn't show up the whole evening. While waiting and hoping for Dr. Whitlock I finished the sci-fi book Dr. Reynolds had given me a few days before.

After the fireworks I made my way back to my room with others from my ward. It was the latest I'd been out of my room since waking up from my coma and I found the much less busy hospital a little creepy.

Yawning as I opened my door I scratched my head, careful to avoid touching the scar I had there from my surgery. It was sensitive and I it creped my out when I touched it. The scar on my abdomen was actually a little cool to look at, it was in the shape of a small "v" an inch away from my navel, I didn't like to touch that one either, but it was neat to look at.

The small light over my bed was on, just as I had left it before going to the fireworks, but there was a small figure sitting on my bed, their back to me. I froze confused, until it clicked in my brain.

"Alice?" I asked, shocked.

Her head slowly turned so she could look at me, and she looked… scared? I couldn't place the emotion she was showing me with her expressive eyes. I set my book down on my night stand before coming to sit next to her on the bed, as I did she shifted to face me.

Worried, that was the emotion; she was worried I realized when I looked at her more closely.

"I'm-"

"Evangeline… I'm going to ask you a question and I want you to be one hundred percent honest with me. It will… be kind of an odd question but please..." She interrupted me, and rushed out her request like it was hurting her to keep in.

I nodded and murmured my promise to be honest.

"Imagine you had a glass ball, and if you broke that glass ball you would get the one wish-the one thing you've always wanted… but by breaking the glass ball you would also be forced to keep a secret, if you broke the secret you would… die. Would you break the glass?" Again Alice spoke in a rush, and I puzzled at her a second trying to process the weirdest question I had ever been asked. I blinked at her a moment, trying to figure out what this question meant.

"Is this a riddle?"

"No," she said instantly, and urgently. Her hands were wringing her skirt in her lap. Something about her demeanor really had me on edge. I thought back to her question.

"If I break the glass ball I get… a wish? Something I've always wanted?" Alice nodded, eyes intently looking into mine. I bit my lower lip and scrunched up my eyebrows. "And I couldn't fix the glass ball after if I wanted to?" another quick nod from Alice.

"I suppose… I'd break the ball." I shrugged unsure of what she was really asking.

I wasn't good with puzzles or riddles. But if breaking something I got something that I had always wanted and all I had to do to keep it was keep my mouth shut? Sure I'd take it. But with like most wishes and stuff, things sometimes were tricky. Alice visibly relaxed after I gave her my decision.

"You met Carlisle last night, didn't you?" she asked after a pause.

"Dr. Whitlock?" she gave me a small smile and a little bob of her head. "Yeah," I sighed.

"Can you tell me what you said to him before he left?"

Not sure why she would want to know that, or what was going on I felt myself adjusting on the bed further away from her.

"I said… to thank you and Esme for all you've done for me."

"Anything else?"

"I… well no." I shook my head.

Alice sighed loudly and hung her head; she murmured something that sounded like "That wasn't it…"

"After he left," I remembered the thought I'd had since I realized the Whitlock's were not normal. "I said… well I said, _out loud_ how I didn't care what you are…" I swallowed.

Alice's head slowly rose and she locked eyes with me again, and in the dim of the over bed light it looked like her eyes weren't as gold colored as I remembered, then again it _was _dark in my room.

"Sorry," I winced when I realized that what I said could easily be taken as an insult.

"What do you mean, 'What we are'?" she asked slowly. And I was sure I had crossed some sort of line.

"It- I've just noticed that all of your family… well you aren't normal…" I winced at the words, "-it doesn't matter to me. You could be aliens in hiding and it wouldn't matter to me." The embarrassment of possibly insulting Alice and her family was plain in my tone. For something to do I rubbed my hands down my arms.

"We could be _aliens_ and you wouldn't care?" she asked, obviously surprised.

"No, well… not in any way that would make me _not_ enjoy being near you."

"Do you think we're aliens?" This time her voice had a little humor to it and I could tell she wasn't offended in the least with me thinking the Whitlock's were weird.

A small chuckle escaped before I could stop it, "Actually I came up with the idea that you might be cybernetic aliens in hiding." I reached to touch her hand and felt the coolness that I was expecting, she flinched slightly. "Metallic beings have no need for body heat."

Alice covered her mouth to stop the loud giggle that burst out. She hunched over on the bed shaking with quiet giggles and I couldn't figure out what had been so funny about what I'd said.

"Oh Eva! I was _so_ right about you, of course I am always right, but this time being right makes a difference." She completely lost me with that and just before I was about to ask her what she meant by it she stilled a second.

"Alice you are starting to make me worry…" I quietly said.

She took a long breath in and turned her body fully towards me. I mimicked her and we were facing each other, one of my legs dangling off the bed, Alice had both of hers tucked under her.

"We aren't aliens," she said patiently.

"But you aren't normal?"

"No, we aren't."

I nodded with that statement; it was obvious her whole family wasn't normal. Having her admit it made me feel reassured I hadn't been imagining things.

We stayed silent a moment longer and I thought back to her question with the glass ball. Keep the secret or die was the price.

"Is this the breaking the glass ball moment?" The nervousness in my voice caused it to crack.

"It can be Eva. I am not supposed to be here, and my family _will_ be upset that I am here… that I am attempting to tell you things I shouldn't."

"You're not supposed to tell me the secret?"

She shook her head slowly, all the while maintaining eye contact. I blinked and noticed Alice hadn't blinked in a long time, it was eerie.

"But… why do you want to, if they don't want you to?"

Alice ran a hand through her hair, mussing it up a little, "You-… Eva it's what _should_ be. They don't understand it like I do."

"I am beginning to think there isn't a person alive that could understand things like you do…" I said frankly. At that Alice broke into a big smile, it startled me a second, but I could tell she was amused.

"I can't stand by and watch this- watch it happen. I _can't_." The way she said it had a sense of finality to it.

"I want to break it… Alice." I used the reference she had set up, still not one hundred percent sure what exactly this conversation was actually about.

It was pretty clear that it was about a family secret and that by knowing it I would have to keep it. But how would that get me something I've always wanted?

Leaning forward she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me gently with firm and cool arms. I returned the hug by wrapping one arm around her to gently pat her back and found it was hard, solid, and sturdy.

"Tomorrow, Eva, we _will_ break it." Her conviction was firm and when she pulled back she had a determined look.

Shortly after that Alice told me not to mention her coming to anyone, and to try to sleep, that tomorrow things would be worked out.

She quietly slipped out, and I wondered if the nurses would even see her.

I didn't sleep well that night, I kept thinking about the conversation and how completely insane it was. I wondered if Alice could tell how insane the whole conversation had actually been.

Then again that could be just how Alice normally talked and she was just now letting me see how weird she was.

..~..

..~..

You know you want to...

V

V

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	6. Breaking the Glass

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

I have this story rated at T, and I think that will be good enough, if I think a chapter will need a warning I'll give it. Enjoy!

..~..

**Panthalassa: Low Tide**

**Chapter 6 – Breaking the Glass**

..~..

My day was normal, for the most part; it started with breakfast with the others at the dining area in the Recovery ward. Physical therapy after that, Joyce had me lifting small weights while climbing stairs. Dr. Reynolds came to have me take yet another memory and response test. They had gotten much more complex and when I kept missing things I joked with him that this was the normal limit of my intelligence.

Just after lunch I was going to head to the children's ward for something to do, when I nearly ran in to Mrs. Jordan coming into the ward.

Esme, Dr. Whitlock, and a short surly woman followed her in.

The five of us were sitting at the dining table in the eating area; Esme kept glancing at me and giving me half smiles. After she had come through the door I flung myself, almost instinctually, at her. I hugged her as hard as I could, her solid body not yielding a bit to the pressure I used. Dr. Whitlock had a sort of content smile on his face.

Apparently the Whitlock's had requested that I come live with them, as a foster child. Mrs. Jordan had been so thrilled at the idea when they asked that morning she pushed through the request to Ms. Larson, the fore mentioned surly woman. And when that was explained the woman's demeanor made sense.

I wasn't stupid enough to think that Esme or Dr. Whitlock would be here without that conversation I had with Alice the night before, but the fact they were here discussing taking me into their home made up for the real reason they were here.

Mrs. Jordan signed the papers after Esme and Dr. Whitlock. And Esme turned to me once we had ironed out all the details smiling brightly.

"We'll come pick you up the day after tomorrow Evangeline," she whispered into my hair as she hugged me close. Dr. Whitlock too gave me a small hug before leaving. It surprised me how young they both looked, and I wondered if the State had no issues about how young they seemed.

The adults all left shortly after and I felt odd, a little blindsided and fuzzy about exactly what I had gotten myself into. Overall I was a little nervous about what secret I was to be keeping. And I still didn't know what it was, but Alice had said I would know today.

.~.

The sun was just setting and I was in the courtyard reading one of the older fashion magazines Alice had left me, reading about the Flapper revival of the 2024 Autumn line when I saw one of the doors open and three people make their way onto the grassy area with me.

Edward was just how I remembered him, stylish red tinted brown hair, and cat like strut. I wondered if he knew he strutted. Dr. Whitlock was just behind him, and bringing up the rear was Alice. She was wearing a summer version of the Flapper style that was making a huge comeback.

The sun had set over the building but it was still plenty bright, the wispy clouds above us showed the bright colors of the setting sun.

"Hello," I greeted them as they got closer. I set my magazine down and stood, debating whether Edward would think a hug from me was inappropriate.

"It's good to see you Evangeline," I suppressed a sigh at the smoothness of Edwards voice; I had almost forgotten how it sounded. He cocked a crooked smile at me as I lamely stuck my hand out, which he shook. It was firm and cold, no change from the others then.

"I've wanted to thank you for what you did for me. I didn't know anyone had been out when I confronted Sophila." I fidgeted under his gaze, my gratitude sounded rather pathetic compared to what I felt I owed him.

"It was my pleasure," Edward smiled.

Alice took a seat on the bench next to me after giving me a quick hug. Dr. Whitlock shook my hand and asked how I was feeling before he and Edward took seats in the chairs around the small stone table.

"Oh I had the MRI not that long ago, and the Neuro Image supposedly showed nothing out of the normal…" sighing I picked up my glass of water, I cursed the fact my hand was shaking a little when I put the glass to my mouth. My throat suddenly felt dry and the water didn't seem to help.

"I'd hoped they would be able to find the cause of those lights," Dr. Whitlock sighed he did actually seem disappointed. I nodded and fidgeted with the rim of my glass.

"There are some things we need to discuss with you Evangeline, before you come to live with us," Dr. Whitlock began; he was leaning forward resting his elbows on his knees.

I turned to look at Alice a second before looking at him again.

"Of course Dr. Whitlock…"

After he let out a small amused chuckle he smiled kindly to me, and I was stunned for a moment with how breath taking he was.

"You can call me Carlisle, Evangeline."

"Oh, okay…" I shifted again. The four of us were exchanging looks with one another; they seemed to be waiting for something.

"You are right about us not being… normal," Edward started; he moved to imitate Carlisle's casual position.

I wondered at what they could be, I mean they could be humans… maybe superheroes like the x-men, I didn't really have any other ideas. I really liked the alien idea, and after Alice shot that down I kind of felt like whatever the secret was it couldn't be any stranger than aliens.

"We're vampires," Alice spoke up next to me.

She sounded _so_ happy that I thought she was joking so I laughed. After about two seconds while I took in the serious looks on their faces I realized she had been serious. Edward groaned slightly closing his eyes.

"Wait… what? Sorry, I didn't…" I felt sweat building up on my brow so I wiped it away after setting my glass on the table.

"It's alright," Carlisle spoke kindly.

I looked up to the sky a moment realizing we were out during the day. I had very little background into the whole occult myths. Vampires and such had never interested me. Most of the time when I wanted to read I would find comics or some teen fiction. Of course I'd seen movies with vampires in them, and the Whitlock's didn't fit any of the stereo types for vampires I knew of.

"Most of the myths concerning us are false," Edward spoke up.

"Can we back up a second… to the part where Alice said that knowing this I would have to keep the secret or… die?" I wasn't panicked, yet, I gave Alice an accusatory glare before looking back to the two men.

Carlisle looked to Edward before speaking, "She was right, but not in the way you think. You see, we hadn't meant to become so involved in your life. It was in your best interest that we stayed away. But certain events," he glanced to Alice and I followed his gaze, "made it hard to not become involved."

He was trying to ease me into whatever he was trying to say, dancing around the topic.

"We aren't typical even for those of our species, you see we don't feed off of humans," Edward picked up where Carlisle left off.

"Feed?"

"Drink their blood," he responded quickly.

I smiled slightly; I liked how he didn't play around this. I wasn't nearly as afraid as I probably should be, granted my heart started to beat faster but that was only a byproduct of learning there were creatures that drank blood surrounding me.

"What do you feed off of then?"

"We have found that we can survive off the blood of animals."

"But…" Why wouldn't they drink from people? I voiced my question and Carlisle seemed to be comfortable letting Edward answer.

"If we were to drink from a human it would kill them, by either draining them or if we weren't able to finish them by drinking, the venom from our bite would eventually transform them into one of us."

My eyebrows slowly rose and I opened my mouth a couple times, trying to form a coherent thought.

"So you… all of you don't feed off of people…?" If that was true then I actually didn't need to worry at the moment that I was going to be a snack for them.

"We strive to maintain the diet we have because all of us value human life," Carlisle spoke up. "It is very difficult to fight that nature."

"Our diet is so rare Eva that in the whole world there are only five other vampires that follow the same feeding pattern," Alice added.

"How many vampires are there?"

"We don't know the exact numbers but there are more than 400 worldwide," Edward answered.

I put my head in my hands trying to figure out why the _hell_ Alice felt the need to tell me this in the first place.

"There are rules in our world, and there is a very powerful group of vampires that enforce them. Actually, there is one rule but it encompasses a lot, and that is to keep the secret of our existence from the humans. And as we live a life style much more closely involved with humans it means we have to be extremely careful." As Carlisle explained this to me, I kept my head in my hands, not wanting to look at any of them just yet.

"That's why you were going to be upset at Alice for coming to me last night? That's what the 'keep the secret or die' thing means? Y-You didn't want me involved…?" I asked hesitantly.

"That _is_ what I meant about the secret. But I wasn't the only one in the family that wanted to tell you."

Lowering my hands I looked at Alice skeptically.

"I wanted to tell you because I knew you wouldn't care, and that _you_ would… be _happy_ with us. And that _we_ would be happy with _you_." She pointedly turned to glare at Edward who shook his head sadly.

"Wait what? How could you _know_ I'd be happy?" I wasn't really sure I was sane anymore, and the next thing Alice said had me positive I was still in a coma and this had all just been some trippy dream.

"I can see the future," she chirped happily. I stared at her for a solid minute, my heart hammering in my chest.

I stood up suddenly feeling like I needed to move, Carlisle stood with me. I looked around to see if anyone was near to have eavesdropped any of this, and the hot little courtyard was empty. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, slowly sinking back down to the bench. A small cool hand touched my shoulder. Alice stared into my eyes and I felt like crying.

Happy seemed like such a foreign feeling. I'd been happy for small bursts in the last seven years, but it was just that, small bursts. Whenever I was singing was one of those moments, whenever I got time to be alone without people asking me how I was, I was happy. The way Alice had said it alluded to it being some sort of permanent state. Like it was possibility for _me_.

Vampires. Alice seeing the future. Me happy. Was this what she meant by having a wish come true? I didn't even know what it was that I wanted the most. I had wanted someone to care, someone to…want me. At those thoughts I buried my face in my arms and hunched over my knees.

I cried as silently as I could, not able to understand exactly what was happening. Alice said I'd be happy and _I was afraid_.

I wasn't afraid of the Whitlock's, vampires or no they had been nothing but kind to me, and I owed my life to Edward, that alone proved to me what they said about their diet. Edward could have easily had a little snack of me in the rain and they would still be able to pin it on Sophila.

The fear came from how that word seemed to be repellent to me. Happiness wasn't for someone like me, and I'd turned my back on ever finding it again a long time ago. Burying my past behind me, refusing to look at it like the horror film it was.

"The rules are clear, Evangeline, by you knowing about us you are now bonded to the secret just as much as any of us are," Edward said, his tone was soft, but weighted.

"I wouldn't tell _anyone_… like they'd believe me anyway, but I wouldn't." I insisted, wiping the tears off on my shirt.

"Eva, the other part is… that keeping the secret might not be enough. You have to be prepared to eventually become one of us," my crying subsided and I sniffled a bit, processing what Alice said.

"What exactly does that… involve?" I asked. Carlisle offered my water to me, I took it and sipped as I listened to him explain what would happen.

He briefly told me that he had changed all of the others, aside from Bella whom Edward had changed, that were dying. He didn't want to change anyone that had another option, which I thought was silly, because death was the only option. The only thing every single human on the planet could all count on happening. He went on to explain the process and the pain, which made me squirm. He mentioned all the changes that would occur and the thirst that would follow.

By the time he was mentioning how he personally hadn't wanted to tell me because it doomed me to this life the sun was set, and the darkness was setting in.

"So if you didn't have the intent on changing me when you told me… what I mean, does it make a difference?"

"The powerful coven of vampires in charge have destroyed covens like ours that keep human "pets" for flouting their law," Alice spoke up.

I had a mental image of me sleeping on an over sized dog bed and Alice petting my hair when she mentioned pets.

"You aren't allowed 'pets'?" I air quoted.

"Not without the intent to eventually change them or… silence them," Edward explained.

It didn't seem too much of a stretch to wonder if these people might be insane. Not insane at what they were claiming, I fairly readily believed they were vampires. They were insane to think that I was anything but bad news for them.

"Evangeline you have to stop that," Edward said quietly. I couldn't figure out what he meant, I hadn't done anything since I'd stopped crying except try to process the logic behind them telling me this.

"Alice isn't the only one with a gift…" he shifted slightly in his seat and I noticed how both Alice and Carlisle glanced at him. "I can read peoples thoughts, the term is telepathic."

"Oh," was my instant elegant response.

I instantly felt _completely_ naked in front of Edward, and unintentionally I remembered when we had finished playing paintball and I saw him climbing down. I locked eyes with him in question, his perfect lips twitched in humor and he nodded.

_SHIT _I thought and looked to Carlisle.

"Does everyone have some sort of... superpower?" I thought about each of the others, and tentatively looked at Edward out of the corner of my eye. Why did they tell me _now_? How did Edwards gift work? Did I have to make eye contact?

"Not everyone comes to this life with special abilities. All of us have roughly the same speed and strength, but there are few that have attributes enhanced when they become one of us," Carlisle answered.

"I can hear your thoughts without eye contact Evangeline," Edward added with a small chuckle realizing I was trying to not look at him in hopes of staving off his invasion of my mind. "Also, it isn't something I can turn off. I can explain more once you come to live with us, but to put you at ease any thoughts you have I won't violate your privacy. The things you don't want to share will not be shared by me." Of course he knew my insecurities; the dude was in my head. It was nice of Edward to offer that kind of privacy like that.

I thought of his bum again and asked him in my mind if that included my appreciation of his bum. He actually ducked his head a bit.

"My wife might not appreciate it… but no… I wouldn't," the bastard had enough cheek to flash me a smile and I blushed sitting back against where Alice was trying to comfort me by running her cool hand on my shoulder.

At the mention of his wife Carlisle jumped in to explain about mating and how all the couples were paired off. He had just started explaining what mating meant when Alice stiffened next to me at the same time Edward interrupted.

"We need to cut the conversation short. A couple of nurses will be coming out here in a moment, and will be within hearing range."

So with that my little introduction into the strange and mystical ended. As we stood and left the court yard, Carlisle holding my glass of water, Alice took my hand and the magazine and led the way into the hospital.

They walked me all the way back to my room. Carlisle patted my shoulder, and recommended I get some rest. At his words I did suddenly feel exceptionally exhausted. Alice followed me into my room while the men waited in the hall.

"So…" I began, taking the magazine from Alice.

Should I be mad?

I didn't know what had possessed Alice to start to tell me this secret, and her only motivation seemed to be that knowing would make me happy. In my experience people never did anything completely selflessly. I looked to the door and felt like I was so far away from who I'd been just 24 hours ago. I really needed to think about everything they'd told me.

"You'll be just fine," Alice cooed her perky face satisfied and happy.

Stopping myself from asking her how she knew I gave her a brief hug and said goodnight. It was nowhere near bedtime but I was probably going to try and sleep as soon as I could, just to put some more distance between the time when my life made sense and… the Whitlock's secret.

.~.

Sleep didn't come easy after they left, in fact, I kept thinking back every moment I'd spent with any of the Whitlock's.

Bella had let me throw the pasta at her. Alice had seen the future while playing paintball and that's why she kept randomly pulling me around. Edward's ability to read thoughts was the reason behind him being able to be a witness against Sophila and her attack on me.

There was a little bit of regret when I thought of Sophila, it was an unfortunate circumstance that had allowed me to be nearly killed by her. I was sure she hadn't meant to stab me and hadn't known what pushing me away from her would have caused.

But if there was one person on the planet that I felt needed the direct attention and supervision juvie could give someone, Sophila was that person. At very least it kept her away from normal people that would cross her path.

I wasn't exactly the smartest kid, I knew it, things never just stuck with me. I would study and study and it wouldn't make any difference sometimes. Not being all that smart I was able to piece a few things together about the Whitlock's, and after a full night of tossing and turning and over thinking things I decided something that finally let me sleep.

As long as I was with Esme, I didn't care what else they threw at me.

.~.

A giddy, short, black haired girl stood next to me and I _swear_, hand to god; I could actually feel her excitement affecting me. The sun had just set, and Mrs. Jordan was smiling kindly at me.

One duffle, one box, and one gift bag full of presents. I had one duffle that Julie had pack for me when I first went into the hospital; it was full of my clothes. The small box full of my nick-nacks Mrs. Conner packed for me when they started the adoption process for the boys. The large gift bag was full of things hospital staff that bothered to get to know me had gotten for me. It had roughly ten presents, yet to be unwrapped from; Sam, Sarah, Dr. Keys, Dr. Reynolds, Joyce, Becky my day nurse, and Herbert my floors janitor. Dr. Reynolds had come early in the morning to give me a hug and his gift, which I opened with him there.

It was my first ever journal. It was a nice rich leather bound journal with my name etched on the front. Other than that it was a very simple gift, but the message he wrote inside made me laugh and cry a little.

"For Evangeline,

Because I know firsthand how shaky your memory can be, here is a journal. Take care of yourself, and try to find something every day that makes you smile.

From the best damn rummy player you'll ever play,

Alex M Reynolds."

The sweet thoughtful gift had me almost ready to actually write down some of my inner thoughts about the changes in my life. Then I realized that writing about my new foster family and how they were vampires might violate that secrecy thing they seemed pretty clear on, so for now it remained empty.

The new deep red F-shape X Edison pulled up to the curb, and I gaped at it. I had, of course, seen the Xcars being driven around, their popularity rose as their cost went down and it was becoming an increasingly popular vehicle to have. Xcars could get 230 miles per gallon, and had they had a hybrid electric drive for when the car was going at speeds under 20 mph. I could thank Mr. Conner for any and all car knowledge I had, but simply looking at the thing made me realize why he was so obsessed with them. It was freaking _amazing_.

The side door opened and Esme stepped out, much more gracefully than I would have thought imaginable. Alice hopped off quickly to put my small box in the trunk area. Carlisle stepped out of the driver's seat and came around to shake Mrs. Jordan's hand.

The whole thing reminded me of the many other times when I'd been handed off, except this time it wasn't at a stranger's house it was in front of the hospital. Mrs. Jordan was currently too busy with her cases to drive out to the Whitlock's home, but the State had already okayed their house so it would have just been for routines sake that she would have done it. She would be out next week to see how I have coped with the change.

Esme hugged me before guiding me into the car; I waved to Mrs. Jordan once inside. Carlisle was driving, and after we were all in he closed his door and slowly pulled away from the curb.

Alice sat contentedly in the back with my duffle on her lap, Esme had the seat next to me, and it was awkward for the first few minutes as we drove through though edge of Madison.

We started a conversation about food, me mentioning how I liked spicy foods and how the hospital food always tasted bland brought the fact to my attention that the Whitlock's never ate.

"Whitlock is just the last name we are currently using. We actually call ourselves Cullen," Esme enlightened me after I referred to the group as the 'Whitlock's'.

That bit of information lead to a new topic about Carlisle and his abstaining from eating people. Part of me was glad he did, otherwise I wouldn't be here with them, going to a home rather than a group home. Another part of me wondered why they would go against their nature to protect a species that was vastly over populating the planet to destruction.

I felt relatively normal for a girl who had just come out of a coma due to a major brain injury; Carlisle still said it was a miracle that I was able to move at all. The only real difference that I could tell was that I was tired, a _lot_ of the time. And when I slept, I slept for nearly 10 hours each time. The last two nights I had barely gotten six hours each night. I had been nervous and worried. Sitting next to Esme as we talked about banal and non mystical stuff I felt at ease, and… normal.

Sometime later I would reflect on the fact I felt more normal around vampires than regular people, and I would find that with vampires at least they were upfront about being monsters. But in an effort to be 'good' they didn't kill people so they had more credit in my book as far as trustworthiness went. God I must be really warped.

Alice mentioned Bella when I asked how old each of the Whitlocks-Cullens were.

"She was changed just before I was born, cool," I smiled, turning back to face the front.

"You're birthday is October 1st?" Esme asked kindly.

"How did you know?"

"It was in your file… from when we filed out the paperwork. You are the same age as Nessie," we passed under a highway light as Esme explained.

"Nessie?" I hadn't heard that name yet.

There was a brief pause, before Alice went into explaining about this Nessie person.

Learning about vampires actually existing was a little shocking, learning about a half-vampire human hybrid was just freaking cool.

When the Whitlock-Cullen's saw and heard my enthusiasm they seemed to relax a bit, and started talking over one another about her. Carlisle and Esme considered themselves her grandparents, as Edward was like their son.

I wondered what that did to the family dynamic for them, I mean they didn't age. And apparently Nessie had stopped aging, so could Bella and Edward punish their daughter in say 100 years for doing something reckless? Or were age limitations on scolding your hybrid immortal daughter?

Carlisle alluded to another surprise, a good one, when we were on the back roads to nowhere. I noticed after 35 minutes of driving that I hadn't seen another house for a really long time. When he started slowing down I was looking out the window to see if I could spot anything in the dark.

The house we pulled up to after a lengthy driveway, was… well the best way I could describe it was "unassuming", it did look big enough to house 6+ children and two adults, but apparently this wasn't the actual house I would be staying in.

"This is actually Seth's house, he is what we call our "front man" whenever we have State people come by we tell them he's our gardener," Alice giggled at that, which I assumed was an inside joke as Carlisle chuckled a bit too.

"So where will I be staying then?"

"You'll have a staged room here, of course," Esme smiled, "But our actual house is much more secluded. It has a very overgrown long driveway only our family could easily navigate or use."

"We'll ferry you between the houses so you don't have to worry about how you'll get around. Tonight you get your first taste of our capabilities." Alice waggled her eyebrows at me as Esme opened the door.

Standing in the glow of what appeared to be a fire pit on the porch were several people. I could make out two really tall men; I assumed one of two men was this Seth I had just been told about.

After I got out of the car I ran my hand through my short hair and swallowed the lump in my throat.

Alice hopped out and set my duffle next to the small box full of my stuff, while the figures approached us by the car. Esme gently wrapped a reassuring arm around me.

"You really can rock the short hair look Eva," boomed a voice I didn't recognize.

"Thanks?" I fidgeted.

It was Emmett and a tall tan looking man with short cropped hair, they both had about the same shoulder width and were about the same height. I could be wrong about the tan skin thing, as the flickering firelight and the half-moon light were enough to really tell.

"We've never really spoken but I'm Emmett," the one I knew to be a Whitlock stuck his hand out to me, I shook it. I jumped a bit when I realized it was warm.

"Wha-how?" I looked to his hand, confused. Emmett's response was to jerk his head towards the fire.

As the dawning of understanding hit me the tan man stepped forward and offered his hand.

"I'm Jacob, and welcome to the freak show!" his bright white teeth stood out against his skin color and the darkness of the night, I instantly felt relaxed.

I heard some shuffling and wood cracking in the woods somewhere.

"Seth hurry up!" I heard a female call from near the fire before the lights quickly flashed in my eyes and she was instantly in front of me.

I stepped back and Esme's arm held me gently but firmly. Blinking rapidly I tried to take in her appearance as well as get the after image of the lights to fade.

"I'm Renesmee," the lovely petite girl said taking my hand after Jacob had let it go. I looked around to see if there was anyone else, and I realized Carlisle was gone.

"He went to bring your things to the main house," Esme whispered to me.

"It's nice to meet all of you," I said honestly, if not a little woodenly. So far I hadn't physically seen anything that would scream supernatural to an outsider, except what Renesmee had just done, and I was rather blindsided by it.

"You can call me Nessie," she offered tilting her head and smiling sweetly.

Another loud cracking sound of wood being broken and I saw another figure come around the side of the house.

He was a little shorter than Jacob, his build was a little slighter and in the shadows and flickering of the lights I could tell he was smiling.

Jacob moved out of the way to let the new person step up and introduce themselves.

He didn't even get to the introduction before he stopped dead staring straight at me like I was wearing a pink tutu or something. He had a sort of quizzical look mixed with awe, it was eerie and a little creepy.

I heard a couple gasps around me and saw Jacob turn swiftly to look at the man I now assumed was the Seth person they had mentioned. Jacob swore loudly and it startled me.

"Seth, please tell me you didn't just imprint on Eva!" Alice screeched.

"Imprint?" I asked looking to Esme for explanation, her grip tightening on my shoulder.

..~..

..~..

AN: If you are finding you like the story so far please leave a review! I have a couple additional media things for Panthalassa, links are on my profile.  
>One is a sort of playlistsoundtrack for the story, and the other thing is a photobucket account with pictures uploaded of what I think the Cullen's look like. When I originally posted this fic I gradually released/updated the photobucket with more characters, but as of now they are all uploaded. So please check them out! 

Reviews always appreciated!


	7. Changes

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

AN: Longest chapter yet, and I am sorry in advance that the break in the chapter isn't at a very good spot.

I have this story rated at T, and I think that will be good enough, if I think a chapter will need a warning I'll give it.

..~..

**Panthalassa: Low Tide**

**Chapter 7 – Changes**

..~..

Seth was literally rolling on the ground laughing hysterically; I was watching with fascination and couldn't help but get caught up in his laughter so I giggled a little too. Still, I had no idea what was so funny, or what imprinting was but his laugh was pretty contagious, and I hadn't heard someone laugh that hard since Cole and I got high after stealing some candy from a Target. But I got the impression that he had played a prank on his friends, as Jacob made to put him in a head lock and Seth jumped away laughing harder.

When the lights flashed in my eyes and I staggered into Esme again, she started scolding Jacob and Seth thinking they'd upset me.

"Mom it's alright, you're alright right Evangeline?" Edward asked.+

Part of me had no clue where Edward, now that I was looking, and Bella had come from,but once again I reminded myself they _did_ tell me that vampires were very fast. So they probably ran here from the main house.

"Peachy," I said.

At Edward and Bella's arrival Seth had sobered up some and introduced himself. He also said he'd explain why it was so funny. Bella smiled and asked how the ride was and I shrugged and gave her the same answer as I did Edward.

"Are you ready to see your new home Evangeline?" Bella asked.

_Home_, she said it so… openly and honestly. Bella honestly thought that this place would be a home to me. I worried about how I would interact with all these people, a family that was so close to one another. Being used to being on the outside was one thing, but when it seemed everyone around you wanted you to be 'in' it started to make you feel pressured. Like I had to act a certain way, and I hated kowtowing to others.

"Ready as I'll ever be," I lied, smiling.

"Pick your ride!" Alice said impishly.

My voice got caught in my throat as I tried to process what that meant. I looked at the Whitlock's gathered, and then to Jacob and Seth, it didn't seem like they were an option.

As I couldn't envision Alice carrying me at all and even though they had told me that each of them could pick up a car without much effort I stuck my hand out and pointed directly at Emmett. If any of the Whitlock's could carry me, it'd be him.

"YES!" Emmett boomed, "See little brother!" Emmett stuck out a hand, in a gesture I am sure was to ruffle Edward's hair but Edward dodged swiftly.

"She only chose you because you look like you are big enough to handle carrying her," Edward sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"What-ever," Emmet rolled his eyes, turned his back to me and bent down. "Piggy back Eva?" I snorted and awkwardly climbed on his back. "Hold on tight," he warned.

I heard shouting around me at the same time I felt wind gusting past me as if I had stepped into a hurricane, I screamed, tightened my grip around Emmett's shoulders and neck.

The wind seemed to die down a bit and I opened my eyes a crack, Emmett was chuckling around me. And I could see the dark shapes of trees effortlessly pass by; I barely felt any jarring as Emmett's large form moved through the woods. I saw the lean shape of Edward ahead of us and smiled.

"You know Emmett," I smiled to myself, "You want to know the real reason I picked you?" I felt giddy with excitement that the speed was giving me.

"Couldn't wait to get your hands on me?"

"It was so I could look at Edward's ass as he ran," I deadpanned.

Emmett jostled me a second and next to me I heard two females giggling loudly. Looking to our right I saw Bella and Alice laughing merrily, easily able to keep up with the speed we were going.

I could see the glow of lights through the trees only seconds before we broke into a clearing with a large house.

It was a mansion. I couldn't even see all of it in the dark, but the part I could make out was huge. Emmett let me slide off his back and I stood there staring as I saw others start to mill around. Seth and Jacob smiled as they walked passed me. Renesmee came to stand next to Emmett and myself. Esme smilingly opened the front door for me.

My heart was hammering so hard in my chest it was quite painful. I wrapped my arms around myself as I took the short steps up to the door. I was in shock of the size of the house, as well as how I had just gotten here, and I felt completely out of my element.

Over the years I had gotten used to the feelings that came when I was brought to a new place. Most foster parents had been involved in the system for a few years, so each new kid wasn't anything special. Some had more issues than others, but all of us foster children were damaged in one way or another.

The second I stepped into the Whitlock-Cullen house I felt like would taint this family. I chewed on my lip and looked around the wide entryway that spilled into a living room. There was nothing I could offer them, and I had the strongest urge to tell them to bring me back to the hospital.

It would have been impossible, I knew. I knew what they had told me in the court yard had been the 100% truth. Now that I knew what they were, I was never going to leave. It was either I was stuck with them, or they were stuck with me. I felt they got the crap end of the deal, either way.

Again I cursed Alice.

My thoughts stopped their pity party circle when I saw a huge banner hanging over an entryway into what I assumed was the dining room. Tears sprang into my eyes and I looked down to the floor.

I was very aware that there were at least eight people watching me, and I didn't want to cry in front of them, I pushed against the feelings of shame and gratitude the best I could, but it didn't seem enough.

"Would you like me to show you to your room?" Esme asked laying her hand gently on my shoulder. My head still hanging I nodded, and attempted to clear my throat to say anything, but my throat was suddenly dry.

A warm hand took mine and I looked up into warm brown eyes. In the light of the house I got a good look at Renesmee. She was undeniably beautiful, but I could see the resemblance she had to Edward, her hair was his exact color.

Renesmee led me upstairs by the hand while Esme stayed by my side. I got lost within the first few seconds of reaching the second floor. Renesmee stopped at the second door on the right of the new hallway.

I let out a half chuckle when I saw that it had a name tag on it that said my name in flowy delicate script. It was the prettiest I'd ever seen my name look.

With a gesture from Esme I opened the door.

It was a decent sized room, far bigger than any I'd had before, but not overly large. Colors done in light blue's with accents of white lace. There was a queen sized bed, a desk with a computer and a MediaMix consol on it, a closet on the same wall as a door, Renesmee opened it to show me it was a bathroom.

I saw my things lying on or near my bed, and I sighed when I saw my new guitar laying there.

Esme and Renesmee left me after a moment, Esme didn't seem to want to leave, but Renesmee gave her grandmother an annoyed look and the two went off, telling me dinner would be ready in about 20 minutes.

.~.

I took a few moments just to look around the room; I went into the bathroom and stared at it. Numbly, I kept flicking the light on and off; I could smell fresh paint in the bedroom. After playing with the bathroom light for a decent amount of time I wandered to the closet.

_My closet._

I'd never had my own closet before. I'd always had to share, and I'd never had enough stuff to fill my own anyway. That was probably still true, I thought as I opened the doors. It was clean, neat and large. I crawled in and sat down in my closet, looking out into my room.

_My room_.

I hugged my knees as I drew them closer, resting my chin on them. I just had to give myself time to adjust to this place. It was _overwhelming_, everything that I had found out over the last three weeks, and until I was alone in a house with people that seemed to want to take care of me, I hadn't realized exactly how much. I didn't want to move from my spot in my closet, but eventually I got too thirsty and had to move.

I was happy I didn't get lost on my way back down stairs. There were more of the Whitlock's around, and I hesitantly smiled at Rosalie when I saw her.

Blushing as I looked to the "Welcome Home" banner someone had put up, I took the empty seat next to Renesmee at the dining room table. They were eating what appeared to be a Mexican feast, and by 'they' I meant Seth and Jacob. Renesmee had a plate but was only picking at it.

"You don't eat either?" I asked as I pulled a plate with flour tortillas closer.

"Oh… well I _can_," she grimaced, tearing a piece of tortilla apart. "I just don't prefer it."

"She likes sweet things," Jacob added after taking a long drink from his mug, which looked like it was full of beer.

"Nessie takes more after her father when it comes to her preferred diet," a calm voice said from the other side of the table and I looked up to see Bella pulling a chair out to sit across from me.

"Nessie…" I said the nick name like I tasted it; I glanced at the girl while finishing preparing my taco. She didn't look like a Nessie. She was far too gentle and kind looking to have a name in common with a monster. Renesmee had her father's hair and his high round cheekbones, but I could tell her eyes were the same shape as Bella's. It was an impressive mix, as if god himself had picked the best qualities from the two to create her.

"Yeah I know, it reminds you of the loc ness monster, doesn't it?" Bella asked dryly, glancing at Jacob next to her. Her gold eyes slightly narrowed.

In the background I could see the others milling around. Esme was in the kitchen working on something while Alice and Jasper (who had nodded to me in greeting when I came down) were sitting in the living room watching a TV program with Emmett and Rosalie. Carlisle was leaning against the counter near Esme watching the conversation. Edward was reading a newspaper by the kitchen island.

"So, could I call you Ren instead of Nessie, maybe?" I ducked my head a little and avoided looking her in the eyes. I would be completely mortified if she knew the reason I wanted to give her a different nick name was because I didn't want to associate a monster with her.

_Don't you dare tell her either Edward… if you can hear me_. I mentally shouted at him, wondering what his range was.

"Ren… is alright, I suppose," she tapped her chin thoughtfully, and I caught her eye for a moment, "As long as I can call you Eva." We shared a companionable smile.

After I said a quick prayer before eating my taco's I silently listened to the group talk. While I was eating more of the family came into the dining room, almost as if in planned groups. Carlisle sat at the head of the table opposite Jacob. Seth was on my other side wolfing down his dinner. Esme offered me more milk, which I took after a bite where I had added too many peppers.

"How are you handling the whole… supernatural um, stuff?" Seth asked from my other side.

I shrugged and tried to be honest without sounding overwhelmed, "I think I just need an adjustment period, I am still kind of in the 'shocked and profoundly out of my comfort zone phase'."

Seth and Jacob shared a look and Ren bit her lower lip, looking abruptly anywhere but at me.

"Speaking of phase… I bet your wondering what Seth and I are doing here," Jacobs tone was purposeful.

"Here with the vampires you mean?"

He snorted and grinned, "Yeah with the vampires."

"Esme… she told me you were married to Ren, and…" I glanced at Esme and Seth, "Alice mentioned that Seth was sort of your-" I was stopped abruptly when Alice ran over and covered my mouth with her hand. I say ran because that was the only word that matched what she did in my mind, I supposed 'blurred' would have been more accurate but it didn't have the same image. After Alice was certain I wouldn't say more she dropped her hand.

"Well how about you finish up and Seth and I can show you," Jacob stood picking up his plate and the one Ren barely touched.

Not knowing what to say I shrugged.

.~.

I remember seeing Seth burst out of his skin as if it was CG in a horror film, I remember feeling nauseated, and not knowing which way was up, and I remember the way my mouth and stomach burned as if I had eaten raw acid.

What I don't remember is throwing up and passing out.

The raw gross taste of stomach bile and taco pieces was fresh in my mouth when I came to. I was on a fluffy couch with bright golden eyes looking down at me. Carlisle's face moved away from mine and I felt a cool hand on my forehead.

"What the _hell_ was that?" I asked, before closing my eyes as a wave of nausea hit me again.

There were some sharp murmurs that I couldn't make out before I heard Jacob from somewhere near my feet.

"I'm sorry Eva, I didn't think you'd have that reaction…"

"No seriously. What. The. Hell. Was. That?" I repeated trying to figure out what I saw. The instant Seth turned into a large furry animal was when I stopped being able to remember anything, and I felt sick even remembering that little.

"We are members of a tribe of Native Americans, the Quileute, and well- there is a lot of ancient history to it but the gist of it is some of the members of our tribe can phase into giant wolves. We do it to protect our tribe from our natural enemy."

I was taking small breaths in and out to calm myself, Seth and Jacob could turn into wolves… did that make them werewolves? I was going to be sick again, and I squeezed my eyes tighter.

Then suddenly I felt relaxed, calm and collected. I could tell somewhere in my mind that I should be a little freaked out but I wasn't so worked up anymore. And the sick stayed down, which was nice.

Uncertainly I opened my eyes and saw Jacob standing at the foot of the couch, Carlisle sitting at my hip, and I felt, rather than saw Esme sitting on the floor next to me. I couldn't be sure where the others were. Ren peaked around Jacob and frowned delicately.

When I had taken a sip of water and eaten a saltine cracker they started the explanation of their recent history. Forks, La Push, Bella's abandonment by the Cullen's, Newborn army; all was told quickly and without much interruption by me. As if I could have found a spot to interrupt if I wanted to.

I sat up more and searched out Edward when they had gotten to the part about him leaving her, "for her own good" and wondered if they would do that to me.

"No," Edward interrupted Carlisle while he was explaining about the decision the Volturi made in regards to Bella. I couldn't tell if he was answering my thoughts or if he disagreed with his 'father'.

"We wouldn't do that to you Evangeline, I regret every second I was away from Bella, and I regret my actions that helped set us on course to where we are now. But as you have thought yourself, you are stuck with us," they way Edward said it, with humility and forthrightness made me shrink a little.

Carlisle and Esme took issue with the way I thought about why I was here, but Edward got us back on track telling the story.

I had been continually thinking about going to bed and wondered if I would even remember half of the story they told me. But I figured it was important stuff to know so I might as well learn it now. Learning about peoples pasts were important to learning the family dynamic and where your place would be. I had learned that at my first foster family's house.

They got to the part where the wolves had volunteered to fight with the Cullen's against the newborn army when I felt my focus slipping a bit. Edward called it a night and without much fussing from me, Esme walked with me back to my room.

There was a nice pair of black silk pajamas folded neatly on the bed. When I was about to ask Esme gave me a one word explanation that I would eventually become accustomed to hearing.

"Alice," Esme shook her head mirthfully. She hesitated by the door as I sat at the edge of my bed.

"Goodnight Evangeline, we'll talk more in the morning," she said before grabbing the door to close it on her way out.

"Goodnight Esme," I murmured. I reached for the pajama's and sighed heavily.

.~.

.~.

I woke to the smell of bacon, cinnamon, and frying onions. I smiled into the downy pillow I had been given and briefly wondered hazily why the hospital would smell like breakfast.

Sitting up bolt straight my stomach gurgled loudly at the thought of fresh food. The realization of where I was came after a moment of me looking around the room. I raced to the bathroom, and when I was done I tore out of my room, a grin on my face.

Best part of everyday was breakfast. That had always been my opinion. Most places I stayed I had to make my own breakfast if I wanted anything more complicated than cereal, but I still loved it.

When I got to the stairs I felt giddy, much more alive and normal than I had in months. I descended the stairs jumping the last three. My legs buckled, not used to jumping quite yet, and I was about to fall on my face when Alice was there to stop my fall.

"Someone is rather excited," she said satisfactorily.

"How does that future seeing work anyway?" I asked while she led to me towards the kitchen. Bella and Esme were busy blurring around the kitchen making and cooking all sorts of things.

"Good morning!" Esme called brightly.

The smile on my face was instant and genuine.

"Good morning," I responded.

Jasper walked in the kitchen from a back hallway and nodded to me again. He hadn't said a word to me as of yet and I wondered if I upset him somehow.

"I can look into the future of decisions that have been made and see the outcome. To give an example if you decided you wanted to dye your hair red, I could see the end result."

"Oh," rubbing my left eye I sat at the bar where plates were already lined up. Just to see how it worked I envisioned drying my hair electric purple, committed to doing it and looked to Alice expectantly.

She froze a second, and then pinched up her nose.

"Vetoed," she hummed after a moment. "You should stick to blonde tones, purple is _so_ 2019."

Bella shook her head, hearing the banter, and put a plate full of sausages in front of me, along with syrup.

"That is really amazing," I stated.

"Oh it's nothing," Alice said. I gave her a glance, then pretended to chuckle.

"I meant the sausages Alice," she play punched my arm I rolled my eyes and started to load up my plate.

Jasper was lurking behind me in the dining room, it felt a little creepy.

"So, Jasper… um, what do you do for fun?" I asked without turning around.

The conversation that morning was about music and the talents of those in the house. Ren and the wolf boys came in just after I filled my plate, which was good because between the two of the men they finished off the rest of the food.

I didn't really have to try hard to get involved with the conversations and ask questions about my new foster family. Unlike previous families I actually wanted to know more about them. They were very forthright and honest with every answer. When Carlisle joined us shortly after I finished breakfast I asked about Rosalie and Emmett, and that's when I learned that all the couples had their own little cabins not too far from the main house. It was for privacy's sake.

When Edward entered from the porch and I saw him go through the sunlight I froze.

He didn't burst into flames or die, and I was enthralled with what actually did happen. He was like a walking prism. Seeing my fascination Esme put her arm into a ray of sunlight near me and I stared at her arm. Soon I was laughing and smiling as the family took turns showing off their reflective capabilities.

The fact they were supernatural monsters didn't make me feel any more or less affinity for them. Usually I kept to myself, and as we talked during breakfast I felt the awkward tingling of doing something I wasn't used to. I had several urges to excuse myself with some pretext just so I could go to my room and be alone. I stayed because I knew on a small level that I was I was going to be with them a long, long time.

A lot could be said about my intelligence, but when people told me things, and they were honest and forthright, it usually stuck with me. When Edward, Carlisle, and Alice revealed their secret to me and impressed upon me the level of seriousness of that knowledge I understood it. Death or Vampire, which amounted to the same thing anyway, I wouldn't be human.

I clearly understood that Alice told me because she saw me happy with them. A part of me wondered why they would care, why me?

Death didn't scare me; it was something that happened to everyone. So even if they chose to withdraw the Vampire option I would be no worse off than if Alice hadn't smashed my glass marble world apart.

I found a reasonable excuse to leave the group when Esme offered to help me unpack my things.

Up in my room Esme effortlessly lifted my duffle onto the bed. As at ease as I had become with Esme, I still didn't feel comfortable with her looking through my things… my life. She was too pure and good, tainting her with my company was the most selfish thing I'd done in a long time, and I would try to spare her any further corruption.

I stepped next to her and started to pull the rolled up t-shirts and pants randomly from the bag. She was much more gentle and careful pulling the clothes out.

We worked in relative silence, until I heard a piano being softly played somewhere down stairs. I smiled listening to it. It was probably Edward, he had told me about his piano talent, and the rest of the family called him a genius.

Whether or not she knew it Esme was making me feel a lot more comfortable, while she more or less silently helped hang up my shirts or put them in the dresser. I caught the hint of a frown once when she pulled one of the two bra's I owned out. It was old, even I would admit that.

The state of my clothes, the vast majority of which had holes or stains, would lead someone to believe that I wasn't taken care of. And on most days they'd be right. Before I lived with the Conner's I lost all motivation and eagerness to buy any new clothing items, even when I got back to a normal weight for myself. I just… fell into a state of non caring and hadn't bothered to change.

Mrs. Conner forced me to buy new underwear just before the camp and had bought me some new shoes that at the time of the camp were sitting under my bed.

We finished putting away what little clothing I had and as I was putting the last of my patched up jeans in my dresser I gave Esme a withdrawn smile.

"So… what are the plans for the day?" I asked.

"Whatever you like, Emmett and Edward will be leaving soon to get your boxes from the storage unit," she said pleasantly taking a seat on the corner of my bed.

There was a knock at the door and it made me jump. Alice pushed the door open before I could open my mouth to grant permission.

"How about we go shopping? Clouds will be coming in around 3pm," she looked expectantly at me.

"Shopping for what?" I scratched my elbow and took a spot next to Esme, facing Alice. The short black haired girl was bouncing slightly on her heels with restrained excitement.

"Clothes for you silly, you need some new duds if you're going to be rolling with me," Alice beamed thumbing her chest proudly.

I opened my mouth to say I didn't have enough money to be going shopping when Alice put a hand up to stop me.

"It'll be my treat for… you know," she shrugged, indicating the situation I was now in. I sighed and flopped back onto my bed making it bounce.

"As long as I don't have to make decisions I don't mind going shopping," I said stretching slightly on the bed.

I honestly didn't like the idea of people buying me things, I always assumed they'd worked hard for their money and spending it on me was a waste. But Alice was Psychic, I highly doubted the money she'd spend on me was 'hard earned' dough.

My hand was gripped firmly and then I was yanked upwards, Alice instantly hugging me tightly.

"I think you might have just made her year," Bella's voice called out from my doorway. I looked over Alice's shoulder to see Bella wearing a smirk, her long arms crossed over her chest.

"Are you coming with Bella?" I asked.

"Not on your life," she snorted and Alice released me, and spun around so fast she was a little black haired blue dressed blur, her quick movement dropped me back to the bed. Esme beamed down at me, she obviously liked watching the interaction. I propped myself onto my elbows when Alice was back holding some clothes.

"Change, we'll leave in ten," she ordered as I took the pile of, what looked like a dress.

"Alice I-" I stammered looking at the simple summer dress.

"It'll be hot out, and it's easy to change in and out of," her voice changed to calmly explain it to me. Obviously she had seen that I would throw a fit about wearing a dress.

"Alice you're forgetting something," Bella said from her spot in the door way. She hadn't moved even after Alice had sped past her twice to bring me the dress.

"Oh right!" Alice clapped her hands happily. "Rose will probably have something that fits you," she turned to me to smile before rushing off again.

I stood there holding the clothes, looking to Bella and Esme for some sort of assistance.

"Is she always so excited to… _shop_?"

I thought I heard something downstairs but I couldn't be sure.

Bella put a fist to her mouth and Esme chuckled a little.

"Jasper wants me to tell you that if you can be her shopping partner for the next 50 years he'd take it as a personal favor," Bella said, between her half hearted attempts to not laugh.

Shrugging I went to my bathroom, as Esme and Bella didn't seem to want to move.

The dress fit well, and it was so soft and… new. I smelled the sleeve, and it was like almonds and vanilla. It was a soft light blue cotton dress, with small silver flowers stitched across the bottom slowly fading as it went upwards. I liked that it went past my knees, and I twirled a bit in the mirror looking at myself in it. I couldn't help but notice how short my hair was, and how even with the dress I felt less feminine without my long hair.

I pushed at the memory and emotions that came with wearing dresses. Alice didn't know what this simple piece of clothing did to my calm, so maybe I would… just get over it.

When I was little I don't think I owned I single pair of pants (back then I called them trousers like any good British girl) I always wore dresses or skirts. My mum used to tell me that I would cry and throw a fit if she even mentioned buying me pants at a shop. Even in the cold months I would have a skirt or dress on. Then when my mum left and never came back, all my foster families bought me were pants. I hated it but it was better than going back to wearing dresses, it was too painful to remember how I'd twirl for my mum. She wasn't around to see me twirl anymore.

But Esme was around, and that thought made me smile and I twirled again, my grin getting bigger as I realized the familiar feeling I associated with dresses didn't hurt so much now.

.~.

Alice had managed to find me some flats to match, they were a little small, apparently for how tall Rosalie was, I still had bigger feet, and I was an inch shorter than her.

Jasper had been rounded up to drive us to the mall, he didn't look to excited to be brought along. When I asked why he had to come along, it was my understanding that Alice, Esme and Ren were strong enough to carry whatever we might buy. Alice's response was priceless and I felt bad for laughing when she said it, "Jasper carry's the bags, we can't have four women carrying all the bags around it would look odd."

_Poor, poor Jasper, _I thought_._ I got the feeling with what Bella had told me Jasper had said, that he had gone shopping more times than a man ever ought to have.

After we had piled into the large black SUV, one that looked brand new, we took off down the rural highway.

Ren had heard us planning to go shopping, and although she shared Bella's disinterest in clothing and shopping she wanted to spend the afternoon with us.

We had been driving for twenty minutes, Jasper at the wheel, while they picked up the conversation from last night.

"So, this Victoria turned a whole bunch of vampires to attack your family, just so she could have revenge for what happened to her mate?" I asked, trying to get a recap.

"She really just wanted my mom, but there was no way to get to her around my family, or the Quileute's," Ren said.

Going over all that they had told me about their past, which wasn't a lot, I felt bad for Bella.

They had started their life story with recent history, which was basically Bella's story because I had been curious about the wolves and as to why they were so cautious or fearful of the "Volturi". Volturi, the name itself just seemed rather ominous, even before I knew anything about the group.

"The wolves helped defeat the newborns, and just after they were destroyed four members of the Volturi guard came to clean up, which was _their_ job," Alice huffed.

Jasper rolled his window down a little and then he spoke.

"The guard waited until the end to see if any of our coven survived. Their masters _hadn't_ given them express directions to wait but left it up to the guard member Jane to decide. If they had ordered their guards to wait until we had finished off the newborns Alice would have seen it, thus a clear indication that they weren't out to protect the secret as much as they were trying to gather some of us into their guard." He spoke clearly and calmly, a hint of a southern accent etched into his words. It was clear he wasn't a fan of their tactics, and I could understand.

"So… how did you know what they were doing? I mean, why they were waiting? If Alice didn't see it…"

"Edward heard the thoughts from one of the newborns that had been in the army sent to kill us. Also some of the guard members thoughts slipped enough for him to gather enough information," Jasper answered.

I instantly wanted to know exactly how Edward's mind reading worked. They all chuckled a bit when I told them as much.

.~.

Here is the gist of what I came to understand about Edward's mind reading.

His range is about 1.5 miles for thoughts he isn't familiar with, and in a crowd it gets more complicated and hard to find the one 'voice' he is looking for.

Once familiar with the 'voice' he can often see as if through their eyes, and even some times when he focuses he can do it with unfamiliar voices as well.

A familiar 'voice' can be heard as far away as three miles.

They didn't know if being underwater made a difference, and I was surprised they hadn't tested that out.

Edward couldn't turn it off, _ever_. Bella could provide him with some quiet time with her shield, which I had yet to ask too much about yet.

And lastly, Jasper wanted to make sure to reiterate the fact, which he did several times, you could keep things from him as long as you didn't think about whatever you wanted to hide out of your thoughts while around him. Sure, it was probably simple, for creatures that could learn a new language with dialect and accent in one weekend, to hide their thoughts from Edward.

"Wait!" I suddenly had a thought. Alice turned around in the passenger seat to look at me.

"Would… he be able to understand your thoughts if he didn't know the language you were thinking in?" I asked to the whole car in general.

"For the most part no he wouldn't," Ren answered, then paused looking thoughtful. "But my dad was alone for 90 years before he met my mom, and he was surrounded by mated couples, so he had a lot of free time on his hands, which he used to learn all sorts of things, one of them is languages," she sighed sadly.

"You should ask him to weave you a basket sometime," Alice grinned happily, the others started laughing outright. She froze as I decided to ask him for a basket sometime later in the day. She started laughing, mixing well with the small chuckles the others had.

The more I learned about what it was to be a vampire, the more I liked the idea. It was even more appealing because I knew I didn't have to eat people once I became one.

After an hour in the car I wondered where we were going, and just before I asked, Alice explained that we were going to the MoA in Minnesota. I mumbled under my breath, quite sure they all would hear, that sometimes I thought she was the one that was could read minds.

..~..

..~..

AN:Again sorry for the awkward ending point.


	8. Insider

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

I have this story rated at T, and I think that will be good enough, if I think a chapter will need a warning I'll give it.

..~..

**Panthalassa: Low Tide**

**Chapter 8 – Insider**

..~..

Exhausted and itchy I sat as Ren handed me a banana orange smoothie. We had been at the MoA for four hours, and it really had worn me down.

At first I was in awe of the mall, it was huge, and I was excited because I'd never been. The excitement wore out after a while when we went from store to store Alice pulling vast amounts of clothing off the racks. It didn't seem like she was even looking at what she was grabbing most times.

The routine was, Alice took me to grab clothes, Esme stood by to help hold them, Jasper would go secure a fitting room, often with a bribe in the smaller stores that had only two stalls. And Ren would hold random pieces up to me that she thought would work. Alice would veto it or put it in Esme's awaiting arms. I could tell there were a lot, and I mean a _lot_, of people staring at us. Either because of the Cullen's beauty or the peculiar way we were shopping, I was fairly certain it was the combination.

After the first five stores the clothes all started to look the same to me, if asked I couldn't tell you what piece would match another to save my life. There were so many patterns, colors, textures, cuts, styles I started to zone out.

Jasper had just left to take our second round of purchased items to the car, and I sat with my head resting on the table in the south food court with Ren. Alice went off to buy me some actual food, excited to get the chance to pick out something for me. I had given her carte blanc on my lunch, as I had no real preference, except maybe that a burger would have been awesome at that point.

She came trouncing over with two trays full of food. She had gotten me pizza, tacos, sweet and sour chicken, a gyro, two cheese burgers and one large fry, a hot tea from a coffee shop, a chocolate fudge brownie, a hotdog with chili, and a churro.

I sighed looking at the food and thought about asking Alice if she actually thought I'd eat all this in five seconds, and waited for her to respond.

Alice blinked twice and sat across from me, Ren took a long pull from her Berry Berry smoothie watching our interaction with interest.

"I couldn't decide what you'd like, you just… liked everything," she pouted crossing her arms over her chest, looking thoroughly frustrated.

I snorted and reached for the taco's, figuring they'd get colder faster. Esme chose that time to come back from buying our tickets to the underwater aquarium for after lunch.

"I do like everything... I'm not very picky, it's probably why you saw my liking anything you brought over," I explained before I started eating.

Esme sat next to me and didn't look like she needed to be brought up to speed, as she was giving me the same smile Ren was. Alice just huffed again.

"How am I going to be able to know if you _really_ like something, if I can't see a difference in your reaction?" She complained.

"Maybe my eyes will look more like this," I widened my eyes a little but otherwise kept the same expression. Ren snorted and some of her smoothie burst out the straw hole with the pressure.

Alice glared at me, her golden eyes narrowing.

I made a great effort to eat as much of the food as I could, Ren managed to force down the hotdog with chili, before stealing my brownie. I picked up the churro and poked her with it, causing it to break. She laughed the she smugly took a large bite of the delicious chocolate fudge dessert.

The three full vampires left us at the entrance for "Underwater World" stating that animals didn't like their presence. That fact made me a little sad; it meant that I was unlikely to ever get a pet. I had seriously always wanted some sort of pet. A little dog would have been perfect.

We had just finished with the section with the giant sea turtles when Ren got a text, she responded quickly and asked me if I had seen enough.

"Alice-," I started, staring at the bean bag Jasper was trying to hold in a way that made it look like it was heavy.

"It'll go perfect in the corner where your laundry hamper is now," she happily patted the soft forest green bean bag chair.

I didn't even remember that I had a hamper in a corner of my room. I looked at her happy face and Ren's curious one and sighed.

"Thank you Alice," I smiled hugely, and I felt like I was actually thankful. Not necessarily for the bean bag chair, but for her wanting to find things I liked, or some way to make me happy. It felt a little bit like I had fallen into a permanent dream, which I was finally with a family that actually cared about me.

"Now, can we be done for the day?" I asked suddenly, realizing how tired I felt after all the walking I had done that day.

.~.

I fell asleep in the car, my head resting against the window, as a thin layer of overcast clouds obscured the sun. The entire back of the SUV was full of shopping bags, Alice had to repackage several bags so we had enough room in the back seat for three. Even then part of the bean bag was slumping over the seat between me and Ren.

When we got back to the main house I was still incredibly sleepy as Alice and Ren helped set my newly purchased clothes in my room. It was already dinner time so I shook myself awake as Ren and I climbed back down to the main floor.

"So, do you have more human traits or vampire ones?" I asked her while closing my door.

"I think it's fairly even. I mean I am not _as_ fast as a vampire, but I _am_ faster than a human. I sleep, which vampires don't do. I eat," she paused to wrinkle her nose a bit, "which they _can't_. I have a heartbeat, like a human. But I have a memory like a vampire."

"Wait, are their memories better?" I asked eyes wide.

"Once changed all vampires obtain eidetic memories," Ren explained.

I stared blankly at her, I knew the word she'd used I just couldn't remember what it meant at that moment.

"Photographic," she added.

I nodded understanding now. We came into the living room to see Edward and Emmett coming in through the front door my boxes in their arms.

"Wow," I exclaimed. Back when I had last moved them, the boxes, I could barely carry one, and Edward was balancing two on one hand while he closed the door.

The boxes were from when I was ten. They weren't cardboard, but rather heavy duty plastic tubs, that the social worker had purchased for me to pack up any belongings I wanted to keep.

The memory of those horrible moments, packing up my mum's belongings and trying to make it all fit in the four boxes I was allowed, came unrelenting to me. I looked down, to hide my face from Emmett and Edward. I had noticed when I came down that Esme was working in the kitchen with Bella.

I hadn't opened three of the four boxes in seven years. They were like tombs of my childhood, caskets burdened with material items that I was too weak to destroy.

"So would you like us to put them in your room Eva?" Emmett's smiling voice reached me. My head still hung I nodded, not feeling like I could answer.

Edward knew what was going on in my head, that didn't mean the others needed to figure it out just yet.

A warm hand gently touched my forearm, and I slowly looked up into Ren's face. Her brown eyes were sad, and questioning.

"There isn't room up here!" I heard Emmett complain from upstairs, and I jumped a little realizing that he wasn't standing at the doorway anymore.

Alice zipped past where Ren and I were standing, and shouted up the stairs, "Just put them in the closet across the hall!" Then she turned to smile brightly at me before zipping off in a fast blur to somewhere else in the house.

"I thought you said vampires have really great hearing…" I murmured to Ren, my eyes following where I thought Alice had run off to.

"They do, I think she did that for your benefit. You know… so you know where they are." Her reasoning was pretty sound and I shrugged.

"Evangeline what would you like to drink with dinner?" Esme called from the kitchen.

"Scotch," I replied.

There was a pause, and I heard laughter coming from the stairway, then Ren started giggling.

Emmett whooped when he flew down to the landing and took a seat at the breakfast bar next to where I had just sat. Esme shook her head disapprovingly at me while wiping her hands on her floral apron. She had a hint of a smile on her face, obviously knowing I was joking.

_I wasn't joking_, I shot to Edward and mentally sighing, thinking alcohol might be a good addition to the day.

"There might be something to that Evangeline," Edward said, coming up behind Bella to wrap his arms around her waist and leaned in to kiss her temple as she kneeded dough. I glanced at Ren to see her reaction at her parents PDA.

She sighed, and I suddenly got an image of Jacob shirtless, very heavy lidded with lust, hovering over me and kissing my hand.

I screamed and fell over off the barstool. Emmett caught me before my head cracked on the tile floor.

"Renesmee!" Edward said sternly.

I looked up at her and she was blushing slightly.

"What just happened?" Emmett and I asked at the same time. He and I shared a small smile while he set me back upright on my barstool.

Esme looked between the groups, mid toss of the salad she was working on.

"This is going to be a little…" Ren started, and Edward buried his face into Bella's hair, still standing behind her as we all waited for the explanation.

"Why did I just fantasize about your husband shirtless Ren?" I asked, completely confused. I wasn't even sure if I should have asked out loud.

Emmett broke out a bark of a laugh and continued to chuckle.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to send that to you too… I-" Ren blushed deeper.

"Evangeline, Renesmee has basically the opposite of my ability," Edward stated, sounding a little wary.

"You can read others thoughts… what is the opposite of that?"

"I can send my thoughts or memories to others," she explained slouching a little in her seat while keeping eye contact with me.

Did she look… worried?

"Ooookay. Before we continue with this," I signaled to the group and specifically Ren and Edward, "line of conversation, are there any other… super abilities that I should be aware of? Or am I just going to find them out like just did." I closed my eyes and shuddered delicately thinking about Jacob shirtless. The image I got actually had a sort of… feeling with it, love, longing? But I knew I didn't love Jacob, and it actually made my head hurt to think about.

"Well, that's our cue," Alice chirped coming from the back hallway Jasper behind her.

"I already know you can see the future."

"She was referring to me," Jasper gave me a half of a sly grin, his golden eyes twinkling.

I rose one eyebrow in challenge.

I started to feel happy, and it quickly changed to perky, and I actually giggled, still not sure what was going on.

"I think you've proved your point," Esme said, sounding a little amused.

"I can manipulate emotions," he explained, and I felt the giddy I had just started feeling fade.

"Cool!" I said instantly, and I meant it. Jasper was like a mood altering drug, without the side effects, or illegality.

Alice huffed, "He gets a _'cool'_ for that? I didn't so much get a '_wow'_ for my psychic ability!"

I shrugged and smiled, "You did kind of blindside me with a lot of information Alice, it kinda got drowned out with all the 'Vampires exist and now that you know you have to join us or die'," I air quoted. Ren, Bella, and Emmett laughed.

"Any others I should know about?"

"You know about my shield?" Bella asked. I nodded then turned to Ren and she gave me a halfhearted smile.

"So… why?" I indicated to my head about what she had sent me.

"It was in retaliation for them, you know… cuddling like that in front of me."

"Too be fair Evangeline, Ren is normally alright with our affection, once in a while," Bella gave her daughter a teasing smile, "she likes to give me a taste of what her father has to see, she thinks it helps even us out."

"Ew," I said.

I mean I felt bad that Edward would have to see that, without his daughter pushing to him, but to do that to your mum was rather gross.

"I couldn't agree more, Evangeline," Edward sighed approvingly and smiled at me.

"So if you were 'sending' to your mum how did I get the image?"

"Oh, our knees were touching… sorry," Ren winced.

"At least it wasn't one of her more intimate moments, you're lucky Evangeline," Edward chuckled, and easily caught the apple that his daughter threw at him.

I shuddered again, and I had to try hard to find an image to mentally rub the one of Jacob away.

"So... about that drink…" I leaned forward to rest my hand flat on the marble countertop.

This time even Esme laughed, I felt happy watching her.

The wolves came to eat dinner and this time I saw Ren actually eat some of her steak, which was rare.

"Do you have a favorite food?" Ren asked after pushing her empty plate away. She had about three pieces of steak before handing off the rest to Jacob, who I refused to look at the entire meal.

"I have a fondness for kiwi fruit, and French toast, not together obviously," I smiled.

"What about ice cream?" Alice asked from across the room.

Esme was sitting next to Alice looking over a giant sketch pad, on the love seat in the living room. Only Emmett and Jasper were left from when the dinner had been being prepared. Rosalie had come in, wearing dirty greasy overalls that looked outdated, washed her hands and nodded to me when I said a timid 'hello'.

"I really like Chocolate Peanut butter, or Chocolate with brownie pieces," I tilted my head back to fantasize about ice cream, it had been so long and I sighed happily thinking about it.

Jasper snorted across the table, "That is a mighty powerful emotion for food, Evangeline." His eyes were dancing with humor and I smiled wider.

"Ice Cream is the next best thing to sex," I replied factually.

Both Seth and Jacob coughed, as if they had choked on whatever they had been shoving down their throats.

"How would you know?" Emmett leaned in pointing an accusatory finger at me, his eyebrows waggling playfully.

"Now really-" Esme interjected, "Is this really appropriate dinner conversation?"

"I think so," Seth said merrily, grinning down at me.

There was a whoosh of air and Seth snatched a thick coffee table book out of the air. I dropped my fork and looked to where Alice and Esme were sitting; neither looked at all like they had moved.

I nervously giggled as Jasper picked up the conversation and changed the topic.

"How long have you been playing guitar for?"

"Nearly a year. I got the job singing at Kasey Pub in Chetek last June, and the owner couldn't pay me what he thought I deserved so he had the bassist teach me before we'd start our set. But I am really rubbish."

"You worked in a pub?" Jacob asked, either impressed or worried, I couldn't tell.

I cleared my throat and looked to a spot just by his hand resting on the table, "Mr. Conner owned a bar by the lake, and when he heard that the little pub needed a singer for their jazz nights he thought I'd be a good fit. It was only Friday nights, but I seemed to help draw a crowd after a while." I felt a little pride remembering how every week the pub seemed to always fill up, and Richard, the owner, claimed it was because of me.

"Oh, everyone mentioned how you have a lovely singing voice," Esme said, suddenly across from me. She sat down next to Emmett and cupped her chin while resting her elbow on the table.

"Oh she does," Jasper said honestly. I caught his eye and found myself blushing with the earnest stare he gave me. Emmett was nodding in agreement.

"I- wait, when would you have heard me?" I asked, looking between the two.

"At the camp, the first night," Emmett explained.

It took a second for the embarrassment to jump in me, and I hid my face in my hands, completely mortified.

"No really Eva, I don't think I've ever heard such a beautiful singing voice, not even from our kind," Alice jumped up.

Now I was really red. I knew I was a good singer, but to have Alice, with her clear tinkling angelic voice tell me I had impressed her was a different kind of compliment.

"Thank you," I mumbled.

"Would you mind singing a song for us?" Ren asked excitedly, her deep brown eyes pleading.

"I'm out of practice… and I… I-" I floundered and didn't really feel prepared to sing in front of the family.

If I was going to sing for them, I'd want it to be my best; I was nowhere near ready to belt out a number.

"Maybe some other time, Ren… sorry," I hung my head, and put the last fork full of peas on my plate in my mouth.

"Well I'll just have to wait then," she added contentedly.

.~.

I was up in my room, alone, sorting through all of the clothes Alice had purchased for me, she had ordered me to leave the tags on the shirts. I had finished several of the bags when I found a large pink one and I froze. I had no idea she had even gone to the lingerie store. Tentatively I poked around the contents of the bag. I estimated 20 pairs of panties, all kinds and colors, along with eight bras.

I debated whether or not to yell at her about it, and then I felt guilty that I had thought about yelling at her at all. It wasn't with malice or ill intention that she bought me some under things. I wiped my hands fully down my face once and started pulling the under things out of the pink bag, gently clipping their plastic tags off, each snip of the scissors I mentally muttered her name. If I said it out loud, Alice would have heard.

Once the delicate pieces of fabric were free of their tags I dumped them into my laundry basket that had been moved to the small open space by the closet, between the wall and the window. I decided to finish for the day and pushed the rest of my purchased items into the closet. I still had about 30 bags left; I had barely made a dent in putting them away.

I stood there in front of my open closet wanting a moment to just… be. I took the throw blanket Esme had picked out for me and crawled into the closet. I was sitting at the far side and had managed to close the doors most of the way. I wrapped the soft blanket around myself and snuggled up to the small corner in the semi dark.

Did I have what it took to be strong? To accept what had changed so quickly? Silent pressure built up in me and tears escaped down into my blanket. I kept my eyes closed and tried to let my heart convince my head that it was all going to be ok.

Was the Cullen's kindness just an act? No… at least not Esme's and Alice. There was no way Ren could have been acting either.

I should be at the group home in the city right now, not in this mansion with brand new clothes and things that I didn't ask for or pay for.

It was confusing; the thoughts and emotions I had swirling in me. I wanted to be loved my Esme, I wanted to be happy with the Cullen's. I didn't deserve to be happy with them, I knew. I was afraid of letting them in, letting my feelings develop for them and leaving me vulnerable to being hurt. I was afraid I wasn't normal or that they didn't realize what kind of person I was and they would… well I wasn't too sure what they would do in that situation.

They would leave me, like they left Bella, Edwards assurances aside. I was just some emotionally neglected girl, and I feared that by not being able to let them in I would push them away. Making the future I feared come true of my own doing.

I cried harder when I thought about Carlisle and Esme, just thinking about upsetting them or being left by them tore at my heart. I barely knew them, that was certain, but I _needed _them. I _needed_ this family and I wasn't sure how to cope with the knowledge I needed _anybody_.

.~.

I was stiff and slowly awoke realizing I had fallen asleep in my closet. I got into my bed after turning out the light and lay there, thinking about what I was going to do now.

.~.

It shouldn't come as much of a surprise at how the supernatural world the Cullen's had revealed to me kept managing to startle me. My first week with them passed bumpily.

Ren gave me a tour of the main house the next day, and I was carried back to Seth's house by Emmett, to set up my staged room for when Mrs. Jordan would come.

I spent as much time alone in my room as I felt would be allowable and tried to become accustomed to living with supernatural beings. They always moved fast, and could hear everything I did up in my room.

Once I fully understood their unbelievably strong hearing capabilities I was afraid to go to the bathroom. I felt like a little dirty animal anytime my body had a natural function. It was particularly bad after two days and I had been putting off going number two.

Carlisle came to my room to have a talk with me, which was both very embarrassing and enlightening.

"Evangeline, we were all humans at one point, and we live around them on a daily basis. You have nothing to be embarrassed about."

"I-… you can _hear_ me. It doesn't matter that you _used to_ be human, you aren't now, and you don't have to _urinate_," I grumbled from between my hands. I was using his words because my vocabulary was much cruder. I would have said piss, but it felt more like a curse word in Carlisle's presence. "Or defecate. Wait what about my-" Carlisle put a cool hand gently on my shoulder and interrupted my rant, knowing where I was going.

"All of us want you to feel like this is your home Evangeline. You don't seem to begrudge us our need to feed off of animals," I nodded agreeing with him, "You will end up doing more harm to your body by continually denying its needs to dispel the waste. Do what your body wants you to naturally do, no one will pay notice to it. As far as your menstrual cycle… prolonged exposure to your scent will help with dealing with the increase of potency during the times you are ovulating."

"Wait… so the actual bleeding part isn't what… I mean- just tell me when I should be the most uh careful?" I looked to him now, pleading.

He gave me a small reassuring smile, "So you are aware, the menstrual blood is always an issue, but it isn't as appealing as say a fresh cut on your hand would be. Human females scent is the most appealing and potent during ovulation, due to the hormones in the blood. You will always be safe Evangeline. If any of us feel the temptation of your blood we would simply stay away for as long as it takes until your scent is on a more… manageable level." His explanation actually made me relax and slouch a little.

We were sitting on my bed, and I had minor cramps due to the postponing of emptying my waste, as Carlisle had said.

"I'm sorry we put you in this situation Evangeline," Carlisle's gold eyes turned regretful. He was referring to the fact I was in almost constant danger due to the fact they could easily drink me dry at any given moment, which was in their very natures.

Carlisle made sure to explain that to me the day after shopping with the girls. We had had a family meeting about it. It was open forum for me to ask anything.

They were very powerful creatures, with very hard wired instincts. It would not be advisable to bleed freely in the room with any of them. They were very good at holding their control but I knew I wouldn't want to tempt them anymore than I already definitely was.

"Next to being neglected for the majority of the last seven years, this kind of attention is actually… refreshing," Carlisle's face fell a moment and his concern was clear. I shrugged. "I know…- I know… Alice didn't tell me because I deserved it, she told me because she I guess- wanted me happy, I'll always be thankful for her looking out for me like that. I was a stranger and-" I paused nervously scratching my ear and neck. Carlisle was definitely saddened by what I said.

"I am glad I am here. " I finished firmly and honestly.

I really was a nervous wreck about this family, only because their allure and pull was like a magnet sucking me in. No, not exactly like a magnet, it was like gravity.

They were dangerous creatures; I still got a little shiver of some unknown instinctual feeling whenever I saw them doing something that wasn't normal. But I craved the feeling of safety and love I got when I was around Esme, and to some extent Carlisle. The others, Alice especially, I could feel that they were a little endeared to me. Well maybe not Rosalie but that would probably just take time.

The beginning of the second week living with them, I was much more comfortable in my surroundings, and I was just beginning to feel less like a guest and more like I was staying. A feeling like that usually took a lot longer for me in a new foster home. I was probably because I knew their secret and I was unlikely to be chucked back into the State's unwelcoming arms.

Being around the family I felt myself becoming less of an outsider with each passing day. And it wasn't that the Cullen's did any grand gestures to achieve this, it was just the pace things seemed to be going.

.~.

Seth, being the only single male in the family, was pleasant to look at. And he had a rather quirky sense of humor.

I still couldn't really look Jacob in the eye yet. Every time I tried I just remembered how… horny his face looked in the memory Ren had pushed onto me, and abandoned the attempt. I assumed Ren had told him why I was evading his gaze because he never asked why I was avoiding looking at him. Seth made sly comments about it on occasion, which caused Ren blush and me to make gagging noises.

Emmett was a blast to hang around. We would play board games, video games, billiards, or cards, and even though he won most of the time he still made it entertaining. He'd retell stories about the family, and how to never play with Edward unless Bella was shielding me.

Rosalie was a hard nut to crack. And probably would be for a long time. The whole two weeks I maybe spoke five times to her. She wasn't exactly hostile to me; she just made a point to show me I wasn't going to interrupt _her_ routine.

Jasper, in a word, was awesome. I never remembered much about history, but once he told me he had been in the actual civil war I kept asking him questions about it. And what he told me, actually stayed with me. He was like my own personal history teacher from that point on. Granted he did focus a lot more on the battles than I would have preferred, but it was amazing listening to him talk about things that had happened in his lifetime. They didn't necessarily happen _to_ him, because he was off in the south busy with a vampire territory war, which was a story he wasn't comfortable telling me yet.

Anytime I would spend time near him talking I was always further away than with the others, he seemed to place himself close to a door, or window every time. Ren explained to me later that being around humans was particularly difficult for him, and I was _much_ better smelling than the average human. According to Bella, I was the most tempting human _she _had yet come across, and she had iron clad control.

Bella wasn't boring, per se; we just hadn't spent enough time alone together for me to really get a read on her. She was always very honest, and relaxed around me which made me feel accepted. I did often ask her things about what becoming a vampire was like, as she was the newest one in the family. Her honesty on that topic actually gave me nightmares for a few nights.

Alice was always excited and always perky. She would pop up just after I thought about going to find her, to ask her about the family MeMi account password or some such (MediaMix has always been dubbed the MeMi consol, I just prefer using the full name) and she would always be ready in the morning when I woke up, just in case I asked her with help finding something to wear.

Edward was the funniest to have conversations with. I didn't really like the idea he was in my head all of the time when he was near me. So I just pretended he could only hear what I thought _at_ him, it saved me time and worry about censoring my thoughts.

I would think at him, and he'd respond, and it would continue. I noticed he'd done the same with Carlisle, so it wasn't that unusual of a way to communicate. It annoyed anyone who wasn't in on the conversation. Edward brought it to my attention that I had a more pronounced British accent with my internal voice, which I found hilarious, and he found it interesting.

We talked about our favorite music and he played some songs for me on the piano. Some of my favorite Beni Pearl songs, and even some old _to me_ songs. I sang quietly along to the ones I knew the words to.

Carlisle was so profound to be around. I'd never been around such a strong male role model and it threw me. He was as tight in his convictions on the value of human life as he was in his love towards his family.

I avoided talking with him about god and spirituality because I never believed in religion as an institution. I believed there could be a god, but living by human interpretations of his teachings seemed rather like living your life based off of a thousand year long game of telephone. Thinking it would drive a rift between our slowly forming relationship I never spoke up about my thoughts on the religious topics.

Esme was so precious to me. I knew, even when in the hospital, that I wanted to be near her. She was unfailingly kind, and caring. She encouraged me to spend as much time alone as I wanted, and was there when I felt like being around her.

I had suspicions that Edward, or Alice had advised her on how to act around me. It bothered me that they might have done it, simply for the fact I didn't know if she was doing everything perfectly on purpose or it was just how Esme was. In fact I bet Alice _and_ Edward had talked to her about me. By the end of the first week I actually felt like I had known Esme my whole life. She brought out a part of me, the girlish childhood part of me that wanted to be praised and guided. It was nice.

..~..

..~..

AN: I would like to point out that while I like reading a lot of other Twilight fanfiction, I am not a fan of fics where the Cullen's abilities seem to be "dumbed" down so the main OC can get away with stuff. I will avoid doing that as best I can, meaning, there will be no time Eva will ever be able to sneak up on one of the Vampires because they are "distracted". So if you have that same dislike then have no fear!


	9. Practice

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

Warning: There is a slight bit of teenage drinking in this chapter. I don't even think there is enough to warrant a warning, but better safe than banned. I have this story rated at T.

NA: Also this chapter is fairly short. But the reason is the next one is a whopper.

..~..

**Panthalassa: Low Tide**

**Chapter 9 - Practice**

..~..

Mrs. Jordan showed up mid afternoon on a Tuesday, 9 days after I had been placed with the "Whitlocks". It wasn't a cloudy day so precautions had been made. Carlisle was 'sleeping' because he had just gotten off of a 12 hour shift. So it was mostly just Esme, Bella, Alice, myself, and Mrs. Jordan. We had told Mrs. Jordan that the boys were on a camping trip, and Rose was staying on campus at her university.

I showed Mrs. Jordan my room, and she nodded approvingly and checked off a few things on her pad of paper.

"How are you getting along with Mr. Whitlock?" she asked after her examination of the room. I internally winced, wishing she didn't feel it necessary to ask about _him_ specifically.

"He's great," I shrugged, hedging like I always did. I figured acting eager would cause Mrs. Jordan to suspect something, as she knew my apathy towards others wouldn't just change in the blink of an eye. But that wasn't true anymore, I had changed. "Can we cut through all the questions and say it frankly?"

She smiled fondly and folded the note pad back into her brief case, "It would be better than me trying to wheedle information out of you with my wiles." I shook my head sardonically at her comment and sat on the corner of the desk.

"I like it here, I really do. I like being out in nature," I gestured to the window and the woods that lay beyond; "All of the Whitlock's are really good to me. Hannah, I want to stay here." I said decidedly. She nodded contemplatively as I had talked and her smile was small but meaningful.

"Well then, there isn't much else for me to look into? I wasn't ever worried about this family Eva, this check is just part of my job." I nodded in understanding, and I followed as she made to leave my room.

She only stayed a little longer before leaving, her arm stuck out of her window as she waved while driving down the driveway. She told us that if there were no problems she wouldn't need to come back to check on me until just before my 18th birthday.

.~.

I started to notice a sort of pattern with the Cullen's, Jacob and Seth just being lumped in together whenever I thought of the family. Mornings I would wake up to Esme cooking breakfast, more often than not with Bella. I would help out when they allowed. Ren would eat small bites of food, and her husband and Seth would finish off whatever I didn't eat.

Alice would set out an outfit for me, and I would put it on, pleasing her to no end I was sure.

I would spend time on MediaMix, or writing in my journal.

It surprised me how much I liked writing in it. I didn't actually make entries; I had put on the very first page in big bold letters; **Things that make me smile. **

And on the very back page, I would be working backwards from, I wrote; **Things I want to do before I die.**

I liked looking over my lists. It made me feel optimistic, a feeling I hadn't had in as long as I could remember.

I had just finished adding four new things that make me smile; _the sound of a window opening, seeing squirrels chase each other, clean socks, Emmett's dimples,_ when someone knocked on my door.

"Come in, " I replied without turning, my eyes squinting at the computer screen to see if I could find where my favorite band was playing next.

"Esme just left with Renesmee for the store; did you feel up to practicing for a little while?" Edward asked after stepping in a little way into my room.

I nodded,_ just let me turn things off, I'll be right down._ I heard Edward chuckle lightly.

I turned my things off and rubbed my eyes, which felt tired and itchy. I picked up my guitar, which I had yet to name, and climbed down the stairs. Edward was already sitting at his piano in the wide low room specifically made for it.

I hummed a little trying to warm up my voice some. I was still quite nervous about singing in front of any of the Cullen's. Edward caught my eye when I thought that.

"You have nothing to be nervous about Evangeline," he said kindly. I sighed.

_It's… different. __This __is different._

"How so?" he asked.

I thought through all the times I sang in public, and how I just let myself be absorbed by the music and sang, I didn't think about the strangers watching me. It felt like it was just me, the music, and my voice. I had never sung _for_ anyone but myself. I sang for myself, and I supposed I sang hoping that wherever my mum was she'd hear it and come back to me. I hoped that by not giving up my talent I was letting a small part of the love and support she showed me stay with me, it would shine through.

"Ah," he replied to my thoughts.

Maybe I wasn't ready. Edward gave me a stern look over the piano and I slouched before swallowing and standing up straight. I closed my eyes and started practicing my scales, Edward flowing seamlessly along with me.

I wasn't sure how he picked the song out, but I knew the progression of the first notes of the first song I sang at the pub in Chetek.

At first I was a little rusty, but as "As Time Goes By" kept flowing, I closed my eyes and imagined I was standing alone singing into the dark, and I could tell my voice got stronger. I opened my eyes as the last notes of the piano rang out.

I felt... perfect. I smiled a little and Edward was looking at me with what I guessed was contentment. He nodded once to indicate my assumption was right, just before he started up "Fools Rush In" I mentally snorted, realizing he was picking some really old songs, he rolled his eyes at the _old_ comment.

I had to close my eyes to maintain my nerves as I saw Rosalie approach from the living room. She looked much less intense than the last times I'd seen her. As if the music melted some of her hard icy shell.

Edward started my favorite song and I felt a memory fly through me so fast I stopped singing. He stopped playing "Dream a Little Dream of Me" and looked rather started at the image he had seen in my head. I ducked my head.

_It's alright…please keep playing._

I didn't need to ask him again, and he kept going.

The memory had been of me in my pajama's singing this song to my mum as she played. It was the last song I sang to her. Shortly after that she would leave to go to the store for some late night ice cream and never return.

It was the song I sang most often in the dark envisioning she could hear me, wherever she was. I sang it with both pain and longing in my heart, it tore at me every time I sang it. But I had to, it was a compulsion, I loved the song for it had been her favorite, and when I sang it she would get this far away look. When I sang in the dark I sometimes pretended she was out there lost in the shadows and she would hear me and come back.

When I finished I had tears in my eyes and Rosalie was leaning against Emmett who had come to join in listening to the practice session. Jasper and Alice had come down the stairs together they were holding hands watching me with entranced eyes.

Edward snorted, probably to something someone else was thinking.

"Ask her yourself," he said flatly, tinkling his fingers randomly along the piano.

Rosalie huffed in Emmett's arms, before grimacing in a self effacing way and looking at me. Her golden eyes were very bright, and she was partially standing in the sunlight so her beautiful skin sparkled lightly.

"Do you know "You Belong to Me"?" she asked politely, hopefully.

I nodded and Edward started playing. I sang it, clearly, emotionally, still imagining myself alone. I didn't look at any of them as I sang, and it felt like I was being rude not to look at them. But I wanted to focus on creating the notes, and if I paid attention to the Cullen's I would get nervous.

I finished and the others clapped politely, eagerly from Alice.

_Thanks Edward, I think that'll be enough for now. _I told him on a satisfied note in my mind. He smiled crookedly at me and I was momentarily bewitched. I blushed and turned back to the audience.

"You're done so soon?" Rosalie complained.

"I just wanted to practice while Esme was gone… to make sure I still can."

"Of course you still can, that was… amazing! Almost better than at the lake!" Alice flatteringly stated.

"Thanks Alice," I chuckled.

"She isn't kidding Eva," Emmett added nodding. "You sang it better than the originals."

"Oh Emmett! She could sing at our next wedding!" Rosalie beamed, looking up to her husband.

I covered my laugh with a cough at the way Emmett went from being awed to looking a little flustered.

"Of c-course babe! That would be beautiful. Would you be willing to sing for our wedding Eva?" He asked, obviously liking the idea of me singing again, but it didn't seem he liked the idea of another wedding. It was after that thought Edward started laughing, and stood up from his bench lightly chuckling.

"I've never sang at a wedding before-"

"It'll be so wonderful," Rosalie interrupted looking wistfully to the ceiling.

"Exactly how many times have you two been married?" I looked to Emmett.

"Nine," Alice said as Jasper pulled her into his arms.

"The next will make it ten, and we'll have a live band," Rosalie smiled looking pointedly to Jasper, Edward and myself. "Ten is an important number," she added after I just ogled at her.

"So are all of the _other_ numbers…" I murmured disbelievingly.

My tone caused Alice, Jasper and Edward to laugh. Emmett barked out a laugh before Rose elbowed him in the gut.

.~.

I was back in my room typing up an email to Julie and Hope, when Esme and Ren came home with groceries. I had a small head ache and felt rather cooped up.

Feeling like I was more of a hindrance as I helped put groceries away I smiled when I spotted some ice cream. I grabbed it and just as I was processing what kind it was a large tanned muscular hand snatched it from me.

"Oh look my favorite!" Seth beamed.

I huffed, playfully.

"I _do_ hope you can share," I whinged.

"I know better than to share with the _white man_," he said knowledgably.

"I'm a _girl_." I retorted making a small jump for the ice cream container, it was now above my head.

"Touche…" he admitted using his free hand to stroke his chin. His brown eyes were playful and I laughed lightly as he handed it back to me so I could put it in the freezer.

In order for the Cullen's to preserve energy in the summer the A/C was only turned on in my room and the living room, which often made the kitchen hot when meals were being prepared. After I had spent fifteen minutes in the library where Jasper spent a lot of his time I had to leave, I had started sweating and didn't want to taint the room too horribly with my scent.

So walking out of my even 70 degree temperature room into a 104 degree hallway was kind of a shock to my body. That's where I figured my head ache came from.

They actually had the newest solar panel roofing system out for installation; Jacob explained a couple dinners ago, all the while I refused to look at him. As long as they didn't constantly use the A/C they had no electric bills, it was a mostly if not completely self sustaining house.

They had a couple wells which they got their water from; both had a triple filter on them, for the drinking and bathing water. Not that they used the water much. They didn't have a yard that needed it, and didn't drink any. They used the showers on occasion, but in an effort to be more conscientious they cut back on that as well. It was a luxury they had no actual need to have, unless Emmett had wrestled them into a pile of mud.

Esme had a nice green house on the west side of the property, and a very healthy looking vegetable patch just beyond that. If she wasn't around the house, she was out there weeding. And after the first week of adjusting, I would usually find myself out there helping out, just as I had done for Mr. Thorp.

"Eva, would you like to go to a movie with us, and then out to dinner tonight?" Ren asked as she folded the reusable shopping bags.

Shrugging I scratched my arm, "Sure, I'd love to. When would we be leaving?" I glanced to the clock over the doorway. It was just after four, I wondered where Carlisle was, I hadn't seen him since he left yesterday afternoon for the night shift.

"In about a half hour," Seth answered.

"I'll go change…" I looked down to the baggy sweatpants and graphic t-shirt.

Ren gave me a smile as I went back to my room to change.

Smiling, I said loudly when I got to the stairs, "I do wonder if I'll be able to find anything to wear…" and I waited. Three second later, Alice was beaming down at me from three steps ahead, having run past me.

"Has anyone ever told you that you have an affection for clothing that borderlines on lunacy?"

"It is a popular theory," she said instantly, grabbing for my hand to pull me up the stairs faster.

She must have restrained herself because I was wearing biker shorts under a lovely summer dress in about 5 minutes. She had trouble picking out a handbag for me.

"Alice, the red one is _fine_," I was amused.

Alice would pick up one of the bags and freeze for a second. I came to understand that when she did that she was seeing the future. She looked frustrated after the fourth bag.

"The problem is they are all fine, it's just so hard to see with the dogs and Nessie around," her following sigh was hinted with remorse.

"Wait, you can't see Seth and Jacob?"

"No, I've never been able to see them. Remember what we told you about after we left Bella and I wanted to check on her?"

I thought back and nodded when I remembered that story. Then it clicked and I 'Ahhh'ed'.

"Why can't you see them?"

"There are a couple theories: that it is a natural defense mechanism for them, or that they are too different from me. I can see humans alright because I used to be one, vampires I see the best because I am one. I've never been a _dog_," she finished with a delicate shudder.

"Can Edward _hear _them?" I asked while she applied some eye shadow.

"Yes, that has never been a problem. Unless you count the fact he can hear his son-in-law's thoughts…" she giggled.

I looked into the mirror to watch Alice a moment.

"Then I don't think the natural defense theory works, because otherwise they would be silent to him, just as you can't see them."

She nodded, her eyes finding mine in the mirror.

"All done! Ready to go?" she chirped happily.

I shrugged and grabbed the purse Alice finally decided on. It only had some chapstick, my ident badge, and tissues in it. Maybe Alice saw that it was going to be a sad movie, I thought.

I knew I would be ferried to the Seth's house so I went to the front door, with Alice following.

"So who's my ride tonight?"

"Me silly," Alice's chime like laughter echoed off the house.

I stopped and turned to look at her. Well, I looked down at her like always, because I was about a foot taller than her 4'11'' tiny body.

"Alice-"

"I can _easily_ carry you Eva," she laughed at the look on my face.

Either she had seen this conversation and ignored it because it turned out the way she wanted or she hadn't and was about to get a surprise.

"It'll be weird if you carry me," I said awkwardly, shifting my feet on the front porch.

"Why?"

"Aside from the height issue which will look hilarious, by the way, you're a girl…"

"Astute observation Eva, just hop on will you?" she rolled her eyes over exaggeratedly.

I shook my head as she playfully hunched over a bit, just like Emmett had the first night here.

The lights flashed briefly and I was too shocked at it happening that I didn't realize Alice had thrown me over her back, fireman style. I screamed my head off for one long breath, then I started laughing as I saw the sunlight playing with the back of her legs, sending lights every which way as she ran, until we were in the cover of the woods.

.~.

The movie was a tearjerker and I had been pretending to hide my tears until I saw Seth outright bawling and not bothering to hide it.

To be kind they let me chose the restaurant, Madison had quite a variety of places to choose from. I had never had Thai food and I had heard it was spicy I chose Sien Thai.

Ren barely ate anything, but the boys finished their plates with gusto and barely broke a sweat as they had some of the spiciest dishes available. I was sweating just after two bites. Seth mentioned that due to their rapid ability to heal, the burn they felt eating spicy things only lasted a few seconds. I wasn't sure if I was envious of them for that.

"Did you want to stay over in your "staged room" tonight?" Ren asked, as we pulled up to Seth's house.

"Is that even an option?" I asked the men, looking to Seth for his opinion.

"Yeah sure, I don't mind. I'll be over at Jakes and Nessie's watching the sport highlights till late, but you can have the whole house to yourself for a while."

I blankly stared at them, well Ren and Seth, I had just started being able to look at Jake and it was slow going.

"We all thought you might want a little time to be... you know completely by yourself for a night," Jake said.

I hopped out of the old modeled Jetta Jake drove, and stretched a little. I thought about what I could do with a night to myself, and the prospect seemed too good to pass up.

Once Seth had opened up the house for me the three of them ran off to wherever Jake and Ren's house was in the woods. I stood there in Seth's living room for a few minutes wondering what I should do.

I was unsupervised in a house for the first time in… at least 8 months.

First thing I did was raid his liquor cabinet. I was very aware of how cliché it was for the teenager to go looking for booze when they weren't supervised, but I was going to have a small drink while I waited for my bubble bath to get ready.

Seth's master bedroom had a giant whirlpool bath tub, and it took me the better part of an hour finding bubble bath to put in it. The whole house was wired with speakers and had a MediaMix hooked up to it, with control panels in the living room and master bedroom. I put some relaxing bluegrass that was part of Jasper's family music file, and slowly took my spot in what I would later refer to as, the best bath I'd ever had.

There were mirrors along three of the five walls surrounding the tub, and I wondered if they had an actual purpose. I could see the back of my head very well, and as the bubbles swirled around me I took a long time staring at the scar on my head. It was about two inches long, very bright red still from healing, and went diagonally from its position in the middle of my head towards my left ear.

The hair regrowing around the scar seemed to be much finer than my hair elsewhere on my head. I tentatively kept stroking the area by the scar, it felt tender but only because I wasn't used to the sensation.

I changed the MediaMix to one of Rosalie's that simply said, "Car music" and was full of rock and supercharged songs, a good majority of them from the 1980's. Ac/Dc's "Thunderstruck" was on and I was dancing around Seth's living room pretending to sing into a hair brush. Well I was actually singing but no one, besides a vampire would have been able to tell because the music was so deafening.

I saw movement out of the corner of my eye and froze mid dance move. Turning to where I thought I saw something, there was Seth, mouth agape watching me in my sweat shorts and baggy blue t-shirt, grooving to the punk/heavy metal/ classic rock mix Rosalie had concocted.

He had something in his hand which he quickly put behind his back. I narrowed my eyes in speculation. Without a word he turned to go to the consol and turned the music down.

"Too loud?" I asked wincing, worried I'd upset him.

He barked out a laugh, and shook his head, "Yeah but that's alright, we could hear you from Jake's. It's getting pretty late," I followed his gaze to the clock over the fireplace. It was just after 1am.

"I'm not even tired," I lied. The moment I stopped dancing I started to feel my energy levels diminishing.

Seth chuckled shaking his head and he went straight for the liquor cabinet, closing the door which I forgot to do.

"That can be our little secret," Seth said jovially.

"That would be appreciated, but I doubt I'll ever be able to keep a secret with this family for long."

"Edwards cool, Alice would only rat you out if it would or will cause something horrible to happen," He lazily stretched, and I ignored the chiseled abs that I saw when his shirt lifted a bit. More accurately, I _pretended_ to ignore.

Our goodnights said I went to my staged room, and tucked myself into my bed.

That night it was Seth's face superimposed over the memory Ren had sent me of Jake. I awoke from that dream, flush with embarrassment and the knowledge I might not be able to look at either of the Native Americans in the face.

..~..

..~..

AN: Well that was a nice short bit of fluff! Next chapter will be a little more rough.

I've been having a time of it trying to figure out what kind of technology they (we will) have in 2024. The car I mentioned Carlisle driving to pick up Eva in previous chapters is actually based off of a prototype they made not that long ago. And the prototype can actually get over 100 MPG even today, which is amazing. If you haven't read up on it go ahead link below. Also if you want to get a sneak peak at other vehicles that I may be talking about go to google and type up X cars.

The Future is now! hehehe :)_ www(dot)edison2(dot)com/very-light-car/_


	10. It's in the Past

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

Warning: There will be a little mention of abuse.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 10 - It's in the Past<strong>

"The C chord is here Evangeline," Jasper corrected my fingers, for the fifth time. I grumped and kept them firmly on the C chord.

"I doubt I'll ever be able to play any songs very fast," I said frazzledly.

Jasper had been very patient with me, much more than I had been with myself to be honest. Once in a while he'd send me a mixture of emotions to calm me down. I usually shot him a bit of annoyance when he did that, that is to say I felt a bit of annoyance and he'd sense it and chuckle.

We were sitting on the long window bench in the little alcove for Edward's piano. Jasper had a very old looking acoustic guitar on his lap and while I struggled with my new one.

"It'll just take time," he quickly encouraged.

"Or vampirism," I retorted. I caught a flash of pain behind his eyes before he smiled broadly at me.

"So you aren't afraid of becoming one of us… in that way?"

"Not afraid…" I pushed through the worry I felt and he nodded, silently understanding what I meant.

I strummed the guitar and held C down. I went back and forth between D and C, before going to E. I tried to get back to C, Jasper was watching me intently. On one hand it was helpful that he was paying close attention, on the other it was rather unnerving for him to be so focused.

"Relax your fingers," he instructed, and I did, gently placing my fingers on C again. Then I started the chord progression.

Jasper's eyes were a powerful gold color today, and I found that anytime he was near enough to me to be talking that he always had the brightest gold color. I knew from all I had been told that their eye color was usually a good indicator of their appetite. Well fed meant, bright gold, or in the case of the human eaters, bright red.

"Jasper," I began, stopping my chord progression. "Do you find it hard to be near me?"

His crooked smile was tinged with a bit of guilt that his eyes emoted.

"It can be difficult at times," he said hesitantly and carefully.

"At times… like _all_ the time?"

An airy snort escaped out of him, and he leaned back against the window, the sunlight streaming in around him, illuminating his skin around his collared shirt.

"I tend to have a harder time ignoring my nature than the others."

"Well," I paused, feeling completely saddened that I might be causing Jasper undo pain by being near me. Then again it had been his suggestion to practice today. "If you accidently eat me, I won't hold it against you. I don't know how long I'd be able to teach a brownie how to play guitar and not want to nibble a bit."

He did not look as amused as I thought he would with my frank and glib comment.

I barely caught what he said after that, and I supposed I wasn't meant to, but it sounded like, "I would never be able to forgive myself."

"You smell far better than any brownie, Evangeline," He said louder after a breath.

I sat up at that. Smiling coyly at what I considered a compliment I asked, "What do I smell like to you?" I generalized by waving my hand to indicate the family.

"Raspberries," he said instantly, closing his eyes as if to indulge in a memory.

"Oh," somehow that wasn't what I thought I smelt like. I took a sniff of my shoulder. It smelled like the lotion I put on after the shower the night before.

"I fear your scent is so," he stroked his chin searching for the word, eyes still closed. "Entrancing, that if another of our kind came across it before we met you, you'd be dead."

"I am not sure if that's supposed to be a complement or not," I laughed out. Jasper opened his eyes and cracked a smile, chuckling a little with me.

"Quit distracting me and practice," he ordered suddenly.

And I instantly started with C chord again. Realizing Jasper might actually have been well suited to be a commander in the military. I didn't think it was the fact he was a vampire and could snap me like a dry twig; it had to be the way his commands came across.

"Jasper," I asked after I had only completed the progression twice more, "Thank you."

He nodded in response, and started to play the chords along with me, at my pace. I stopped and he hesitated a second before starting up to play a Johnny Cash song. I had heard it before but I didn't know the words. Jasper nodded to me, so suggest I start singing. When I didn't, I was shocked into a state of wonder by Jasper's voice.

He sang, "When the Man Comes Around," and I literally had chills go up my back.

Johnny had this hard emotional singing voice, but Jasper's voice was clear and strong but just as emotional. I sat there unable to think but I could feel, whether by his ability or voice, weighted, powerless, and forlorn.

I couldn't help the memories that surged through me with his heavy song; Jasper must have felt my emotional state rollercoaster downwards because he stopped. I shook my head, to try and get him to finish.

"Evangeline-" he began perplexedly.

I could feel the tears beginning to swell in my eyes, and I _ran_. I threw the guitar aside and ran as fast as I could to my room.

Jasper could have stopped me, could have easily grabbed me and forced me to explain why I felt all the pain and hurt. But he didn't, I let the door slam behind me and raced into my closet, grabbing the blanket Esme had picked out for me.

I sat there pitifully crying, feeling the weight of the emotions that literally sprang up from nowhere. Johnny Cash had been one of my favorites when I was little. But what wasn't what drove me to my closet to wail like a child.

For some unknown reason Johnny reminded me of all my mistakes, now that I was older and I had made mistakes. The Man may not come around for me, as my fate was no longer the same of other humans, but I felt the regret building.

I should have been stronger, should have fought more. The memories of the night I let myself down, memories I had fought hard to not think of over the last two years, resurfaced.

His face had been so distorted with greed, and triumph. His hands still had grease from the car he had been working on; I could taste the oil when he covered my mouth with one.

I struggled, and cried and screamed, but he was too strong. I bit and he slapped me.

Tearing, there had been so much tearing, and bleeding. I felt like the minutes lasted for an eternity and when it ended I felt that I was falling into a hole, so wide and empty that I would never surface. And it was true; part of me would always be down that empty black hole. The hole Mr. Golswiki made when he took away my innocence and strength. I had hated the system and the State before that, and after… I hated myself.

Lights quickly flashed causing me to wince then my door burst open and I jumped, the tears still running down my cheeks freely when Edward yanked open my closet doors.

My mouth fell open and I yelled.

"NO! NO! You _can't_!"

I silently pleaded with him to ignore what he saw, to ignore my memories.

A second after I yelled Esme was next to him, and kneeling down to reach out to me.

My instincts that I had honed over the years in the State kicked in, "Get away from me! _Just lea-leave me alone_!" I yelled, as her cool hand touched my knee.

If I felt a wreck before, it was nothing to how I felt after I yelled at Esme.

Her features crumbled and she looked lost and so completely destroyed. I wanted to take it back, but I didn't want to at the same time. She pulled away and stepped back.

Edward murmured something to her, so low I couldn't hear. And I continually yelled at him to leave. Praying he would and he wouldn't push me to talking. I did not want to think about that memory anymore than I accidently had.

Esme gave me a shaky look, and left as quickly as she had come.

Edward knelt down to my level, and stared at me. I was still begging/ordering him to leave me alone.

"No one can hear us now, I asked all of them to leave for a moment," he spoke so evenly, his voice hinting with anger I was sure was directed at me.

"I am NOT angry with you Evangeline," he said firmly.

_Please __go._ _ Please._

"I will in a moment Evangeline. I want to explain something to you first." I looked away and kept up the mantra of mentally asking him to leave me _alone_.

"I will not tell the others what I saw. I came because I was concerned, I heard the thoughts, saw the memories, and-" he shifted and I didn't bother to look up.

"I have a confession, Evangeline."

I ignored him and turned to thinking about the chords Jasper had taught me.

"When you were first hospitalized, Jasper hacked in to the State Foster Care files, and got your history," Edward's tone had gone much softer. My head slowly turned back to him, realizing exactly what was in that file.

"Jasper, Carlisle, and I know what happened to you. We know what Mr. Golswiki did." I closed my eyes sharply at the mention of the man. "We had to stop Jasper from going to kill him," he added after a short pause.

_Why… why would Jasper care enough to want to kill him?_ I mean other than the fact it was a natural thing for a vampire to want to kill a human. Edward had my attention now, and I wiped the tears off of my cheeks.

"You should have let him," I said out loud, my voice sounding hallow in my own ears.

He didn't have a response to that, so I figured that meant Edward may have felt the same way.

"We did not tell the others because it wasn't important at the time. And until it was debated whether or not you were to live with us, and to eventually become one of us, was it brought up again."

_So you told the others? _I asked, feeling a large lump in my throat. A sinking feeling in my stomach matched the saddened look Edward gave me.

"Yes," he answered, and I instantly mentally swore and started crying again.

"I to-told myself I would spoil this family, I would. Like a walking pla-plauge, that no one wanted me because I was so h-horrid-"

"No one would _ever_ think _any_ of those thinks about you Evangeline." Edward's cool hand gently gripped my chin, and he forced me to look up at him. I thought about resisting, but his hand felt so firm I would have only hurt myself.

His eyes just barely held any gold in them, he needed to feed soon.

"There are two women in this household that when human were victims to very similar cruelties of men. And they both voted to have you here with us. We all want to help you heal," I shook my head.

_I am healed, this is as healed as I am going to get._

"No, you are ignoring the pain of your past, thinking you are better, when you haven't healed."

I felt insulted at his words, and I wanted to argue that he was wrong, but I couldn't find the thoughts or words to do it.

"In time," he released my chin letting his hand fall to the floor, "You will feel more relaxed here with us. You'll come to understand that we truly care about you. I don't know when, but when you start opening yourself up to the love we have to offer, the love Esme has to offer, those old hurts will come to surface with all those old doubts. Doubts Jasper has felt, and I have heard. And we'll be here to listen and help."

_How could _you _help… _I asked sarcasm thick in my tone.

"By being there," he answered simply, and it threw me.

I held his gaze for a moment. _What else did the file say? _ I asked.

"That you don't like to talk about it," he halfheartedly smiled.

_You wouldn't either, if you knew the people they were forcing you to talk to didn't give two shits about you._

"Probably true," he sighed. He stood up, so smoothly and effortlessly. "I'll give you your space. In an hour the house will be full of eavesdropping vampires again…" he cocked me a slightly cheeky smile, and I frowned glaring at him. He put his hands up in surrender. Then the closet doors were closed to how I had them before he interrupted my pity party, and I couldn't hear him leave, but I knew he had.

.~.

I went to the bathroom, and then returned to my closet. I felt completely naked, laid bare before the Cullen's. They all knew my dirty past, and I felt _sick_. It brought a new aspect of the meddling that I hated so much to light. They hadn't just meddled they had violated my privacy, much more than I thought possible for a family with a psychic, a telepath and an empath in it. I never wanted to leave my closet again, I didn't want to see any of them now that I knew what they saw when they looked at me.

I didn't have a healthy mental self image of myself, that much was obvious to me, but now they knew.

Had I been trying to hide the hurt from the Cullen's? Hoping it would make it easier to become a member of this captivating and wonderful group? Edward had been in my head, he said I hadn't really healed at all from the horrible things that had happened to me.

I sat there wondering if I could trust what he'd said, that they'd be there to listen. That my past wouldn't keep them from loving me, that it wouldn't keep Esme from loving me. I wanted to believe it, but the pain of neglect others had caused were scars too old and too deep to simply disappear with words.

I stayed in the closet long after the hour was up. And even though I couldn't actually hear the family down stairs I knew they were there. My legs were cramping, but I ignored it. It was so silly to be sitting in a closet like a little scared child. I felt safe, not claustrophobic, in my little dark box of a closet. I could feel three walls around me and they held me, as if in a hug.

There was a knock at my door, I ignored.

After a pause Ren spoke from the hallway, "I have some grilled cheese for you Evangeline, I'm coming in." Then my door opened.

I heard a tray with glass things tinkling as she set it on some surface, I guessed was the desk due to the distance from the closet.

"The tomato soup will get cold quickly…" she added after a second, her voice seemed worn and awkward, like she wasn't sure what to do.

I suddenly got an image of Esme crying into Carlisle's arms, as much as a vampire could cry. She couldn't produce tears but I could tell by the way her body was shaking that was what she was doing. Carlisle looked torn and hurt as well, and I got an undercurrent of worry through the replay of what Ren was showing me.

"Stop," I said brokenly.

The images instantly stopped. But the worry and sadness they impressed upon me stayed, like I needed more to add on top of my own depressed state.

"Evangeline…" she began, I could hear that she was crying, and it bothered me.

I slowly opened the closet door to look at her. She had turned on my bedside lamp, and sat at the head of my bed, her head bowed. Her long bronze hair fell around her shoulders her dainty hands covering her eyes.

"I don't like meddling Ren, and what… what Edward told me, that _everyone_ knows, that they… I just can't." I didn't know what it was I couldn't do, but I just felt lost and alone, and for the first time in a long time, like I wanted to yell and throw things.

"You know what we are," she said sadly, "We have to protect our family Evangeline. We had to know if you were… trustworthy."

I stood up suddenly, the anger growing; my legs were sore and heavy so I leaned against the closet door.

"So you go snooping? _Jasper_ decided to look into my past because he could! That was it! You could have asked Alice to look and see what I would have done if you asked me any number of questions!" I yelled. Ren winced and turned to look at me.

"You don't have all the facts!" she yelled back, standing up. She looked annoyed not angry and I grabbed the pillow at the foot of the bed and threw it at her.

She caught it, of course, but the look of shock on her face was a little comical, and I barely caught a laugh that escaped.

"Who's fault is it that I don't have the facts? Hmm? I've been here _three weeks_! Why haven't you told me why my _life_ is no longer my own? That I am... what, a pet to you?" I raged.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew I was being completely irrational and stupid. But I was like a wounded creature and fighting back felt right, it felt like I was doing _something_ or protecting _something_.

"Fine!" she yelled back.

I heard someone yelling in the back of my mind as I fell into a surge of memories Ren was showing me. They blurred like a never ending sea and I couldn't think, I just watched.

.~.

I _was_ Ren, but I wasn't. It felt right and confusing.

I could feel the slow hum of my heartbeat that seemed right, but wrong since I knew my heart was faster than that. I could see things so clearly, and hear so magnificently.

The family was gathered in the living room, couples with each other. And I felt apprehensive.

Jake put an arm around me, then kissed my temple, I leaned into it savoring the feel of his warm arms. I also shuddered at the fact that I liked it. God I was so lost and confused.

"No one at the hospital suspects anything, nor do any of the police involved with the case," my dad explained calmly, he was gently massaging small circles on my mom's back while they sat on the love seat.

"That poor girl…" Grandma whined, she shook her head sadly, small tendrils of hair that weren't neatly tucked into her bun gently swayed.

"She'll die in that hospital, they won't take care of her." Alice said stonily.

"We can't let ourselves get involved, anymore than we already are Alice," dad added with a heavy sigh. Mom and I shared a look.

"Edward, did you sense anything from her that would suggest that she suspected us of not being human?" Grandpa asked calmly. If anyone in the room was against senseless death it was my grandpa.

"No, but she… I am not sure what it is. She noticed our difference like other humans, but instead of shying away she ignored it."

"Couldn't we at least get her transferred to a better hospital?" Grandma asked.

"The State doesn't have the money to be sending a foster child to a better hospital," Jasper stated. I looked to my uncle and felt like he was both angry and saddened by something involving this girl.

They had come home from the camp Mrs. Jordan had forced them to go to two days ago, just after a girl had been nearly killed by another camper.

Jasper had been very good at hacking our family into many places, putting false records on various networks as well as deleting old files. He managed to get all six of them into the Wisconsin State Foster child records and not attach a social worker to their case. So they were in the system, any school district could find that out, but they had no pesky humans prying into their business. It was getting harder and harder to maneuver around the systems humans were putting up. Technology was wonderful, but horribly frustrating, as my uncle had told me before.

My mom, dad, and Jasper were all in the same grade and were about to complete their senior year when Aunt Alice saw a state worker poking around in files looking for children being forgotten by the State. The exact thing Jasper had set up. And they were found.

Mrs. Jordan was a very nice woman, and after Grandma and Grandpa charmed her and all of my aunts and uncles played their roles perfectly she was happy enough to leave us be. Except that she insisted on them joining in a four day camp for some of the older foster children.

Alice could see no real way out of going. And it frustrated all of us. So reluctantly they had gone to the camp, leaving me to enjoy a weekend with my husband on a camping trip, as I wasn't in the system as a foster child. I was an emancipated youth living with family friends, which we had been starting to do more of. I was sort of the test to see how well that cover story would work; it seemed to be a resounding success.

"Couldn't we anonymously donate money so she can be moved to a place that won't neglect her to death?" Seth asked. He was casually leaning against the fireplace, his large arms crossed over his chest.

There was a pause, and Alice looked to the future.

"That will work, but… I still can't see if she wakes up…" she sagged into my uncle. I wasn't sure why Alice was so sad about this human being hurt.

"I'll call Herman," Uncle Jasper said swiftly standing.

After Jenks had died a couple years ago we were now using his recommended partner Herman. Not only was Herman a lawyer, he also employed a genius hacker which Uncle Jasper took lessons from.

"So exactly what happened that night?" Jake asked. We hadn't heard the story like Grandma, Grandpa and Seth had, as we had been in British Columbia camping and didn't get back till earlier in the day.

"She shouldn't have gotten involved," Aunt Rose huffed angrily, and turned to examining her nails.

"She didn't _know_ you could take care of yourself," mom said.

"Evangeline was just trying to protect you from the monster that had destroyed part of her life," dad spoke up, he was frustrated.

"Evangeline had gone down to the lake to sing, like she did the first night," Jasper said coming back in the living room and looked at Jake, finally getting to the explanation.

"Is she any good?" I asked suddenly curious.

"Magnificent," Aunt Alice said.

"Best live performance I've seen in a long time," Uncle Emmett added.

"When she encountered Sophila and figured out her intent on doing something to Rose she stepped in," Emmett continued. He gave Aunt Rose a kiss on the temple, and she relaxed folding herself into his arms.

"The girl, Sophila has some serious mental health issues," dad stated, "When Evangeline tried to stop her, the girl slipped and punctured Evangeline's abdomen with the scissors." Uncle Jasper hissed then, the memory must have burned his throat. "She would have been fine if Sophila hadn't pushed her into a rock, cracking her skull."

Grandma sucked in a shuddering breath.

"Well, all we can do for the girl is get her to a place where she will have better care," Grandpa added after a moment of pause.

I could already tell, by to look in Grandma's eyes that she was determined to do more than that.

The memories swirled and pushed into me and I felt like I couldn't breathe.

.~.

"Evangeline!" a cool hand was pressed against my head. I couldn't see what happened but I felt awkward and sore. It took me a moment to realize where I was, and who I was.

Subdued crying registered in my ears.

"I am _so_ sorry Eva! I am please… _oh god… dad_…" the voice felt familiar, was that me speaking? I didn't have a dad. Wait I did. I kept battling with myself confused about whether or not I had a father, when I felt like I was slowly spinning. My eyes started to see, and it didn't make sense, they were blurry and tired.

"Evangeline, can you hear me?" Grandpa's voice gently called to me and I instantly reacted shifting towards him. It wasn't my Grandpa, which would be impossible. Hadn't my Grandpa died when I was little?

"Evangeline Violet Knight, come on… wake up." At the sound of my name, it all made sense, or it started to.

"She's coming out of it Carlisle," Edward stated. Edward…not my dad. Edward. I tried to remember Edward, what he looked like, and then I smiled. Whether the smile was in my head or not, I wasn't sure, but I smiled when I thought of how nice of a bum he had.

"Would you stop obsessing over that Evangeline?" he chuckled.

"Why? When thinking about it brings me out of a… well brings me out of whatever _that _was."

"I'm so sorry Eva! I knew you had some brain trauma, and dad warned me to be careful how I showed you things… I didn't think -I was just so angry that you didn't understand and I-" Ren rushed out her explanation. And I could now tell I was on the floor by the closet, Carlisle checking my pupils.

My nose felt wet and sticky. As I listened to Ren, I put a shaking hand to my nose and I pulled it away to see blood.

"Your nose started bleeding shortly after Renesmee showed you her memories," Carlisle explained. And suddenly I was panicked for the other Cullen's discomfort for fresh blood.

"It's just us in the house right now," Edward answered my thoughts.

"I know that my emotions can influence how I send things Eva, and I am _so_ sorry that I attacked you…" Ren's angelic face was covered in fresh tears and I tried to move, but Carlisle held me still.

"Just lay still for a little bit longer. She sent you memories… in a way we haven't seen before."

What did that mean? I puzzled.

"Nessie, as you know, can send memories and vampires are easily able to assimilate those memories without the same kind of confusing transference you have been victim of. When she was little she required physical contact, as she grew her ability did as well. Also she sent them in anger, it was essentially an attack," Edward summed up.

I goggled at the three of them. Edward was sitting on the floor near my hips, one arm around his distraught daughter.

After a moment of just listening to my faster than Ren's heartbeat, Carlisle lifted me easily to set me gently on my bed.

I felt thirsty and could feel my stomach rolling into knots in hunger. Edward handed me a glass of water, I sat up a little to drink it.

"Thanks," I murmured.

"Dad… is everything -I mean Eva are you _ok_?" Ren nervously wrung her hands watching me.

I was still having odd moments where I felt like I was her… or she was me. But it was slowly fading, like a dream.

"She'll be fine," her dad soothed her, and it brought a smile to my face, thinking that Edward who looked like Ren's twin was her father.

After Carlisle promised to bring up more food in a little while, they left, and I rested.

.~.

A side effect of Ren's memory transference and attack was a horrendous head ache accompanied by a fever. Not more than an hour after I was resting I stumbled to the bathroom and dry heaved into the toilet.

Gentle cool hands were rubbing circles on my back, as I had no hair to hold back it was probably the only thing any of the Cullen's could do for me.

Through the blinding pain I couldn't even remember why I had been upset earlier. Strong cool arms held me as I sagged over the toilet. Soon after I had a cup of cool water and some pills handed to me.

A cool washcloth wiped dried blood away from my nose and I was put back into my bed. I looked up into Esme's golden eyes, which were full of worry, and frowned.

Tears sprang up into my eyes, "I am so sorry Esme… I'm sorry I yelled at-"

"Shhhhh," Esme cooed, and her fingertips gently caressed my face. I could tell, by the look she was giving me, that I had been forgiven.

My fever went down, but the pain in my head didn't. Some point in my restless tossing and turning, Esme quietly sitting next to me using her cool hands to sooth my heated forehead, Jasper came in and sat in the corner. As soon as he did I felt immediately better.

I didn't know his ability worked like that, or even what he was doing with his ability, but eventually I finally slept.

Esme fed me in the morning, and I went back to sleep.

The process of eating and sleeping was only interrupted by going to the bathroom and Alice coming in to help change my sheets, as I had sweated so much they needed to be. Otherwise, I was basically out of it for roughly two days.

By time I was sitting up on my own playing video games with Emmett down stairs the fight with Ren and the reasons for it seemed rather like a foggy distant memory.

Either the Cullen's knew I _absolutely_ did not want to talk about it, or they were giving me space until I was ready. I doubted I would be ready anytime to discuss their complete invasion of my privacy.

It was one thing for Alice to want me to be happy and to _see_ me being happy with the Cullen's. It was something else entirely for her to do what she did out of _pity. _I didn't want anybody's pity. Other people feeling bad for me caused them to try and stick their noses into my business. And I had thought Alice was different, that maybe she had simply saw me happy with the family and decided it would be better than the alternative.

But no, now I thought she did it because of my past. It was an odd distinction I made; I had been okay with everything thus far with the Cullen's because I assumed they actually wanted me around. That maybe at the camp I had made an impression on them. But it turns out it really had been because they pitied me.

What upset me the most was they pried into my past to protect their family, when I wasn't yet decided to become one of them or not, and it really, _really_ bothered me.

* * *

><p>.~.<p>

.~.

AN: Just wanted to know if you are enjoying it? How'd you like the little taste of Nessie POV?

Also I might be posting another companion story to this one, as sort of a "behind the scenes" thing. There is so much I want to put into the story but not all of it is really important to the plot, so rather than make the story really long and boring, I might just make that companion story.

I love to know what you think! ^_^

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	11. Games We Play

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 11 - Games We Play<span>**

The summer heat didn't relent, and I stayed in my room, often sitting in my closet, slowly opening and closing the door with my foot. It had been a total of six days since I had yelled at Esme, and yet it felt like _years_. The Cullen's mostly left me alone. I think they wanted me to come to them, and were patiently waiting for it to happen. Bella brought me three meals a day, not that I wouldn't have minded anyone else, but she never pried, she just asked if I wanted anything else and when I said 'no', she'd give me a small smile then leave me be.

I managed to work up the nerve to ask Seth and the Cullen's if I could stay at my staged room for a few days one afternoon when he was over. Seth was happy to have me, and I focused on his happy reaction rather than the hurt one Esme gave me.

I rode piggy back style on Seth's back.

"I knew I couldn't keep you away from me," he chided playfully as he sat me down by his front door.

Knowing he was trying to lighten my mood I gave him a half smile and took my back pack off my shoulders. I lazily made my way to the staged room, and set my stuff down.

Seth's house felt like a faraway place, like a divide from the Cullen's main house. I didn't feel safer here, exactly, but I did feel more relaxed. I was able to think about the Cullen's meddling into my life.

"I'm sorry about this Seth… I promise it won't be for a long time." I told him later while we were watching the White Sox VS the Yankees.

He shifted and took a swig from his beer, "You can stay as long as you want Eva, and I don't mind having you here with me."

I slowly turned to look at him; his soft brown eyes were looking at me with concern.

"I just need some time… to get used to this… invasion of privacy." I murmured picking up an empty bottle from the coffee table. I started to play with the label.

"The invasion may take some getting used to," he nodded in agreement, "but you need to know, that's what families do. When they care about someone, they want to help. And even if it hurts to have them, us, know what's happened we are all here to talk when you are ready." I frowned angrily at him.

I didn't _want_ to hear more of what Edward had told me. I didn't _want_ to be comforted, I wanted to be angry. Not knowing why I wanted to be angry I stood up from the couch and slammed the empty bottle back down.

"_I _should have been given the _choice_ to tell you what _I _wanted you to know when _I_ was **ready**!" I yelled suddenly.

Seth blinked in surprise, but didn't look hurt or angry at my outburst. And his lack of reaction pushed me.

"It isn't fair! I've had everything taken from me. I have no secrets now Seth, I should have had the option to tell you about the scars on my soul when _I_ was ready. Not… not… _this_."

Seth sighed heavily, setting his beer down.

"Did you know that when we are in wolf form we are telepathically linked to one another?"

I stopped short from what-ever retort I was going to offer at his seemingly 180 turn in topic. I shook my head bitterly.

"I have an older sister you might need to talk to. She phased when she was a teenager. I am not comparing her pain to yours, or her past to yours. But she was in a pack of all males, sharing all of her intimate and most personal thoughts with us, whether or not she wanted to.

"I am not saying you shouldn't have had the opportunity to tell us what you wanted when you wanted Eva. What I am saying is something my sister eventually realized. That privacy is nice, and yes it's frustrating to have others know very intimate details about you, but as long as those people love you and care about you it can only help to bring you closer together."

I clenched my fists. I did not want to talk about this anymore with Seth. He was too honest and too kind and he would easily be able to guide me into venting about all the things Edward heard me thinking about. I was not ready.

Without saying a word I stomped up to my room, and slammed the door.

The next day Seth didn't bring up our conversation once. Ren came over and taught me how to braid her hair.

I wasn't bored at Seth's; it was very much like being at the Cullen's. But I did feel like I was missing something, and after three days I decided to try a night or two back at the Cullen's main house to see how I felt. When I mentioned to Seth feeling bad about my indecision he waved it off.

"As long as you are comfortable it doesn't bother any of us where you want to stay," he explained easily while running swiftly through the forest.

.~.

Being back in my room after a couple days felt nice, although I did avoided leaving my room too much, I came to realize that this house was where I wanted to be.

I have no real idea how he managed it, but Emmett convinced me to come out of my room for a little while. I was brooding while we played and Emmett could detect my frustrations through my erratic game playing, but he wasn't his usual trash talking self, so our game playing seemed rather strained.

When were finished the race, and put the controller down and made to go back to my room. He had only managed to coax me out of my room with promises of chocolate. I had already finished my M&M's and was ready to return to my seclusion.

Despite the fact Alice could see me, Edward could hear me, and Jasper could feel me, it felt like my room was truly my fortress of solitude. Even if Esme and Alice had designed the room, it still felt completely mine.

"Eva did you want to go get a burger later?" Emmett asked suddenly. I was facing away from him and I sourly sighed turning back to look at him.

"You don't eat burgers, Emmett," my tone was annoyed. I rubbed my palms down my pajama bottoms to wipe off the little grease the accrued from the controller.

"I don't, but you do. So how about it?" Emmett asked, genuinely interested. I pressed my lips into a flat line and locked eyes with him. His eyes were shining gold, and his dimple was prominent as his smiled at me awaiting my response.

I glanced outside to the bright summer's day and actually felt the itch of being cooped up in the house hit me. I blamed him for bringing it to my attention that I was missing the outside world.

"Fine, but can you take me on a run first?"

Emmett broke into a wide grin, and in a flash he stood up and was next to me in his excitement.

"I need to change first Emmett," I grumbled, hiding the smile that felt like forming due to his exuberance. I folded my arms and shook my head. "Alice would probably shriek in horror if I went walking around outside in this, let alone go get food."

"Aw common Eva, live on the wild side," he waggled his eyebrows at me, "Alice would have to catch us first to make you put anything else on."

And suddenly I imagined Alice chasing after Emmett and me, as I clung to his back, the sunlight playing off both of their skins in between the trees of the woods. It had me smiling on the inside, and for a moment I really wanted that.

Then the hurt set in, the pain. Emmett may be smiling at me right now, but he had been in on the whole meddling, granted Jasper had done it, but Emmett would have wanted to protect his family, and Rose.

Before I lost the nerve and just sulked back to my room, I threw my arms up, like a little kid wanting a piggy back ride, and turned my head to huff and roll my eyes.

The next sensations I felt was cool body pressed against my stomach, and warm wind in my face.

Emmett blurred from the house with me on his back, and I couldn't even comprehend the speed we were going, but it was too fast for me to even tell where one tree ended and another began.

He jumped over a large river, after a few moments of running, and I actually squealed and held on tighter as we flew over the water.

When he landed, so gently he could have just finished hopping on one foot instead of leaping across a 300 feet wide river, I giggled a little. The giggles didn't lighten as he launched himself up a nearby oak, climbing effortlessly to the top. The oak tree wasn't the tallest, but I could still see over much of the woods. I couldn't even see the clearing to where the main house was. All around us I could see the reflections of his skin from the sunlight's reaction. It danced off the leaves near me, and the twigs.

I didn't look at him as I examined the leaves. He gently set me down on a sturdy branch, and moved to sit across from me. The light played off of the leaves as if it were rain, rain of little prismatic lights, thinking that, I sighed.

"Why… did you want me to come live with you?" I asked Emmett while plucking a leaf nearest to me.

"Because you're wonderful," Emmett said instantly. I pursed my lips and slowly looked up at him. His dimply smile was casually painted onto his face.

"Don't be glib," I shot back. "The_ real_ reason. Not the whole family's reason, but yours. Why did _you_ want me here? Edward skipped around it but I got the impression there had been some sort of vote, of whether or not to add me to the family."

He hesitated for a second, and I knew he was going to try and lie to me. Vampire's brains were much faster than humans, so any hesitation indicated a reluctance to answer, which to me meant he wanted to hide something.

"You are probably the first human other than Bella, to make Rose smile." That answer threw me but he continued, "You deserve happiness Eva. Your story... really touched Rose, she was against Bella becoming one of us, because of what it means you have to lose. But with you, Rose and I felt like human, or vampire _you_ should have a chance to have the kind of love that she has with all of us supporting her. I don't know if that's the answer you were looking for. But I am glad you are here." Emmett's final response kept me thinking.

"What… happened to Rose?" I asked, remembering what Edward had told me; that two of the Cullen women had been victims of "the cruelties of men".

Emmett shook his head slowly, and his smile faded into a regretful frown, "That's a question you should ask her yourself. And speaking of… we have company," he added looking down into the forest below. I followed his gaze, unable to see much of anything.

I was suddenly on Emmett's back as we leapt from the tree; my scream was laced with frustration and laughter. I couldn't tell who we were running from, but I could tell Emmett was having fun, it wasn't hard to tell. He'd bark out a laugh once in a while and whoop when we leapt over large fallen objects.

I wasn't sure what speed we were going and I wanted to turn to look who was pursuing us but it was terrifying to think about looking around at high speeds. Until I heard a tinkling laughter that I was fairly certain belonged to Bella, did I chance a look. At first I saw nothing, and then I saw a streak of brown fur and black hair. Then Bella got closer, and I could see Alice being "chased" by one of the wolves. My stomach dropped when I saw it.

I didn't know why, but I always felt a lot more apprehensive around the wolves than the Cullen's. Not Seth and Jacob when they were in human shape, but the wolves themselves.

"Can't catch me when you don't know where I'm going huh Alice!" Emmett laughed and pushed more, I felt the burst of speed as he launched himself back over the river we had jumped before. Actually I wasn't sure it was the same river, but it wasn't worth worrying over. Alice must have said something that I couldn't hear at this speed because Emmett laughed again.

I wasn't sure when it became a game to the Cullen's but not too long after the chase began, I was seamlessly switched to Bella, who ran swiftly but not nearly as fast as Emmett. It felt odd to be on her back and when I was about to ask the reason for the change I saw the blur of bronze hair in front of us. Then I was on Edwards back.

_So… what exactly is going on?_ I asked him. I could tell he was smiling even from behind him as he ran like I had never thought possible. I closed my eyes because it was actually going to make me sick if I watched him.

"Alice did in fact want to chase you down to make you change your outfit. I heard your thoughts previously so I recruited Jake to hide the outcome of her chase." He chuckled a little, and I huffed, still with my eyes closed.

_So I'm what… the flag, in this game?_

"Only for as long as you aren't too opposed to it. Alice is getting rather… wilely. We made rules while running. She can't do anything to stop Jake from running around with us, and she has until sunset to either touch you, or the person currently carrying you. If not…" he trailed off

_I get to wear pajama's to the burger joint?_

"Only if you want," he added.

After being passed to Rose, then back to Emmett, I did managed to see Alice a couple times, then I saw another sandy brown colored wolf, I knew to be Seth. So they were both covering the chase with the blind spots.

I was back on Edward when the sun finally set. It had been a rough 45 minutes, riding on the Cullen's backs as they ran. But the look on Alice's face was near priceless when she approached us.

Her angelic face was crumpled with annoyance and anger.

Once on my own two feet I rubbed my front, the cool contact helped my front not get hot and sweaty in the summer heat, but not my back, and it also felt much like I had been gently but firmly pressed into cold marble for the last 45 minutes. I felt overcooked on one side and frosty on the other.

"So, did this game also include the bet to see who's paying for this burger feast?" I asked sadly patting my empty stomach, looking around the group. All of the Cullen's, minus Carlisle were there, and I felt both a little tricked into getting out of the house, and a little relieved. None of them looked upset with me, well Alice did but I suspected it was because she lost.

.~.

We had run fairly far from the house and managed to get to a drive –in burger place while there was just a tinge of light lingering in the sky. Seth, Jake and I went inside to order all the food we wanted, and then some.

My hot fudge shake was soothing my throat on the sweltering summer evening, and as the eleven of us camped out around a picnic bench, the others pretending to sip on the cups of "water" Seth had supplied, I felt content but also annoyed with myself.

It was a beautiful evening, nice and clear, and I could tell it would be a lovely night to star gaze, as the moon was just a sliver. Esme sat next to me, tenderly watching me as I added Tabasco sauce to my ketchup.

I wouldn't spoil this moment by being… broken. I looked to Edward thinking about how he may be physically the same age as me, but he was wiser. He was right; I needed time to let them prove to me that they cared. It wouldn't happen overnight, but the more I fought against it would push it back further. Pushing them away from the carefully constructed defense mechanisms I had in place would only cause me suffering in the long run.

Seth stole my last onion ring, and I grumped, crumpling up my burger wrapper to throw at him. The man had three of his own boxes of fries and still felt a need to swipe something from me.

Ren actually ate half of one of Jake's burgers, of course it was the sweet BBQ one, and was sitting across from me happily sharing a chocolate-fudge-banana with sprinkles sundae with her husband. It really surprised me sometimes how I could forget that she was 17 but had been the same physical age since she had been seven. Well since _we_ had been seven, I found myself kind of liking the fact Ren and I were the same age, neither one of us had the upper hand on life lived experience. We had the same amount of years. And of all the Cullen's Ren was the only one I felt I shared some sort of common ground with.

That and the fact was still having slightly fuzzy feelings like I had known her all my life, all because of her damn telepathic attack I was sure.

"Where did you get that scar Eva?" Ren asked leaning across the table to point to the rough looking scar by my elbow. I lifted it to look. And I could see several of the others turning to look as well.

"It was a street party when I was four," I shrugged, trying to remember. "There was a neighborhood street party celebrating the Royal Wedding."

"Ohh I just _loved _her dress," Rosalie spoke up from her spot down the bench.

"I agree, much better than Dianna's dress, it looked like she was swimming in marshmallow fluff. Even for the 80's it was _aweful_." Alice delicately added waving her hand like she had smelled something horrible. I smiled at her observation.

"We were there," Bella added. I turned, shocked, to look at her.

"You were in London during the wedding?" I asked the group.

Esme chuckled into her hand next to me, "Carlisle hadn't been able to be in London for Charles and Diane so we made sure he was there for this one."

"It was cloudy for two days beforehand so I went to find a good spot for us along the parade route, Jasper, Emmett and Edward all took turns watching our spot," Alice added tugging at strand of her short black hair.

"But it was a beautiful day…" I remembered that day so vividly for only being four years old.

Most of the day had been slightly overcast with small breaks of bright clear sunshine.

"Our spot was in the shadow of one building when the clouds broke for about 30 minutes during the ceremony, otherwise it was perfect weather for us to be out," Edward explained then.

_Ah, yet another use for Alice's ability, prime parade seat spotting._ I waggled my eyebrows at Edward; the others saw the interaction and waited to see if we'd share. We didn't.

"Anyway, I was playing jump rope with some other kids, and some boys were playing football-sorry _soccer_. My friend Judy- I think- chased after the boys when one kissed her. I thought it was good fun so I joined in the chase," I glanced to Alice smiling now, "Anyway our parents called us back and in a rush to get to the tables I was pushed and fell on some bricks." I winced remembering the pain and rubbed my finger over the scar.

We finished the meal and took three cars back to the Seth's house.

Once I was back in my room, I decided a shower would be in order, it had been a long day and I was positive I'd enjoy it. I stood under the warm water, after rinsing the soap off, and wondered how to approach the privacy topic with the Cullen's.

If it was a matter of talking to Esme or Carlisle about it I would probably be able to do just fine. But it would mark the first time in many years I had taken the steps to tell someone else about my feelings. I didn't want to tell the whole family how much what they knew bothered me, I was sure it would bring up more horrible memories and feelings.

All the time alone left me the luxury to think over all the things that needed careful thought. I had jumped rather recklessly into this family because I so desperately wanted to be happy and to be near Esme. Their snooping into my past was done; I couldn't take back what they had found out, anymore than I could take back what had happened to me.

I decided that I couldn't talk to the family about my past until I had faced what had happened to me. And I wasn't ready to do that yet.

.~.

August broke and it brought the one month anniversary (7th of august) of me being told about the supernatural world. The weeks had past and I still couldn't bring myself to dive into my past.

There were days where I would walk by the hall closet that housed my boxes, and could feel the nagging weight of their presence as if I were physically carrying them around with me. It was wearing on me, and I would tentatively touch the door wondering if I was ready.

My love for the Cullen's was slowly growing and it was the motivation behind me trying to get over those horrible things in my past. Edward had been right, they were always there to listen, and were all patiently waiting for me to heal. But until I come to terms with what happened to me I wouldn't be able to open myself fully to this family. I deserved that, they deserved that, and I was determined to give it to them.

I had been practicing with Jasper at least three times a week, and was actually getting really good. I used to be able to play well, and after the accident Jasper worked with me to get my fingers ready to play, and my motor functions back to the level they had been. And was regularly practicing outside on the porch swing, sometimes Emmett would come and play his guitar as well. Once he brought a banjo, and as a result from silliness that had ensued I was banned from wearing overalls by Alice.

.~.

I had just finished breakfast and hunkered down in front of the TV to watch a movie with Rose, Bella and Emmett when Carlisle came home.

"Good morning," he greeted in his usual calm serene way.

I rolled my head over the back of the sofa to look at him and waved. "Good morn," to add a bit of cheek I used my accent.

"Before you start, "Austin Powers"," he looked to the TV. I guessed he had seen the dvd laying around to conclude what we were going to watch when we hadn't even started it yet. "Evangeline we have something to discuss."

Carlisle gestured to the hallway where his office was. I suddenly felt my stomach drop and could feel some hesitance at his words. I didn't _think_ I was in trouble. Emmett made the "dun dun duunn" sound and I threw the pillow that had been on my lap at him as I stood.

I had only been in Carlisle's office once before, and it had been only when Ren gave me the tour. Apparently somewhere in this office was a way to get into the secret basement they had built, a way that only a vampire or vampire hybrid could access.

I sat across the leader of the family in a supple smooth deep brown leather chair. His whole office had a warm comforting feeling to it. The large wooden cross loomed behind him, making me feel a little uncomfortable.

"Don't worry Evangeline; I just wanted to discuss where you'll be attending school in the autumn."

I instantly relaxed and let the breath I had been holding out. Carlisle leaned forward in his chair and calmly smiled at me.

"You have a couple options to choose from. First choice is to attend the local High School in Reedsberg, or attend St. Therese Academy outside of Madison with Nessie, both of you would be in your senior year."

"There really isn't much of a choice with those options… I mean _of course _I'd like to be the new girl in a public school cause that's _just_ ton's of fun," I laid the sarcasm thick and his grin grew wider, gold eyes dancing.

"Well in that case, Nessie will be glad to hear that you are joining her for senior year. I will have the paperwork filled out to fax to Mrs. Jordan so she can sign it. You will be enrolled for the 2024-2025 school year."

I stretched a little in the chair and nodded, "I totally forgot about school… I wish I didn't have to go…" I hedged, giving him a semi hopeful and pouty look.

"Ah, well that is one wish even Alice can't grant," he said sadly and his smile faded a bit and I hung my head.

"School starts on September 3rd, and open house for new students is on August 23rd. A uniform fitting session will have to be done before the-"

"A uniform what?" I asked, jerking my head up to be sure I heard Carlisle right.

He chuckled lightly, "All students at St. Therese wear uniforms. Alice isn't too happy about that," he added factually.

It wasn't clear if he meant Alice isn't too happy at the moment, as he could very likely hear her now when I couldn't, where ever she was. Or since Ren went there she was already disappointed with the lack of wardrobe changing going on for her niece.

"I bet she was half hoping I'd choose public High School."

"That would probably be a winning bet." He chuckled and lazily leaned back in his chair, slowly craning his head back to rest on the leather.

"Do you miss it?" I asked suddenly. His golden eyes met mine to try and help determine my meaning.

"England," I clarified. I wondered what amazing changes he'd seen in our native homeland.

Carlisle ran his fingers elegantly through his soft looking blonde locks and sighed with a hint of longing.

"There are times. But the England I miss is 300 years gone. Even back then, after I left, I never missed the smell."

"I'd read about how horrible the stench could get in London…" I trailed off when his eyes seemed to bore into me.

"Do _you_ miss it?" He asked interestedly.

Again my gaze wandered to the large cross, "I think I miss what it meant for me. I don't remember the country itself, but I remember I _was_ happy. I doubt I'd actually end up being any happier there than here. But that's what I wanted…" I trailed off.

"You were planning on moving back?"

I hesitated.

"Before the camp, before_ any_ of the things that have happened I planned on taking all the money I'd managed to save, and my trust money and leaving this country. I wanted to go and never return." I fidgeted trying to bring my focus back to his intense eyes.

"It would be natural to want to go back to a place with such fond memories." Carlisle's voice took on a consolatory tone. I quirked a halfhearted smile thinking back on my childhood.

"Do you have any memories of your father?" he asked suddenly.

"What… the information about my father wasn't in my _file_?"I asked, hinting that I was still bitter about their snooping.

Instantly I saw a shade of hurt in his golden eyes and bit the inside of my cheek.

"It says your father has never been involved in your life."

"Oh well, that's true. I don't think I ever knew him, my mum told me he left when I was a baby. She didn't like talking about him." I could easily talk about the man I'd never met, as I had no emotional attachment to the sperm donor.

Sometimes I would forget that it always took two people to make a baby and just imagine that my mum had made me all by herself. It was stupid I knew, but it was better than trying to imagine a man who hadn't cared enough about my mum or me to stick around and man up.

"So your last name is from your mother's side?"

"Yeah, but I don't remember either of my grandparents either… Grandma Knight died before I was born and Grandpa Knight died when I was three…" Suddenly the talking about my family made me itch in a painful way to go upstairs and look through the boxes to see if there were pictures of them.

Sometimes when I was near Carlisle I felt compelled to spill my guts to him. Tell him things I hadn't even really given much thought to. It was probably because I knew he'd understand, he never judged, and it soothed me in ways I'd always wanted from a father figure.

"Is it weird that I don't care what happened to the man that fathered me?" I puzzled out loud, suddenly wondering if I was heartless for not concerning myself with him.

Carlisle took a long breath in and stroked his chin lightly, "I don't think it's weird exactly, I think it could be a healthy reaction to have for a person who has never shown interest in your life."

It sounded a bit like pity coming from Carlisle, but his tone was clinical and I couldn't peg it for what it was, until he spoke again.

"It is unfortunate for him, because where ever your father is; he isn't able to see the wonderful young woman he created. And although I would never condone his actions I doubt I would have ever had the pleasure to know you, if he had been more involved in your life. And I feel a little selfish for thinking like that, but it's true." I felt the blush at his statement make my face hot. I tried to avoid his gaze and ducked my head.

I didn't know how to respond to his meaningful and complementary statement. The conversation turned to much heavier topics that I wasn't sure I was ready to discuss. I found that heavy pause enough of a reason to take my leave from his office. I offered Carlisle a timid smile as I left, still blushing at his compliment.

.~.

Soon after I left his office to go plop down with my "foster siblings", we started watching the movie. Emmett laughed at the right times, and although the movie was old, making fun of an even older period in time, I did find some of the comedy hilarious.

"Come _on_ Eva, you only laughed twice! That movie _is_ hilarious!" Emmett exclaimed after my response to the question of how I liked the movie. My response had been a one shouldered shrug.

"Maybe in…" I paused to look at the back of the dvd box, "1997, but times change Emmett, _comedy_ changes."

"You laughed at the _hairless cat_! Of _all_ thing things in the movie! _Mr. Bigglesworth_? Seriously Eva we need to educate you on the classics." He added exasperatedly, looking to his wife and sister for support in this.

I snorted at the same time Bella did and we shared a smile, "I don't care who you are, but a hairless cat is funny in _any_ decade," I assured the group.

"Fine, but Jasper and I will be giving you a lesson in comedy," he paused a second, and Bella broke out laughing next to me, while Rose shook her head with a pillow covering her face to hide her laughter.

"Edward says he _has_ to be there when you watch Young Frankenstein." Bella said after she took a break from laughing. I had a suspicion that more had been said and as they didn't offer more I could gage if it was actually funny or not.

* * *

><p>.~.<p>

.~.

.~.

AN: How would you feel if strangers knew some very intimate details about you? Also after careful consideration I have decided that I will be making the next few chapters a bit longer than the ones previous, so look forward to that!

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	12. Parents

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 12 - Parents<span>  
><strong>

.~.

The month hard started hot and muggy and kept it up through the middle when storms starting rolling through every day. On one such stormy occasion I was invited to bear witness to "vampire baseball." And though the experience left me soaked and in awe, I was happy it hadn't ended up like Bella's first time watching the Cullen's play baseball, that story had been both fascinating and needlessly messy.

"So tell me again why you didn't just follow James yourself instead of _running _and hiding Bella? It would have made more sense to go after _him_, if you read his thoughts and _knew_ he would never stop till he got to Bella." I asked while running a towel Ren had given me down my chilled arms.

I asked out loud because the rest of the family could easily answer this question.

The game had finished 5-7 Team Jasper-Rosalie-Edward-Seth. It was drizzling heavily still after the huge thunderstorm had passed. I stood under an umbrella Ren was holding while I dried myself off. Various family members were running about the open field fixing the large craters of torn up earth, and splintering trees in a non-suspicious way.

"Hind sight is 20-20 Evangeline," Edward said feebly.

"For bloodsuckers it's more like 100-100," Jake chimed in.

"We were all kind of panicked with the potential threat to Bella and the other people of Forks," Esme added.

"Like I said, _why didn't_ you just kill James then and there? I mean it's not against Vampire law to kill one of your own kind is it?" I looked around the group to clarify.

"It isn't against any law Evangeline. I just would prefer not to resort to violence when not absolutely necessary," Carlisle spoke up, suddenly appearing next to Esme, she instantly leaned into him as he wrapped a soaking wet arm around her.

"Not even when you are being 'aggressed' upon?" my eyes went wide.

Carlisle and the others were taking passiveness to a whole new level. If Carlisle were human and a teenager, he'd be easy pickings for bullies. Edward snorted at the comment and stuffed the last of the destroyed balls into the net bag he was holding. Jasper had been throwing abandoned ones to him from over 80 yards away.

"We are a large enough coven at this point that it is doubtful we will ever face that situation again," Rosalie spoke up.

I sighed, they were missing the point, "Well, if the situation ever comes up and some strange human eating Vampire wants to suck me dry I expect at least one of you to step up and just… you know… get rid of him before what happened to Bella happens to me."

Alice's tinkling laugher was met with everyone's but Carlisle's.

"If you hang around the dogs much more than you already are you won't be any more tempting to them than a stick," Rose laughed.

Jake made to put her in a head lock, which he nearly succeeded in doing, when Emmett who had been at the right angle to intercede jumped to tackle him. Instantly Jake exploded into fur and claws scattering clothing bits everywhere, one piece of his pants landed on my shoe. I groaned feeling nauseated at watching him phase.

I still hadn't gotten used to it and I doubted I ever would. Jake and Emmett then leapt into a furious battle, which everyone else ignored. Ren sighed sadly and pulled out a pair of black sweat pants, while Esme seeing my slightly off color handed me some bottled water.

The banter back and forth between the vampires and the wolves was pretty much a constant. But it really was all in good fun. From what I gathered they both reeked to one another, but they smelled fine to me.

I was given a ride by Jasper back to Seth's house as my usual ride, Emmett, was still busy trying to tug on Jake's tail. I was staying at Seth's for the night as tomorrow was my uniform fitting day in Madison, and it was going to be completely cloud free so Seth was taking me to the fitting.

.~.

The days wore on, and as it starting getting closer to the school open house, I started feeling more and more pressure to open up to my new foster family.

I was sitting in my room writing things in my journal, when I paused over the most recent entry about what I wanted to do before I died. I tapped my pencil on the paper and slowly rose my head looking towards my door.

I had never read "The Tell-Tail Heart," and in fact I wasn't even sure who had written it, but it was referenced enough in pop culture that I knew the gist of it. And even though I hadn't hidden a body inside my four boxes, I felt like I could hear a thrumming coming from them. They were calling to me in low mournful tones.

Slamming my pencil down I jumped up and quickly strode to my door.

_I could do this_. Opening those boxes didn't _have_ to be a long drawn out affair, I could open them up and look through them, and it would be quick, like pulling off a band-aid.

The furthest I got was putting my hand on the hall closet door and twisting the knob. My throat was suddenly dry, and I tried to reason with myself that there was nothing in those boxes that could hurt me. I was safe and with people that cared.

The fire that had lit in me at the thought of getting this over with was fading quickly, and I started to pull my hand away when I cool one suddenly appeared out of nowhere and gently gripped my hand over the knob.

Looking at our hands touching, I held back a sob.

"Evangeline, I'm here," Esme gently encouraged.

Nodding woodenly, I reigned in my tears and with Esme's aid I twisted the knob and opened the door.

We stood together in front of four large blue plastic tubs. One of me could easily fit into one of them. I took a long deep breath in, just taking them in. I had avoided looking at them or in three of them for nearly seven years.

Esme squeezed my hand gently before letting go and stepping towards the boxes. I made an involuntary squeak and stiffened.

She turned her soft amber eyes to look at me; worry, hope, love, patience were clearly expressed on her angelic face. The hall light illuminated a sliver of the closet, Esme's caramel hair stood out among the dark space.

"Which one Evangeline?"

I swallowed and pointed to the one with a number two clearly written on it in big black letters. As soon as she saw my decision Esme easily lifted the number three box off of it and slid box number two out. She then picked it up and I moved out of her way as she came out into the hall.

Without a backwards glance to me she took the heavy box into my room setting it on the floor by the foot of my bed. I stood there in the hall still full of some unnamed worry and anxiety. I gently closed the hall closet door and joined Esme in my room.

We both sat on the floor next to the box. I kept running my hand over the lid, not ready to open it.

"It had been about 12 hours since I had seen her before I started to panic," I whispered, "I stayed up late waiting for her to return with the ice cream. I had called her cell phone many times but every time it went to voicemail, so I figured she was out of battery. But after a couple hours I fell asleep on the couch. When I w-woke up," I paused here for a breath and swallowed the small lump in my throat.

"When I woke up and she still wasn't back, I called her best friend, Tiffany, and explained what had happened. It wasn't till a week had gone by that I started to realize I might not ever see her again," I felt the hot tears trailing down my cheeks and made no attempt to stop them on their path downwards. Esme was silently sitting next to me listening and waiting.

"No one could tell me what had happened, because they didn't know. They had found her car at the gas station where she must have gone to get the ice cream. Her purse and belongings were all still there on the passenger seat."

My hand stilled and I sniffed to clear my passages so I could talk more.

"She was my whole everything… I loved her _so much_… and she was just… just _gone_. I was- oh… I don't know. I would have given anything to go back to that night and not have her leave for stupid ice cream. The _pain_, the ache and hurt I went through should have killed me. I wished-I wished it would have."

By now I was crying so hard could barely speak, and breathe. I didn't feel Esme move but suddenly there was a box of tissues in front of me, and I accepted them.

I hadn't really calmed down, but the gate was open and I wanted to push out all those things that had been kept back. I wanted them out.

I hiccupped mid cry and started whispering again, "She never came back…" my voice cracked and I lost it. I couldn't continue as the loss I had felt when she first disappeared seemed so fresh in my heart.

I was too far gone to resist when Esme pulled me into her lap and started rocking me, while gently running her hands down my back.

I had been denying for the longest time what I knew to be the truth. I had always wanted her to come back, _always_. No matter how I pretended that I was okay with not being wanted I really just wanted _her_ to come back for me.

I wanted to hear her voice, have her sing with me, make scones and have tea with me. I desperately wanted all those wonderful memories we should have had together the last seven years to be real. The small but determined part of me that had wanted those things had been caged away with the knowledge that it would never happen.

"You should have had all these years together Eva," Esme's cool breath hit my ear and I suddenly realized I had said all that out loud.

"It isn't fair, I was a good girl. _Why did_... _W-what_ happened to my _mum_?" I wailed and clung to Esme. I hadn't cried like this in front of another person since my mum had disappeared, and it felt like I was exposing myself in the most vulnerable way I could imagine.

"You are right, it i_sn't_ fair. She should have been able to hear you sing, see you smile for all of your life Eva," Esme's voice was thick but had kind purposeful tone.

The crying lasted for quite a while longer, and Esme held me, she started rocking me gently after a little while. As soon as I had calmed I slowly slid off her lap. My eyes were agitatedly puffy and itchy; my throat was sore and tingly.

Esme whispered soothingly and told me she was going to get me some water. Nodding numbly I turned my attention back to the box.

She was back with my water in the time I assumed it took to fill a glass of water, which was about seven seconds. In those seven seconds I had gently pulled the locking handles free of the box.

I chugged the cool glass of water and took many long ragged deep breaths, preparing myself for whatever I was about to see.

"I last opened this box when I was twelve," I stated while a shaking hand slowly lifted the lid. "Box number two has things I thought my mum would want for when she came back. They had me pack all these boxes so they could sell the other things before they put the house on the market. I believe my mum's friend Tiffany kept several more boxes, but I wasn't allowed more than four for storage reasons…"

Esme got into a kneeling position and once the lid was free from the box she took it and set it on the side next to her.

Despite the burning and pain my eyes they teared again at what I saw.

Box number two was full of my mum's personal things; Her purse, her mp3 player, her netbook, her hard drives, memory cards of her shows, her hair pin that my father had supposedly given her. I looked at the tightly packed contents and felt the memories associated with them surge like waves upon me.

.~.

We moved to Madison, Wisconsin in late May of 2014. My mum had been working a rather shit job at a dinky punk rock satellite radio station as a d.j. in London and hated it. When her friend from University, Tiffany, mentioned having a connection that might help my mum get a job at a station in the States my mum jumped at the chance.

She got the job at WPN, Wisconsin Public Radio, as one of the afternoon news broadcasters. She would occasionally do phone interviews or segments with famous or important people, which always impressed me. Most of all she really loved her work.

I didn't like the States all that much. The kids made fun of my accent and would frustrate me by pronouncing things wrong. But my mum was happy and it showed. We had movie nights, she would read to me every night before bed, and we would build forts. Those days were really us against the world.

As part of her career she'd copy each of her segments and broadcasts and save them to hard drives, so she had them on hand if a bigger opportunity arose. There were three terabytes of hard drives in box two full of things from my mum's life. I couldn't remember what each of them contained, but I knew my mum's three years of working at WPN was saved on one of them.

"May I?" Esme asked, and I had been so lost in my musings I hadn't been paying attention.

I nodded and watched as Esme slowly put her hand in and shifted a few things on the surface of the box. Until she did that did I realize how much stuff I had managed to fit inside the box.

Esme gently tugged on a small black framed photo, the contents I couldn't see, and she gave a small sad gasp when she looked into it. I shifted closer to her so I could look at it as well, she turned the frame so we could both look into the face of my past together.

I was sitting on my mum's lap on a swing. It looked like a bright hot summer's day, and I couldn't have been more than five years old. My mum's blonde hair was pulled into a pony tail and it looked like she was laughing hard as her eyes were squeezed tightly shut. I had short hair pulled into pig tails that had a little curl to them. I was smiling and had a ring of what looked like chocolate around my mouth.

My eyes were drawn to our hands. My mum had put hers over mine on the swing ropes; it had been to make sure I stayed on her lap.

"Oh look at your arm…" Esme cooed, and her pale finger gestured to my elbow in the picture. Sure enough I had a large white bandage over the spot where my scar currently was.

"She is really beautiful," Esme sighed happily while she gently stroked the frames edge. I smiled sadly looking down at my younger self and my mum. It had been years since I had even seen a photo of my younger self, and it felt like I was looking into an alternate reality.

Closing my eyes I imagined for a moment that my mum was sitting next to me looking through old photos together. I sagged into Esme and slowly opened my eyes when she put an arm around me.

"I bet there are all sorts of wonderful memories in here Eva," the Cullen matriarch had a subdued sort of excitement to her voice and I chuckled before I could stop myself.

To me this box was full of the person I had loved and lost and had been too afraid to revisit; thinking that disturbing the items would drudge up horrible memories.

To Esme, it was a chance to get to know me, to see the kind of child I had been and get to know the woman who had been my mum.

And suddenly, it _was_ that simple.

The things in this box could be looked at either way, and instantly I wanted to see them the way Esme did. I let go of the frame and wrapped my arms around her.

I hugged her close and buried my nose into the crook of her solid cool neck. She held me, in her sturdy arms and kissed the top of my head.

Later, after we had dug through a good portion of box number two, we took a break for dinner, and I showed the Cullen's the framed photo of my mum and me.

Everyone commented on how beautiful she was, and until Emmett voiced how my mum looked an awful lot like Rosalie did the others voice their agreement with that statement. In typical Rose fashion she huffed lightly, tossing her golden locks behind her. I did see a ghost of a smile on her face when she took another turn looking at the photo.

That was the first night Esme tucked me in.

After she left, and curled up into a ball and looked at the photo and held back the tears that were forming.

Esme had been the closest thing to a mother I had had since Mrs. Thorp, and I was staying here, with her _forever_. Esme couldn't die or diminish like a human. She would always be there, and as I fell asleep I felt a heavy burden on my psyche lift.

.~.

St. Therese Academy open house was full of very rich looking people. The parking lot was full of some of the most expensive cars I could imagine, and Carlisle's XEdison was only one of five in the lot.

I felt awkward in my summer dress and matching cloche hat, and despite Alice's assurance's I knew I looked like a cancer patient. Carlisle was the only Cullen coming with me to this open house. As Alice said if Esme came it would draw a lot of attention from the fathers of students, needless to say it was decided a better idea to just be me and my 'foster' father.

We got a tour of the facilities with two other families, the two families both had boys coming in as Freshman, so we toured their class rooms first. Then the Gym, the pool, the concert choir room, the art room, the tranquility room, and by the time we were in the study hall I felt like a street urchin dressed up and playing the role of a princess. I made a mental note to ask Ren how much this school cost because it was more like a college campus. They had gourmet chefs preparing our lunches for crying out loud.

When they detailed the schedule I was astounded at the difference from all of the school's I had attended before.

Everyday started at 8:30am. We had homeroom for 30 minutes, in which we did group warm ups, very similar to what we had done at camp. Then first and second block were 1.5 hours long. Then the strangest part of the school day; afternoon club. It was only on Monday's and Wednesday's but still. Doing club activities during the school hours really seemed odd. On the other days it was elective period, which I had to choose my top three while at orientation. I chose Choir, Gardening, and Home Economics, for my electives. The look Carlisle gave me after I picked them was of contentment.

The schedule then said there would be 45 minutes for lunch, then the afternoon blocks. It was such a strange set up for school that I stared at the outline of my daily schedule with a huge amount of trepidation.

Signing up to check out the various clubs was much more troublesome. Carlisle had fun suggesting things to me.

"Debate club would be a great chance to-"

"Continually argue with classmates… I don't think so," I cut him off. His charming smile was brilliant after that; Carlisle was obviously having a good time with this.

"World Community Club?"

"Not that I wouldn't mind learning about other cultures I don't much like the idea of learning when I don't have to, and clubs are supposed to be fun, so no." I shot that one down.

"So that means Literature club is out as well then?" he chuckled, pointing to the next one on the list.

"Yes," I crossed out the Lit Club on my list, "Definitely out."

"Drama?" He suggested leaning back in his leather lined folding chair.

I hadn't even known it was possible to have a leather folding chair, but there it was. Money could truly buy anything it seemed.

I had no obvious objections to Drama club, but it didn't seem like something I could enjoy. I wouldn't mind working behind the scenes. And I tilted my head while tapping the pen against my lips.

There were 10 day clubs at St. Therese, and 18 after school clubs.

I ended up picking Drama for the day club, after Carlisle mentioned Ren had been in the club for all three years so far.

"She is in Mathletes, Science club, and Pottery club for the afterschool clubs." Carlisle answered merrily after I had asked what other clubs she was in. I sighed aggravatedly; there was no way I could be in those clubs. I didn't like getting my hands dirty unless I had to, so pottery was out. And I was probably going to bring the whole school's GPA average down with how dumb I was, so the other two were out.

So, reluctantly, I chose Fencing club and Nature club. After the open house the clouds were still forming a complete barrier from the sun so Carlisle and I walked around campus together. He had offered his arm in a gentlemanly fashion and I smiled taking it.

We stopped for ice cream, and when I raised an eyebrow at him to ask him "why" he chuckled.

"Isn't it what parents do after a school event? Take their children out for ice cream?" He asked.

"I suppose so…" I hummed before taking a long lick out of my mint choco-chip cone.

"This is the first time I've been able to do it," he mused watching me across from him at the wooden table.

"Have you ever tasted ice cream?" I asked after a moment.

"I have," he said calmly, and then I saw a slight shiver go through his body.

"I wish you could have had it…before. I know it wasn't around back then for you, but you really are missing out Carlisle." I carefully phrased it in case someone might accidently hear a bit of our conversation.

He nodded seriously, watching me carefully as I ate my cone.

"I have been curious about many things that weren't around when I was… younger."

"Like chocolate?" I asked instantly. I couldn't imagine a world where I had never tasted chocolate; I would rather not exist at all if I had to suffer that fate.

His golden eyes danced as he chuckled lightly, it was entrancing. "Yes like chocolate."

We continued the conversation in the car, after I had finished my cone. It turns out Carlisle sometimes wondered what his favorite food would be if human. He confessed that he would very likely be a fan of apple pies, as he remembered blurrily that he liked apples when human.

.~.

.~.

It was just before sunset on the Sunday before school was to start and I was sitting with Emmett, Bella, and Ren playing an old archaic game system, which apparently had been all the rage when Bella was a little girl. I did not like the controller for this "N64" it was clunky and awkward.

With the video graphics being as poor as they were I felt like the Vampire enhanced vision could only be a hindrance to their game play. But after 5 races where I got last I decided I'd had enough of the game and nervously glanced at the clock.

Esme, Alice, Jasper and Carlisle all had gone on a weekend hunt all the way up to Canada. And Alice had promised me that my plan would go through without a hitch.

I had been planning this surprise for the last week and a half, Edward had been enthusiastic in his help preparing me for it and I felt mostly ready to do it.

If the others had noticed my preoccupation for the evening they didn't say anything. But when it was ten minutes after when Alice had told me to expect them my leg started to nervously shake.

"They're almost back, I can hear them." Edward said suddenly from just next to the couch.

"What daddy?" Ren asked while she crashed her car into Emmett's in the game.

I looked to Edward, firstly surprised at his sudden but mostly expected appearance and tremblingly I nodded.

"Hey Eva, are you alright?" Emmett asked. He took a long look at me while he was still whipping Bella and Ren in the race.

"She's perfect," Edward answered for me.

_Are we all ready then?_ I asked him.

"Almost. Rose can you come here for a minute? Nessie, would you please send a message to Seth and Jake to come over."

Bella and Ren both set their remotes down at the same time and turned identical looks of confusion to Edward.

Rosalie appeared coming in from her and Emmett's bedroom upstairs, looking tastefully ruffled. As if being summoned by Edward wasn't really worth her time but she still wanted to know what was going on.

Woodenly I stood up from my spot next to Ren as Edward explained to his wife and daughter that the family needed to gather for an important event.

Edward blurred and I didn't know where he had gone until I saw him standing just by the entrance to his piano's alcove my guitar in one hand and Jaspers in the other.

Edward smiled warmly to me, dazzling me a second, before taking his seat at the piano.

Everyone else was thoroughly confused, and it showed. Bella and Ren trailed behind us giving each other a look. Emmett pulled Rosalie into his arms after he shut off the TV and consol.

We waited maybe ten seconds before I heard Alice's tinkling laughter followed by Carlisle's.

I barely caught Seth curse, then Esme scolding him as all six came in from the back French doors overlooking the gardens.

To my own eyes I couldn't actually see Carlisle, or Esme hesitate, but I am pretty sure they must have because of the expressions on their faces.

Somewhere, as part of the plan, Alice turned off the main lights in the house, and all of a sudden tiny twinkling lights illuminated the interior of the house as well as the tree's and support beams outside.

"What is going on?" Seth asked the room.

Ren had migrated to Jake and he kissed her quickly before hugging her in his arms. I could feel my heart hammering hard in my chest.

The smile Jasper gave me when he stepped up next to me helped still my nerves some and I tried to smile back.

I cleared my throat, "Esme… I- I don't have any thing that I can give to you that would show exactly how much your kindness has meant to me. The others tell me that for the most part you don't buy material things for presents on birthdays and such-" Esme gasped loudly at that, suddenly realizing what was going on. She stepped closer and covered her delicate mouth with her hands.

"So I've asked Edward and Jasper to help me with getting this-with helping me get this ready for you. It is as much their present to you as it is mine." There was a pause where I was still trying to figure out if I had said enough, and I nervously looked to the floor. Then I glanced at each of the Cullen's.

"Oh and Alice helped," I added shyly. I heard Alice, and Esme both giggle at that, I didn't see it as I was looking to Edward.

_Ready when you are Piano Man._

Edward began our practiced version of "When I Grow Too Old for Dreaming," By Nat King Cole. And I felt a small burst of confidence that probably came from Jasper as he started to play the harder guitar parts.

I closed my eyes and started singing; I swayed on the spot to help keep rhythm. Once I reached the middle of the song I felt confident enough that I opened my eyes. And at first I didn't look at any of the family. I was anxious and was taking measured steps to relax.

When I finally managed to look into Esme's eyes I nearly choked on the emotion I saw swimming in the butterscotch pools.

When I first had the idea to sing as a present for Esme, I thought it would be rather cheesy, or embarrassing. And I wasn't even sure I could do it without breaking down.

As I had told Edward, I had never sung for anyone else. It was never a gift or show of emotion for anyone else. It was always me, in the dark, singing out waiting for _her_ to hear me.

I finished the song and before our audience had a chance to clap Edward began the second song we'd decided on.

I enjoyed singing "When I fall in Love" because it really was a very romantic song, and until Edward had suggested it while we practiced, I hadn't ever sang it. I watched with emotions high and pulled tight, as Carlisle began to spin Esme around on the wooden floor nearing the dining room. It didn't take long until Emmett and Rose were dancing next to them. Seth and Bella started to awkwardly sway, while Ren and Jake simply enjoyed watching me and the others perform. Standing off to the side with a contented and relaxed smile was Alice. She was watching us perform as if seeing it in her future hadn't done it justice.

The third song was picked by Jasper, as he knew it was one of Esme's favorite songs, and also happened to be one I knew how to sing. So we didn't have to practice that one. "Smile" By Nat King Cole was a success.

Getting towards the end of that song I felt the nerves that had relaxed some as I watched my foster family dance come back full force.

The next song was going to be difficult for me, on many levels.

When the third song was over and Edward finished the last notes, there was a long enough pause that everyone started clapping. I dipped my head and demurely smiled.

I was about to begin explaining about the next song, but my voice got lost in the overwhelming sadness that over took me. I would be singing "Dream a Little Dream of Me" and it tore at me. It was a song that held so much meaning for me. _So_ much love and hope, sadness and longing that I wasn't sure I could do it.

After Esme had helped me open one of the storage boxes I started to feel like my past wasn't clinging to me like a heavy second skin.

I wanted to sing the song as my mum had intended it to be sung.

Singing over the last seven years had been a sort of hollow homage to the woman I loved so dearly. I sang it with so much longing and sadness all those years, because that's what it had come to mean to me.

Tonight, I was determined to revive the song for the purpose it had when my mum had been around. It would be painful giving this gift to Esme, letting her take the vacant spot in my heart where my mum's memory had lived like a ghost for so long.

I closed my eyes and was shaking with internal tears that Edward could plainly hear, and Jasper could feel.

"One," I began, clearing my throat, "One of my earliest memories was of my mum sitting on the front steps at my grandparents cottage gently singing this song as the sun set. I loved the song so much that she taught it to me, she would play piano some nights and I would sit next to her and sing. As I got older we sang it less and less. But every time I heard the notes I was reminded of the safety and comfort that she brought to the melody.

"I haven't sung this song with those emotions since I was ten…" I wiped away the stray tear that started to fall, "Until tonight."

It was really hard to sing of quality when my throat was so thick with subdued tears. I couldn't bring myself to look at any of the Cullen's while I sang. And I will admit, that it wasn't the best quality rendition of the song I had done, but Jasper playing guitar next to me, and Edward confidently backing me up with the piano helped me push forward.

I choked back a hard sob when I reached the line "Say nighty night and kiss me," thinking of how my mum had done it many nights before bed, and how when Esme did it I felt the same kind of love from her. And from there the lines just got harder.

This song was my goodbye to my mum, my way of telling her I was safe now, and that I would be okay. I was telling her, wherever she was that I would always love her and miss her.

And at the same time I was opening my heart to the love I knew Esme had for me. I was letting Esme know that although I hadn't been with her long I still accepted her as my mum.

The final notes played out on Edward's piano, and there was silence in the room. I ducked my head, as I hadn't been able to look at anyone the whole song, and I felt so vulnerable I couldn't take whatever their expressions might tell me.

When two hands gently gripped my shoulders I slowly looked up into Esme's eyes. If she could have cried, I am sure she would have been crying rivers of tears. I didn't have to be an empath to see that she was feeling how I felt. My guitar was snatched away by someone just after I let it go as I launched myself into her arms.

"Mum." I whispered into her neck and I tried to pull her closer. And I hadn't even been aware that I'd said it out loud until I heard her gasp and shudder as her body was racked with waterless sobs.

The rest of the evening was rather light hearted. After Esme and I extracted ourselves from our emotional embrace, the others expressed their appreciation of the performance. And it had solidified Rosalie's determination to have me sing at her next wedding.

When the night had finally wound down, Esme tucked me in. And although I was a few months away from being legally an adult I indulged myself in the comfort of her leaning over to give me a gentle kiss on the head.

.~.

The first week of school was awkward, difficult and frustrating.

Alice, since she could do nothing about my clothes, fussed with my short hair and make-up every day. One of the Cullen's would have to carry me each morning after breakfast, to Seth's place; from there Ren would drive us to school.

I was the awkward new girl in senior year, that obviously wasn't as "high class" as most of the other kids, so I was generally snubbed or looked down on, which didn't really bother me. Until it became known that Ren and I were friends did people start treating me decently.

I became a part of her group, and I noticed that as popular as Ren seemed she wasn't very active in the conversations with our lunch group. Or in Drama club.

After school I would go to my Fencing Club, I had decided not to join Nature club once I found out they did outdoor activities all year round. But when there was time between when Fencing club was finished and Ren's last club of the day was done, I would take to sitting in the tranquility room, or library.

The Tranq Room was a well known make out place after school hours, so you had to be careful when you went in there, just to make sure you didn't catch some kids going at it.

Despite how nice the school was, I still hated it. And as soon as the first batches of homework had been assigned I regretted having to come back at all.

Ren flipped her phone closed and sighed heavily as she walked up to where I was sitting in the library. Last day of the first week was over, and I really wished I could find some way out of attending.

"What's up?" I asked as she huffed a little.

"Aunt Alice is being difficult," Ren explained as we walked down the hall. I nodded, and patiently waited for Ren to continue.

She picked up the conversation as if I had been in on her thoughts, "-And it happens every year, you'd think with a human's birthday to plan in less than a month she'd be satisfied with that."

We had reached the sturdy black Volvo R560 hatchback that Ren drove, and she looked over at me from the driver's side, her face pinched up in annoyance.

"I-wait what? Alice is planning a birthday party for me?" I asked startled and quickly ducked into the car as Ren had already gotten in.

"Yes, but it wouldn't take a psychic to know _that_. If Aunt Alice is _anything_ it's an event planner. Usually, because my mom and I don't like to make a big deal about birthday's, she has to lump them together for one party. And _usually_ it's just a whole family hunting trip," she sighed and gave me a small speculative glance. "But as you would literally be left behind for that-"

"I don't mind. I'd get what… a couple nights to myself?" I interrupted, and it had come out too eagerly and she turned fully to look at me as we stopped at a light. She shared a familiar trait with Edward as her upper lip twitched in amusement before she snorted.

"Tell her that when you get home, will you? She is certain that you'd feel abandoned if we went without you."

"Will do captain!" I saluted her cheekily.

.~.

It appeared that, although, Alice seemed like an unwavering force when it came to party planning that she tended relent when she was given something better.

For the three day birthday party hunting trip all the Cullen's would be going on allowing me to be left to my own devices for those days, Alice was allowed to do whatever she wanted for my birthday.

Ren had done the negotiating.

Bella took me aside once the family meeting about me being on my own had been decided on.

"You really didn't have to let Alice have full control Eva…" Bella kindly said.

Alice made a face at Bella before hoping off to get more details ironed out for my party, about a month away. Just after the meeting everyone broke off to do other activities, like usual. The boys were playing poker in the other room, with Bella shielding them of course. Esme was making dinner and oddly enough Rose was helping.

"I don't mind Bella. I've never had a birthday party, so…" I shrugged.

"Wait- what?" Ren said from her spot next to me.

She looked shocked and wary.

"I mean, when I was 14 at the Thorps we went out to dinner, but I never had like balloons or party games like most kids have." I look back and forth from mother and daughter; both looked upset and saddened by what I said.

"Not even when you were young… before your mom...?" Ren hesitantly asked, and I didn't miss the sharp look Bella gave her daughter from her spot sitting daintily on the coffee table in front of us.

Ren mentioning my mother didn't hurt as much as it might have.

I snorted, "I think I may have had one when I was really little, but I don't remember it. My mum was usually too busy to plan a party," I sighed remembering our all day movie marathons. "Even in London I wasn't popular with the other kids." The instant question that popped into my head following that statement was, why? Why hadn't I had many friends?

Then I remembered.

The smiled that broke across my face must have confused them.

"Hold on." I said quickly and jumped up to run to the hall closet on the second floor. I didn't even know which box it was in for certain.

"Did you need some help Evangeline?" a soft tender voice asked as I tried to pull Box number one off of Box four.

"Sure da-," I stammered over my own words, only just barely catching myself.

Carlisle gave me an endearing and delighted smile, obviously catching my mistake.

My cheeks started to burn and I knew I was blushing. I stepped aside so he could easily pick the box up I had mentioned.

"Here is fine," I gestured to the hall, and he nodded although he seemed perplexed as to why I'd want the box on the floor. "Thanks Carlisle." I timidly smiled before tearing the lid off the box.

I buried myself in digging through the box, trying hard not to think about why I had made that slip. It wasn't _exactly_ like I thought of Carlisle as my father. But he certainly was the _closest_ man I'd ever had in my life that I felt like really filled that role in my life. I'd already taken to calling Esme mum, in my mind and out loud. And Carlisle was her mate and husband so maybe the jump wasn't that far off.

I swallowed shallowly, realizing the whole family probably heard my mistake.

Once I'd dug through the top layer of box four and started to realize it wasn't the one I had in mind I started to put the lid back on.

"Not what you were looking for?" Carlisle asked curiously from between me and the closet.

"No… it's all probably in box three… I haven't- not since I was ten…" I sighed frustratedly to hide the slight twinge of pain I felt at mentioning it.

Carlisle took the opportunity and without my prompting took out box three and gently switched it with box four.

Once I had box three's lid off I smiled widely, seeing the old fragments of my childhood I knew would be in here. Long forgotten fantasy's I'd play out with my dollies came to the front of my mind as I saw their slightly age worn faces on the surface.

I stood up fully intending to bring it down with me, but Carlisle beat me to it.

"Can I get this for you Evangeline?" he asked, even though I doubted he would have let me if I said 'no'.

Carlisle set the box down in front of where Bella and Ren were still waiting, both looking confused and interested.

Alice zipped into the room and took a seat on the arm of the chair next to me. Esme and Rosalie came in after a moment, and I suddenly realized this might become a family event, and I started to feel a little nervous.

All I needed to calm myself was to look at Esme's intrigued and hopeful eyes and I was at peace.

"Wow, Eva! Look at all of this!" Ren said, and I could tell she was tempted to pick up a couple things.

"What is all of this?" Bella asked curiously, once I had given Ren permission to look through the things.

"Evidence to show why I wasn't popular with other kids… I had completely forgotten about it." I laughed.

I smiled and felt contented when Esme came to stand next to Carlisle and he wrapped an arm around her waist.

"I used to have an odd obsession with… well lightning bugs. And stars," I paused when Ren pulled out a half melted thing that looked like a lumpy cone with a wick at the end. She gave me an incredulous look, "And candles," I added sheepishly.

Alice made a happy gasping noise and dove for the box, gently, but suddenly pushing me into Ren.

She pulled out a wire oval with wings.

"I made that in reception year… umm kindergarten here. I got into trouble because we were supposed to be practicing our alphabet with paints," I chuckled, remembering how I had stuck my little tongue out in frustration as I bent the paperclips to the shape of a lightning bugs abdomen.

I heard a chuckle from the other room, warm and velvety.

The next second Edward was behind Bella's peering into the box. The rest of the boys filed in at a more human pace.

"It's so intricate for a 5 year old." Rosalie commented, after Alice had handed it to her.

"I think I may have been trying to put that," I gestured to the candle Ren had in her hands, and then to the wire bug, "in there."

"I had a couple close friends, but most other kids thought I was odd, singing to myself and playing with wax…"

Alice kept ducking into the box to pull out the little wire bugs. I was surprised with how many she was pulling out; I hadn't remembered I made that many. She was moving so fast, I could only watch as the pile in Rose's hands grew.

"There are so many!" Esme cooed.

"There are more at the bottom," Alice added perturbed, tilting her head. "I can _see_ them."

Everyone chortled a bit at that, and I smiled.

"Oh Eva is that a photo album?" Rose asked suddenly after Emmett had retrieved a basket to set the little wire bugs into.

"Can I?" Ren asked gesturing to the small book that did indeed look like a photo album. I shrugged. Before Ren could dip back in to grab the book Esme zipped past and snatched it from the box. I blinked, shocked.

And suddenly I wasn't the center of attention. Esme had the album open and was peering interestedly into it, Rose standing at her shoulder with Emmett looking over their heads.

"Hey…!" I said delayed, pretending to be upset I huffed and crossed my arms.

"Look at her little feet!" Emmett chuckled.

"Give that back so Eva can show us!" Ren complained.

Esme smiled brilliantly at me before handing it back. The album was open to the first page, and on the first page was me, looking very much like a newborn, sitting on my grandpa Knight's lap.

I stared into his wrinkly face, startling blue eyes that matched mine seemed clouded over, and perhaps he had cataracts. I was wearing a brown and pink frilly dress, my little feet sticking out.

"You were so tiny," Ren cooed next to me and I caught a chuckle.

"All baby's are that tiny, you were that small once," I stated factually.

"Actually Nessie might have been that small, but she looked very much like a four month old shortly after she was born," Edward told me. He was contented to stand behind Bella, gently massaging her shoulders and looking at the album through other members of the families' eyes. My mouth formed a thin contemplative line thinking about Ren's "childhood".

Flipping the first page there was a picture of me, around two, with a tube of toothpaste oozing out onto the tile of a bathroom floor. Everyone cooed at the picture, well the women did, the men chuckled. I blushed. I must have been trying to brush my teeth with my finger as you could see traces of toothpaste on my face and hands.

I tried to explain what was going on in many of the photos but they were all of a time I couldn't really recall so it was hard. One of the last photos was of me in a garden at night; you could only make out my form in the dark, as I was wearing a silver night dress. The image was blurry and I imagined it had been the best one my mum had taken from dozens on her digital camera. There were little specks floating around me and I puzzled at them.

"Fireflies," Esme explained when I admitted I had no idea what the picture was of.

"You look so happy," Carlisle stated, grinning kindly. I furrowed my brows and looked down into the blurry dark photo.

"I probably was." I guessed.

As by product of all that had happened to me I tended to forget happy things that happened in my early childhood, and only the memories of the pain came up when I thought about it. That's why I never thought too hard about it

"So you weren't popular, and that's why you never had a birthday party?" Emmett asked after we had finished with the album.

I shrugged not really knowing the answer.

"Well then, what kind of birthday party would you like?" Esme asked maneuvering herself to sit next to me, between Alice on the arm of the sofa and me. Alice peered interestedly around Esme to see my response. I took a quick glance at Jasper and Edward. This conversation was very similar to what we had talked about when we discussed Esme's birthday.

Shrugging again I sighed lamely. "I don't know…"

"Would you like a dance party?" Emmett asked, taking Rose in his arms and spinning around her quickly.

I laughed, "Not… really."

"But you want cake, right?" Alice asked eagerly.

"Of course… who wouldn't want cake on their birthday?" I looked around at the family, then I corrected myself, "That can consume it."

When a couple eyes looked to Bella I saw her take a long agitated breath in, rolling her eyes slowly.

"Wait, Bella… you didn't like cake for your birthdays?" I asked, genuinely shocked.

"I didn't like them making a big fuss out of it," she explained through lips set in a thin line.

My mouth popped open of its own accord. For a moment I thought about commenting on how odd that seemed, but decided it was what Bella wanted so it didn't matter.

"I think I'll enjoy whatever Alice comes up with," I said to the room.

Jasper was lazily leaning against the wall stiffened for a second before the French doors swung open with Seth and Jake innocently crashed the conversation. They had come for the feast of course.

Dinner was loud, and happy, and I sat back after finishing my plate just enjoying the atmosphere. I looked over to Edward, wondering what he saw through his families' eyes. I wondered if they all knew how lucky they were to have each other, and admittedly how lucky I was to have them.

I had thought over the issue of me joining them as a vampire a lot since school had started. We had talked about it enough over the summer that I knew I wasn't going to be changed anytime soon. But I wondered how long I was going to be human for. Maybe I would be changed in ten years, that way I could pretend to be the blonde member's of the family's older sister or something. With how young even Esme looked, and she was 26 when she changed, I would probably have to be older than that to make it work.

I lay in bed that night reflecting on the changes the Cullen's had brought in me.

In no way was I ready to talk about the things that had happened to me at the Golswiki's, but as I had seen tonight my childhood was effortless to show them. Once I had broken the seal on that painful past, and now that I had started to let myself love I could see that not including them was only hurting me more. I wasn't sure if I could honestly say I loved any of the others besides Esme, but they were definitely important to me, and for now I was fine with that. And I was sure they were fine with that too.

.~.

.~.

.~.

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><p>.~.<p>

.~.

AN: Nice longish chapter. The next couple _should_ be just as long, but don't get spoiled with the long ones, I plan to go back to the regular length eventually. Anyone visit the Panthalassa photo bucket yet? I just put Rosalie up so go check her out. Photobucket(dot)com(slash)Panthalassa. I'll add a link to my profile.

I really want to thank those of you that have reviewed! It really is great to hear from those of you who like the story. I would give you all hugs if I could!

It would really make my weekend

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	13. Chosen

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

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><p>Warning: Just a small drug use warning for those of you who might need it.<p>

AN: I just wanted to thank all of you who've been reading and as special thank you to those that are reviewing. This chapter is a little long, but don't get used to the longer chapters as future ones wont be.

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 13 - Chosen<span>**

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><p>.~.<p>

The plans had changed for the birthday bash as Ren's birthday started on a Thursday and that meant that Bella's was on Saturday they decided to leave Thursday morning and come back in the afternoon on Sunday.

Esme was very skeptical of leaving me behind, thinking I'd have some sort of mental flashback or breakdown if everyone left me alone. I assured her while she helped me pack clothes for my stay at Seth's. It would be much easier to commute to school from his place, because even though they had let me walk the distance from the main house to Seth's through the forest, I was not interested in doing it before leaving for school.

As it stood I would have to wake up at 6, and leave by 6:30 to make in time for school. Ren usually could drive much faster and her skills made a the two hour drive through heavy morning traffic cut down into a 45 minute commute, I regretfully did not have those same skills.

"Bag me a bear!" I called waving to the family as they said their good-byes to me.

"Bears aren't in season!" Esme called back.

"I'll get you two!" Emmett yelled over Esme, and I laughed. Seth and Jake were already phased and Ren and Bella were carrying their backpacks.

I stayed on the porch watching the direction they left for a good twenty minutes. Before I had to get breakfast ready, and then leave for school.

.~.

.~.

School sucked without Ren. We had four of our blocks together, and Drama club, so not having her around left me kind of alone.

Some of her friends asked me where she was and I gave them the story we'd come up with, she was home sick with stomach flu. I collected her assignments for her, andher corrected homework files. In the afternoon, before fencing club I went to her clubs to get any minutes recorded so she'd be up to date.

.~.

Friday afternoon my bag was figuratively overloaded with homework, and I was not looking forward to attempting to do it. I had missed the last month of junior year due to my accident and was behind in my school work, even then. St. Therese was very accommodating and the teachers weren't ever rude about me not understanding something. But it did bother me anytime I couldn't answer questions in class and I was certain the other students were talking about the stupid new transfer student.

I smiled as I pulled up to the "Green" mart and pulled out my fake I.D. Jasper had given me "In Case of Emergencies" and went in to purchase some fine Glory of the Green M.J.

I was too young when the USA legalized marijuana to understand what kind of change that would bring about. I was actually 11 when it happened but at that time I was consumed with worry over my own fate to care too much about some drug that was now able to be purchased right along cigarettes in the local gas stations. But it really had been a big deal. And when I was teen during my rebellious periods I had taken paying older kids to buy some for me and my friends. I was only a few weeks away from being 18 and able to purchase the goods legally, but this weekend seemed like it needed a little bit of fun.

Thanks to Esme's paranoia about me feeling alone she had gone overboard on snacks and food purchased for me. I stopped to get a pizza to take away before my long drive home, and felt normal for once in a really long time. I was just like any other teenager, planning on misbehaving while their parents were away.

I sat outside with my Chemistry homework and took a bite out of the now cold pizza and I idly wondered exactly what the family was doing at that moment, and I decided to play a game with Alice.

I took a new page from my note book and started writing her name over and over. When I was sure I probably had her attention, I started making up silly rhymes with each of the families names. About five minutes after I started doing that I got a text.

_~Esme says get back to the homework. Emmett wants to know how the cannabis is, also he wants me to tell you he has made several jokes in relation to Jake and Seth. Not sure why that matters. Seth says not to smoke inside. Then Rose commented that it could only improve the smell of his place. Make some popcorn before you start smoking, I see you causing a bigger mess if you try to do it after you are high. Have FUN!~_ Alice

I sat there staring at the message for along minute before I started blushing. I decided to finish my Chemistry homework then do as Alice instructed.

The evening was simply beautiful lying out on Seth's hammock eating popcorn and smoking my joint, watching the as the last bits of light bled from the sky. I could hear crickets off in the lawn, and there was enough of a breeze that any gnats or mosquitoes never really had a chance to land. The smoke from the joint was probably keeping them at bay as well. When the stars came out I eventually drifted off to sleep.

.~.

Something had awoken me and for a minute I couldn't be sure what it was. I stumbled out of the hammock and listened trying to figure out how long I had been sleeping.

I heard a loud ringing, and looked around; my cell phone was still on the porch where I left my homework. Stumbling groggily and dazedly I got to my phone; I managed to glance at the ID just before picking it up.

"What Ali-"

"GET OUT OF THERE NOW! Grab your keys and _GO_!" her voice was so urgent it startled me, and I jumped, I shook my head trying to clear it. That must have been some fabulous green, I thought.

"NOW EVA!" she screamed at me and I held the phone away.

I briefly thought this was some sort of joke, Alice trying to rile me up, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. With the phone held to me ear I lumbered inside searching for my purse and Ren's key's to the Volvo.

"By the sink!" Alice cried impatiently and urgently. Suddenly, I had to pee.

"No time for that! GO!"

I grumbled, just now starting to wake up enough to feel anything besides groggy, "Alice you'll tell me what's going on right?" I asked once I was in Ren's car. I turned the car around in the wide driveway and started driving while I heard Alice saying something to the others on her side.

"Good… It's looking good now," she'd said in the background. I swallowed, my mouth was thick and dry and I was wishing I had something to drink.

"Alice-" I began, about to ask her what was going on.

"A coven of three human eating Vampires were coming through the area, they caught our scent from the other day and were coming to investigate. They are at the main house now. I called you as soon as I saw them decide to go to the main hou-" she was cut off, and I drove down the barren back road to get to the county highway. I took the moment to glance at the dash and the clock. 2:35 am.

"Alice is seeing something," Jasper's voice came on the line, and I sighed. I was about to ask him what was happening when he started speaking.

"Eva you got out of there in good time. Alice just saw them smell your scent in your room and go off to look for you." I felt my stomach drop.

If I hadn't woken up by what I now assumed was my cell ringing, which I barely heard anyway, I would have been all too easy for this unknown vampire group to eat.

"According to Edward this isn't a coven we've seen before. We are on the way back-"

"-Eva go to the Wal-Mart in Reedsberg, we'll meet you there at 4:22 am." Alice must have snatched the phone back from Jasper. And I put my signal on to turn on the highway heading to Reedsberg.

I pulled up to the Wal-Mart and parked, I made sure to empty my bladder, and while inside in wrinkly lounging cloths that did look a lot like pajama's I realized I didn't have any money with me. So I took a long time in front of the water fountain.

I got back to the car and waited. I wasn't sure if I should sleep, but I did keep my cell phone close as I listened to the radio.

Thinking about the last thirty minutes I realized Esme was _never _going to let me stay home alone again and I was suddenly angry at the vampires who dared interfere with my weekend.

I wondered if they'd stick around and my family would find out who they were or what they wanted. Imagining what the mystery coven looked like kept me busy for all of ten minutes.

.~.

The driver's seat was reclined and I was singing along with the newest hit from Beni Pearl, when I saw movement out across the parking lot. Squinting I saw Ren and Jake casually walk out of the tree's on that side of the parking lot and come towards the car. Shifting I unlocked the car door and got out, stretching.

"Yo," I waved feebly to them as they got closer.

"That was a close call," Jake said with a casual air.

"So I'm told… Where are the others?" I asked, looking behind them to see if any other Cullen's were here.

"Gee, thanks for the warm welcome," Jake chided good naturedly.

Ren came straight over and hugged me tightly.

"I'm glad you're safe." She peered up at me after pulling away and I grinned tiredly.

"Me too. Thanks for coming to uh… meet me. How was the trip?" I asked while Jake moved to get into the driver's seat.

"It was nice; Emmett didn't find any bears that Esme would let him kill." Ren said getting in to the passenger seat after I had ducked in back.

"So he _did_ find one?"

"He did. But Esme reminded us all how most bears are endangered. So sorry, no bears. But he does have something else for you now," Ren added with a secretive smile, looking back at me in the back seat. I crinkled my nose and thought of Emmett giving me a rabbit carcass as a joke.

When we didn't turn towards the highway to go back home I asked what was going on.

"We're going to a hotel; the other vampires are still at the main house being questioned by dad, and Jasper." She explained dourly. Her tone surprised me.

"What?" I asked, referring to her tone.

"We were basically ordered to "stay away" until its safe. It's not like I haven't met other vampires before. Just because they showed up in our land doesn't make them _more_ dangerous-"

"Baby I agreed with their position," Jake interrupted. I couldn't see Ren's face but she must have given him a dark look as Jake shifted in the driver's seat to look at her better.

"We don't know the coven. If they are peaceable your dad will call us and then we can meet them, no need to put any of us in danger."

"What you mean to say, _sweetie_, is no need to include the fragile hybrid and human that are in the family." She said bitingly, obviously really upset by not being in on the action currently going on at the main house.

"Hey," I said quickly, "I'm all for not getting involved in a situation that could result in me being somebody's snack. I don't know why you'd want to be put in the middle Ren…" her shoulders slumped at my words, and I had managed to deflate her anger some.

There was a pause when no one spoke, then a thought occurred to me. "Did you just insult yourself by saying you were being shuffled off like _me_? As in… being a human is somehow worse than being in the middle of some sort of encroaching coven problem?"

She sharply turned around in the seat to look at me, a look of embarrassment, shock and humility on her face.

"That's not what I-"

"Sure, Ren… back track now." I crossed my arms and playfully arched my eyebrow.

Then the dawning of understanding hit her, I wasn't actually upset at her. I could have been insulted easily, and in fact I kind of was. She would rather put herself in needless danger just so she could know what was going on, than admit that maybe it was better for her to be left in the dark.

We got to the hotel, which Seth had gotten for us. I was staying in a room with him, separate beds of course, and the married couple was staying together. There wasn't much talking once I got into the room as I just flopped on to the bed and snuggled up to the pillow so I could sleep.

.~.

"They were running from newborns, and found our scent." Jasper explained to me once I had gotten in the main house and asked 'what the deal was'.

"Running from Newborns?" I asked.

"It doesn't make sense to us either," Edward added. "Newborns don't typically travel together like that, and don't usually attack random covens. The Newborns in their memory worked like a much older coven, as if they had a purpose, or grounds to attack."

"So this coven that came by… they won't be back?" I queried a little worried.

"Not anytime soon, they were going to head to South America. They were basically chased from Northern Russia to British Columbia. When they caught our scent they wondered if we had encountered the odd behavior of newborns like that before," Edward continued.

"Which we haven't," Jasper added, crossing his arms and his brows crinkled.

"So what now?" Ren asked. She seemed to have cooled down from earlier in the morning. Maybe my words gave her something to think about.

Esme gently kissed the top of my head as she passed by and I grinned like a silly fool after her.

"Alice is looking at some options. We have thought about meeting up with our cousins and investigating the matter," Carlisle added, his tone contemplative.

Mentioning of Alice again drew my attention to the fact she wasn't in the main house hashing this out.

"She had to leave to get clearer pictures," Edward answered my thoughts, and I nodded.

I "ah'ed" in understanding before flopping lazily onto the couch. A second later Emmett joined me, a large smug smile on his face. I instantly was on edge and eyed him speculatively.

"Not now Emmett," Edward shook his head and reached to pinch the bridge of his nose in annoyance.

"So, Eva," he started, obviously ignoring Edward, "How was the Mary Jane?"

I rubbed my eyes, as they did actually itch a little, "Choice." I stated factually and leaned back yawning.

"Speaking of, you left your purchase on my breakfast bar," Seth's voice boomed out from the kitchen, where he was finishing the large breakfast Esme had made.

"Consider it a gift," I waved my hand lazily in his direction, pretty sure he could see it.

I turned back to Emmett and I could see he wanted to add to his teasing. Before he got the chance I decided to question the family more about the visitors who'd disrupted my early morning.

"So what did Alice _see_ exactly?" I asked Edward.

Jasper sat on the chair across from us and I noticed that it was just the boys and me. Carlisle must have gone to his office, maybe to call their cousins in Denali, which I was curious about.

"It was very reminiscent of when we saw the Volturi coming for us, actually," Jaspers low voice was contemplative. "She froze while we were taking turns jumping into a lake from a cliff, she had been about to jump when it happened and Rose saw the way Alice stiffened and snatched her out of the air."

"She wouldn't have been hurt if she fell, the rocks on the way down would have," Edward quickly answered my thought that had been forming about Alice needing to be rescued from the fall.

"As soon as the vision came, Edward was up running back to the camp, and when it was over Alice took her phone from him to call you." Emmett gave his two cents.

"Then I woke up?" I asked. A look passed from Jasper to Edward.

"We were all frantic when Edward explained what was going on." Jasper seemed to tense a moment, as if he was worried how I'd react. "Because she hadn't gotten a hold of you yet, in the vision she saw you being killed by one of the three vampires-" I instinctively wrapped my arms around myself at that, "before they fled," Jasper finished.

"She kept trying to call. And you weren't waking up. Then Bella had the idea try and have Seth remotely lock and unlock the house, the noise woke you up enough that you heard the ringing of the phone. Only then, once you were awake could she see what was going to happen."

"Wow," I said looking to Edward who had just finished his explanation that if not for Bella's quick thinking I probably would have slept right through the Cullen's attempts to warn me.

"This sort of thing… other covens coming around, isn't frequent is it?" The apprehension in my voice was prevalent.

"Covens that we have never met, no, in fact you know the story of the last one that we happened to meet." When Edward said that I puzzled for all of a second, then I remembered about James' coven.

"So wait, there are other covens you know that… come by?" I asked, looking to all three to answer. I glared towards the kitchen when Seth belched.

"There are several that we see every few years," Jasper told me.

"Once a decade Benjamin and Tia, a nomadic couple from Egypt, stop by, Alice usually sees them before hand. Then Peter and Charlotte stop by every few years, they were here last Christmas. And Mary, a nomad, visits on occasion seeking stock market advice from Alice."

My eyes widened marginally and I nodded, thinking on the information. If there were over 400 vampires in the world, and that number fluctuated a lot, then I guessed for a coven like the Cullen's that didn't move around a lot that it was less likely for them to know many other covens.

The conversation dwindled a bit and Jasper asked if I wanted to practice with my guitar out on the porch. Emmett joined us and the practice session turned into a small jam, where Emmett and Jasper kept trying to outdo one another on sounding more "hillbilly". Needless to say I was made the judge and simply because Emmett seemed to be trying so hard did I dub him the winner. Alice poked her head outside for a moment and did nothing but glare at Emmett for a solid minute.

"I wasn't going to have her wear them… not _really_, Alice calm down!" Emmett chuckled light heartedly, and only then did Alice duck back inside. It really made me laugh at how she just had to look at you to make you relent. I wondered if she was her own self fulfilling prophecy.

.~.

"I HATE GOVERNMENT!" I growled and threw my pencil down.

Ren sighed and turned the Government book I was studying from checking to see where I was. Government was the only class she didn't have with me and I hated it.

"Well you have a fairly good grasp about the Civil war era. If you want a first person perspective you have plenty of people to choose from for the turn of the century unit," she reasoned gently putting the book in front of me.

"Seth!" I called out seeing him heading back outside to the bond fire I wasn't allowed to enjoy until my homework was finished.

"He's only 33 years old Eva," Ren laughed. I gave her a look as Seth strolled over and leaned on the table to look at my progress.

"Hey go all wolfy and eat this book will you?" I held the book out to him and gave him a pleading look.

I distinctly heard Emmett, Jake, and Edward laughing outside at that comment.

"Go… all… _wolf-y_?" He asked carefully pronouncing each syllable.

"Then I can say my dog ate it." I replied factually. I saw the humor in Seth's eyes as he tried to give me a stern glare back. It wasn't intimidating because of the raucous laughter we could hear from outside.

"That excuse never works,_ believe_ me," Seth waved his hand cutely in front of him, it was a much too effeminate motion and I snort-chuckled before looking back to my homework.

It was the Wednesday following the whole Human Eating Vampire debacle and my Government homework had been due earlier and I was given a one day extension. Ren had finished with all of her homework and was sitting patiently with me until I finished.

The bond fire that night at Seth's was warm and wonderful. All the couples were sitting together in Hallmark poses on the patio furniture. Jake, Seth and I were roasting marshmallows, while Ren sat at her mum's feet getting her hair braided. I plopped down by Esme, and wished Carlisle could be here with us.

Jasper produced a guitar from nowhere and I enjoyed listening to him play. Alice hummed along with him, her high soprano lilting wonderfully with the chords. It occurred to me that it might be a song they were making up as they went and I enjoyed it all the more after that.

Snuggling up to Esme with a blanket I watched them on the other side of the fire happily creating music together. The flames crackled lightly, and you could hear random pops of wetter wood catching the flame.

With as amazing as the Cullen's eye sight was, I wondered if such perfect clarity could cause some of the beauty I saw to lessen.

.~.

It was the very next day I had a great idea as Ren drove down County Road O, and all I had to do was convince her.

"Ren… how hard is it for you to learn new things?" I asked slickly.

"Wha- Well it's as easy as just explaining it to me once, much like the rest of the family." She took a glance at me to gauge my expression, to see if there was a reason as to the question written on my face.

"So you could say… remember the proper way to do sequences for calculus?"

She snorted before rolling her eyes, "Of course."

"Excellent," I said brightly. I laced my fingers together in front of me and stretched them outward.

There was a small pause where I waited for her to take the bait.

"Why… _exactly_ is that so excellent?" she asked cautiously.

"I was thinking of a way to help me study so I can remember better, and I just thought of how you'd be a great tutor." I wiggled my shoulders into the seat and relaxed more now that I felt like my plan would work.

"I promise I'll help you any way I can Eva," she smiled sweetly at me.

"Great choice of words if I do say so myself," I quipped. She looked at me with a worried and questioning gaze. "With your special ability it'll only take you about an hour to teach me all the concepts you know and then I'll be smarter, not as smart as you, but smarter."

"Eva, I don't think-" she began.

"-It's perfect. I know it'll work because of all that stuff you've sent to me before is still there," I delicately shuddered; I could _still_ vividly remember Jake mostly naked like it had just happened.

"Eva, I am sure it _could_ work. But I don't think I can _do_ that," she said emphatically.

"Why?"

"It's cheating."

"No it's not. It's teaching me, really, _really_, really fast. You just show me the concepts, and formulas for Calc, the periodic table and all the pertinent information for the elements, including bonds. The complete Government history from 1870-1990. All the rules for proper English grammar," I had been counting the topic on my fingers and furrowed my brow thinking of more.

Ren was chewing on her bottom lip, looking hesitant.

"I don't need to be a genius, just not so… dumb."

"You aren't dumb Eva!" she exclaimed, looking from me to the road to me again trying to show me she was serious.

"That's nice of you to say Ren, but come _on_. Just help me so I can do the work. Even with the things I've already listed it'll be a big help. And I can guarantee there will still be a lot I'll still need to study."

"I still don't think-"

"You promised!" I urged sounding half hurt and half teasing.

"You tricked me though!" she countered with a smile.

"I didn't put those words in your mouth. Just help me get to a B grade. Besides… you owe me." I pulled the last card I had with that and she scoffed and her shoulders slumped a bit.

"Trying to guilt trip me huh?" she asked meekly.

"Why… is it working?"

Ren sighed and ran one hand through her hair as we turned onto State Road 33. We would be at school in about half an hour. She'd need the next thirty minutes to concentrate on driving.

"Fine, I'll do it." Ren relented and I cheered, "But after school, before we go home…" she added as an afterthought.

"I'll make up a more comprehensive list. Do you think you could send me all of Shakespeare? I have no desire to read his prose for myself, that crap is boring."

She laughed loudly and I grinned at her, "Sure Eva, I'll send you some of The Bards crappy prose," she chuckled lightly after that.

I guessed she actually liked Shakespeare and she thought I was trying to be funny, I decided if that was the case I wasn't about to correct her assumption. I was just relieved I wouldn't have to try and struggle through Hamlet, or A Midsummer Nights Dream.

.~.

After the day I had with all of the girls quietly snickering behind their hands when I couldn't answer questions I was more than ready for Ren to tutor me.

She pulled off to park at the gas station just before we reached Reedsberg, I was excited, and she seemed reluctant.

"Do you have the list," she said morosely, I handed her the folded up piece of notebook paper I had been writing on all day.

I saw her scanning it and she peeked at me when she got halfway through, I gave her two thumbs up and she smiled despite her attempts to be grumpy.

"We'll do the first three on the list THEN," she spoke louder seeing that I had been about to interrupt, "we see how you are acclimating to the information. If it seems alright, I'll do more."

"Cool with me," I was excited.

"We'd better to this with contact," she told me while sticking out her hand. I put my hand in hers closing my eyes and waited.

And waited. I opened my eyes a crack to see Ren staring at me with a sly smile on her face.

"What?"

"Nothing, you just reminded me of a light brown tall version of Alice with how excited you look." I stuck my tongue out at her comment, not sure if it was a compliment or not.

"Okay get ready," she warned.

.~.

Numbers, graphs, symbols, words, equations, and dates entered my head like I was dreaming. I could tell it was a steady stream and they swirled into me. I was surprised at the little bit of pressure I felt in my head while it happened.

I finally found the end of the stream of knowledge Ren had sent and I went back to look through it all again, surprised with how well rounded it was. She even gave me all the information on the histories of the discovery of each of the newer elements.

When it felt right I opened my eyes and noticed Ren looking worried watching me carefully. I swallowed. She handed me the water bottle she was holding wordlessly, and I took a drink trying to think about where she could have gotten it from.

"Are you Okay Eva?"

"O, Oxygen atomic number 8, Atomic weight 15.9994. K, Potassium atomic number 19, atomic weig-" I stopped talking by slapping my hands over my mouth, Ren looked shocked and panicked. I hadn't meant to say that stuff, it just came out instead of what I had wanted to say, which was that I was perfectly fine.

"Oh. My. God… Grandma is going to _kill_ me…" she wailed and threw herself against the driver's seat; we both heard something crack with the force she used. I winced at the noise. "_And_ Aunt Rose…"

For the record, what I said after that was, "Why would she kill you, I'm fine!" when in fact both Ren and I heard;

"I am constant as the northern star,

Of whose true-fix'd and resting quality

There is no fellow in the firmament."

She groaned again after I said that and I puzzled a moment wondering where that came from, then thinking on it the knowledge popped into my head. Julius Caesar. And I smiled triumphantly, definitely making Ren think she'd driven me insane with the information. She looked about to cry and I wanted to comfort her but I thought if I opened my mouth more Shakespeare might come out and it would really make her frantic.

"I _broke_ the human… oh _god_…" she put folded her arms over the steering wheel and buried her face in them.

I patted her gently on the shoulder and tried to find a way back to operating my own mouth again.

I took another sip of water as Ren silently tried to calm herself down.

"It's… ok." I said slowly.

She peeked up from her arms, through her long bronze hair.

"I think… it was just… a lot of…" I paused and took another sip of water, "different types of…information at once."

I saw her take a deep breath and visibly relax.

"That was a little scary," she admitted putting her hand over her heart.

I bit my lower lip and nodded in agreement.

"But, I think… it worked." I said smiling shyly. Ren rolled her eyes.

"No more. And you can't convince me otherwise." She narrowed her brown eyes at me before putting the car in drive, pulling away from the gas station.

We drove in silence and I caught her glancing at me every few seconds, as if to check that I wasn't some babbling retard full of Chemistry, Calculus, and Shakespearean quotes.

"If I am normal by time we get… home would you reconsider that?" I hedged, pleading.

I was much more aware of what my mouth was saying, and I think the weird crossed wires in my mind were only because I hadn't put the facts she'd given me away yet.

When she didn't respond I continued, "I mean… it's a human brain trying to keep up with a half vampire brain. Give it a little time."

She chuckled tiredly, like I wasn't getting through to her, but somehow I figured I might have a chance to break her down to doing at least one of the items on my list a week.

When we got to Seth's, Emmett was there to give me a ride back to the main house.

"Do you think Rose can borrow that uniform sometime Eva? You are about the same size…" he asked while running.

I chuckled, "Great timing Emmett, ask me while I am clinging to your back. And her chest is _much_ bigger, she'd be busting out of this top." I reasoned and even though he couldn't see, I rolled my eyes.

"All the better," he hummed with humor.

"Come on! I don't _want_ to hear that!" I slapped the back of his head, fully aware that it would only hurt me. "I am sure you have plenty of costumes for Rose to wear, she doesn't need my uniform."

"True, but maybe when you graduate you might not have a use for it. Recycling is _good_ for the environment Eva."

"I swear to god Emmett if I come in my room one day after graduating and the uniform is gone I'll sick Seth on you," I threatened in mock seriousness.

.~.

That night, before dinner I was doing homework while lying on my stomach in the middle of my floor. It was my Government home work; I had decided to try and trudge my way through it before going to the subjects I would be much better at. When I finished it the best I could and moved on to Calculus homework I was actually a little excited.

After forty minutes of pounding through all the homework for Calc, including my back logged work and the rest of the weeks work I realized I had gotten every answer right and went back to purposefully make at least 30% wrong before hitting the send button on the touch screen. I set the laptops screen back on its frame and stretched.

I remembered Bella telling how she used to have to actually turn in _papers_ and it seemed so barbaric in a way. All that paper, wasted. I only had to fill in the document the teachers sent to our student files and submit it. I could, at any time until the teacher opened the homework, correct any mistakes I might have made.

I moved Emmett's birthday trip present back to its spot leaning against my closet doors, I had been using it to prop up the screen while I worked, and it seemed to do a pretty good job. Making a mental note to thank Emmett, I tidied up my room a bit, even going the extra step to make my bed.

I took this time to head downstairs to put the kettle on, as I knew dinner would be ready fairly soon and I wanted to have an excuse to try and help out.

.~.

Dinner was rather dull as Ren, and Jake had gone out on a date. Seth was out with some buddies he'd made in his recent college years. So Esme made me a nice chicken dinner, which I got to help out with.

Most of the time I assumed any and all of the Cullen's could be in the house while I was there. But tonight I knew Edward and Bella were off being romantic somewhere and Alice was back at her cabin planning things for my birthday. Apparently she didn't want to risk me seeing any of the plans, which was stupid because I wasn't even going to go looking for them in the first place.

I wasn't sure where Rose had been but she came in from the hallway where Carlisle's office was and blurred to the living room to give Emmett a kiss before joining Esme's and my conversation about my singing.

"I've always done it," I responded to Esme's question how young I was when I started.

"In the box, the other day, there were memory cards; do you think your mom put video's of you on them?" Rose asked interestedly.

"Of course your eye sight would see that…" I responded while I thought on it. "She did a lot of recording… especially of me singing. I know she got copies of the Olymp-" I cut myself off realizing what I had let slip.

Esme and Rose both squealed loudly and their eyes got really huge, I winced realizing how excited this information leak made them and pushed my smile back.

"That was you?"

"You got to sing with Paul McCartney?" They talked over one another, and at this point Emmett was standing by Rose's other side looking interested as well.

I sighed. "Go ahead and pull up the clip if you want to-" I finished speaking to empty air.

By time I made it into the living room Emmett had cued up a video of the whole 2012 opening ceremonies on the TV while Esme and Rose stood by the couch to watch.

"Got here just in time!" Alice beamed from next to me causing me to jump and _**scream**_.

The jumping caused me to bang my knee on the stand behind the couch, a few books fell off and Alice caught the glass ball decoration while giving me an apologetic grimace.

Jasper had come with Alice and was doing an impression of Edward pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Cue it up Emmett!" Rose cheered as he forwarded the video to the part of the ceremony where Paul McCartney was performing.

I remembered the months of preparation before the ceremony.

My mum had gotten me an audition for a chance to sing at the ceremony just after my fifth birthday. The audition was for children from ages 5-10, and they had a limited number of slots to fill. My mum never pressured me into getting in the choir but thought I'd enjoy the opportunity to sing all the same. And I had. I enjoyed singing for the judges and along with some of the other kids. I didn't like how they were all mean to me after, because according to my mum I was the best.

Soon after I made it onto the choir we had a rehearsal with all the parents anxiously and happily watching from the stands of the auditorium. They had us practice some lullaby's in our age groups while they listened. Eventually I was moved in with older kids, then after a few more practices I was moved into a group with three other kids, all older than me. It wasn't till later that I was told I was being considered for the solo with the main singer (it had been kept a secret until the day of the performance, and as little children couldn't be counted on to keep secrets, all we were told was it was a famous singer).

I enjoyed my Saturdays in preparation for the Olympics. I had fun getting measured for my costume and learning new songs. One day after practice the lead vocal coach, I forget her name, came over to my mum and I as we were leaving to ask if I'd mind staying back. I was asked by the committee if I'd like to sing the solo that they had been holding out on assigning. I was a little reluctant thinking taking the solo would make all the other children angry with me and then I wouldn't have any friends. But my mum eventually convinced me to do it.

We had all done the practice runs at the Olympic Stadium, and we were very excited for the day when it would finally happen. The adults had been very careful to prepare us for the lights, noise, the people, and the atmosphere. And when we walked out into the stadium the nerves went through our group like some disease.

We sang on the stage with Paul, our part of the ceremony was only three minutes long, and it had taken _months_ to just get us prepared for that.

Alice took my hand as we watched the small children march in the organized pattern they had been taught. I smiled seeing this from the audience point of view for the first time in many years.

"Oh there you are!" Esme jumped pointing to my 5 year old self obediently taking her spot in the front row, right near where Paul would walk and step up to take my hand.

I started singing my solo, in a pure and gentle voice that only a child could produce. The song was an original composition that Sir McCartney had written himself. It was about the beauty of all things around us and how the world itself was a family and all the people were a part of it.

"You actually got to touch Sir Paul McCartney," Alice said breathlessly, as if in awe. I grinned and rose the hand she was currently holding to eye level, and she fake gasped, causing us both to grin.

When my part was over and the ceremony continued to replay Rose quickly went back to the beginning of my entrance.

"I thought you people had photographic memories or something?" I asked pretending to be annoyed. Esme turned from the TV to give me a smile full of pride before turning back to watch it again.

"I have to admit, you make one cute kid Eva," Emmett stated, without one hint of a double meaning.

Not sure if commenting on his compliment was a good idea a ducked my head in embarrassment.

"You're hair was much more like my color when you were younger," Rose mused. And she was right. I did have more of a golden blonde hue to my hair back then, only as I got older did it get a little darker, and I now wondered if it was somehow a sign of how my life had gone.

They watched the clip, the same 3:12 seconds seven times before I'd had enough.

"Come on guys, it's not like you can't close your eyes and just watch it again that way," I whinged.

"Do you have other stuff we can watch instead?" Emmett smiled devilishly at me. And instantly Esme and Rose were looking at me pleadingly with their butterscotch eyes.

When Alice froze next to me then giggled like a chipmunk and I shook my head, knowing I'd lost the fight.

I literally fell asleep on the couch amid girlish squeals from the videos Emmett had uploaded to the TV. Alice had found the terabyte hard drive that had all of the videos from when I was -5 months to just before my tenth birthday.

"Oh play that one again!" Esme beamed, and Jasper, who was now the one in control of the remote after Rose had made us re-watch me having a mud fight with some kids in London more than 22 times, played the clip over again.

I woke up to Emmett's bark of a laugh and I startled in my spot, Alice gave me an apologetic smile, and I groggily looked to the screen to see what they were watching. I missed the end of the clip, which according to the screen had been 0:45 seconds long. The next clip started and I saw a very young baby being bathed.

Suddenly the room went very quiet and I couldn't understand what happened. I had only drifted off to sleep while they had been watching happy memories, and now that newborn me was on the screen they were almost morose.

"We can skip this one," I sat up more on the couch.

Jasper was still sitting by the window with Alice sitting under one of his arms her gaze steadily on the screen. Rose was looking at the screen with an emotion that made me uncomfortable. It was almost like she lusted, or desired that baby.

And what little I knew from Rose, I knew she wished she had been able to have "that" life, kids, grey hair, arthritis, the whole deal. Part of me could understand her perspective, and as she and I had never talked about my fate I wondered if she held my potential waste of future against me. That was one of the only conversations I had with Bella that really lead anywhere. Bella had told me about how much Rose had changed since Ren had been born.

"You are _so_… beautiful," Rose said in a pained voice. And I realized this was the youngest video they had seen of me yet.

I tore my eyes away from her agonizing desire for the baby on the screen and watched as baby me slapped the water and gurgled.

I felt disgust, not at baby me, but at babies in general.

I blamed Mr. Golswiki. But no matter whom I blamed for my issues involving babies I knew I could never look at a baby the same way Rose, or Esme for that matter, did. I felt someone watching me and when I looked up I shouldn't have been surprised that it was Jasper.

I huffed, and explained to him out loud why I was emoting what I was, "I don't like baby's."

When Rose looked at me she was curious and looked a little shocked, I had everyone looking at me and I didn't feel like elaborating.

"I'm going to bed… you can keep watching," I avoided looking at them as I stood and stretched.

After I changed into my pajama's Esme came to tuck me in.

She seemed to hesitate after saying goodnight, like she wanted to ask me about my comment earlier.

.~.

The next day I had been in a bad mood, and it only got worse as the day went on. There wasn't a definable reason for my mood, but I blamed it on the whole baby thing. Ever since I had come to live with the Cullen's I was going way out of my usual comfort zone. I was _sharing_ things with them. I was _talking_ with them. I was starting to not feel like me.

But the thing was it did feel like me. That part of me Edward had hinted to being there and it was coming alive.

"What has you so mope-y today?" Ren asked, once we had gotten to Drama Club. I just shrugged my shoulders in a non-committal way.

"PMS," I finally grunted out when her challenging look didn't fade.

"That's not for another week for you," she said after she took in a long whiff of me.

I ignored her after that, still stuck on my thoughts about baby's and how I quickly I was changing.

"Hey Knight! Can you hold this?" one of the other stage hands asked me, and I left Ren's side without a backwards glance to help hold the board they were nailing together.

"Will you quit avoiding me," Ren finally snapped when I turned the music over her talking to me. She quickly turned the music off, and turned the wipers on. The light drizzle from earlier in the day was causing a lot of spray from other cars.

"I'm not avoiding you… I am just annoyed with a lot right now. And thanks to your family I only have the next 30 minutes to brood before Jasper, and Edward will be in here." I pointed to my head as I pouted.

Ren's chocolate eyes looked shocked for a moment before they turned down at the corners with concern.

"Your family," she murmured thinking over my words. I ignored her and looked out the window.

I wasn't part of their family. I was a foster kid they took in. Carlisle had chosen everyone else. Well, Alice and Jasper joined on their own in 1950, but that had been their choice.

Maybe that's what I hated, not having a choice, and not having been chosen. I had been forced upon the Cullen's because of what Alice had done. I was getting defensive over my life, probably because there was so much being unearthed. I voiced that thought to Ren, in a huff, and continued staring out the window.

"Would you rather be living in Group Home now?" she asked.

"Don't be stupid, of course not."

"I don't know what has you so upset… We all care about you."

"It's nothing, me just being some petulant teenager, not happy with the fantastic family that has been burdened with her presents."

Ren sighed, "I think there is something else to it."

"Can you not _try_ to analyze me? _Please_? At least do it when I'm not around. I am getting tired of all of you doing that." I vented.

"That's not what we're trying to do," her voice dropped, she had been hurt by what I said, and I uncrossed my arms to put my head in my hands.

The only noise for the next few miles was of the road, and the occasional splashing of water.

"I haven't been this happy in a long time Ren, and it frightens me." I whispered, barely able to admit it to myself, let alone anyone else.

"I don't blame you, if it was me, it'd take a while to adjust. It's a lot to take in. I mean we're both going to be with the family _forever_. I was born into the family and it's still hard for me to grasp sometimes."

"I haven't even gotten to the forever part Ren. " I replied urgently, almost on the verge of panic. "What if… what if this will all go away? I can't go back to-"

She cut me off by gently wedging her hand between mine and my face, and holding it.

"I think thinking about what-ifs could be a lengthy process best left up to Alice. I often think she loses out on a lot because she is so preoccupied with the future. Focus on what _is_, Eva." I nodded numbly, not really taking her advice.

Things so far had been great, and it really scared me.

.~.

Once we got home and Ren gave me a piggy back ride to the main house, which was as awkward as Alice's ride had been, I went to my room after greeting Jasper and Emmet who were playing a video game in the living room.

I stayed in my room, doing nothing, just sitting in my closet, trying to wade through all the baggage I had.

Some people have never lived a life where they lost people close to them, at least not until they were adults. Some people lived lives without knowing how alone you could find yourself. Sure there were those depressed people, and people who were just too far up their own asses to realize the gifts they had in front of them, and I used to think I wasn't one of those people. But as I sat in my closet I could no longer honestly think that. The Cullen's were my family now, and rather than sit here fear what could happen I should be enjoying every second I could with them.

They weren't fragile humans that could disappear like my mum had. And I had to stop doubting them, but it was hard, so very _hard_ for me to just let go of the last seven years of neglect.

Opening those boxes with Esme had done wonders, and I felt like a burden had been lifted, or a new level reached now that I wasn't afraid of looking into my old things.

I was getting out of my closet and about to check my email when there was a gentle knock on my door.

"Enter," I commanded in a confident voice.

"Evangeline," Carlisle shook his head as he entered, he was chuckling at my demeanor.

"Did you have anything going on tonight?" he asked.

I shook my head.

"Esme and I wanted to talk with you, when you have time," his smooth handsome voice didn't belie anything that would have had me suspicious. But suddenly my heart was beating faster and I wondered what they would want to talk with me about. Suddenly random Calc facts, and Chemistry vocabulary popped into my thoughts and I realized that was probably the reason.

"I have time now…" I swallowed thickly, and the nerves I felt were thankfully kept out of my voice.

Carlisle was a magnificent man to look at, and I could help but appreciate his handsome face, and achingly pretty physique and I knew the man on the inside was just as gorgeous as the outside. Even with those thoughts running through my head I felt trepidation about what they wanted to talk about with me.

I followed Carlisle's human pace to a room I had never been in, and it took me a moment to realize what room it was. Esme was sitting on a love seat next a window with delicate lace curtains, through the window facing west I could see the sun within the horizons reach. I took the spot next to her when she patted the spot. I felt a leaden mass settle in my stomach.

How much trouble was I going to be in for having Ren smarten me up with her superpower? Could they ground me? That was as stupid question, of course they _could_.

Once Carlisle took a seat on the small ottoman across from Esme, I noticed how I was sweating. It wasn't as cool in their room as it was in mine, but sitting near Esme seemed to help keep the heat at bay.

"We wanted to talk with you about how you are coping, living with us," Esme began gently.

My first reaction was to let the breath I had been holding out, the second reaction was to wonder which of the meddlesome Cullen's felt the need to have the parents talk to me. I was flush with annoyance almost instantly.

"I'm coping." I said blankly looking at anything but my two foster parents.

"Are you comfortable here?" Carlisle asked.

"Yup," I said, almost noncommittally. I was looking at a painting on the far end of their room, trying not to crack, throw a fit, or just lose it. I had never shown Esme anything but happiness with her, for a good reason, she made me happy. She made me feel loved and cherished. Carlisle let me feel valued and I was drawn tight from all the stressful thinking I had done at school and on the car ride home.

"Eva," Esme said with a firmness I had never heard. I looked to her and her eyebrows were crinkled in thought. "Is there something you want to talk about?"

"Not right now mum…" I swallowed after I saw a light in her eyes when I called her that. Truth be told, every time I called her 'mum' it made me feel closer to her.

"The reason we wanted to talk with you in private-" I opened my mouth to ask _how_ private, private was at the moment. But Carlisle kept going, "It's just us in the house."

"We had planned on having this conversation with you in a couple days, but Nessie expressed some worries-" I huffed lightly and rolled my eyes. Damn meddlesome Cullen's, _nothing_ is private here, _literally_ nothing. Esme gave me a quirk of a guilty smile, probably knowing what I was upset about. "We love you sweetie."

I stilled at that. I could feel my heart quicken as I replayed the words.

"Esme and I both love you dearly Evangeline, we wanted you to know that. We want you to understand that." Carlisle pulled something off of the dresser next to him and I focused on the papers he was holding. They looked official and the lead weight in my stomach spread through my whole body.

"I changed Edward for many reasons, some of them you know, but one you may not is that I saw in him the son I wished I could have had. Rose, I changed for many reasons, and she is as much a daughter to me as Edward is my son. In a very real sense I feel that all of the children are _my_ children. They each came to me in unique ways under different circumstances but it has never mattered to myself or Esme." At that Esme put her cold hand on top of mine, it was meant to be a supportive gesture to match her husband's words.

Carlisle, rather than tell me what the papers contained laid them on my lap. I picked them up with the hand that Esme wasn't holding and stared. When the words printed reached my brain I felt a surge of emotions I am sure would have caused Jasper to do a double take.

"As you can see, we have filled out all the portions we need to." Esme's dainty fingers indicated where her loopy elegant script and Carlisle's tight cursive loops were. Their signatures were put right below the line of the statement saying, "I hereby grant the State of Wisconsin to submit these documents in order to proceed with the adoption of minor Evangeline Violet Knight." My name had been written by Carlisle, and I was at a loss for words. I felt like I should have been crying, but something in me was too astounded that they had gone this far.

"Ar-aren't you worried about the State looking too closely at all the documents Jasper's set up?" I asked bewilderedly.

"It will be all taken care of. We know it's rather abrupt," Carlisle shared a look with Esme, "But we wanted it to be legally down in the State files that you were adopted."

"That you were _wanted_." Esme added quietly, and I forced myself to look at them, to see their expressions. My hand was shaking and I gently set the papers back down on my lap. I looked back to the dresser and saw there was a whole file with quite a few other papers that must probably be filled out.

"What… what about the others?"

"Even if they didn't agree with us we would still be doing this Evangeline, you are as much my daughter now as Rose, Alice and Bella. But if you are concerned they are all very supportive of us adopting you, fully, legally, while we still can."

Now I understood what they meant when they said they had planned on waiting, but they couldn't wait too long, my 18th birthday was just 12 days away.

It really did seem like all this was happening too fast. I hadn't even known Esme and Carlisle three months ago. Granted I had been in a coma at the time, but in less than three months time I had a completely different life than before I left for the camp. I had been living with them for two months and they already wanted to adopt me. And I wondered if my birthday had been later in the year that they would be doing this now.

I was humbled by their words, and I felt parts of my soul soaring at their words. They wanted _me_, the things I had been depressed over today were solved. Esme and Carlisle were showing me the best way they could that I really was part of the family to them. Even if I was the human in a full house of vampires, they _wanted me_ around.

Rather than self analyze for the whole afternoon sitting there with them, I did something that felt alien and at the same time very much like something a normal well adjusted me would do.

I smiled, and while I felt the tears pooling in my blue eyes, I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around Carlisle. The papers drifted lazily to the floor, but were not forgotten.

"Thank you… _thank you_…" I said in between quiet breaths, just reveling in the feel of Carlisle holding me.

I never understood a father's love or compassion, or the need someone could have for it. Now I could. There had never been a hole where a father figure's love could have been in my heart, but now I felt full. I was complete with his love, I wasn't searching and I wasn't alone. I had family now. I had them.

When Esme joined our embrace seconds later, I did start to cry. But it was a quiet, sniffle-less cry. I was happy, and I was safe, and I was loved.

The sun had set when Esme and Carlisle took me down stairs. I looked around expecting to see the others, but when they didn't show up I questioned them.

"Complete privacy," Esme said gleefully.

"That is as long as Alice isn't looking." I added with a fake annoyed tone. Esme noticed and bumped shoulders with me.

I had a lovely time making dinner for myself, with Esme and Carlisle helping.

The pop of a champagne bottle startled me while I was dishing up my risotto. Carlisle poured three glasses of champagne and held his glass out. I suddenly wondered if he'd actually force himself to drink a toast on my behalf. And I really wanted to see what would happen if I said nothing, then a part nagged at me that I shouldn't allow him and Esme to drink something their bodies hated and couldn't process.

Esme handed me my glass, before blurring from my sight, only to return to put a strawberry in my glass. I chuckled at her antics.

"I hear it makes it taste better," she reasoned.

At that Carlisle held up his glass, Esme and I imitated him, "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away." His words, did not hit home right away, but the emotion behind them went straight to my heart, his kind golden eyes looked into mine and I knew I had a look of awe on my face. We toasted, and I hesitated a second.

"Mum… dad… I can drink yours too," I said looking into my glass with the strawberry bouncing on the bubbles.

I finished all three portions of champagne while my parents tenderly watched me. The alcohol warmed my body, but the adoration in their eyes warmed my heart and soul.

.~.

.~.

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><p>AN: Lots of stuff happening in that chapter! Whew. Let me know what worked for you, or what didn't! ^.^<p>

Make sure to check out the photobucket for Panthalassa, as I just put Bella up. Photobucket(dot)com(slash)Panthalassa

Expressing your love is only a click away...

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	14. Party Lights

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

AN: Last longer chapter so enjoy it! It was fun to write so I hope you enjoy reading it. Thanks again to those that are reviewing and putting Panthalassa on Alerts, it means a lot to me.

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 14 - Party Lights<span>**

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><p>I had fallen asleep while talking to Carlisle and Esme about my first experiences in foster care, they had both been very interested on hearing about my childhood, not just the cute pretty parts, the hard parts that made me who I was. I woke slightly when I felt cool lips at my temple, and could have sworn I heard something muttered to me in Italian, and then I was gently put into my bed.<p>

It was two days later, and a Saturday to boot, when I got a call from Mrs. Jordan. She had finished talking with Esme and Carlisle about the adoption process, and wanted my take on it.

"The phrase "I couldn't be happier" comes to mind Hannah," I stated, while smiling. I assumed that the whole family was listening to at least my half of the conversation, even though I was in my room with the door closed.

"Oh Eva…" I heard Mrs. Jordan say in a half wail half sob, then I could hear her actually crying. I pulled the phone away from my ear to look incredulously at it.

"Get a grip Mrs. Jordan, I wouldn't like the other kids to hear you going all soft on me now," I joked, hoping it would get her to at least stop crying.

"I am just so… happy and relieved for you Eva. We are told not to take favorites or try to get too emotionally invested in you kids, but… I was really praying for you." She sniffled loudly in the phone.

I wondered acerbically if she had been praying for a house full of vampires to adopt me. Then again they were the best family I had ever been placed with.

"Thanks Hannah…" I murmured not sure what I thought of that. When she was assigned to me I wasn't sure what to think of her, she seemed harsh, and did not tolerate BS very well. To hear her sounding like an old aunt or something that had been worried about me made me uncomfortable.

"So because you want to get the paperwork through before your birthday I've managed to squeeze an appointment at the County Clerk's office, the judge is a friend of mine and we will be able to get all of this done before rush hour on Monday. Excited?" she asked eagerly, and I shrugged before I answered.

"Sure am," I said simply. Soon after we said our goodbye's and I went to give the phone back to Esme, as Mrs. Jordan had some other details to discuss. I got as far as opening the door to see Esme standing there with her hand held out expectantly.

To say that I was excited was kind of like saying that "The Lord of The Rings Trilogy" was a great read. The books, just like my situation went far beyond those simple and un-descriptive human words.

Sure it was just a piece of paper, and in the long run I knew I was going to be a part of this family from the day they came to the hospital to tell me their secret. But it was the fact Esme and Carlisle went that extra step to show me they, those two, wanted to be my parents. They wanted the real world to know I had found a family. Even if eventually my name and record would be wiped from all databanks by Jasper at a time when I should be dying of old age.

The only hitch the whole day of my adoption proceedings was when we had to have lunch with Mrs. Jordan afterwards as sort of a celebratory thing. Esme ordered a soup, with bread and Carlisle a salad. I told her I was too nervous to eat so she didn't push the matter. But Carlisle and Esme kept distracting Mrs. Jordan enough for me to eat their lunches without her realizing I was doing it.

I did have a rather bad stomach ache for eating so fast. But even with the gas passing neither of my parents said anything. And I felt so completely mortified I wasn't sure if I could ever live it down that I had passed gas almost the entire way home on my first day officially as their daughter. Hopefully that would end up being one of the memories I left behind when I eventually joined them.

The rest of the family had a "Welcome to the Family" Banner 30 feet wide draped over the front of the main house when I got there. Alice even had a cake which seemed silly, but Ren promised to eat some of it if the boys couldn't finish it off with me.

"Strawberry Eva?" Emmett offered a tray of chocolate covered ones to me as I sat with Rose and Alice talking about the 1950's and sock hops.

"No thank you, I'm allergic." I grinned up at him. He seemed shocked a second, and then Esme was standing next to him looking nervous.

"But... the other night sweetie," her voice showed her confusion well.

"I didn't eat it. Maybe Allergy is too strong of a word… what's the word I am looking for…" I paused to try and find the word. I could eat strawberries, it's just when I did I have bad digestive problems and sometimes get a little itchy.

"Intolerance," Edward offered from the other side of the patio, and I barely heard him, but the others nodding in understanding.

"That's it," I snapped my fingers and pointed to Edward.

Alice claimed that the night was just a little taste of what my birthday was to be like, and I nodded contently.

"I would have been happy if this had been the birthday party Alice," she froze and looked horrified for some reason so I quickly added, "But I am looking forward to seeing what you've put together for me."

Jasper gave Alice a quick peck before blurring into the house, coming back a second later with my guitar, and I grinned when he handed it to me. Rose scooted over so I could hold the guitar better.

He and I played and sang until Esme reminded me that I have homework yet to do.

I bade the vampires a good night and wondered what they did, besides sex, to keep themselves occupied. I mean being conscious 24/7 might be fun for a while, but I might get bored.

Then it all made sense. Alice looked to the future so often for something to do. All the shopping and clothes designing helped, and I am sure what time those activities took up left Jasper with the rest.

I couldn't decide which I miss more when I changed, sleep or food. I'd have to take a poll.

.~.

Wednesday, my 18th birthday, had been a day I kept marked on all of my calendars for at least the last two years. It was my "Get out of the system, and out of the country" date. At one point I had planned on getting my trust and all of the money out of my savings then sending my boxes to Tiffany, who now lived in Chicago, then got to London and never return. Once I bought a tiny condo or something with my money I'd have Tiffany send my boxes to me. I wouldn't even bother graduating I would just turn 18, then be gone, poof.

That whole plan got shot to shit when I was nearly killed at a camp. Now I had a family of vampires taking care of me, and I hadn't once considered moving to England. I still wanted to go visit, for nostalgic reasons, but moving there wasn't in my plans…yet.

Life was good, I decided as I sat in the shade of a tree, I guessed it was probably an oak or a maple, I wasn't too sure. Trees all looked like trees to me. This particular tree was outside the main doors to St. Therese Academy, and I was awaiting my ride. I was excused from my last block of the day, and afternoon club so that I could begin what Alice had told me would be 'the best birthday party in history'. I didn't mind she was planning that big of a party for me, but when she said things like that it did cause a bit of concern.

I was playing with the hem of my pleated grey skirt humming along to the song on the mp3 player when I felt, rather than saw, a car pull up to the curb in front of me.

"Hey there girly, how about a ri-ide?" an annoying male voice called out in a fake high tone. To which I elegantly rolled my eyes, slung my bag over my shoulder and walked towards the car. The passenger window was down and I saw a muscular arm with a grey sleeved shirt resting on the rolled down window.

"I want shot-gun Emmett, I'm birthday girl." I reasoned as I stepped up to the car.

"But it's sunny out." He replied quickly, and the door popped open. I bent over to look in the car and gave a wave to Jasper.

"You have space, just jump over the back seat." I waved my hand at the back, and Emmett stared at me as if I had asked him to take a swim through hot lava.

We had a stare down for a second or two, his gold eyes wondering how far I'd take this birthday girl thing to. I would call Esme if it came down to it. Alice had told me that today I was to get whatever I wanted.

Maybe I should ask for a shark, just to see what they did.

The BMW shook a lot more than I thought Emmett would let it, given that he was more graceful than any dancer, and much more agile than any human athlete. Perhaps he was just giving me a show to demonstrate his displeasure. I casually looked around the campus to see if any kids were watching from the windows.

Once in the car, I stretched and took out my last joint from horrible weekend where those red eyes stomped through the Cullen's territory. Jasper gave me a look, and I shrugged.

"Alice said, anything I want," I added a little unsurely.

"Do you want ta try that without actually inhaling?" Jasper asked curiously his southern twang coming out. His tinted window was cracked a bit, mine was halfway down.

Emmett, myself and Jasper were giggly by time we got to wherever the boys were taking me. We pulled into an underground parking ramp somewhere about twenty vampire driving minutes from school, and I looked to see if I was familiar with the area.

They led me into a building, all the while Emmett rhymed words with dork, because apparently, every word that rhymes with dork is hi-la-ri-ous.

It lost its comical appeal soon after Jasper turned off his pressure of "High" like emotion manipulation. But now I was sure Emmett was doing it to annoy me for the whole front seat thing.

I had no clue what was going on but was prepared for nothing. So when we took the old rickty elevator up one flight, and exited, I was becoming very curious.

We went past a ticket taker booth, which was empty, and entered a large domed room, the size of a football field that was open in the middle. It didn't even take a second after the air pressure changed and I felt breezy air conditioning for me to realize where I was.

Unbelievable!

I couldn't believe they had taken me here. It was darkish inside, and I could see people gliding easily around the rink as the big band music played, and the lights twirled blues, reds, and yellows around the rink. The disco ball sent light every which direction and I was mesmerized by it.

"Come on," Emmett took my hand and I was startled from my observation of the roller rink.

I was being pulled towards the side where all the tables next to the rink were, and I couldn't drag my eyes away from watching the skaters. Most, if not all, were probably above the age of 30. They were dancing and gliding around as if they had been born in skates. When Emmett stopped pulling me I turned my attention away from the performance out on the smooth linoleum floor.

My mouth made a little "o" of its own accord when I saw where I was standing.

In front of me was a nice picnic table made of plastic, the table was covered in a simple white table cloth. It had a small platter of cheese and crackers, a few bottles of water, some sandwich triangles, and a very intricately decorated present at one end. Edward was standing close to the present, and it looked perhaps like he was debating its position on the table.

Looking around I tried to see if I could spot Bella, or Esme around. Approaching the table I gave Edward a smile and looked to the present.

"Where is everyone else?" I asked taking a seat at the bench, slinging my bag on the seat next to me.

"Carlisle is on his way," Edward brightly told me.

I smiled, and then looked past him towards the couples doing their fancy dance moves to the music. Emmett took a seat across from me, and Jasper slowly lowered himself across from Edward.

"Is he bringing everyone else?" I asked the boys.

"No." Jasper stated, rather blandly. He must not be breathing right now. And it made sense, 30 humans rolling around, sweating, and hearts pumping loudly not too far away would be rather difficult for him.

When I was about to ask why not, Edward kindly spoke up, "We wanted this to be sort of a pre-party, while Alice gets everything else set up."

"Just you and the boys," Emmett added handily.

There might have been a confused look on my face as I looked the three of them over so Edward added an explanation.

"This was actually Jasper's idea." I looked to the blonde vampire and tilted my head, relaxing in my seat more.

He gave me a debonair smile, almost flashing too much teeth and setting my instincts on alert despite my knowledge and comfort around my family.

"You will be with us for a long time. And I can guarantee that now Alice knows you aren't against shopping you'll be dragged to many girly activities. You will have plenty of 'girl time' over the next many years." I bit my lip to keep from laughing when Jasper air quoted girl time. His explanation was both sweet and endearing, it made me feel a little self conscious and humbled.

"So," I began, taking a glance at the couples, "Is this... what you guys do for 'guy time'?" Edward snorted when I did the mimicked air quotes.

"Usually the girls are here with us, as this is Carlisle's number one favorite activity besides saving lives. And we know you used to love it, we thought it would be a good activity to keep us busy while Alice finishes setting up the party." Edward explained kindly, then he looked down to the present, with its beautiful silver wrapping, and smooth satin blue ribbons. I wondered what the deal with the present was. He heard my musings and shook his head slightly.

_We're waiting for Carlisle then?_ I asked watching him.

He gave me a small nod, and looked up to Jasper, as if they too were having a silent discussion.

I picked up a cracker and looked through the cheeses to see if there was any Monterey. Emmett studied me closely as I studied the appetizers.

"Got the munchies Eva?" he asked curiosity clear in his tone.

"Not… really. I don't think Jaspers ability works like that." I stated, a little puzzled, trying to figure out if I was wanting to snack due to Jasper making me feel high, or if I was actually hungry.

"Happy birthday Evangeline!" I heard a silky voice call to me, from not to far away. I put my cracker down and turned to see Carlisle standing there, the warmest smile greeting me.

"Thanks…dad," I blushed. Getting up I went with my first instinct and quickly gave him a hug.

He hugged me back and kissed the top of my head. And I felt the coolness of his arms through the ¾ sleeve shirt he was wearing.

It hadn't been something I could actively remember missing, being held and embraced. But as we broke from the hug I began to realize how much I had missed small gestures like that growing up.

"You told me that this morning… but thanks again." I grinned at him as we took the few steps back to the birthday table.

Soon after Carlisle arrived the lights went back up and I could see couples coming off the rink and sitting at tables near or around us.

A skinny woman, with lank black hair came over to talk to Carlisle. She was introduced to me as Jenny, the manager, and I smiled politely shaking her hand.

Carlisle had rented out the entire rink for the next three hours, I nearly flipped out at that until Edward and Jasper did damage control. The former explained that we were only planning on staying for just over an hour, while the latter sent me a little tranquility.

We had the whole rink to ourselves once the last couple slowly left at fifteen after three. Then, as Emmett exclaimed, it was party time.

I was handed the present, and I could tell Jasper was holding his breath, not sure how to take that reaction I ran a couple reasons through my head. Edward was sitting next to me, while the other three were across from me, watching intently and eagerly.

Grabbing the bow I tugged on it and once it was free I _tore_ into the wrapping.

I loved opening presents, and I took the line of thought that presents being wrapped wanted to be opened in the most lively and energetic way possible. I think my style was once described as "Tasmanian Devil" but I had no clue what the furry animal had to do with my style of present opening. I grabbed small pieces of the wrapping paper and tore into whatever it was hiding from me.

Whatever the Cullen's had been expecting for me to do with the wrapping, it hadn't been that.

Jasper's mouth was actually hanging open, and Emmett's eyes were wide and full of mischief. Carlisle appeared to be considering what if anything, to say about it. Sadly I didn't look at Edward in time to catch his reaction, but I doubt it was a surprised one.

According to the boys this was simply a general present, not exactly from any particular individual. And looked at the box I had un-earthed and the grin on my face grew. I had a brand new pair of Sonic "Rock" flame yellow roller skates. They had flame red, sparkling laces, and little custom license plates on the heels that said "Catch This".

Giving into the happy moment I jumped up and screamed with glee at my brand new skates.

"How did you even know?" I asked the group as I pulled one of the skates out.

"We did see the small child's sized skates you had in the bottom of box three. And the video's of when you were young skating around your apartment-" Emmett explained.

"Flat, Emmett. They are called flat's in the UK." I interrupted without looking up as I examined my skates, the feel of the new leather, the smell of the heavy plastic wheels, it was bliss.

"Flat… anyway it seems like it was a good call." Emmett nudged Carlisle lightly.

"I used to love rolling around, it seemed almost more natural then walking to me," I murmured still enraptured with the present.

"Well we didn't come here for you to just look at them," Edward encouraged from his seat at the table. I noticed I was still standing, and thanked all the boys before sitting down.

Jasper got up and went to the Dj stand as I was putting my laces in my skates. I was sure any of the Cullen's could do it faster but I was happy to do it myself. Carlisle and Emmett were both putting skates of their own, and I watched as Edward quickly changed the wheels on his. My first skate laced, I ran a hand over the bright yellow wheels and then continued with the other skate.

It didn't take long till all five of us were out on the smooth surface. The boys all looked like consummate professionals, zipping and spinning effortlessly. It had been about three years since I had gone roller skating, so I was a little rusty. It didn't help that the skates were new so they were stiff, but over time I think I'd get use to them.

Jasper had turned the lights on and it was magical. The darkness with the flashing lights and music and skates, made this the best birthday I'd ever had. And we hadn't even gotten back home so I could see what else Alice had in store for me.

After Carlisle did one lap where he looked more like a professional ice dancer he came to my side after seeing me stumble a bit. He skated backwards while holding onto one of my hands as we circled.

He was leading me around the rink, and I dumbfoundedly watched the boys move.

When I was about 9 or 10 my mum had shown me a toy from her childhood. It had been a set of little figures on top of a piece of this plastic, the figures each had tiny magnets on their feet and she had a wand she'd place underneath to make them move. It looked like the figures were magically gliding around and as I watched Edward do a seamless back flip, land and twirl on his skates I realized that the Cullen's could skate exactly like those figures did with the magnets on their feet.

Some songs from the early teens came on and I recognized one of the bands as "The Gossip". All of the family had moves and were totally dancing around one another out there. It would have looked a little odd with four fabulous looking men skating like that if you were not familiar with them. Heck I was familiar with them and it still looked a little iffy.

Edward pulled up next to me at that thought and smirked at me. After that point it seemed I always had a partner skating with me. Maybe to make the others look less gay, I supposed.

It was almost immediately after that thought I watched as Emmett, bulky, huge Emmett, went past me on one leg, doing an Arabesque.

I laughed out loud when I saw him, and Jasper who had taken Edwards position chuckled with me. Carlisle left the rink and I watched where he was going. I couldn't place what about his movements off of the rink made it look so odd.

When it hit me I was surprised. Vampires on skates couldn't move as fast in a non linear way. Carlisle had been doing a sort of jerky forward progression, which made me feel like there was a jarring motion to it. But it was just him moving in a zigzag pattern to get around all the tables and chairs to the DJ booth. And due to the fact he was wearing skates he had to make harsh stops to turn quickly.

I was doubled over with laughter I could barely breathe, and if not for Jasper I would have rolled right into the wall as it curved.

Carlisle's choice of music for skating apparently was some old Lady Gaga song. I hadn't heard any of her songs in years, and apparently it was good skating music. I would have never envisioned Carlisle as a fan of Lady Gaga, well at least not her in her later years. I heard that some of her earlier songs were very popular when they came out.

Once I got a hold of myself I thought back to how Carlisle was moving. Well he wasn't exactly slow getting to and from the DJ booth, he was still very fast by human standards, but if I was flat footed running away from him, I might have been able to beat him, as long as he had to meander between all the furniture.

_Hmmm_, I thought,_ a human might have a chance escaping a vampire in that situation_. And that might be one of the only situations where a human could get away, even if it was short lived. Just make sure the vampire has skates on and he/she can't break them off, then throw stuff in their way and run! I laughed at that thought and heard a low chuckling from the other side of Jasper.

"You should share that thought Evangeline," he encouraged me.

"I was just thinking that a human might be able to out run vampire in the condition that the vampire is wearing skates they can't take off, and there are a bunch of obstacles in the way."

Jasper chuckled, and both Emmett and Carlisle seemed to laugh, but were on the other side of the rink when I said that.

.~.

I took a break and drank some water, had a couple sandwich triangles and watched the lights play on the surfaces of the rink.

The early birthday event ended after a full hour and a half of skating. It had to stop at some point and I had been enjoying it so much I forgot that there was more to come. When Jasper received a text from Alice we started packing up. I put my new skates in their new case and grinned at them before closing them in.

Emmett had an arm around my shoulders as we headed towards the exit, and I stopped our progression when I saw the little shop. It was one of those crappy little toy shops they had at arcades when you wanted to redeem chips or points. I giggled happily and broke away from Emmett to go look at it. The whole rink was empty and no one was there, but the shop was very open even if the lights above it were off.

Emmett's tall figure was next to mine in an instant as I enthusiastically looked at the little crappy plastic toys.

"Ooo I used to love getting those!" I pointed to the ring pops.

"You alright Eva? This stuff, from what I know, is kind of crappy."

I scoffed, "Shows what you know." I looked to him then happily back to my tiny plastic goodies.

"I haven't had one of those in forever!" I jumped and pointed to the plastic fruit with screw caps.

"You want a couple?" he asked, interested.

"They are closed Emmett. But do love the Banana and Peach ones," I sighed longingly still looking at the other things.

In a millisecond Emmett jumped over the counter and had a handful of Banana and Peach sugars. I was about to reprimand him when he took his wallet out and put a five on the counter.

Smiling in a goofy way I thanked him and looked back at the little tin glitter rings in one of the bins. A very pale hand ducked in under the glass I was looking through and took one blue tin ring.

When he handed me the gift I hugged him with my free arm and popped the tin ring on my pinky, the only finger it would fit on. Before opening the little screw cap of the Peach sugar and pouring it into my mouth.

So far this birthday was making up for all the crappy ones I'd had before. I wondered if Alice had balloons. Then I chuckled as I met Edward's eyes before we got into the cars in the parking garage. Of course Alice would have balloons. It was, after all, _Alice_.

.~.

We pulled up to Seth's house around 6pm, and despite the small snacks the boys had laid out for me, I was getting a little hungry. I rode back with Carlisle, and had lost track of the other two cars while in traffic. Carlisle was not interested in racing back to the house like Jasper and Edward apparently were. So when we got out I was more or less expecting Carlisle to give me a ride. The sun was steadily making its way towards the horizon, and I figured there was maybe an hour till it set fully.

Making to grab my back pack and roller skate case I felt a cool hand on my shoulder. I stopped and craned my neck to see Carlisle behind me.

"You may leave it; someone will come pick it up later." I shrugged after his comment.

We stood there for a second with him looking oddly at me, his gold eyes catching the evening light. His skin lightly shimmering around us almost creating a human disco ball, it wasn't too bright where I couldn't look at it. I unconsciously lifted a hand to his cheek, and his smile grew.

"I feel like… it is…" I began, and furrowed my brows. There was something about the glimmering sparkling skin that was off to me. It wasn't exactly because they were vampires and according to Edward it was a sign of a monster, there was something completely weird about the way it shimmered. But the feeling faded when Carlisle spoke. I shook my head to suggest to him that I was being silly.

"What must you see when you look at us…" he mused, and I blinked coming back from my own thoughts to give his words consideration

"When I first saw the others at camp, I thought they were pretty… and lucky. They looked like they had been well taken care of." I smiled up at him.

He chuckled at that, and gave me half an eye roll. And I realized Carlisle rolling his eyes made him look very immature.

"I was referring how you see us."

"I know," I said quickly. I took a second to collect my thoughts on the matter, "When I look at you… I see beautiful souls inside creatures that are created to murder and slay their former brethren. I see a family that fights that nature and that their souls become all the more glorious because of that struggle."

Carlisle's thoughtful look turned solemn. Perhaps he had been impressed with my word usage. I'd heard Jasper use the word brethren when talking about other vampires, and although I have heard that word before he spoke it there was just something about Jasper's voice that helped me retain things.

"Edward believes that we do not have souls."

"Yeah well, just because he can hear everyone's thoughts doesn't make him god." I briefly caught a flash of amusement on his face before he slowly and gently pulled me into a hug.

After the hug Carlisle put me on his back and started a leisurely jog in the opposite direction from the main house.

"Where are we going?" I asked, looking at the new area of the forest. Even though all of the trees looked alike from the part of the forest I knew, I looked curiously at the yellow tinted leaves.

"You'll see," was all he said.

And see I did. We went down a slope and the trees became thicker and much more tightly packed and I could smell the wood. It was clean and fresh, a little musty but smell added to the appeal of it. The light from the slowly descending sun flickered through the trees.

I was worried to think that Carlisle was going to take me hunting with him, as I knew they gave in to their instincts I wasn't too keen on the idea to watch any of the Cullen's hunt.

I started humming a song, I don't know which one, I liked to think maybe I had made it up but when I heard Carlisle hum along with me I knew it wasn't and Evangeline original. He never broke his easy, yet very swift pace.

Slowly the tree's started thinning and I knew we were probably close to a river because I could smell the moisture in the air. Carlisle slowed and I took in the area. It was a little like a thin grove, and there was a river not more than twenty feet away, large stones haphazardly thrown around near the slope than went down to the river. Carlisle set me down next to one of them. The river was flowing northwest to southeast and I suddenly thought I knew where we were.

It wasn't a very large river, now that I looked at the area we were, but it steadily burbled and bubbled along. It was a rather hot evening and after I was no longer in contact with the cool back of Carlisle I felt the heat, and took my sweater off.

"I wish this could be a bit more picturesque," Carlisle spoke from the spot he had stopped at.

I turned on my heal, stopping my observations of the site to look at him.

"I think it's beautiful…" I hesitantly said, wondering what exactly he had planned on here. Alice wasn't behind one of the trees with balloons and noise makers, was she?

"As you well know when you are changed and begin your life as an immortal your human memories become weak. Fuzzy and hard to think on. Eventually if you do not try to remember your human life those memories fade away into vague perceptions." I stared at him, with a simple blank look. He had been looking off into the distance, as if seeing into the past. "But I do hope, that whenever you happen to join us," he paused swallowing thickly, which was saying something since I wasn't standing close to him.

The gold eyes of a man I had been starting to think of as my father turned to look intently into mine. "That you remember this moment. For all of my other children, they had been immortal when I had this moment with them."

Not knowing what moment he was talking about, my brows scrunched up. Seeing my expression I watched as Carlisle pulled out something from the pocket of his grey slacks. It was a delicate looking dark polished wooden box, about the size of a candy bar.

His movements seems purposeful and profound, even if I had no idea what he was giving me, I could very much feel the nature of what he was giving me, based on what he said about having this moment with the others.

My blue eyes took in the brilliant color of the box, and when he handed it to me I felt the smooth texture, which almost seemed more like velvet than wood.

I opened it carefully to see a pendant that was made up of a silver ring framing a piece of yellow and gold what I guessed was fabric. The fabric was held to the silver with a thick piece of glass. It added to the weight of the pendant, and now that I was looking I noticed a sturdy looking silver chain holding the pendant, and realized it was a necklace.

"When I first started my immortal life I only saw myself for the monster I was." I looked up from looking at the necklace when he spoke. And before I could interrupt Carlisle went on, "I had been a vampire for almost thirty years before I started seeing that my existence could become a positive thing. And when I became a healer, a Doctor, those feelings grew. But healing the ailing, dying and ill wasn't enough. I began to desire things I hadn't thought one like myself could ever deserve to have, a friend, a companion.

"My family has grown, and with it my love and my compassion. The day I became an immortal, I was wearing a tunic. That tunic survives today," he nodded to the pendant, and my eyes went wide. I looked back to it as if I the small scrap would turn into a full blown tunic. "And having it reminds me of the human I was, and what I became given my own morals, and perseverance. It is also a piece of clothing my own father helped mend at one point. Each of my family has a piece of it, and it is the only thing I can give to you to show that though I died at 23 in London the thirteenth of March, 1664, that you are now tied to me, as much as my past."

My brain suddenly felt so light, and a little fuzzy at his words. It really had been a big moment, and here I was just stupidly staring at him and the pendant. I felt a little like a kid eating in a fancy restaurant only to realize later how immature I had been behaving.

"Evangeline, I want you to understand, that even without the forms filled out and approved by the courts I would still consider you my daughter. I am still in awe that god has seen fit to bring you into my life, but I will do my best to live up to his expectations and take care of you the way any father should."

Part of me wanted to scoff at the god comment, believing this was gods doing was possible, but after all I had gone through I thought perhaps god couldn't see me, like I had lived and grown up in god's blind spot.

I would feel awkward if I didn't say anything, and I could feel his eyes on me as if waiting for my response. Saying 'thank you' seemed so utterly stupid and insignificant to the gesture Carlisle was giving me. It was just a moment between the two of us, for him to show me that he personally was my father. I absolutely did not want to ruin it.

"Thanks dad." I murmured and glanced up at him from looking at the piece of jewelry. "Would you help me put it on?" I gestured with the box, and in beat he had the necklace out of the box, a handsome considering smile on his face. He gently draped it over my neck and it rested just below my collar bone, the silver was cool, and I could feel the weight. It wasn't an uncomfortable weight, but I could _feel_ it. As if the feeling was a physical reminder of all the new weight I had in my mind and heart with regards to me new family.

As we left the little serene bubbling river, I smiled coyly now that Carlisle couldn't see my face.

"I do hope that you at least washed the tunic before putting in the necklace," I sighed with pretend worry.

My dad's deep chuckles met my ears, and it was a very welcome sound.

.~.

The sun had set and the dark of night was just settling in as the sky's light went from oranges to reds to blue then dark purple. I guess it'd only be another forty minutes then it would be completely dark out.

Carlisle was taking me on a roundabout way to the main house. The main house was north from Seth's and we were approaching the main house from the north, which gave me a nice long piggyback ride on my dad's back. We sang a few songs, old Everly Brothers songs Edward had taught me a few nights ago.

We came to the clearing just north of the main house, it was full of tall grasses and barren patches with dirt, but I gasped at what I saw.

I was confused but also entranced. There were hundreds, maybe even thousands of fireflies flying about the field, flashing lights to one another. Carlisle set me down, because as he approached the fireflies gave him wide berth.

Giving him an excited smile before turning my attention back to the little bugs I felt like I was in the middle of a magical moment.

"How did-"

"Alice," dad answered with a relaxed tone.

I stood there, seeing the outline of the house in the distance, watching the little lights blink randomly around me. Reaching out my hand I tried to capture one close to me. I let him run along my fingers before he flew away, his little butt glowing randomly as if saying farewell.

"Can you see all of them?" I asked in awe.

There wasn't a surface in the field that didn't have a firefly on it. It was a prismatic shimmering field at dusk; I wished I had a camera. I took some more steps away from Carlisle wandering into the field, my hand brushing the tops of the tall grass, as I walked I saw small swarms of lightning bugs drift up into the air, only to settle again in the grass.

"I can," Carlisle answered with a humble tone. I wondered how many there were, but then again a defining number might make this moment less… unbelievable. I could just imagine there was a never ending amount of glowing bugs out there.

I heard a piano being played, whatever the song was I couldn't tell as the notes just bounced off the surfaces of the trees surrounding the house. But it added to the wonder and I grinned. My legs were tired from all the skating earlier but I still pushed them to run wildly around the field.

I chased the swarms as they flew up around me, all the while their glowing bodies blinking in and out of existence.

It was almost like they didn't exist except for when their lights were glowing. As if, in that exact moment they came to exist in the world, and when the light faded, they too faded from the world.

With every blink of their light they were reborn over and over again.

It was beautiful, it was wondrous, it was magical, and it was ever so peaceful.

I finally stopped running and found a large clump of fireflies and went to lay down in the grass near them. It was bumpy and hard on the dirt patch I'd found, but I couldn't care less. I had no idea how long it had been since I left my dad's side, or how long I would be allowed to stay out here, but I was content and at peace as I watched the lights flicker above me on the grass. The piano stopped and it was silent out in the field.

I debated wanting to stay all night, but I knew that fireflies weren't active all night, in fact they had just started to slow the amount they were blinking, and I realized it was probably time for me to go inside.

Dusting my skirt off I slowly made my way to the house, it was dark now and I couldn't really see where I was walking clearly. I got about three steps away from where I had been laying when the house and surrounding porches lit up like neon sign.

I shielded my eyes from the brightness, once they adjusted I realized the lights were the twinkling little bulbs Alice was so fond of, and in fact they weren't all that bright. I easily found my way with the house lit up like Christmas.

I was going to head around to the South part of the lawn, where I knew there were things set up for the party when I was intercepted by Bella, and Rosalie.

"Through the front door Eva, if you would," Bella said politely gesturing to the front doors. I grinned at her.

"Alice?" I asked the two of them. Bella nodded while rolling her eyes.

"Who else? Although I do agree you need to be wearing something different than your school uniform for your birthday party." Rose stated her eyes narrowed slightly in consideration of my attire.

The inside of the house was partitioned off, because when I usually entered through the front I could see the living room, dining room, parts of the kitchen, and even a good part of the piano alcove. But now I could only see a brilliant silver shimmering curtain blocking all of it from view.

Once in my room I saw a garment hanging on my bathroom door, and a note from Alice. I took a glance at myself in the mirror on the door as I took Alice's note down from the garment bag.

I was exceptionally messy, and hadn't even noticed. I had been sweating earlier in the day while skating, and I was dusty and dirty from rolling around in the ground watching the fireflies light up.

Her note was simple, shower, get dressed, and prepare to have a blast.

Alice had knocked on my door not more than ten seconds after I had finished putting on the clothes she had set out for me. I had been a little surprised at her selection. Rather than a dress she and picked out a nice lace cream ruffled shirt and blue paint short overalls.

"Alice, why didn't you pick out a dress?" I asked while she was rubbing some sort of hair product through my hair.

"You'll need something you can move in. I had a lovely little red number picked out for you too, but saw that you wouldn't do half the stuff if you were wearing it."

I watched her in the mirror, as I often did while she was making me pretty. Her pale skin was pearly in the light, and her hands moved with care and purpose as she finished with my hair.

I had straight hair, and even when it was as short as it was, it still was stick straight. But somehow Alice had made it slightly curly, which added a feminine touch to the overall look.

"Alice, why am I not wearing shoes?" I asked once we were done and she was leading me out of my room barefoot.

"I think it would be obvious," she stated simply, almost like I really should have known. I cocked my head and raised an eye brow as we stopped at the landing.

"Just go with it," Jasper said from the bottom step, I shrugged. It was probably pretty good advice.

When you think of all of your favorite things, all the things you'd like to do on a perfect day, you realize that having them all at once wouldn't be practical or possible. In fact if you had all your favorite things at the same time some of them might overlap or cancel each other out.

As I took in the back yard and porch from the set up Alice had, I understood the extent to which she could go. Most people would have been happy simply planning for food and some simple decorations, but Alice _wasn't _most people.

The back porch was a dance floor decorated with Silvers and Blues, little gold accents could be seen now and again throughout the whole scheme but they only enhanced the beauty. There was some sort of wooden archway over the porch and it was wrapped with twinkle lights and even had some spinning lights, like at the roller rink, attached near the top.

You didn't have to look very hard to see balloons either. They. Were. Everywhere. Every possible wall, pole, entrance and railing had balloons tied up in bunches, all in silvers and blues.

The rest of the yard was very much set up like a little carnival or festival. I could see a couple booths for water gun games, and it even had a few prizes sitting around, as if to advertise what you could win. It was silly in the extreme, I mean, who else would be playing but family members?

There was a giant inflatable bounce castle, it was about two stories tall all together, and it too had some twinkle lights draped over parts of it.

Something that confused me to no end was an area, set out just near where the food was set up. There was a flat space, made so by some large pieces of white tile. Many mattresses, blankets, quilts chairs, tables were just sitting out there. It looked like a yard sale threw up in one organized pile and I couldn't figure it out. When Jasper caught me looking at it he just told me "You'll see later" and left it at that.

"Is that a ball pit?" I asked Emmett, who had just come up next to me and Jasper as he showed me the back yard.

"It would make jumping from the high tower of the castle a much softer landing," Emmett pointed to the bouncy castle and I followed his direction to see the ball pit was put in a prime position for exactly what Emmett was describing.

"Emmett! I told you to put it closer to the bond fire!" Alice screeched. She came to stand next to us, and her lips were set into a firm line, hands on hips as she glared at Emmett.

He cracked a smile at her, "Sorry Alice, Seth, Jake and I must have forgotten."

His cheeky comment was met with Alice huffing and turning pleading eyes to me, as if I had a reason to be angry too. When I didn't give her a response she just sighed and zipped away to where the food was.

I enjoyed the dinner of steak, garlic mashed potatoes, and peas. Although because Edward was grilling, Esme and Bella were helping prepare it, it wasn't just standard mashed potatoes or steak, or even peas. I had no idea how the peas tasted so damn good, but I doubted I'd ever be able to eat peas again without comparing them to Bella's. They had bits of bacon for crying out loud! _Bacon_ pieces mixed with the peas, it was genius.

After dinner I expected cake and presents, but Alice said that was later so we moved on to doing whatever activity I wanted to do. First thing, I went to the bouncy castle and played on it, Ren, Seth and Jake joined me and we had a lot of fun just jumping off into the ball pit from the high tower. Alice reluctantly agreed it was a rather good spot to have the ball pit.

Once I had enough fun with the bouncy castle I went to the little game booths that were set up, and wondered what exactly the point was. If I really wanted whatever thing was offered I am sure the Cullen's would have been happy to give it to me.

"You only get to win one prize, that is… if you can." Edward spoke up from next to me as I watched the little tin targets move up and down. I took a close look at the prizes and instantly understood.

Instead of stuffed animals were different kinds of certificates. IOU's from various family members for any kind of favor I wanted. Plane tickets to Brazil. A safari trip. There were four pictures of very expensive looking new sports cars, five antique yet fabulous looking cars. Each of the prizes had a number pinned to it, and the number was painted on a target that was moving around. Some of the more desirable prizes were zipping around rather quickly, and I didn't know if it was mechanically possible for them to move like that.

I had a little BB air rifle, which looked like something Edward may have owned as a child. He shrugged at that thought and I nearly dropped the damn thing.

As expected I missed every time, and my suspicions were met when I heard chuckles from under the booth. I wasn't sure who was under there moving the targets, but whoever it was was really ticking me off. They heard whenever I was pulling the trigger back and then moved all the targets lightning fast.

So rather than actually aim after Edward reloaded my gun, at which point I heard Esme, Bella and Ren cheering me on. Rose actually came to stand next to me and I subtly saw her kick a rock under the little plastic flap, then the targets moved slower. I didn't wait and aimed for whatever target I could see.

I ended up with the Safari, which I thought was pretty awesome. Aside from the fact I would very likely be alone on it, the Cullen's would have scared the animals away, making it a pointless Safari.

We went inside for the cake and presents, and although I was starting to feel a little tired, Alice's perky nature kept me going.

I was seated at the head of the table, balloons abound, Carlisle was standing to my right, and Alice had a camcorder recording the moment. There were no lights on in the house, every surface on the interior was full of candles, all shapes and sizes, giving the house a sort of pumpkin on Halloween like feel to me. Emmett was seated down the table with Rose and Jasper. Bella was sitting at my left, with Ren, Edward, and Seth. Jake was standing behind Ren's chair.

All the people that could eat had plates and forks in front of them and were awaiting the cake.

I didn't even see Edward get up from his spot to go play the birthday song, but when I looked his seat was empty as the notes filled the air.

Esme effortlessly glided from the kitchen a large cake in her hands. It had eighteen sparkling candles on top and my cheeks were starting to ache from grinning so much.

They sang in harmony, I closed my eyes listening to them to check if I could hear each voice.

It indeed was a happy birthday.

The cake was an ice cream cake, from Dairy Queen. It was double fudge chocolate brownie, and as much as I like chocolate, which is a lot, this cake was even too thick for me to finish.

"Okay Eva, now comes the presents!" I heard Ren say happily after I had pushed my way through half of my slice.

Esme had cut the cake after I made the wish, and then put it promptly back into the freezer. Jake and Seth were on their third pieces and Ren had made as much progress with her's as I had with mine.

The table with presents stacked high was next to me so Bella helped put them in front of me.

I was riding high on sugar and the atmosphere when I reached for the first present.

I barely caught Emmett murmur. "Wait till you see this," he nudged Rose.

Checking the card, which was in an envelope but not sealed, it was from Rosalie. Not Rose and Emmett, just Rose. And I was curious. I took a good look at the wrapping job she had done, before giving the family an evil Cheshire cat like grin.

The pretty paper was everywhere, as the last little piece floated down from me tossing it; I gaped at the distinguished looking carved wooden box.

Rose was still a little shocked at my present opening, I didn't think it was that shocking personally, but she recovered quickly, "Every girl needs a nice solid jewelry box." She explained

I thanked her, and truthfully I was thankful, but I hadn't a clue it was a jewelry box until she mentioned it, I had been thinking about storing my journal in it.

I got a beautiful carved ring from Ren and Jake.

Seth gave me a new Netflix account subscription. I had been using the families, but now I had my own, it wasn't so much the gift as the gesture.

Edward gave me sheet music, and when I inquired about it I just got a crooked smile

Bella and Esme gave me one year's membership to a spa in Madison.

Carlisle gave me a membership pass to the roller rink in Madison.

But Jasper and Alice gave me the coolest gift. It didn't seem like much at first, just a little round blue disk on a keychain with a little doll vampire.

"It's in the garage," Jasper told me delightedly; I must have been giving him a fountain of positive emotions.

If there was a moment when I thought I was faster than a vampire it would have been at that moment. I jumped up and raced to the garage, jovial laughter following after me.

I got to the garage; Jasper, Carlisle, Edward, Bella and Alice were already there.

Standing next to Alice and Jasper was a beautiful yellow XTracer and I _screamed_! I jumped up and down and couldn't contain my excitement, and tried to look at it and my family at the same time.

Jasper owned a similar model, but when I expressed my desire to learn how to drive one it must have sent him thinking.

"_See_ Bella, this is how a human acts when they get presents." Edward said with amusement.

Bella rolled her eyes.

"This is really mine?" I asked, suddenly both serious and overwhelmed.

"All yours," Carlisle said from his spot near the hatch door that was open on _my_ XTracer.

"Once you learn to ride it, you can take it anywhere," Esme added, looking from me to the bike with concern.

"I still don't know about the color," Rose said, holding her chin and thoughtfully looking at my bike.

"There is nothing wrong with yellow," I said defensively.

"Agreed," Alice sang popping up from the other side of the bike with the camera in hand. I wondered how long she'd been recording. I stuck my tongue out at the camera then smiled when I looked back down to my new ride.

"Do you have any ideas for names?" Seth asked while he squatted near the front tire, apparently examining something with Jake.

"Big Emmett," I said instantly.

Many of my family started laughing immediately, but Rose was the loudest and most enthusiastic.

"Oh Evangeline…" She sighed after coming to her senses. "Only one woman gets to ride Emmett, big… or little-"

"Hey!" Emmett interrupted and sent all of us into another fit of laughter.

.~.

Nearing exhaustion while dancing with my family Alice brought me an energy drink, which Esme gave the stink eye to when I took it. I think she was worried I'd be too hyped up to sleep later.

The very idea of sleeping was repulsive at the moment. I was partying like never before and I was damn if sleep was going to end it.

"That better?" Bella asked while she and Emmett did some funky disco moves near me.

"Hell yeah!" I smiled, and I slammed the can of the energy drink into Emmett's arm crushing it. He looked surprised and pleased. "Down with sleep, who the hell needs it!"

"Eva language!" Esme scolded from across the patio. I winced and giggled lightly while Emmett laughed.

"Looks like I'm not going to be the only one in the family anymore getting yelled at for language." He chided.

"Hell, is in fact part of the English language. Though thanks mum for pointing it out to me, it is duly noted!" I saluted her, and her stern face cracked a little when I heard several of my siblings laugh.

.~.

The bond fire was lit, and when I could dance no more Alice dragged me to the weird yard sale.

"Pick your team!" she said happily.

"For what?" I asked.

"I didn't get a chance to explain to her Alice," Seth stated exasperatedly coming out from the dark.

"Oh. Well it's simple then Eva. We are having a fort building competition. Two teams. Esme, Carlisle and I will be judges. The other team captain is Ren. Each team has eight minutes to make a structure that will be judged on design, stability, and functionality."

"Why aren't you competing?"

"I like to judge," she said expertly.

"So we've noticed," Jake yelled from near the fire.

"Heel boy!" Alice quipped, and I watched the interaction with a subdued smirk.

As team captain I got to pick first. Figuring it would be faster to have a mind reader on my team to help the design part go faster I picked Edward.

Ren's first pick was Jake.

In addition to Edward I ended up with Rose, Seth and Jasper.

Needless to say, my team kicked ass.

I wasn't really doing much but telling my team things like "This needs to be more open." Or "We should make it three stories instead of two." Or "Can we stably add a balcony?" And they would discuss it as Seth piled supplies for whatever room we needed.

At the end we had a fort with three stories in the main area, third floor was made with lighter linens, and had a sky light.

As I did the tour with the judges I mentioned the fact that the lighter linens meant more light would be able to come in from above.

There was something to the way the Cullen's had fun. It was almost as if they had no way but to do it full forced and full throttle. There was no half assing it for them. The forts looked more like quilt, sheets, and curtains made into very posh little houses in the yard. It was very impressive.

When Ren's fort lost we all ran in to destroy it. I got bonked on the head pretty solidly by a mattress when Bella knocked the wall support out. I don't remember acting weird, but apparently I had been stumbling around for a little while not responding to anyone. Bella felt horrible.

"At least it isn't a paper cut," I said tartly, while Esme unnecessarily put an icepack to my head.

"Head injuries are serious, _especially_ for you." Esme said with concern but also with the motherly air of scolding.

"I am fine. Edward can attest to how long I was out of it." I waved my hand in his direction. Hoping he'd help me get out of this so I could join the party again.

"Mom it wasn't that long. Pretty normal for a human," he pled my case.

I was released five minutes later to go sing karaoke with Rose and Bella.

Eventually I found myself in the fort with Ren and Bella. I kept yawning while we chatted.

"We should get you inside," Bella said. She sat up a little to lean on her elbow, after my fifth yawn.

"I want to sleep…out here," I yawned again and felt my lids droop.

I must have gotten my wish because soon I was being gently laid into a sleeping bag and a soft pillow was under my head.

I caught the smell of tea leaves in the air and without opening my eyes I thanked the person who was making me more comfortable for sleep.

"Thanks dad."

.~.

Breakfast was eggs and porridge. Not together obviously. But I was so dog tired that Alice made me coffee knowing I would be asking for it. I drowned the cup of coffee with sugar and cream, to make it at least drinkable. God the stuff was horrid, but it was affective.

One upside to having such short hair is you don't have to do much to it to make it look passable.

"Did you have a good time last night?" Ren asked friskily poking my side as I got in the car.

I nodded while yawning, my eyes watered a little bit and I had to be careful not to wipe the makeup Alice applied while I was half asleep.

"Thanks for the ring by the way," I lifted up my hand to look at the ring next to the tin one I had gotten at the rink.

"You really don't have any jewelry do you?" she asked with a glum tone, as if not having jewelry was like having committed a crime.

"I just never saw the point," I explained fanning my fingers out in front of me, so I could look at the two rings better.

"You never saw the point?" she asked skeptically.

I just shrugged my shoulders trying figure out what I meant by it.

"I mean," I began, pulling the necklace Carlisle had given me out to look at it. I rubbed my thumb over the smooth glass. "It just didn't seem like it was important. I didn't just want to wear things because they looked pretty. I kind of wanted whatever I wore to have meaning. And well…now I do."

Ren gave me a kind contented smile, her brown eyes dancing before turning back to pay attention to the road.

"I just love how it accents things. I may not really be all for shopping like Alice, but I do like fashion and co-ordination. I think Jake gives me a new piece of jewelry every time he goes out shopping." Her soft flute like laugh had me smiling.

"Hey that is true I don't think I've ever seen you not wearing a necklace, bracelet, earrings… or well just something."

"I know, I do sometimes, but I have so much jewelry now that even if Jake never buys me anymore I could go like another 20 years and not repeat wearing anything."

I gave a low impressed whistle at that.

Once we were at school, I waved goodbye to her when I reached my locker.

St. Therese was large and open. In all truthfulness I really did like the school, uniform issue not considered of course. And even though I still hated school, as far as the institution of going and having to learn, I really liked this school. Most of the kids came from rich families except my one friend Gwen. She was one of the shy girls that hung out with Ren at the lunch table. And she and I both liked to sing so we hit it off fairly well.

You could always tell when Gwen was coming towards you by her odd shuffling, and she had this habit to tap the lockers or walls next to her as she walked next to them.

I heard the tapping while putting my bag in the locker.

"Hi Eva! Did you have a happy birthday?" Gwen's high nasal voice asked. She has a semi annoying talking voice but a smokey sensual raspy voice our choir teacher said was like Billy Holiday.

"It was great," I sighed happily as I faced her. She blanched looking at me.

"You look exhausted!" she half laughed half exclaimed.

"I am. I don't even know how late I was up."

"Did you get anything good?"

"Yeah, I got a trip to go on an African safari. A couple memberships to places, jewelry you know the typical." She and I shared a look that said we both knew I was being a little sarcastic.

"Did you have a chance to finish your English essay?" she asked nervously searching through her bag. When she found her media reader that we all had for our English class, she sighed forlornly.

"Yeah, although I doubt it'll be anything above a B."

We made it to Government when the classroom was half empty. I was still barely skimming by in the class, and was hopeful that Ren would blast me with some Socio-political information so I might at least not fail.

Drama club we were deciding what to do for after the Haunted house we were getting ready for the Halloween dance.

Josh McLynn, one of the über popular kids, suggested we do a Christmas carol, but turn it into a comedy. Which everyone liked, so it was decided without a lot of fuss that was our next project.

When we got our preparation assignments I scoffed at the "writer" assignment I'd been given. I was happy being a set designer with Ren.

But after the next project was assigned I went to working on the cardboard coffins. Ren was trying to politely escape from some of the boys who liked to flirt with her. She sent me a brief plea, via her ability, which I smirked at.

"Black get over here, I'm not going to work on these all by myself." I yelled, looking up from my spot, grumping at the three boys. They all shot me a dirty look which I stuck my tongue out at. Ren apologized to the boys and then made her way over to help me.

"Thanks," she murmured heavily. She must have really wanted to get away from Troy, Michael, and Tristan for her to have to use her ability on me.

"Do you want me to get a stick next time so I can beat them off of you, oh fair princess?" my fake seriousness earned me a shove.

The down side of working on a set was you had to work with hammers and nails and saws and such. The down side to being human and working on a set was the risk you ran of injury.

It really hadn't been bad; I just caught the side of my pointer on a nail that was sticking out of the side of the background. I was putting a band aid on it when Ren and I shared a look.

The bleeding had stopped well before school was over, but Ren had decided to take things into her own hands.

"You seriously think this," I stuck my finger in front of her nose, she went cross eyed looking at it so close to her, before pushing it away in exasperation, "is going to be an issue?" I asked. I was curious if a scabbed over cut would push my family beyond the safety boundaries.

"Possibly. Not for grandma and grandpa, obviously. But some might not be comfortable." I sighed and looked at my cut. I'd had to change the bandaid twice during the day, most recently as Ren and I were heading to the car. We both knew who she was thinking of when she mentioned the lack of control.

"If you wanted me to spend the night Ren all you had to do was ask, you know. You didn't have to plan to injure me." I scolded. She laughed once and unlocked the doors.

She'd texted the family to let them know of my injury, and asked if I could stay at her place for the night. When I mentioned she should have asked if it was ok with Jake she smiled and pointed to herself mouthing "imprint". Like that excuse would never get old, I thought.

Jake and Ren's house was quant and very much like a cottage in the woods. It was a simple log cabin but with a high peaked roof. Once inside I saw many different kinds of Native American types of decoration. Jake explained it was all Quileute art, and I nodded in consideration of it. They had a loft overlooking the living room and dining room areas. There were two bed rooms at the back of the house, but otherwise it was fairly simple. The loft had yet another type of sitting area, with a huge flat screen; it must be where Jake and Seth watched their sports stuff.

The sleep over at Ren's was really fun. Seth came over, carrying dishes that Esme had prepared before going off to a planning meeting for a fund raiser Halloween ball at the hospital where I had been treated at and where Carlisle worked. Bella stopped over with a bag of things for me. The fact Alice had packed it was obvious from the second I opened it.

I had new pajama's with a note taped to it that said, "Burn when finished." I wanted to be funny so I made sure to go outside with a lighter and burn the note she wrote me. Hoping I was far enough away from the wolves and Ren for her to see it. I did know she had meant the pajama's, but why not give her a little moment of frustration.

We played poker for a little while after dinner, and watched a movie on the big flat screen.

After finishing a small slice of my birthday cake and watching a movie with Ren I was ready to sleep. But Ren, rather than show me a room decided to do a real sleep over. When I gave her a disgruntled look, she smiled up at me with a sheepish look, brown eyes innocent.

"I've never had a real sleepover, Eva… come on." Ren said, grabbing my arm and leading me to the downstairs living room. Someone had already set up some fluffy blankets on the L shaped couch near the fireplace.

As fall had set in and was steadily getting colder fireplaces were commonly lit around the Cullen house. Jake had set up a nice wood burning fire for us, and I felt bad that Ren and I didn't even get to chat like girls did at slumber parties, because I fell asleep soon after I got comfortable.

After waking up and doing my morning routine in the Black's bathroom I looked into the mirror and saw the pendant sitting pleasantly by my collar bone. Grasping it I felt the warmth the silver had taken from my body and wondered about my dad's human life.

I didn't see anyone until I started frying eggs, Ren rolled out of her make-shift bed on the couch to walk by me towards the bathrooms.

Feeling like someone was watching me I turned the burner off and started to look around. My eye stopped and I froze when I spotted something both chilling, and very familiar.

There, out on the Black's porch, was a strikingly beautiful man with pale white skin. I met his eyes though the large bay window.

They were red.

.~.

.~.

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><p>.~.<p>

AN: Cliffy? Well you'll have to wait at least a week for answers ^_^

I've uploaded some Nessie pictures to the Panthalassa photobucket. I've been thinking of putting together a "Playlist" of songs Eva signs or songs I think go well with the story, what do you think?

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	15. Unlikely Reason

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 15 - Unlikely Reason<span>**

.~.**  
><strong>

The scream caught in my throat when I saw Seth coming up behind the vampire. The strange vampire and Seth exchanged what looked like stiff if not cordial conversation and I was just stuck there watching with my breath held in my throat.

Ren came from her room in a blur giving me a glance that gave me no indication as to what was going on, and went to the front door.

I didn't move.

I didn't look away from the vampire on the steps.

Maybe thirty second had passed since I had spotted him.

He was putting his hands up in a defensive posture and he was smiling in a shy way. Seth looked exasperated, and slightly put out. Ren laughed and patted the vampire on the shoulder. At that gesture I relaxed a little.

Red eyes met mine again, before I saw him disappear, Ren trailing after him.

Seth walked in, his head slightly bowed, he looked angry now that he was inside.

"What wa-"

"That was one of the Cullen's… friends." He spat out, coming to plop down at the dining room table.

"Why was he here?" I asked still keeping my eyes on the area I had seen the red eyes last.

"Visiting Jasper with his mate. He wanted to see Nessie so he thought to pop over before we could explain that you were staying here."

"How is it possible for it not to be explained? I mean they all have great hearing. Yelling 'Stop, there is a human staying with Nessies' probably would have worked."

Seth looked up from the window we both had been looking out of. His glowering look softened a bit.

"He came straight here. His mate caught a whiff of you and decided to stay back, she knew that the Cullen's like to have humans around. Peter was a little more excited, he was sure he was in control, he just wanted to see Nessie." I slowly looked towards him once I was sure that this Peter wasn't going to come back.

"I nearly screamed…" I said breathlessly, finally realizing how hard my heart had been beating.

"He wasn't thinking about how scared you'd be. I guess he probably figured you'd be used to vampires… or something." Seth grumbled running his hands through his hair.

I didn't get much more of a chance to talk about it with Seth as I had seen the clock and needed to finish getting ready for school. I was ecstatic that it was a Friday. I would have to ask Ren to take me to the Spa I had a membership to after school.

Once in the car on the way to school I questioned Ren. She wasn't very forth coming with answers, and I wondered if they were keeping something from me. But I wasn't about to come right out and ask her that.

"Are they staying a long time?" I asked.

"Probably not terribly long, I don't think."

"I won't be staying at home till they leave, will I?"

"Not likely," she sighed.

"Do I have to meet them?" I was worried, part of me wanted to meet them, the other primitive part wanted to get as far away from Peter and his mate Charlotte as I could.

"Not if you don't want to." There was something in her tone when she said that. Like she wanted me to meet them but at the same time was highly against it. It was a weird contradiction to hear.

There was a pause as I decided what to do.

"I don't want to meet murderers." I said evenly after a moment.

I saw her shoulders slump a little and she took in a deep breath.

"That's your decision."

I narrowed my eyes at her tone. She cast a glance at me looking away from the road.

"What?" she asked at my look.

"What was with that tone?"

"What tone?" she asked innocently.

"'What tone'?" I parroted, crossing my arms and raising my brows.

"Eva… I understand your position, completely. But Peter and Charlotte are good friends to the family."

"Good friends that kill people which makes what my dad does moot?" I asked frankly.

I saw a quirk of her lip as I called Carlisle my dad.

"It's in their nature. Would you hold it against any of the family if they slipped up?" she was trying to make a point.

"No, because they would _want_ forgiveness. Red eyes mean they don't care what they are."

"You might be right, but they won't hurt you, and they don't hunt in the area when they come by to visit."

"Oh great!" I threw up my arms and glared at her, "You know that makes it all better. They won't eat _me_, so why shouldn't_ I_ meet them. It doesn't matter that one of them could be responsible for my mum's disappearance does it?"

"Calm down, jeez" Ren said taking a long look at me. Her eyes were full of sadness at my words and I didn't have to have her dad's ability to know she was thinking over what I said.

"Do you think… that's what happened to your mom?" her voice was quiet and pained.

I blinked, frustrations fading at her words. I looked out the window to see the trees blurring by, and sighed heavily.

"It could be."

The rest of the car ride was silent after that, and although I had told Ren I didn't want to meet Jaspers friends, I was thinking about it all day at school.

.~.

As it turns out I didn't meet Peter and Charlotte. Alice and Jasper went on a trip to Las Vegas with them. My goodbye from Alice and Jasper had been text saying they'd see me in a week. Eventually I decided it was a good thing I didn't have to make a decision to meet them.

The week past and Emmett took up Jasper's tutoring sessions with my guitar. Bella even sat in on a couple lessons, just to watch.

I was at Seth's a week and a half after I had seen Peter, and I had been staying a couple school nights at his place to help with the ease of travel. But for the moment I was just watching some movies with Bella and Ren. Alice was due back tomorrow with Jasper, and I had an irrational fear that Jasper would come back with red eyes.

.~.

When the fundraiser at the hospital came up I was brought along with my mum and dad, as I was the perfect food mule for them. It was a 5 course dinner and I was preparing myself to be in a food coma after it.

Alice trimmed my hair, which was getting pretty long. Well it was long for having short hair, so she trimmed it into a better style for its length, which was about four inches. She and Rose had fun dressing me up, and even Bella got into it, as much as Bella would at least. I enjoyed the comments she made from her spot on my bed. She would make a comment about my eyeliner looking lopsided, and then Alice would stare at me for a little while just making sure. Then Bella would mention the fact that my dress wasn't the right color for my eye shadow, and then Alice would stand looking at me her brows furrowed as if maybe Bella had a point.

I wasn't sure if Alice knew that Bella was just playing with her, but it made for some interesting entertainment.

When I was deemed done by guru Alice I left with Carlisle and Esme to the ball.

I was too stuffed to eat another bite, let alone move. Once again Carlisle and Esme made seamless switches of our plates throughout the night. I considered, briefly, being a bulimic for the just for that evening, but ended up thinking it would upset Esme and Carlisle too much. Even with me eating their food for them, they still had to force themselves to drink a toast when the Head of the Hospital board, had his speech. I grimaced when I watched my them tip the glasses back.

.~.

There was a frenzy of activity on Halloween at St. Therese after school was out. The drama club was busy with hectic set up and preparations of the haunted house, which was actually being billed as the "Haunted Kitchen." We managed to convince the Home Ec. department to set it up there, and designed the tour to go from the front hallway through the kitchen back out into the hall and into the Sociology class room, which was huge. It was convenient because the Sociology class room had a door out into the courtyard that it shared with the library as well as other class rooms. We had been tempted to do up another room but that would have been over reaching. As it was, even using some of the old props from last year's haunted house, we barely had enough spooky stuff to get the four areas spooky enough.

However, being in an exclusive school did have an advantage and I watched with an air of disbelief as some parents dropped of mannequins, smoke machines, and black lighting.

The Halloween dance was to start at six and the haunted house to open at 7. Ren had been asked by more than five guys to go with, and when she refused she always told them I was available. I would glare at any boy who came near me to ask me to the dance. I didn't need yet another thing to take up my time, and having a boy who wasn't actually interested in me was definitely a time sucker.

I was helping scatter the bloody fake human pieces made from chopped up bits of rubber around the bloodied blender in the kitchen when I saw a tiny body wiggling around the other students.

"Alice, what are you doing here?" I asked while casually scattering more pieces as if it were bird food.

"I came to help you get ready for your role, silly." She explained as she lifted a large duffle up to my eye level. A girl Alice's height wouldn't normally be able to do that so I pushed her hand down some with my free hand.

"What time is it?" I asked taking a look around the kitchen massacre scene. It looked complete, and as we had about five giant painter buckets full of fake bloody pieces I just dumped my small bowl full on the floor at my feet.

"Five thirty…it looks absolutely disgusting in here," she responded while taking a curious glance around the room. It was very well lit right now as a couple other students finished their projects. I saw a couple girls that were doing the creaking stairs out in the hallway peek in to look at Alice.

"Thanks Alice… I think." I double checked my list of jobs and was satisfied with it.

I waved her to follow me back towards the Arts department, where many others were getting ready for the dance or their shift at the Haunted House.

It was a costume party, and because the Drama club was short staffed to man the entire run of the house that night we had asked for volunteers. The house was only going on for two hours and for each hour shift we'd ended up with twenty people, which for our production wasn't a lot, as the second hallway was an actual bull's run with zombies chasing after you.

I waved to Mr. Shin as he was getting the other zombie's ready. He nodded to me while a putty sculptor was in his mouth as he painted on Ella Hao's face.

I sat on the bench while Alice worked. Ren had been chosen to be the host, or guide to set the mood. And I thought I heard plans to have Jasper behind the scenes using his ability to frighten people more.

My role was "Kitchen Zombie", my motivation, BRAINS!

.~.

It was a complete success. All of the drama club plus the volunteers knew it would be. We got to do a dry run a few times so each area's team could see the other stuff that would be going on, and if I hadn't designed half the stuff I might've been scared myself.

I hadn't known it but some of the staff played a prank on some of the students. Our "trail" ended at the library, and some of the teachers once the group was in the brightly lit library would turn the lights off and scare anyone in there.

All the way in the Home Economics room I could hear the screams from one group.

It was a good thing the Volunteer club was going to be cleaning this mess up with us all day tomorrow, there were fake body pieces _everywhere_.

Before I was able to take off my makeup that Alice had professionally applied, I had to take pictures with each of my family members. When it was Edward and my turn to pose I didn't even wait for Alice or Bella to come up with an idea and I attacked him like a real zombie would. I didn't actually try to bite his granite like skin, which would have been stupid. But the visual had been completely hilarious. Ren showed me later what it looked like to the family and I had to admit that I had managed to look like a really convincing member of the walking dead.

For his part Edward had been so caught up in my thoughts about a particular pose that when I attacked there was a split second of panic on his face. Bella had caught that on film.

.~.

There were moments when I completely forgot how just a few short months ago, laughing and smiling was pretty rare for me. There were moments when I forgot how alone I had been.

But when I remembered, oh I remembered it all the time, but when I'd had a really good day with my family, a day that I wanted to live in forever the next day it always hit me. Of course I would always smile and still enjoy my family, but I would be thinking about how much I had needed this kind of love and attention years ago. The last few years had been hard and I got by, by keeping my head down and not trying to "rock the boat" as Mr. Thoms once told me. But the Cullen's were trying to get me to keep my head up, and although I was beginning to see the benefits of oh… having an opinion, I had yet to really care enough to voice it. It didn't really matter at this point, because I was getting things I wanted and needed without voicing it.

I think I would always circle back to the "why me" vein of thought, after a while. What had I done to draw their attention enough that they'd risk telling me their secret? I wasn't brave enough to really push the issue, but I had asked Jasper, mum, Bella and even Jake and their answers were all about the same.

They wanted me here to have a chance at happiness.

"Jake, come on, that can't just be it… can it? I was a complete stranger to you and you risked not only your wife's families secret on me, but your whole tribes' secret. To have that much concern for a stranger…" I trailed off.

We were sitting in his living room, Ren and I were having another slumber party, and she was taking a shower. Alice had come to a couple of our last ones we'd set up at the main house, but she was off hunting with Edward and Emmett so it was just Ren and myself.

"Eva, you want to know my reason? It's selfish, I have to warn you."

I hadn't expected that, so I just dumbly nodded and waited for him to speak.

"Alright. We had been debating about what was going to happen to you once you were out of the hospital. Nessie desperately wanted to meet you, because you impressed Bella and Jasper so much."

"Jasper?" I interrupted. I had no recollection of any time I would have impressed the blonde male.

Jake waved it off, "Not material Eva. Alice saw that the chances of Nessie meeting you were thin. She's never had it easy, Nessie. You know the stories, about the Volturi, she's grown up in a house that has been so protective of her. And she was saddled with me to boot."

My lips went into a slight frown, and I wasn't sure on his meaning, but I wanted him to continue so I didn't say anything.

"She never asked to be mine forever. She was just born and then _I_ knew, just _knew_ she was my forever. She never had the choice, but she loves me anyway," he shrugged, "Being half vampire she grew so fast so she couldn't even socialize regularly with "normal" people till after she stopped growing. She's like a kid at an aquarium Eva. One side is the world of her family and the supernatural. Then the other side is the world she inherited from Bella. The human world has been kept at arm's length for her whole life.

"When Alice brought up the idea to bring you into the family… even with the whole changing you into a vampire I was only thinking of her happiness."

"You wanted her to have a human friend?" I asked to clarify.

Jake looked forlorn and a little regretful as he nodded, hunching over his knees as he leaned forward.

"You're right, that is kind of selfish." I admitted. I didn't hold it against him, he just wanted to give Ren one thing she hadn't been able to have

"You've told me about the treaty the wolves have with the Cullen's, how did I become an exception to that?" I asked.

Jake looked like he was about to answer when I heard the shower turn off, and he stopped short. I guessed his answer would have been along the lines of him being alpha and "chief" so he could add caveats and addendums to the treaty when he saw fit.

.~.

School was kicking my ass, and no matter how much I pleaded and begged Ren she refused to tutor me in other subjects, worried that it would cause some sort of malfunction in my brain or something. And to be honest some of the things she showed me were starting to slip. We talked about it, and I found that maybe without some emotion attached to what she showed me, my brain couldn't hold the information. I had passed my mid terms, but was worried about the rest of the year.

It was a week before Thanksgiving break and I started to notice how often the Cullen's weren't hanging around the house. Esme was there with me a lot of the time, as was Ren. But I hadn't seen Rose or Emmett for a few days and was starting to get curious.

Edward was practicing with me for the solo I had in the Christmas Choir concert. The concert theme this year was Christmas around the world. The soloists were allowed to pick the song they wanted, as long as it was in another language. Edward had encouraged me to sing "Veni, Veni Emmanuel," I had never heard of it, nor had I ever spoken Latin. But Edward was dead set on me singing this song for some unknown reason.

I'd been listening to many different artists' renditions of the songs on my Media Mix and mp3 player since Edward had foisted the song on me. And I was getting better at the rising and lilting notes that seemed to trip me up frequently. The higher octaves were still challenging for me to use enough force behind the notes and not go blue in the face.

Somehow during all the practicing with Edward I'd begun to realize how much more singing actually took. This song required a lot more control over my breathing and pitch than singing jazz songs. The challenge, though frustrating, was actually keeping pace with Edward while keeping in pitch, and not passing out from lack of oxygen.

"What does that last part mean?" I asked leaning over his sheet music as I took a break and sipped on some warm tea.

"Veni, veni Adonai! Qui populo in Sinai, Legem dedisti vertice, In maiestata gloriae." He said in probably the simplest way, but to me Edwards voice made those words seem like lovers on his tongue. He gave me a half crooked grin at that thought.

"It means, O come, o come, Thou Lord of might, who to thy tribes on Sinai's height, in ancient times did give the law, in cloud, and majesty, and awe."

I took another sip of my tea and cupped my chin in thought.

_It sounds better in Latin._

"I agree." He answered kindly.

"Did you finish those song lyrics?" He asked after a pause and I accidently inhaled some of my tea. I was coughing so hard my eyes hurt, poor Edward was apologizing and patting my back.

_Don't say that out loud…_ I had been secretly writing lyrics to a song, I hadn't any clue what kind of accompaniment it would need, and I hadn't even thought on how it would sound, but Edward had obviously heard me thinking about it before. I wasn't embarrassed exactly, but I just didn't want Esme to hear that I was writing a song, she'd jump at the chance to hear it and I was certain that I was nowhere near ready for that.

"I apologize," he chuckled at my inner grumblings about the song not even being a song. "Since I have you here I had a piece I wrote, not that long ago and was wondering if maybe we could work on putting some words to it."

_Nice segue Piano Man_. I rolled my eyes at him when I had finished coughing.

"As Vampires we tend to have a lot of free time on our hands, as you know, but no one in the family has as much talent for singing as you have. You could say it has been an inspiration to me," turning slightly on his piano bench he looked up at me, his slightly darkened honey colored eyes were open and honest.

"Honestly, it is like when I compose music now I envision you singing along with it."

I was fairly sure that was a compliment, and I instantly started blushing.

_Scoot over,_ I commanded. He moved and I sat next to him on the bench.

_Alright let's have a listen then,_ I told him when I was ready. And as I had come to expect with Edward he started playing instantly whenever I was ready.

It was a soulful number that would do well with a song about lost love or something, but I had no idea how the singing part would sound. He was right though, I could tell some spots where a singer could make the transition much smoother and heartbreaking.

He and I eventually went back to working on my solo.

After a hard night of practicing I was really wanted to just go out for a little while. I'd been stuck at the house every night either practicing the solo or studying and I was about to flip out. As expected I didn't have to voice these thoughts to Edward or Esme. As that night I found myself in an old car with Edward as we drove in to town.

"It's an Aston Martin," Edward chuckled, when I kept thinking about how nice this old car looked.

"Ah..." I said aloud. _It's still an old car, even if it is a __nice __old car. _I added silently.

Of all the places the Cullen's could take me I found myself happy and amused that Edward took me to a Culver's for dinner.

While waiting in line, I was very aware of how many people were staring at us. And the Culver's wasn't exactly busy. I saw a young man who was working the drive thru watching us, and I realized for a normal boy how attractive he was, but compared to Edward he was a troll. I gave him half a smile when I caught him staring at Edward.

"He wasn't staring at me, Evangeline." Edward whispered conspiratorially in my ear as we took our drinks to the table to await our food.

I wasn't sure whether or not to believe him, so I gave him a skeptical look. He grinned his crooked grin at me.

"Not interested Evangeline?" he asked, his long elegant fingers played with the straw in its wrapper.

I rolled my eyes and took a sip of my sweet tea. Part of me didn't want to think about this in Edward's presence, but I couldn't control the part that already was wondering about the employee.

I caught Edward's eye, and they were twinkling with mischief.

I was halfway though asking him what that look was for when our food arrived. It arrived via the handsome boy from before. His dark brown eyes reminded me of Ren's, and his hair was like Jaspers but much lighter, Jasper had better hair.

"You really should stop comparing normal people to us," he chided after the boy left.

"But it's really hard not to," I said out loud. I sighed and looked at my food.

I always felt a little self conscious while eating my food in front of any of the Cullen's, but especially Edward because he could hear my thoughts about the things I was eating. I couldn't watch them hunt, and I felt like a spectacle or some sort of science project they were keeping a close eye on. At that Edwards lips quirked slightly.

Eating slowly so I could keep light conversation with Edward was nice, and also felt a little strange. Like Edward or any of the Cullen's sitting in a fast food restaurant was a little bit like a congressman shopping at a thrift store, something about it seemed _off_. It was probably the fluorescent lighting.

My thoughts kept circling back to that boy. It wasn't as if I was actually interested in him. But the thought someone would be interested in me was humbling in a way. There was a part of me that thought I'd like to date, but I wasn't sure how I'd be able to handle and touching associated with having a boyfriend.

"So look but no touch?" Edward asked, with regards to my thoughts.

_Maybe, I don't know. I've never been interested in any boy beyond simply liking how they look, to know if I could handle it._

"Maybe you play for the other team?" He asked with an air of thought.

Stopping mid chew I stared with a surprised look at him.

_That was a very Emmett like thought_; I chided him, mentally shaking a finger at him.

"Emmett or Seth," Edward corrected.

"Either one. But no, I don't think so." And I truly didn't. I had always liked how boys and men looked, and if nothing being around the Cullen men, heck even the Quileute, made me appreciate the male form that much more. But even so, it wasn't like I could get involved with anybody.

"I don't see why you wouldn't be able to have a relationship Evangeline," he said.

"We'll see," was all I said out loud. When inside I was thinking about all the reasons why I shouldn't get involved with humans. It wasn't certain if and when I'd no longer be a human, so getting involved with someone was dangerous, not just for my heart or theirs, but for my family. I couldn't let any person close enough that they might discover the secret. It would put my family in danger, and probably royally piss Rosalie off.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Edward cover his face to hide a smile at the Rose thought.

.~.

.~.

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><p>AN: Yes, finally back to the much more manageable sized chapters! Those long ones were really tiring.<p>

So were you surprised it was Peter? Happy? Sad? What are the Cullen's up to anyway?

Also I highly suggest going to Youtube and looking up the song Eva is singing for her solo. It is a beautiful song. I may post a link to a playlist at some point, but I'll let you know in an AN if/when I do.

If there are too many grammatical errors and such this chapter I blame it on the fact I am sunburned and sleep deprived at the time of my editing. And as always thank you for reading, let me know what you think.

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	16. Transitions

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

**AN:** Please note this will be a very _very _short chapter. It is as the title implies, a transition. And as I am going on vacation for two weeks (leaving on the 7th) I won't be updating for two more weeks… sorry if that upsets anybody.)

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 16 - Transitions<span>  
><strong>

.~.

I'd never been to the West coast, and I hadn't seen the ocean in a very long time. And La Push beach was just as beautiful in person as it was in Ren's memories.

Thanksgiving was entertaining. I met Bella's father and Step-mother Sue, among many others on the trip.

Jake and Seth introduced me to the original pack at a bonfire by the cliffs on La Push one night. It was a night of only adults so we could all talk about supernatural things without the children hearing.

The Cullen's were allowed to join but decided to enjoy the area and leave me in the care of the tribe.

The oldest children, Paul's and Sam's kids were 12, 11 and nine. All the other kids were really young. All the wolves were waiting with bated breath to see if the two boys would phase in a couple years. They were pretty sure they would if the Cullen's kept visiting. It was an interesting conversation to listen to.

I liked meeting all of the women that various wolves had imprinted on. Claire had been a hoot; she was by far the loudest of all the women.

I really impressed Jake's elderly father with my singing.

In preparation for the trip Seth and Jake had drilled a couple of their tribal songs into me, claiming it would really be a wonderful thing to do. I sang for the whole group right before we had our dinner, and I think I left Washington with a few admirers.

The end of November had me feeling happier than I had in years. I had opened up almost completely to the family, there were a few things I didn't discuss with them, and I knew I probably never would. As those horrible things I didn't want to talk about would be best forgotten than remembered, if I didn't talk about it, one day when I was changed I might actually forget.

.~.

The rest of the year, I practiced singing, studied like a mad woman, and practiced guitar. My fencing ability was advancing quiet well, and I was excited that in the next term we would be trying some Asian sword play.

The Christmas Choir concert was magical. I had never been more on top of my game, and I think I may have caused a few people to actually cry with my solo. All my practicing was made worth it when after the concert my dad and mum's eyes were swimming with pride. It was very humbling to have all of the family there. Even if Rose pretended she didn't want to be, I heard later from Edward she had really enjoyed the concert.

The other pleasantly surprising thing happened after the concert that led to the family having a meeting that night, after I got my obligatory father daughter ice cream after a big event with Carlisle.

After I got hugs from my parents a skinny dark skinned man came over, he looked like he had just seen a unicorn or something and even though he did gawk at my family a little he only had eyes for me.

He was a music producer, and an uncle of one of the students at St. Therese. I got his card and he essentially begged me to come sing for him in Chicago any time I was up for it. He claimed that with a talent like mine his little indie label could really put me on the map. During our brief chat, with Esme and Carlisle standing next to me, Mr. Keiffer complemented my voice and style, and kept saying things like "You could be the next Christina or Beyonce", it seemed cheesy at the time, but when I reflected on it later I felt embarrassed by such heavy compliments.

The family meeting had been basically to see what I'd want to do. So we spent the couple hours late into the night with Alice looking at various futures if I were to go sing for Mr. Keiffer and his colleague. And although we did a lot of talking it was deemed to be something we all needed to think on. And although most of the family was against me even trying to have a singing career, all of them were happy for me to have been recognized enough to get some attention.

.~.

Christmas we went skiing in Colorado, I opted for the car trip with Rose and Emmett, as they both wanted to enjoy the scenery. The rest of the family went via plane and got our huge rental house all set up for the human.

I managed not to break anything, although I did come close to spraining my ankle when I attempted snowboarding. Mum scolded me for trying to keep up with the others, even though she had a point I still pouted.

I was still limping around on New Years and got to participate in yet another interesting Cullen family tradition. They each cast five predictions, and although I thought Alice should be banned from playing it was explained that events months away were very hard for her to see. The predictions for 2025 could be anything, and since vampires had eidetic memories they never bothered to write it down. Alice loved to predict when certain celebrities died. Apparently she had predicted Elvis' death New Year's 1977, and he died in August.

I was lying in bed on my last day of break before the new term started, feeling the luxury of the sheets when I felt a complete moment of calm.

I had been reflecting the night before, about everything in my life. From my school, to my old foster families, to all the broken kids I've lived with, and I even got to thinking about Mr. Golswiki. The anxious feeling I'd been carrying around with me since moving in with the Cullen's was always there. And although I had actively stopped worrying about my place in the family, and how scared I was this moment in time with them would pop like a soap bubble, I felt more alive and free than I had in years. Thinking that the kind of happiness I was feeling had started because they had pitied me, and in Esme's case because she loved me, didn't hurt as much as time went on. Pity or no, they loved me now and that made up for the reason.

I'd taken to calling Carlisle dad, and Esme mum all the time, and it felt normal. Finding a happiness Alice had seen felt so welcome and I would succumb to it with teary eyes and open arms. I had a family now.

Opening up my past to my family had been like seeing color for the first time. I saw things I had loved as a child. Back then I was a bright vibrant picture with colors and lights galore. As I lost more and more of my innocence I lost the drive it took to sustain all those hobbies and past times. I grew up in the foster care system feeling unloved and I could almost look back now and see as each passing year more of my vibrant life bled away, leaving only a dark, dank and dreary grey picture.

It did strike a certain sense of irony that I managed to find my life again, the reasons to smile, in a family of the dead. Edward would disagree about them actually being alive, and I did enjoy arguing my point with him. He tried to go all philosophical on me and when that didn't take he tried religion, and when I turned a deaf ear to that he tried the medical standpoint.

I was firm in my belief, that although as a human you died, this was a form of afterlife, and it was hard and horrible, but you could live it right, like my family did. Just like humans, we could live our lives right, or wrong, but it was still living.

.~.

It was coming up on Valentine's day and I had been spending most school nights at Seth's. I missed seeing mum, but she'd stop by to tuck me in every night so at least there was that.

It was after school on the 14th and everyone, was full of red hearts and chocolate candies. It was like the whole population had rose tinted glasses. Everybody everywhere seemed to be part of a couple, except for those that wanted to be part of a couple. Gwen was one of those poor girls. I'd tried to play sympathetic, but as I didn't care about having any sort of relationship with any humans I could only empathize so much. In fact it should be a sign of how much I'd grown that I was putting up with Gwen's pity party during school.

But it was a Friday so that meant plenty of people going out and being all… couple-y. I had driven my XTracer to school because Ren had left in a hurry to meet up with Jake somewhere. I shuddered remembering Jake's lust face. There really wasn't anything much better than riding in my motorcycle, even though mum didn't like that I drove it while there was still snow on the ground. But with assurances from Alice that the roads would be clear all day I'd managed to convince her to let me take it to school.

Seth and I spent a night at his place; he even made me a nice candle lit dinner, between friends, and watched a movie together. For some reason, at the end of the night when we were saying goodnight, I caught something in his eyes. There was hesitancy there, like there was something else he had been meaning to say. But I could have misread him. And I lay there that night really thinking about Seth, as a man, and not as a shape shifter, or a family friend.

.~.

Alice had been fairly diligent in her selections for my wardrobe. In fact I don't think there had been a 10 day period since moving in with the Cullen's that Alice didn't either go shopping for me, or take me along to shop with her. And now that my hair was just getting to my shoulders she started getting more and more elaborate with how she styled my hair or the accessories she'd put in it.

The girls and I had a weekend of musicals, we stayed at the Chicago Hilton, took in a few plays, I ate some of the best pizza and ended watching some very old musicals. My favorite of the night was "West Side Story", it happened to be mum's favorite too. Bella, being the stick in the literary mud she was, said she preferred the original works of Shakespeare.

.~.

I met some of the family's friends in early April, just before the Talent show for St. Therese. Ren and I were doing a comedy skit that was half Monty Python and half Blue Brothers. Emmett had helped us write the script, and when I say helped, I meant he did most of the work himself, he seemed to bask in the chance to mesh the two iconic comedies together.

Siobhan, Liam and Maggie were _completely_ terrifying. You would think that with the way mum or Alice described them they were just some fun loving light hearted people, but when you saw them in person Liam and Siobhan's great size and their red eyes were the stuff nightmares were made of.

I felt horrible for acting the way I was around my family's friends, but they never made me feel bad about it. And if I had to pin point what exactly made them so terrifying was because they were so freakishly still.

It was _eerie_.

They had none of the human mannerisms my family had; in fact they didn't even try to pretend. Maggie was kind enough, although our interactions were limited because Jasper was always standing between myself and her. The fact Jasper was glued to my side for the majority of the Irish covens visit had been because of Liam and Maggie's reaction to my scent.

They ended up staying five days. I did spend all five days at Seth's, even if he wasn't there, but instead hanging out with the others at the main house. Esme felt horrible for "banishing me away", but I told her not to worry, I didn't feel much like socializing with the Red eyes anyway.

.~.

Graduation was looming nearer and nearer, and although I was a C average student, mum and dad always complimented me on how hard I was trying. I felt even more of a moron when they did that. I mean, I was trying really hard at studying and I had fabulous tutors (although Ren helped with homework she refused to use her ability on me again, I suspected Bella and Esme had warned her not to) and I had plenty of resources to help me. But even then, even with all the help I was still at C level. To have them compliment me on my exertion when all my effort only got me where I was I felt a bit like a failure.

Ren, Alice, Bella, Rose and I were having a slumber party at Rose and Emmett's, as they had the largest hot tub, when we got to talking about graduation. Alice was, of course planning a grad party for me and Ren. During the night Ren and I made up a plan to go camping in Yellowstone sometime this summer. It would be just the two of us, no wolves, no vampires. I hadn't been camping in ages, and relished the idea of being out in nature. Bella didn't like the idea of Ren and me going off by ourselves. But when I whinged that it was my grad present she relented. Now all I had to do was convince my mum. And I had a feeling I'd actually have to pout quiet a bit in order to achieve my wishes.

.~.

.~.

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><p><strong>AN:<strong> Short I know, if at some point someone wants to request outtakes from those missing months let me know and I might be inclined to do it for you.

Enjoy your Fourth of July! I will be working all day! Whoo hoo!

Also I have uploaded Jasper onto the panthalassa photobucket for your viewing pleasure; the link should be on my profile.

(I meant to have this update up yesterday, but FFnet was being evil. So blame them, not me :D )

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	17. Timing

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

Warning: Mentions of underage drinking.

AN: Well, I felt bad for leaving you with such a short chapter before my vacation. So here is one more. Aren't I sweet?

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 17 - Timing<span>**

The last day of classes all of us seniors were having a blast. We were allowed to wear normal clothes for the day, skip our afternoon clubs and eat outside in the late warm May weather. The last day of classes was essentially a goof off day for a lot of us, because we'd finished out tests the two days before. The rest of the school still had the rest of the week, but as we had to prepare for the graduation ceremony the next two days were just some buffer time to get ready for that.

Alice had gone overboard on my outfit for the uniform free day, and I could envision her sitting in her public school classroom checking on my future to see how the other students gawked at me.

I was wearing a beautiful semi see though black top and I had a lace top underneath. It was nice, I supposed, to have a couple of the boys who'd I'd been in school with all year doing double takes at my look.

"I'm all ready," Gwen sing-songed next to me as I put the last thing from my locker into my bag.

"Me too. Did you bring your swim suit? Blake said there'd be a pool," I asked her while zipping up my bag.

"No… why would I want to burden other people with having to look at my body?" She grumped, and started tapping the empty open lockers as we made to move to our vehicles in the lot.

"If you want to go swimming in full clothing I won't stop you, but I think that look went out like 100 years ago," I joked.

"Oh har har," she added sarcastically.

"It's too bad Black can't make it," she added once we got outside. I pulled my sunglasses over my eyes and nodded in agreement.

"She's been working a lot," was my response. Ren hadn't wanted to go to the afterschool party at Joey's mansion, so although I would have liked her there, I didn't push her into wanting to go with me.

I was drunk off my ass when Will, from drama club made a move. I don't remember how we'd ended up on the couch, completely making out, but I do remember the moment when I'd sobered up enough to understand I didn't want it to continue.

Feeling cheap I made an excuse to get away from him, and went to call one of my family to come get me. I looked in the mirror before I dialed and saw how messy my hair was, it had fallen out of its perfect braid Alice had done, and random wild flyaway's were at the base of my neck. I waited in one of the many bathrooms while Jasper came to get me.

I couldn't believe I had just made out with some boy. I hadn't even kissed a boy since Cole, and I had been 14. I didn't even really like Will, he was a jerk and I was sure he'd only made out with me because of his inebriated state.

I got a text from Jasper when he was outside, and stumbled back down stairs to tell my friends I was leaving, and I had a ride with a foster brother. Blake made a big show of hugging me goodbye, I could smell the minty alcohol on her breath from the grasshoppers somebody had made when she kissed me on the cheek.

When I got in I was half expecting Jasper to say something about how I looked, but he didn't. I glanced at him before resting my head against the window.

He pulled away from the mansion, and started for home, we had gotten maybe a mile before he spoke.

"You smell like some…boy." He said tensely. His tone struck me as odd and in my haze I turned to look at him.

"Yeah… Will. Why?"

"_Will_…" he said slowly, as if knowing the name would help him with something.

"Jasper, Will and I were both just drunk and snogged a bit. I left because it didn't feel… right." The awkwardness I felt with talking to Jasper about boys lessened and I was fairly certain, even for being drunk, that he was using his ability on me.

"Are you sure that's all that happened?" His gold eyes bore into mine, and I sighed.

"Yes."

"Then the boy lives to enjoy his hangover."

"Jasper! You weren't really… going to kill him… were you?" I leaned forward to look at him, as his attention was back at the road. I saw a quirk of a smile.

"Not kill, maybe remove certain body parts… But as it was a mutual," he cleared his throat. And it suddenly all made sense.

He was being protective over me, like a big brother. My smile was wide and he gave me a look with the gratitude and love that I instantly started to feel for him.

I relaxed back in my seat when Jasper gave my hand a quick squeeze thanking me for the emotions I sent to him. Thinking about Jasper being protective, I wondered about my other male siblings.

In a traditional way you could say that Jasper was my serious big brother. He liked to laugh with me but he did harass me like Emmett would. I knew he'd defend me against even his old friends. As he had apologized for Peters behavior a lot after the time he'd come to visit Ren, and told me he'd given his comrade a talking to. Then there was the added benefit that we looked marginally alike. While my hair wasn't nearly as light blonde, it was more of a honey blonde or light brown, it was similar enough that we might be able to fake being siblings.

Emmett was the goofy, not too serious brother. He was always trying to get me to blush, and a according to Rose, Alice, and Edward, I wasn't as easy to make blush as Bella had been. I was sure I could count on him for anything, if it came to it, but he just didn't present the same air of protecting big brother that Jasper did.

Edward was my idol brother. And to some extent I wished that I could eventually find a man like him. I wanted to be as kind as he was, to be as thoughtful as he was, and I enjoyed the times when we wrote music together. Jasper had made comment on it once while it had been the three of us shopping for some instruments. Edward obviously knew about my school girl form of hero worship, but I don't think he minded it too much because he never said anything.

It hadn't been over night that I considered them brothers, or even the girls as sisters. In fact most of the last 10 months living with them I felt more like we were just really good friends. Well, all except for Rosalie.

She and I had never really spent any quality time alone, except for the one time we went grocery shopping in December. But even then I got the feeling she didn't want to talk, which was weird seeing as how we'd both been raped by someone we'd trusted so I thought that she'd eventually warm up to me. Seeing as how she had wanted me to come live with them, and know their secret.

The situation with Rose was one of the many mysteries with the Cullen's I was fairly sure I would never get to the bottom of. A big part of me hated that it felt like they were leaving me out of the loop. Recently, over the last couple months, random couples would take off for a couple weeks at a time. Jasper and Alice had just gotten back from a trip to Brazil, apparently. Carlisle and Esme were thinking of going to visit the "cousins" up in Alaska in a week or two.

When I found myself wondering if there was something more going on I realized there was probably a reason they weren't telling me what's going on. I was, after all, just a human. But still… I was part of the family.

.~.

I was wearing my dark navy blue gown and posing for pictures with my family near the stands where I had just received my diploma. Ren looked awkward getting her photo's taken with her parents, because they looked more like a set of half siblings than mother, father, and daughter.

The ceremony itself had been a sunny affair, but Alice saw clouds coming in just after it finished so the family was waiting out in the parking lot for it to be time to come congratulate Ren and myself on our achievement. Various friends came over to meet my family, and get pictures with us.

I don't think I have ever been so happy in my life now that I was finished with school. I mean, being legally adopted by the Cullen's was pretty up there on my list. Aside from the fact the adoption was about 60% illegal. But never having to go to school again? _My god_ it was liberating.

After the senior party I had been up for 25 hours and was still riding high. Ren had fallen asleep for her usual four hour cycle and I was enjoying watching "Hibbert Frog" on the Cartoon Network, while eating French toast in the main house.

Jasper was hanging out nearby, and the whole family seemed to be riding off the high I was feeding to Jasper. I kept sharing glances with Edward, because I was sure everyone knew why I was so happy. _Hell_, I had sung all the way home in the car when Carlisle had picked Ren and me up at 6am.

Our graduation party was going to be next Saturday, and the week after that Ren and I would begin our cross country trek, with the camper Rose had bought for us as a graduation present.

Esme and Carlisle didn't like the fact we'd be out on our own in the wild, but I was adamant about camping, as I hadn't done it in years. And I countered their safety argument by pointing to Ren, she was half vampire after all.

"Evangeline," dad said kindly, "I think you should at least try to get some rest. Exhaustion is never good for the body."

I sighed and chewed on my lip, "I don't wanna," I pouted.

Edward snorted from his spot in front of the TV with Alice. They were watching the stock market on the TV, and discussing something.

"Evangeline, you are 18, please attempt-"

"I don't wanna-" I giggled out interrupting my dad, and stuck my tongue out at him. Esme opened her mouth to tell me not to talk back when Carlisle blurred next to me, a mischievous look in his usually calm collected eyes.

The dude didn't even wait for me to finish my sentence before I was assailed with cold tickling fingers on my sides and neck.

I bucked and wiggled trying to get away from my dad's attack, but with his super speed by time I started for one direction his fingers were there waiting.

"Do you yield?" he asked patiently. And although I was laughing and screaming with appropriate intensity, I couldn't really form a solid word.

"Carlisle, you might want to stop," Edward said without turning to face us on the couch. And immediately dad stopped.

I wasted no time and bolted to the nearest bathroom, only half concerned that they were listening to me pee. I made a big show of it though, I "ah'ed" in pleasure, fairly certain getting a few chuckles out of Bella.

Once back in the living room, mum gave me a stern look, and dad rose an eyebrow in challenge to me. I shrugged and shot them a rueful glance.

"I'm going… I'm going…" I flipped my hair that was just barely past my shoulders in a Rosalie like fashion before turning to go up to my room.

.~.

I wondered, while sitting with a giant piece of graduation cake, if I would ever have a _normal_ celebration in my life again. Alice had really gone too far with the graduation party. Even though it was Ren's third time graduating, she insisted that since it was my first (and only) time it should be special.

Aside from the decorations, which were overwhelming, to the food, she had turned Seth's house into a virtual partiers dream. As humans from school were coming, not that I had invited many, most of the family would be staying away until later at night when the party was "over" then they'd come back and we would re-do the fort challenge, although this time we'd have three teams.

The reason for the three teams later at the after party, as Ren called it, was for the fact instead of mum and dad going to visit the cousins, they came down for the celebration.

I hadn't met them yet, as I had been shopping with Bella till just before the human grad party. As much as Bella didn't like shopping for clothes, shopping for books was something she could get down with.

When she pulled up to Seth's house, Alice was at my door and dragging me towards the house to change before Bella had turned the ignition off.

"Your house is really beautiful Dr. Whitlock," Gwen said as she shook dad's hand.

"Why thank you Gwen, I am very happy you could come today. I am sorry that I won't be able to make it to your party tomorrow."

"Oh I understand, your mother-in-law goes into the hospital for hip surgery, you should kind of be there with her." Gwen said promptly.

Watching my school friends socializing with Edward, Bella, and Alice was really weird for me. It was like watching two halves of my life coming together, and it had me on edge. I literally dragged Blake away from Edward after I saw Bella try and burn a hole through her with a glare.

"So where's Will?" Blake asked as she, Gwen, Ren and I were standing near the gifts table.

"What?" Ren and I asked at the same time.

"Will Renult?"

"Why would_ he_ be here?" I asked. I wasn't exactly friends with him, I mean we had been in club together, but aside from the drunken snogging we hadn't really been in any sort of contact.

"Oh… well I just thought," Blake shrugged and was about to try and change the topic, when Ren had to go and ask about what Blake had meant. I groaned inwardly, because I hadn't even told mum or dad about that. Edward knew, because I'd thought about it around him, and Jasper knew, but I didn't want my parents to know.

"How long were you two going at it?" Ren asked humor in her eyes, and a mock curious tone in her voice.

Damn her, she was playing with me.

"It was like, maybe five minutes." I stated flatly, then turned back to give Blake a hard look.

"What makes you think that I'd have him here just because of that?"

"He said you two were dating," she explained pitifully, knowing she'd been taken in by Will.

"You thought I'd start dating him and not tell you?" I asked wounded.

"You never tell me anything… you never told me about…" she cast a sharp look to where Edward was talking with my classmate Eric, "_him_." She whispered loudly.

"Yeah… how come you never really talked about him…?" Gwen added she even took a glance at Edward. Ren smirked at me, wanting to watch me squirm.

Part of being a Cullen was learning to lie seamlessly. And thanks to growing up in foster care and lying to adults all of the time, I was fairly good at it.

"I… if you must know," I hissed in a lower whisper, it was for my friends benefit, not my family's. "I had a thing for him when I was first placed here…"

"And…?" Blake pressed.

"Right before he left for NDSU I kinda made an ass out of myself…" I hedged trying to get them to drop it.

Gwen crossed her arms and stared me down.

"He's gay…" I whispered.

Blake instantly understood and shot me a remorseful look. Ren's face was a priceless thing to behold. Her smirk had dropped instantly, because the second I said her father was gay, he let out a boisterous laugh and did a light effeminate fan tap to Eric.

I had to force my hand to grab the table's edge so I wouldn't face palm.

.~.

He was going to wait to get me back for the gay comment, I just knew it. Bella on the other hand was thankful for it, because the human girls gave Edward a respectful distance after that point.

The after party started when the last human left. And nearly as soon as the last car was out of sight I was lifted into the air and spun around by Emmett.

"Now it's time to party!" I rolled my eyes at him, and when he set me down I smoothed out the dress Alice had given me.

I looked to the north, the sun was still high in the sky as it was only 6pm, and I wanted to see what the cousins looked like. I didn't have to wait long.

Three females and two males were emerging from the forest line. The shimmering light on their skins made it hard for me to get many details out of what they looked like, but I already liked them much better than I had the Irish coven. I did know the basics of who was whom because of my family describing them to me.

Carmen was the first for me to recognize from the description I had of her. They were all smiling broadly at me and Emmett put an arm around me, I leaned into him, smelling the light marigold of his scent.

Carmen was approaching with her mate, Eleazar, and I realized the one who was furthest back with Rosalie and Alice was Tanya. My god she was beautiful. I had a moment of looking over the strawberry blonde vampire and wondered why we thought Rosalie was beautiful. Kate had a polite interested look on her face as she and Garrett came to stand and greet me.

"My dear, you must be Evangeline, it is a pleasure to meet you," Carmen cooed, her olive skin was a nice change to look at, but something about the color with the underlay of pale made her look a little ill. It was as if she were human experiencing a little sea sickness or something. It surprised me that it didn't actually take away from her beauty. Her kind eyes were a light topaz, that looked more yellow than gold.

"The pleasure is mine," I nodded to the coven.

After Carmen shook my hand Eleazar did the same, although he stiffened a bit when we made contact. I smiled wider at him to make him know I was fine. He had shaggy hair for a vampire, my guess that it was the style for whenever he'd been changed, but now he looked a little like a business man that had been too busy to get a haircut in recent months.

"We've heard quite a bit about you," Tanya said in greeting, she took my hand enthusiastically, "Although I had wished the next member they took in was male, you seem to fit just perfect."

I chuckled at that and looked up to Emmett who rolled his eyes at his cousin.

When Garrett came to greet me suddenly Jasper was by my other side, I had been used to such fast movements, but it seemed odd he'd do that now.

"I'm okay," he assured my brother. Garrett put a hand out for me to shake, while his mate stood to his side peering interestedly at me. Garrett and Jasper had a very similar build and I wondered briefly if they could be related. His sandy blonde hair had a light sheen to it and I wondered if that's what my hair would look like one day. In fact I probably could play Garrett's sibling better than Jaspers.

"You don't have to push yourself Garrett, I won't take you keeping your distance from me as an insult." I told him sincerely.

"You are just like Bella… not at all afraid huh?" Kate asked after her introduction.

I shrugged and looked to the five vampires.

"Not true… I was terrified of Peter, and when the Irish coven came to visit." I shuddered and Emmett let out a booming laugh.

"Maggie really wanted to get to know Eva, but poor little Maggie was having a hard time resisting," Esme explained, giving me a fond look.

"Peter?" Tanya asked, looking to my family.

"He stopped by last fall, and made a spur of the moment decision to visit Nessie," Jasper sighed and shook his head sadly.

It was casual the way we all turned and made our way back into Seth's house. Seth came up to Tanya and scooped her up and spun her around, all the while she shrieked and flailed about a bit. It seemed to be a bit more for show.

"I hear Jasper has been teaching you to play?" Garrett asked gesturing to the guitar on the table, once I had sat down at Seth's breakfast bar, facing his living room. Most of the family filed in and settled themselves on the couches or in Alice and Tanya's case on the kitchen counter across from me.

"He's been doing his best, but we've seemed to hit a wall with my progress," I sighed dejectedly.

"You've been busy the last month with studying," Alice defended.

"So what are your plans now that you're done with school Evangeline?" Tanya asked while kicking her legs in tandem with Alice, it was rather cute.

"I don't have any really big plans…" I shrugged. "I hadn't really thought that far ahead."

"She's just been too preoccupied with finishing school," mum added while walking by and ruffling my hair affectionately.

"Ren and I are going camping next week, that's as far as I've planned so far."

"Ren?" Kate asked as she sat next to me on at the breakfast bar.

"Nessie," I clarified for her, her angelic face looked thoughtful for a moment before she grinned at me and nodded.

"It's not exactly camping," Ren spoke up, while coming in with Jake from the back yard. The next couple moments were full of the cousins greeting Ren, and Jake, I smiled watching the interaction.

It wasn't hard to relax and get to know the Denali coven, they were much more used to acting human, and I knew being around them, that was the exact reason the Irish coven scared the be-jezus out of me.

Tanya, Kate and I were discussing what I wanted to do, again, later while most of the others had run back to the main house to look at something Alice was working on. When they started mentioning the stock market I opted out of going, so the Wolves, Kate and Tanya and I stayed back.

"You could always get a part time job, to keep yourself busy." Tanya suggested while wrapping a silky strand of hair around her finger.

"I guess… But I've only ever had a job singing at a club."

"Everyone has to start somewhere." Kate added at my hesitancy.

"What kind of jobs have you two had?" I asked after a pause. The sisters shared a look, and I instantly knew there was some sort of joke at that question.

"Jobs… well," Kate cleared her throat she looked hesitantly at Tanya. Tanya shrugged and seemed relaxed and aloof.

"We used to be, for a short period of time, like prostitutes." I could tell by the way she said it _she_ wasn't ashamed but thought I might think differently of her.

"Did you make good money?" I asked leaning forward.

Tanya snorted and Kate gave me a half mystified smile.

"When the clients survived…" Tanya murmured after a moment.

"But I thought you liked to seduce men? Not, you know... make them pay for it."

"That's true," Kate said, "But things get a little boring once in a while. So it was a challenge to see who could get more."

I laughed at that doubling over while sitting I wondered who won that little challenge.

"I'm actually surprised the Cullen's told you about our sordid past." Kate stated her melodic voice was full of curiosity.

"_Present_, sister," Tanya quipped quickly, folding her arms and shaking her head in a disappointed way. I felt badly for Tanya, everyone had a mate but her.

When I'd heard that Carlisle had been alone for roughly 260 years I felt bad, only to find that Tanya was 1000 years old and had yet to meet her mate depressed me. Edward had a hard time being the 7th wheel in his family, and Tanya was the 5th wheel in hers.

"It's not sordid… I mean. There isn't anything wrong with wanting sex…" I felt my cheeks blushing when I stated that.

The sisters shared a grin at that and Kate patted me on the back.

We were on to different topics when the others came back. Emmett went right up to me, staring intently as if he were trying to see something, it made me uncomfortable.

"Emmett… what?" I asked leaning away from him, in my chair.

"Alice wouldn't stop giggling; all I managed to get out of her was to ask you what kind of job you are thinking about getting. It doesn't make sense."

When Tanya broke out into a fit of giggles, I understood what Alice must have seen.

"Well I didn't decide anything, but our cousins were giving me career counseling."

I distinctly heard a, "Dear god," from Eleazar in the house. I smirked up at Emmett once he stood upright again.

"I'm-" I began and Tanya instantly put a hand over my mouth.

"Not that I am thrilled that this joke could have been hilarious, Evangeline," She said calmly but with an edge, "I am certain if the next words out of your mouth were what I think they were going to be, Esme _might_ actually try to kill me."

My eyes went wide, and Kate chuckled from my other side. Poor Emmett looked lost for a moment, and then a slow evil grin spread across his face.

"I think you might have to worry more about Carlisle in that instance," Emmett said perceptively.

"Or me." Jasper said from the sliding doorframe.

One great thing about being near vampires is they were natural bug repellants. In fact being exposed to their scent for a long time left me basically bug bite free anytime I went outside.

The fort challenge this time was completely chaotic. There was sabotaging, and just as much destruction as construction. When I nearly got squished by a love seat Garrett and Rose had been flinging back and forth, Carlisle called an end to the shenanigans. I took my leave of the game at that point, I was too tired and slightly nervous being around flying furniture. I fell asleep on a lawn chair while they were still playing around.

.~.

Waking up with a headache was never good. Waking up with a headache to an energetic Alice all set for a full day of shopping in Chicago was near torture.

She shoved Advil at me while I ate the crepe's Bella made, she was fully intent on me enjoying the girls day. Bella had been guilted into joining us by the Denali women. The nine of us took three cars to Chicago, and when I asked how long we'd be in Chicago Alice gave me cute smile and shrugged.

While I had never in my life felt ugly, there were moments I did not feel attractive. Those moments all happened while I was near my family. Now, shopping with them was fun, the expensive boutiques fawned over the nine of us, and were bending over backwards to please us. But I did feel a lot like a little slug, or monkey when I was in the dressing room as Ren and Kate were trying on new bathing suits. As the day progressed, and my headache returned, I became more depressed. As it would look extremely odd for nine woman to go sit and each lunch, and only two of them would eat anything at all we had opted out of getting lunch together. The double entendre was not missed on me as Kate, Rose, Alice and Bella giggled. So Tanya and I went to get a light lunch at some Mexican café.

I had no idea why Tanya wanted go get lunch with me and I didn't really care, but it still was a curious thing for her to want.

"So…" she began once we had ordered. We had taken one of the three sidewalk tables, and as this wasn't a very foot traffic heavy area she must have felt at ease discussing the family secret.

"Have you and my cousins discussed if and when you might join us?" she asked while stirring her coffee with the tea spoon. And I swear that she made the mixing of coffee look sexy and effortless.

"Not a lot…" I said musingly. "But probably when I am at least as old as Esme… So I could become a sort of another "parent" for them."

Tanya's brilliant smile spread across her face as she lifted the coffee to her mouth. I waited with bated breath to see if she'd ingest any. When she didn't and set the cup back on the table we shared a shy smile when I noticed her hand blur and half the cup was tossed into the little shrub next to us.

"I guess that makes sense. I do hope you'll come spend time with us, before or after." She said kindly, her soft silky voice hinting at something I didn't immediately understand.

When it clicked, and I realized she did feel the burden of being the fifth wheel I nodded.

"I'll visit as much as you want, and you and I can tear up the town, after I am… settled." She nodded understanding. I doubted, though, that I would ever be able to seduce men like Kate did or Tanya does. I just wasn't the flirting type.

"Now for a personal question…" Tanya shifted unnecessarily in her seat when she said that, and I instantly was on guard.

"How close to Seth are you?"

I blinked not sure I heard her right.

"Seth?" I asked. Tanya nodded.

"I um… just like friends." I looked up thinking; I guessed Seth was more like a loveable cousin. After the adventures in La Push I kind of felt like he was another Emmett type brother.

"Is there a reason you asked?" I leaned forward, only to have to lean back again when the waiter brought my food out.

"Not exactly. I've been working on him for a few years. And I think I can stand the stench enough now to make it work."

The bite of enchilada I had been about to take fell back to my plate. Whether I could have helped the mental picture of Seth and Tanya entwined with one another I'll never know. My reaction must have made her skeptical about my previous statement, her incredulous look was classic.

"Seth is like… no it's okay. I don't know what you've heard or if it's something you think you saw. But no I don't think of Seth like… ew…" I shuddered. Tanya giggled and shook her head, her soft wavy hair shaking behind her.

While eating I filled her in on Ren's memory attack on her mum and dad while accidently sending it to me. She completely sympathized.

.~.

We ended up staying two days in Chicago. Of course Ren and I were the only ones who needed the Hotel we got but they still got the Presidential suite, just like the last time we'd spent a few days down here.

Ren sighed while she got dressed to go out to the club with the others.

"For the last time Ren, I don't _want_ to go. I've been nursing this head ache the last two days. Loud clubbing music won't help. Mum is fine with me staying in. Just go and have fun." I gestured to the bed, indicating how serious I was, as I was already in pajama's laying down.

"Are you su-"

"MUM!" I yelled, fed up with Ren's continued attempt to get me to go with. Even Alice had given up after three tries.

Esme was instantly in the doorway.

Without me needing to I gave a nod towards Ren, who huffed and stuck her tongue out at me playfully. Esme put a hand on her granddaughters shoulder before Ren sighed loudly, again, and left the room.

Esme always wore modern clothing with a conservative, feminine and flirty look. Tonight, however, I had no clue where the clothes came from. She looked maybe 20 in the short skirt, five inch heels and slinky red lace top. She kissed my temple before saying goodnight and let me rest.

.~.

"You have the backup solar panels in the back, along with the water filters, and the first aid kit. I stocked it with some epipens just in case." Mum explained while double checking the back of Jake's truck with the little camper attached to the hitch.

Rose had done a complete double check of Jake's truck even after he had done one. The camper was just big enough for some storage and the one bed. Ren and I had already packed our two weeks' worth of clothes in the little drawers, as well as a bunch of canned beans, and a bag of rice. Jasper had given us a couple solid iron fry pans and one pot, they were hella heavy but would survive nearly anything we attempted to cook. Seth had stuck the fishing poles in the back of the truck.

In an effort to make this as "off the grid" as I was willing to go, I left all my technology at home, and only had my cell, which I would leave in the truck. Ren too only was bringing her cell.

Hugs and kisses were passed around plentifully before we took off. It was just before sunset, and I would be driving the first four hour leg, before Ren would take over. Alice couldn't see how long it would take us to get to Yellowstone but she said if we didn't stop a lot we could be there in a day.

.~.

Ren drove about 70% of the time. I drove most of the way through the bottom half of Minnesota until it was late, and Ren took over. Since she had lightly dozed off while I was driving she'd be good for about another 15 hours.

Jakes truck was really comfortable and I had no trouble sleeping. However at about three am I woke up and had to pee, I didn't really feel like I had time to wait so we pulled over on a dirt road off of the high way. I jumped out of the cab and went behind a bush. When I was done Ren had turned the truck off and handed me a wetnap for my hands. We spent about forty minutes just enjoying the warm summer air and looking at the stars off of a highway on the eastern border of South Dakota.

In Wyoming I had a brilliant idea.

"Say, what do you think about buying some booze?" I asked out of the blue, my bare feet resting on the dash in front of the passenger seat.

"Booze?" she snorted and smiled.

"You've told me that it takes a lot to get you drunk, and even then you don't stay drunk."

"True…"

"I want to get drunk with you Ren, come on when are we going to get this chance again?" I asked, giving her timid and pleading look.

"Aww that's so sweet," she laughed, "We'll have plenty more chances to drink together Eva."

I was about to try again when she looked at me, her face scrunched up in thought.

"But I think it'll be fun." She decided.

We stopped in a Walmart parking lot at around noon and both crashed for a little bit in the camper. The solar panels were a blessing as they turned the hot heat of the sun into energy for our AC while we napped. I had a sub sandwich for lunch with some chips, and Ren had an apple.

Once Ren deemed it not to be too early for two young looking girls on a Thursday morning to be buying massive quantities of alcohol, we stopped for some drinks.

Ren bought out all but one of the Jack Daniels. All of the Grey Goose, and all of the Cruzan Rum, Bacardi, Captain Morgans, and Malibu. When I gave her a look for all of the rum she shook her head.

"I like sweet things," she explained.

The young man at the counter looked at our two carts more than he did our ID's.

We had carefully loaded up the alcohol in the camper, we had two crates full of the bottles with blankets used to insulate incase of sudden stopping.

As I had never been to Yellowstone, I wasn't sure what to expect. I did imagine large mountains in the backdrop of large forests, with plenty of hiking trails and a lot of other campers. My imagination was fairly accurate.

We had decided on staying near the fishing bridge camp ground, as it was close to Yellowstone lake. The day we arrived it was cloudy and very windy.

We hadn't really planned on staying in the camper the whole time. Some time at night Ren would unhitch the camper at the place where all of the others were, and drive us further into the woods. But as it was probably going to rain that night and be too windy to set up a tent in the deeper parts of the park, we stayed the first night in the camper.

We played some games where she'd say something that one of the family members did and I'd have to guess who it was. When I answered she'd show me her memory of the incident.

"Carlisle does not look good as a brunette." I stated flatly after she showed me the incident where Carlisle lost a bet to Esme over some design elements in the house, they had been living in a town in New Hampshire at the time. As punishment Carlisle had to dye his hair any color Esme wanted.

"No, he doesn't," agreeing readily Ren gave a dramatic shudder.

"How long did he keep it that way?"

"About two days. His called in sick the first day after it was dyed. Esme relented letting him get the dye out; she missed his natural color."

"Wait," I said while stretching a bit and laying down on my side, "How do you get dye out? I mean for humans you'd either dye it back to the closest color to your original or wash it a lot to make it fade."

"Bleach." Ren said her face scrunching up tightly thinking of the smell.

"Bleach?" I repeated.

"It doesn't damage vampire hair; nothing can change the original color permanently. The dye didn't have much to cling on to, to begin with. But even if he washed it, it would have taken about five showers to get it all out. Bleaching instead of shampoo got it all out immediately. So it wasted less water, even if it did make the bathroom reek." She explained.

We fell asleep while the camper was rocked gently once in a while by the wind. It almost felt like we were at sea.

.~.

Camping had been a fantastic idea. In the middle of the night Ren took the vast majority of our supplies and ran them about seven miles into the park, to an area that most people didn't go walking around let alone camp. She took three trips with our stuff, and the fourth trip she carried me.

I started clearing an area for a fire, while Ren gathered some stones for the fire pit, and then a bunch of wood. From the time she'd started bringing stuff to the camp site to when we were sitting in front of a fire cooking hot dogs and beans it had only been an hour. I left the tent set up for her as well, as I couldn't see nearly as well in the dark as she could. Also I was horrible at putting tents together, even with help and instructions.

Hiking everyday was doing horrible things to my feet, and after a week I asked Ren to let me sleep back in the camper for one night. So after we took baths in the lake and dried off, in the middle of the night, Ren carried me back. She stayed with me and we both were fast asleep before we could attempt to have a conversation.

It was nearing the 10th day we'd been out in Yellowstone, we had to go to buy some more supplies just outside of the park and come back. We went hiking, following the path where plenty of others were taking, before Ren lead me off toward the direction of our camp. The hot summer heat was really making me sweat, and Ren didn't look very much like she was being affected by the heat, or the trek and it made me jealous.

Our camp was how we left it and we decided to celebrate and experiment with the affects of Alcohol on her. She had told me in detail about the times she'd had alcohol.

Apparently it took five bottles of wine consumed within an hour for her to feel tipsy or even a little buzzed. The feeling only lasted for about twenty minutes, and then she'd sober up. She was certain that hard liquor would affect her for longer periods of time.

We began making my dinner and she started drinking some rum, straight from the giant glass bottle. I wished I could have taken a picture of the petite girl holding the giant bottle of light rum above her and chugging it like it was water.

I had just put my food on my plate and taken a sip of my rum and coke when Ren started exhibiting effects from her rum. She giggled, started jumping from topic to topic. It was pretty funny, and I kept reminding her to drink more so she'd continue to be buzzed.

"So you don't want Seth?" She asked, her speech slurred. She leaned into me, her shoulder bumping mine, and nearly pushing me off my chair.

"Why is everyone asking about me and Seth?" I asked a little agitated.

"Oh…" her face looked shocked a second, like she shouldn't say something.

"It's nuttin'." Her tone was of careful casual construction.

"It's _something_. What do you know that you aren't telling me?" I asked sitting forward, which caused Ren to lean a bit more towards my empty spot. Righting herself she sighed, then took a long draw from the straw she'd stuck in the Coconut rum bottle.

"Everyone thinks you two would be cute together," she nodded solemnly.

"Everyone?" I chuckled, the idea Rosalie would condone me being with Seth was hilarious. She made it clear that although she liked Seth and Jake, their stench was a bit too much to stand some times.

"I think he's fond of you too… which is odd."

A small breath of air escaped me and I laughed lightly, "Gee thanks Ren," I rolled my eyes at her. She blinked then her mouth popped open and she made a startled sound.

"Oh- I'm sorry- I din't mean it like tha'." She slurred, her eyes were bright and I chuckled a bit. I picked up a log and tossed it into the fire, before leaning back again.

"What did you mean then?" I tightened my pony tail while I took a glance at her. She had an adorable puzzled and confused look on her face.

"He didn't seem to think bringing you into the family was a good idea… but I think he's glad we did."

I stared at her a look of open curiosity on my face.

"Care to elaborate?"

"Can show you?" she asked while she reached out a hand. I shrugged and she grasped my hand in a rather drunkenly way.

Whatever she showed me was not what I had been expecting.

.~.~.~.~.~.~..~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~..~.~.~.

I was aware that I was myself but also that I was Ren. It was very much like those times while dreaming you are somebody else, but still you.

I was sitting in my living room reading while Jake and Seth were watching the Baseball highlights. I smiled to myself hearing my husband so happy. Finishing up my chapter I closed the book and looked to the clock. We had gotten a call about an hour ago saying we were to have a family meeting once Grandpa got off of work. There were a few things the family meeting could be about, but the biggest one was probably the girl in the ICU.

After we had heard Evangeline's story from my family Jake and I worried about her condition. She had woken up about twelve days ago and was progressing normally. My grandma and Alice had visited her and reported her to be happy and confused, but altogether alright. Jake and I were relieved.

Jake, Seth and I ran to the main house and had about two minutes to spare. My grandma gave me a hug, and I could smell the human's scent on her. Evangeline had such a juicy berry like scent, I liked it.

Everyone seemed tense; Aunt Alice was pacing by the fireplace. I sat with my mom and aunt Rose on the couch. Uncle Emmett had pulled up a kitchen chair next to his wife. Jasper was sitting on the arm of the chair my dad was sitting at. I watched my dad, and he hadn't moved from his position since I had come in. He had his elbows on his knees; his hands were gripping his head. It almost looked like he was in pain.

When Grandma and Grandpa came in, he had a solemn sad look, and instantly I was worried about Evangeline.

"There have been some developments…" Grandpa began his tone serious and weighted.

"Alice?" He asked, and everyone's attention went to the small black haired woman by the fireplace. She was still pacing and hadn't slowed down.

"Everyone knows about the darkness vision I've been having," she stated quietly. A shudder of worry went through our family, and my mom pulled me closer to her, I shared a troubled look with her before Alice continued.

Alice could never see very far into the future that was true. Certain natural disasters she could see. And when she first had been changed she saw Jasper as her first vision because he was her future mate. She also had visions of Carlisle and Edward, and it told her that one day she'd live with them. She seemed to be able to have visions of things off in the distant future if it was something that greatly affected her life.

Last year she tried looking forward for some stocks and such and another vision interrupted her attempts. I hadn't been there when it happened, but according to grandma and mom, who were with her in the art studio, Alice went blank and made this horrible keening noise, like a wounded animal.

As my dad had explained it after she replayed the vision, as well as tried to see past it, there was nothingness that Alice was seeing. She didn't understand it, and she couldn't see past it. We had no idea what it had meant, but she only saw the darkness when she tried to look in the distant future. And that included for any of our family. She could still see daily events clearly, so she wasn't broken, like Uncle Emmett had thought.

Later Alice concluded the darkness meant she died. Uncle Jasper threw the flat screen into the wall, wedging it like a blade into the plaster, at that proclamation.

So when she mentioned the darkness, it sent us all worrying about what she had seen now.

"It's changed." She said simply, and if I wasn't mistaken a little optimistically. My dad groaned shallowly.

"What's changed about it? Did it go away?" Aunt Rose asked instantly, her hand going for mine and gently squeezing it.

"It didn't go away," Alice said sadly, "But there seems to be a way to make it go away, another option."

At that my dad did growl. Grandma scolded him and mom moved to be at his side, their eyes met and I saw a tortured look on his face. I turned my attention back to Alice. She was watching Edward with a determined and saddened look.

"Today Esme went to say goodbye to Eva-" grandma made a small noise and grandpa hugged her close, "But right before she left, she must have made a decision or thought about one." Alice paused and took a look at each of us.

"I saw Eva as one of us."

"But you've seen that before-"

"At the camp." Emmett and grandpa spoke over one another.

"Not exactly. Whatever Esme thought about today I saw Eva as one of us with _gold eyes_. And directly after that vision the darkness seemed to fade."

There were gasps and I knew mine was one of them.

"Tell them," dad stately flatly, almost like he didn't want her to but knew it was necessary.

"There's more?" Jake asked, worried.

"When Esme changed her mind back, the darkness came back as well, but this time I could see through it better, and I wasn't wrong in my first guess as to what the dark meant."

Jasper tensed again and I sent him a little bit of my love, and a thought about how this would all turn out alright. He didn't relax but we locked eyes for a second.

"The darkness isn't just her being killed," dad spoke up, obviously not liking how Alice seemed to hesitate. "It's all of us. She can't see a future for us, because there isn't one."

At those words everyone panicked, and the fear escalated, Jasper took Alice into his arms, and then all the other couples took their cue. Jake scooped me up and put me in his lap as he took the seat where my mom had been sitting.

"You said it changed when I thought about bringing Evangeline to live with us," Esme said weakly the fear in her voice resonated with all of us.

"It did," Alice sighed, then she stilled. Whatever she saw she shook her head.

"So it depends on this human?" Aunt Rose sneered, she was angry for obvious reasons.

"It depends on us… and her. Yes." Alice added.

I felt knots in my stomach and the scene changed.

It was almost ten days since Alice had told us that the whole family had no future, but she couldn't even pin point the time frame, but she figured whatever was going on was already in the works, and there was little they could do to stop it until she got a clearer vision.

I was torn up about what she had told us. Jake was of the opinion that while he would love to run me back to La Push and keep me there, we would never abandon our family.

It really didn't take much for him to realize that he was willing to let this human become a vampire if it meant that it helped his family survive whatever the dark Alice was seeing. It did mean, we both realized that it was likely this Evangeline Knight had some sort of ability.

The family was torn about what, if anything we should do.

We were in Seth's house this time, having a meeting. Dad, mom, Jake and myself were on the couch. Jasper had Alice in his lap in Seth's leather chair. Emmett had his arms wrapped around Rose as she stood in front of him and indefinable look on her face.

Grandpa and Grandma had the love seat by the window. This time Seth was pacing, but he was doing it much slower than Alice had been the last meeting.

"We have to make a decision." Alice said firmly.

"About what? Whether we bring a human into the family because she might be able to stop this dark vision?" Rose bit out. She seemed bitter, I could guess the reasons.

"She was going to be a vampire anyway," Alice bit back, and I could feel tensions rise.

"This needs to be a family decision, and it has to be unanimous," grandpa said slowly, looking each of us in the eyes.

"So we vote?" I asked, looking at them. I knew Grandpa didn't want to change a human just because it _could_ stop the dark visions Alice was having.

"I don't like this," Seth said in a low murmur he and Jake locked eyes.

"It doesn't help to think about bringing the wolves into this, Seth, as Alice couldn't see them anyway." Dad answered as thought Seth had.

"No one likes this Seth," Grandpa spoke up, his eyes were turned down at the sides, and he seemed to be giving this problem a lot of contemplation.

"So what- the question isn't do we bring her into the family. It's do we dare to wait and see if something else comes along to take the dark vision away? Or take this chance and-what? Tell Evangeline who and what we are?" Mom spoke up, looking around the group and settling on dad. I was holding her hand and had Jakes in my other, the contradiction of cold and warm was one of the most secure sensations I had in my life.

I looked at the couples and I couldn't bear the thought of any of my family being killed. It was selfish but Alice had been so horrified over those dark visions dad and Jasper had banned her from looking at them. And now… well now we had a way to stop the possible end of our family from happening.

But what did it mean for this girl? My mom had a point; do we wait to see if we can gain some insight as to what causes the whole family to lose their future? And then it could turn out to be too late to do anything once we knew. Or we take this girl in and use whatever it is that makes the future change.

"Those seem to be the choices we have," Grandpa said with an air of defeat.

"Why do we have to have her _live_ with us? Can't we just watch her from a distance?" by her tone I knew Aunt Rose would prefer this to be an option as well.

Grandma bit her lip and there was an acute sort of pain in her eyes, as if that option was the worst of the three.

"You did see her as a vampire after we met her didn't you? Whether or not we interfered?" Rose asked her tone sharp.

"Yes I did. But the dark vision only went away when she was _with_ us." Alice massaged her temples.

"I don't think bringing a human into this is the best idea…" Seth murmured, still pacing. It struck me as odd. He wasn't usually the type to be overly protective of the secret. Of all the Quileute he was the most accepting of vampires, red eyes or gold.

"She has already noticed something about us, she doesn't seem frightened," Uncle Jasper spoke up. We all knew he had gone with Alice a couple times to the hospital and stood out of Eva's line of sight to gauge her emotional stability.

"What did she say to you Carlisle?" Alice asked suddenly.

Grandpa tilted his head not understanding.

"Alice saw you saying goodnight to her tonight," dad explained.

"Nothing except goodnight, oh she wishes to express her gratitude to both you," grandpa turned to look at grandma then to Alice, "and Alice for all that you have done for her."

"There was _something_ else after that. It made your decision less… firm," she complained.

"If it comes to a choice I think it would be best to let Evangeline stay where she is. She-"

Grandma huffed at Grandpa's opinion. They shared a look.

"It may not be exactly pertinent to the vote, but more information on Evangeline might make this decision a lot easier," Uncle Jasper said calmly. At that dad hissed lowly like a gas leak, and I saw a heavy look pass over Grandpa's features.

"What's this all about?" I asked the three men. They seemed at odds and I couldn't understand the reasons as to why my dad and grandpa were so against bringing this human into the family.

"I'm not against it Ness, I am... reluctant to doom her to this fate," Dad explained his butterscotch eyes searching mine.

"Exactly," Seth began, his pacing had slowed for a while but now it picked back up. "There wouldn't be any going back once we did tell her. What if she completely freaks out and wants nothing to do with us? Would we force her to-"

"She won't do that," Grandma spoke up.

"-She likes us too much to freak out, as you put it." Alice spoke over grandma.

"But it's taking the choice out of her hands," Uncle Emmett spoke up for the first time, his usually loud and boisterous voice was thoughtful.

"Evangeline may need this family more than you think." Jasper spoke up again instantly after Emmett.

"Oh really?" Rose asked hotly, raising a delicate brow to challenge her brother.

"Really," he said firmly, and he sent a wave of conviction through to the group.

"She has been in foster care since she was ten. She has lived in a total of nine different homes. Evangeline has been neglected and abused in most of those homes. A family is what she needs." He explained.

My eyes teared at the thought of growing up alone in different houses with different people, _people_ that didn't love you. I couldn't imagine how lonely she must be, there was a hollow shallow pain in my middle when I thought about a life where I hadn't been surrounded by my family. As annoying as they could be from time to time… I had needed them. I still needed them.

"When she was fifteen her foster father raped her," dad sighed heavily. The words didn't instantly hit home with me as I processed the words. There was silence for a moment, where I took a glance at my Aunt. Her haughty annoyed look was gone, and in its place one of thought and frustration.

"But she's okay now?" mom asked, worrying if Evangeline might still be dealing with the ghost of her abuser.

"We would need Edward there to see clearly if she has coped, but the fact he raped her isn't the worst it gets." Jasper looked to Rose again.

"Worse than raped?" Grandma asked horrified. Grandpa took her hands in his.

"Her records after the rape were sealed because of her juvenile status… but I was able to look into her medical records. She became pregnant due to the rape."

At this I felt sick.

I closed my eyes and I felt the warm arms of my love pull me closer. I was lost in my own horror of what I had just hear happening to this girl that I only heard the gasps of horror in the back of my mind.

When I opened my eyes, I saw Aunt Rose and Emmett sharing a silent conversation with their eyes. Something had changed in Rose's demeanor, it was a similar to how she'd get whenever she thought I was in danger.

"I vote she comes to live with us," I spoke up, and although I was confident in my decision, my voice felt weak.

"It seems to have more good than bad to it… I don't like that it would take away her human life eventually… but I vote we take her in." My husband agreed while hugging me.

"Yes," Jasper said sternly, and resolutely. The fact he didn't explain his reasons led me to believe he agreed with all possible reasons to say yes.

"Of course I want her here with us…" Grandma said hopefully.

"No," dad said sadly. This was a little bit of a shock to me.

"I fought hard for you to remain human, my reasons for not wanting to change you don't differ for this girl," dad explained his vote to mom rather than to the rest of us.

"I have to agree with Edward," Grandpa said sorrowfully.

Grandma let go of his hand and glared at him.

"She needs us!" She pleaded her eyes swimming with unshed-able tears.

"I think we should have her come live with us," Rose said quietly, her eyes still locked with Emmett's. This statement was met with shocked stares at her.

"She's already had a child… She isn't me. Evangeline deserves the kind of happiness I've been privileged to have with this family. I don't like the fact we have to have her with us to make this vision go away, but it isn't about me." After that there really wasn't anything anyone could say to Rose.

I was personally too shocked to think of why and how this change in my Aunt had happened, but I knew she was a different person than she had been before I was born. I was just so used to her being 100% about keeping the family safe and keeping humans away from our secrets to realize that keeping the family alive probably superseded her issues with keeping humans in the dark.

"No. This is wrong," Seth breathed out. He was shaking his head sadly and had stopped pacing to look at all of us, "She is just a girl. We don't know exactly what this dark vision is. We would be taking away her choice by telling her the secret."

"As much as I agree with you Seth…" mom began, she gave us a sad smile then turned to look at dad. She must have pulled her shield back as it appeared she was telling him something. "I cannot stand the thought of losing _any_ of you. Evangeline has something or _will_ have something that could save our futures. We can provide a safe and loving home for her, and when the time comes use whatever it is Alice is seeing to keep our family together." I hadn't heard mom speak so passionately about anything in a really long time. And it was moments like that I knew how deeply she loved all of us.

Alice, Grandma, Jasper and I had been nodding in agreement with her words when Grandpa sighed. All of our eyes were instantly on him awaiting his decision.

"I'm sorry… but it needs to be unanimous," he gaze turned towards Alice. She balled up her fists and turned a hot glare to my dad, I even blanched at its ferociousness.

"This is going to sound completely juvenile but, YOU," she pointed to my dad, and then turned to point at Seth, "SUCK!" And with that she ran out of the house.

Jasper gave everyone a long look before sighing and going to chase after her.

"So much for enjoying the fireworks as a family," Rose grumbled, while crossing her arms.

.~.~.~.~.~.~..~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~..~.~.~.

The memory faded as Ren pulled her hand away, and it took me a moment to realize where I was. I had no idea how much time had passed but I had ended up on my knees in front of the fire. My heart was racing as if I had just finished running a couple miles. I was taking in huge gulps of fresh musty air as my breathing was heavy.

"See?" she sighed slightly contentedly giving a taste of her sobriety. And it took me a second to realize she was referencing the whole 'Seth wasn't keen on the idea of me moving in with the Cullen's' thing.

Ren blinked and then was watching me with a slightly worried look, obviously not as drunk as before. And in fact the memory she showed me she was in fact a little tispy still as there was a light touch of the fuzzy warm feeling that came with being drunk.

"Eva are you okay?" she asked seeing my pale and shocked face. Ren shook herself trying to sober up.

"I'm fine," I lied stoically, shifting to stand.

_What_ had she just shown me? _What_ dark vision?

I have never heard any of that before. And it occurred to me that maybe it hadn't been meant for me to find out.

I felt a hot rage begin to fill me and I needed to get away from Ren to think.

"I have to pee," I told her before quickly heading towards the path I'd been using for my bathroom during the trip. Ren didn't say anything as I walked away but I saw her pick up the rum bottle and play with the straw sticking out of it as I left the light of the fire.

My legs were like lead as the truth of what I had just learned settled in my stomach. I got fairly far away from the camp, as I could no longer see the light glow of the fire through the trees, when my legs gave out from underneath me. Twigs and stones poked my knees in an uncomfortable way, but I paid them no mind as I was too busy going over all I had just learned.

There was a slow crushing feeling in my chest as I realized they had lied to me.

My _family_ had _lied_ to me. Alice told me their secret later that very night in Ren's memories, not because of _pity_ or even because they_ liked_ me. She told me because she, and by extension the rest of the Cullen's, wanted to _**use **_me.

_What _was the other part? The fact even without their interference I was going to become a vampire? _Why_ hadn't they told me this?

My arms wrapped around my middle as I was being torn into pieces, trying to hold myself together. I let out a low sob as the shock gave way to pain and misery.

They were all planning on _using_ me. They _lied_ and I was only special to them because of what I might be able to do for them in the future.

There was a kind of bitter taste to the sharp betrayal of the Cullen's. They had tricked me, and made me love them. They used their vampire abilities to make me want to be with them, to need them.

Tears were in my eyes as I silently shook my head in the night. I didn't _want_ to believe it. I didn't _want_ for it to be true, that they were using me.

If there was anything that could take the memory away I would have wanted it. I kept repeating "No" over and over in my head as I replayed Bella saying how they could _use_ me. Even Rose, notorious for trying to keep the secret, was willing to let me in the family so that later I could protect it.

I was breaking apart and I didn't know how to stop it, but I knew I needed to. And I frantically tried to think of anything that would calm me so I didn't break down into hysterics.

My eyes were closed tightly as I started to hum to myself, trying in vain to not think about my family. I crouched over my knees and rocked as half notes and broken melodies came out of me.

A song came to my mind as I avoided the truth of my situation and I sang it. I wasn't singing loudly or even all that well, but I let a familiar song about lost love pour out of me. Once I was singing I felt better, in the respect that I wasn't thinking so focusedly on my fucked up life.

Possibly twenty minutes had passed as I had sung about four songs, before I had calmed enough I felt like I could move. Besides Ren would be worried about me if I didn't get back soon.

My eyes were still closed as I finished my last notes and I was about to open them when a couple things happened at once.

I heard Ren scream my name in such a bone chilling, blood curdling way I was instantly afraid. I stood up and had been about to turn to head back towards camp when the lights flashed in my eyes nearly causing me to fall over my own legs. It had been so bright that the pain of the after image didn't hurt instantly. But when it did I nearly vomited. Once the lights burn had faded some I blinked to clear my vision. Then out of the corner of my eye I saw two yellow dead eyes in the depths of the forest.

I froze.

They were watching me intently and I was stuck watching them in return. I vaguely heard light shuffling noises come from the path, and knew it was Ren. Still even as her hand took my upper arm I couldn't look away from the little orbs in the dark. Then not very far away in the darkness I saw two more yellow orbs watching us.

"Eva…" she begged in a terrified voice.

"What are they?" I asked my heart racing in my chest it was practically causing my body to sway with its heavy pumping.

"There are three of them, and they are called "The Children of the Moon."

.~.

.~.

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	18. A Loss in the Woods

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 18 - A Loss in the Woods<span>**

.~.

There was a pause as I felt the wind pick up slightly. The words of what she'd said were penetrating and the fear in me skyrocketed. Children of the Moon, they were_ real_ werewolves. My body tensed and I waited for something to happen, for Ren to tell me _something_ or for the real werewolves to attack. But the five of us didn't move it was as if we were all waiting to see if the other group would move first.

"Why are they just sitting there?" I asked taking a glance up into the dark night sky that was crowded by the canopy of the trees. I couldn't see the moon, not that it mattered I had no idea how these creatures operated.

_They look puzzled… What were you doing before you noticed them_? She sent me.

I thought on it, and the only thing that came to mind was my singing. That and crying, but none of this made sense. Something shifted in the woods, and then I heard the most terrifying sound.

It was like a wolves howl made with a man's vocal chords, they sounded worked raw and were bursting with pain of a tortured creature. It was as grating on my ears as someone scraping their hands down a chalk board but it seemed to be echoing in my skin and bones.

"Singing…" I whispered frantically. I swallowed thickly watching the yellow eyes.

_Try it_. She sent me.

I opened my mouth and began to sing a Queen song, it was the first one that came to me, and the painful horrifying howling stopped. Ren shifted behind me.

_Keep singing, I think it pacifies them; I'm carrying you to the truck_. Her internal voice was quaking with fear, which affected my singing.

She picked me up bridal style and sent me an image of me singing while she ran, hoping that it was the reason I wasn't dead and Ren torn to shreds. Could she heal like the vampires said they could do? Or was Ren too much human and she could be ripped apart like a rag doll, just like me?

I didn't want to think on it so I kept singing; the ironic thing was it was "Somebody to love." Given all that I had just learned it was rather sardonic song to be singing. Also there was the added fact I could hear crashing in the woods behind me as the werewolves chased after us. Ren ran as fast as I had ever seen towards our truck, and I here I was singing "Can anybody find me somebody to love?"

I kept singing, switching to "Another one bites the dust." Panic in my chest was constricting and I was gulping in air after every line. I rolled my eyes at Ren as she sent me a frantic message about my choice of songs. I wanted to shout back at her about the fact I was singing so we both didn't end up food for these supernatural creatures, but that would have interrupted the song.

She set me down by the passenger door, went around to the driver's side and I heard it unlock, the side window was down by time I got in the truck.

When she turned on the headlights my song turned into a scream.

The werewolves were creatures that had just escaped hell itself.

Patches of hair that was half fur grew all down their long spindly arms, their faces distorted to look half between a man's and half animal, with wide dark human eyes that reflected yellow in the light. They had short stubby snouts and I could see drool slowly dripping out of the one directly in front of us, it still had human like lips edging around the snout.

SING EVA! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! Ren screamed in my head as the one in front of the truck lunged at us. She put the truck in reverse and slammed the gas pedal down.

I switched to some Adele songs and watched as Ren managed to turn the truck around in the crowded path; all the while I could hear random scrapes along the truck, as if trees were catching the sides of the truck... I couldn't bear to think that it was actually razor sharp claws.

I had been too busy concentrating on breathing and singing to realize Ren was on the phone.

_I don't think the singing is working anymore!_ Ren screamed into my head. I flinched at the loudness of her internal voice.

The sick sinking feeling was replaced with pure adrenaline by this point, my heart was hammering so hard in my chest I had on hand over it to make sure it didn't break free of its home. Ren was like a formula one driver through the woods. She and I kept bucking up and down as the truck hit various things in the way.

I heard a sharp metallic sound as if a garage made of sheet metal was being ripped in two like a piece of paper, and I screamed as I saw the hell creature coming up next to the truck. I could see the spit fly out of its mouth as it rammed into the side of the truck.

Flying across the cabin, I slammed into Ren. She had no hands to help stabilize me so I landed roughly in her lap, pinching my arm in a horrible way.

"DADDY!" Ren screamed into the phone as I pushed myself up on the seat, we hit a bump and I bit my tongue as we landed roughly. The truck skidded funny after a bump. And I had thought we would be close to getting to the camp site when I realized we were heading for main camp site.

Horror had me paling.

We were going to die.

Correction,_ I_ was going to die. Ren could possibly _maybe_ get away.

Ren screamed again, this blood freezing scream and I saw the motion as if time was slowing down to match the frantic feeling running inside my veins.

One of the werewolves leapt up on top of the truck and I saw its hairy clawed fist punch through the roof as if it were tissue.

I only knew the truck was about to roll over when Ren launched herself at me in an attempt to protect me.

Glass breaking in the middle of the night has a sort of ominous and hallowed quality to it.

A truck rolling off to the side of a ill formed path in the woods was very much like a kid kicking a tin can down a gravely path. I felt my head slam against something, and then I felt a sharp pain in my left arm, as if it wasn't connected anymore. I couldn't breathe with Ren on top of me, and I could hear the wolves outside howling and scratching at any piece of the truck they could get to.

I was pressed into my passenger window and I could tell there was glass and something else poking me in the back. At the driver's side that was facing upwards I saw two yellow eyes gleaming down at us. The head tilted and I tried to move, to do _anything_. Ren wasn't moving and I whimpered.

The wind screen was pushed into a tree, and I could see the hind legs of one of the werewolves pacing as if he wanted a turn to get at us.

If the wolves couldn't plan I might have eventually figured something out, but somehow I felt the truck righting itself and the wolves were growling and scratching the outside in frenzied anticipation.

With a slow lunge and the mechanical creaking of something so utterly broken being moved, I felt the Ren's body being flung away from me by gravity. With my right arm free I reached out to grab her, when the truck didn't stop rolling I screamed.

The lights flashed again and I don't really recall how I ended up on the forest floor. I was on my right side, the belly of the truck facing me; two of the wolves were crouching around it, as if wondering what else they could do with it. It looked like they forgot about me for the moment. There was a tree to my back and I tried to push myself up next to it. There wasn't an exact point for me to say where I was hurt the worst.

My gasp of pain brought their attention to me. One of them, the smallest sniffed the air, and its eyes found me, and I saw something like delight go across its monstrous features.

I opened my mouth and I sang as best as I could, I closed my eyes begging my mum to be waiting for me when I died. When I heard a low grumbling like growl back by the truck I opened my eyes to see two of the wolves pacing back and forth in front of me as if unsure if I needed to be their dinner.

A sharp painful yelping noise made itself known to me shortly after I had started singing and I had hoped it was the other wolf. I hoped it was injured.

I hadn't been singing for more than two minutes when the wolves both looked to the west, their ears went flat. They spat and hissed at each other, the fur/hair on their backs rising and I thought they were going to fight one another when one made a painful yelp and took off into the forest.

The other started batting at its own face and made the same agonizing noise before running off in another direction. Numbly I looked up and saw the first light hues of a new day tint the sky.

I swallowed, and tried to call out to Ren. The wolf I assumed that was pinned under the truck was now making noises as if it was being burned alive and the truck was shaking with the wild jerks I was sure the creature was making.

I pulled myself to my knees and shuffled along the ground towards the truck.

When I looked inside I saw a bronze hair back down by the driver's side that was wedged against the tree. I moved around the truck and saw Ren was laying awkwardly over the part of the tree the truck was pushed against, I couldn't really see that well in the semi dark, but I could see she wasn't pinned.

I checked her breathing, as I couldn't have moved her if I wanted, by sticking my right hand to hover over her nose. I could see a little blood dripping down from her collar bone, and I let a shuddering breath out.

I went around the truck the other way, back by the bed, I stumbled over random camping supplies on my way, and I found, by the bed of the truck, the lower half of one of the werewolves was pinned. It was completely grotesque and I nearly fainted at the sight.

My hair felt sticky and I went to wipe off the sap from the tree on my shoulder and neck, and when I pulled my hand away the residue was much too dark for sap, I closed my eyes tightly so I wouldn't vomit.

I hadn't wanted to examine my arm just yet, I knew it was mangled, but looking at it would confirm it.

The wolf was mid regression from its animal state, and he was sliding back into his human form as the moon had set and the new day was rising.

Whoever he was, he was old. He had many crisscross scars on his face and body. He was shirtless and like Jaspers scars they told the tale of battles fought and won, I could tell he'd had a tough life. Part of me wanted to comfort the creature as he was wailing in agony while his bones popped back into place and his nerves shrunk. His hair, or fur was a light brown color heavily speckled with grey, it was shaggy on top of his head. As he was pinned on his back I could see the features of his agony clearly as his face finally settled into a human one.

He was gasping in pain and crying pitifully. I wanted to take back my previous wish for the wolf to be hurt. He was just a man with a curse.

What could I do?

I lifted my hand to only drop it again. How could I comfort him?

Tears in my eyes weren't for my almost death or the fact I was horribly injured, but for the fact this man hadn't _wanted_ to attack me. He hadn't _wanted_ to be a werewolf, and hadn't _wanted_ to go through all the pain of it, let alone come back to his own senses while he was pinned under a truck.

My cries got his attention. His eyes opened and I sniffled loudly.

He coughed when our eyes met and I saw deep red blood come out with the coughing.

I knelt next to him.

"Help… is on the way," I whispered sadly, unsure why I felt the need to say it.

His lip quivered, and I could now tell that his eyes were a light brown color.

"Water…" he begged, blood dripping out the corner of his mouth.

I nodded frowning in an attempt to hide my tears. I shook rather violently as I sobbed while I looked around the dark woods for a water bottle. The trucks battery must have been still operational because the headlights were on and pointing off into the woods, not really helpful to light the area I was looking in, but it did cast enough light to aid. Finding one unopened whole bottle by Ren and brought it back to the man. I brushed the bottle off as best I could, and had a hell of a time opening it with one hand. I would have tried to twist it off using my teeth but something told me that wouldn't be a good idea.

Pouring a little into his mouth he struggled to swallow it.

"Eva…" he whispered when he finished swallowing the water. I froze looking at him.

"How do you know my name?" I asked shocked.

"My Eva…" he cooed, the pain on his face melted some as a new gaze took over.

I took half a breath before I realized the look. It was of pride and love. One my dad gave me. My eyes clouded with tears.

"I'm not your Eva… sir I'm sorry." I cried blinking hard to try and stem the flow of tears.

"You've grown up _so_ much…" he croaked out, his throat dry. I gently poured a little more water in his mouth and shook my head at him.

"You've lost a lot of blood, just keep talking to me, and help will be here soon." I hoped. I had no idea if and when our family could help find us. Ren had driven us deeper into the park and I had no clue where we were. Our family was back in Wisconsin and I doubted they could make it here before the sun completely rose and made it impossible for us to travel.

"What's your name?" I asked trying to keep him talking, lest he slipped off and died on me.

"Adam MacAvoy," he said slowly.

"Scottish?" I asked.

"Yeah…" I gave him a half smile.

"I tried watching you… from a distance. I wished-I wish-" he started coughing from working himself up. I felt really odd, this man was mistaking me for his daughter and I wasn't sure if I should keep correcting him or not. I didn't know how to help him so I used my hoodie to wipe blood away from his mouth as it came out.

I felt a gust of wind and looked up to see a giant russet colored wolf standing near where I had found myself just before the werewolves ran away.

"Jake…" I said breathlessly. He shifted back into human form right in front of me. It didn't even matter to me that he was buck naked.

"Get away from the werewolf Eva…" He commanded before striding right for Ren.

"Did you even check on her!" he yelled angrily from the other side of the truck. I winced at his words and looked back down at Adam.

He had his eyes closed and what little color he had was fading. Placing my right hand on his forehead, he turned his head to lean into my hand.

It felt like the truck was going to be lifted and I panicked.

"Don't lift the truck yet!" I yelled. "I will un pin Adam! Wait until dad gets here!" Jake loudly scoffed.

Jake, still buck naked, came around from the front of the truck carrying Ren, he had her head resting against his chest, and I saw a lot more blood on her now than before. My breath caught in my throat. And I thought I saw Jake blurring slightly at the edges as he looked at me.

"GET AWAY FROM THE WEREWOLF EVA!" he yelled, and then he gently set Ren down against my tree.

"Why?" I asked concerned with how he was acting.

"I'm going to kill him, now step away." He ordered. The fact he could have easily pushed me away was forgotten momentarily by me.

"You aren't going to kill anyone!" I yelled back, and chanced a glance at Adam, his eyes were half closed and I could see the whites of his eyes, as his chest rose and fell rapidly.

Jake growled at me, and suddenly I was more frightened of Jake than I thought possible. He paused in the action of taking a step towards me and looked off into the forest.

I saw three blurs come to stand at various spots around us. Jasper, his blond hair was the easiest to see in the semi dark. He was by Ren.

"Eva, you need to sit down." I heard Edward say. I continued glaring at Jake, daring him to try and push past me to commit murder.

"How is she Jasper?" Edward asked while he was peering at me, his cold hand was ever so gently on my chin as he inspected my eyes. Then he turned my face so he could look at my scalp.

"Did any of them scratch you Eva?" Edward said seriously, guiding me back to look at him.

"I don't know…" I mumbled, that thought not yet occurring to me.

"Pop her shoulder back in its socket, she's just unconscious. I can hear us echoing in her mind." Edward ordered.

"Edward, I don't think we can move him without him bleeding out," I heard Bella say from next to me. And I wondered why Bella wasn't with her daughter, instead of trying to figure out Adam's situation.

"It's all the blood, Jasper and Jake are taking Ness a safe distance away, Jasper can take care of Ness. You are in much worse condition." Edward answered.

"Let me look at that arm," Edward's voice was calm, but I knew beneath the surface he was simmering with pain, and rage at what had just happened. I didn't offer my arm for him to look at as I couldn't tear my eyes away from Adam's pale face.

"Can't you turn him?" I asked dumbly.

"Our venom doesn't work on werewolves. Their body's can metabolize it." He explained.

Adam groaned suddenly, lowly and shallowly.

"I'm fine," I looked into Edward's eyes, and suddenly felt as weak as I probably should be at that point. _Just do what you can for him, _I added silently.

He sighed heavily, stress and worry pushing through. He nodded to Bella who was at my right side and guiding me a little away from Adam's side. Seeing me move away caused Adam's eyes to go wide. He tried to reach his hand out for me, and I frowned.

I looked to Bella, and her eyes scowled at my hesitancy to move away from him.

I took his left hand with my right standing next to him as my brother worked on him. As I watched Edward I began to worry, it wasn't looking like he was seeing anything good.

I kept looking from Edwards face to Adams; I didn't know why I felt so saddened by this man's situation. But from what I understood of werewolves they could no more help their actions in wolf form than a vampire could help needing to drink blood.

My attention was drawn sharply away from Adam and Edward to my arm when Bella was doing something to it.

"FUCK!" through gritted teeth I grunted. When I finally looked at my arm it was simultaneously worse than I had thought it would be and also not as ripped apart as it felt. It looked broken, that was certain, there were three long gashes un-even and in different area's on my arm. It looked like I had stuck my left arm into a giant blender for a second while it was on.

As it was still dark, and my whole arm was covered in blood, I couldn't tell how deep or long the gashes were. I was both numb at the sight of my mangled arm, and the agony that came with it. My stomach felt empty and heavy, and now I felt the need for some water. But I wasn't about to drink Adam's water.

"Eva…" Adam whispered. It brought my attention from the pain in my arm.

"Adam, I'm sorry, I don't think there is anything I can do for you. Your lumbar arteries are all being pinched off, if I move the truck, you will bleed out before I have a chance to fix any damage."

Adam met Edward's eyes then slowly the brown eyes met mine.

"Tell her now; you'll never have a chance to otherwise." Edward commanded the dying man. Adam looked queasy now.

"My mother's name was Angeline. Your mum wanted… your name to be a mix…" he wheezed out, he was gazing at me, while the life in him was flickering away. I did not want to see this man die in front of me.

Then his words hit me.

"Excuse me?" I asked, breathlessly moving closer to him.

Tears formed in his eyes and he turned his head to the side, wincing while doing it. Edward took a step back but kept close.

"I didn't get much time with you. I wanted to see you, to look at you, my little angel."

"Stop! What-who…" my mouth opened and closed and I felt the empty space in my brain catch up with everything.

"I kept trying to see you, over the years…" he started coughing again, and this time Edward stepped back to him and put a soothing hand on Adam's chest.

"You're my… you're my _dad_?" I bewilderedly asked.

"I'm so sorry I was never there for you…" he gasped suddenly and then started coughing violently.

"He's going to go into shock soon Evangeline, you don't have much time." Edward told me sternly.

_Time for what?_ I asked panicked. What was I _supposed to do_?

I was frozen in shock watching as some stranger, who happened to be a werewolf that nearly tried to kill me was the man that fathered me.

"_No_…" I whimpered. Looking at his face, I didn't understand why this was happening.

"Don't… Adam… _p-please_." I begged and held his hand tighter, I felt the warm tiny trails of tears on my cheeks and I could feel the moisture on my lips. I licked at them; I sucked my lip in and watched as his eyes rolled back into his head.

"EDWARD!" I begged, looking frantically from him to Adam. "DO something _please_!" I begged falling to my knees next to the injured man. Edward was kneeling next to me an instant later.

"_Please_…" I echoed again, the plea sounding worn and lost on my lips.

Adam stopped coughing a second. I felt Bella's cool hand on my head in a show of comfort.

"Evangeline he wants to hear you sing." Edward put his hand on my shoulder. I shook my head at the tears flew from my eyes.

How could I sing _now_? How could the notes come to me? There was no way… no way I could.

"You can..." Edward said solemnly, we locked eyes and I felt the sorrow for the sudden situation thrown back at me. I dazedly turned back to Adam, who looked at me, his eyes seemed not to see me, but I saw his chest rising and falling slowly, as if about to stop at any second.

"Veni, veni Emmanuel;

Captivum solve Israel,

Qui gemit in exilio,  
>Privatus Dei Filio"<p>

I sang, as clear and evenly as I could. It was the only song that felt right in the moment. It was a relaxing melody that was thinly hiding the magnitude of the moment. Our eyes met, and I saw the tears slowly falling from his eyes as I sang to him. Shuffling closer to him, I hurt my knees in the process. But I didn't care. I caressed his face, and cried while I sang to him. I didn't understand how this man could be my father, but somewhere inside I knew it was the absolute truth.

When his eyes closed before I finished my song I kept going, knowing, and feeling that he would never open them again.

One of my many tear drops fell slowly from my face onto his scared one as the last notes of the Latin song echoed around us in the forest.

Adam didn't flinch when the tear drop hit his cheek.

His chest was still, and when I took his hand in mine again it was limp.

.~.

I sat there staring at him, for how long I wasn't sure, but it had to have been a long time, as I could see more details of his face with the dawning of the sun.

All I kept thinking was _why_.

_Why_? _Why_ had this happened? _Why_ had he been a werewolf? _Why_ had he been _here_? _Why_ was he dead? Why couldn't I have met him before? My lips quivered with the broken anguish that my heart was beginning to feel. I stared at his pale face, trying to soak up all of his features and lock them in my memory.

"Evangeline we need to move you, you've lost a lot of blood, and I need to set that bone," I heard Edward's velvety voice as if through a tunnel.

Slowly, ever so slowly I turned my head, my eyes unwilling to follow the direction I was turning. Eventually I looked up at Edward, the sunlight through the trees played on his skin divining him an angel. My thoughts had been so consumed with Adam and the why's of the situation my brain was on auto pilot.

"Why didn't you _do_ something?" the wooden lost tone in my voice seemed sharp.

His eyes saddened, and his features dropped. And in that moment, in that gesture he looked very much the seventeen year old he truly was.

Anger simmered inside, and it overwhelmed me, "_WHY DIDN'T YOU DO SOMETHING_!" I yelled at him. I jumped to my feet, and over estimated my blood pressure. The world tilted dramatically and before I could fall over Edwards steal arms were gently holding me upright. I used my good arm to hit at his chest.

"_Why!WHY? WHY!_" I kept screaming over and over, my voice cracking and weakening with each thump as I hit his marble body with my bruised fist. He let me hit him. He stood there holding me while I wailed at him, wishing with all that I was that I could hurt him. I wanted to _hurt_ Edward so he could know how _I_ was hurting.

"I already know…" his voice croaked. It wasn't soft or smooth, it was broken. I stopped hitting him, my body weak and exhausted; I gradually brought myself to look him in the face.

There was so much anguish in there; he looked like an angel that had lost his wings. My pain was his pain and he would have been crying if it were possible.

"I'm… sor_ry_…" he sobbed his eyes swimming, his voice so uncharacteristically vulnerable. I shook my head, not ready or able to comprehend everything that had happened over this last evening.

Slowly he lowered me to the ground and I was sitting, I hadn't seen where Bella ran off but I assumed she was with Ren now.

Resting my head against his shoulder, watching the morning breeze tickle the leaves and sway with the trees, I felt my eyes close. I wasn't sure what we were doing here, or what the others were doing or where they were. But my eyes couldn't stay open, and my brain couldn't stop thinking about Adam.

Edward had positioned us at an angle from Adam's body, and I gazed at it tiredly with heavy eyes, I closed them, not wishing to ever open them again.

.~.

.~.

.~.

AN: I have uploaded Carlisle to the photobucket account for Panthalassa. Let me know what you think about the new information. Eva just can't get a break huh?

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	19. Injuries Inflicted

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

AN: A big 'Thank You' to everyone that reviewed last chapter. I am really happy that everyone seems to have enjoyed it. Please keep up the reviews! I really like hearing what you have to say about the story. ^_^

**Panthalassa : Low Tide  
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**Chapter 19 - Injuries Inflicted  
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Drunk.

I was completely drunk. Or at least I felt like I was.

Before I opened my eyes I felt like a coin that had been run over by a train. Flat, broken, and crippled. The drunk feeling was because I felt like I was spinning, as I had yet to open my eyes and figure out where I was. It was a horrible contradiction. Wanting to open my eyes to see what was going on and risk the spinning feeling getting worse, and also wanted to keep them closed because I was sure that was the best way to ensure the nauseous feeling didn't increase.

Once I managed to open my eyes, they felt dry, and itchy. My vision was blurry and my mind was very foggy. I remembered braking, I remembered screaming and crying. I vaguely remembered werewolves and some ghastly secret that I hadn't meant to learn.

I was in mum and dad's room back in Wisconsin, and I wondered if I had dreamt the whole nightmare. The I.V. and the pain that simmered beneath the haze indicated that the nightmare had been real. Before I could examine myself I saw mum sitting next to me, dad was talking quietly next to her while sitting at my hips.

"Glad to see you awake." Soothingly he smiled at me. My hazy smile felt goofy on my face.

"Whass Im onn?" I slurred, feeling every bit of drugged up that I probably was. I lifted my left arm to see a bright purple hard cast on the forearm, drawings and doodles plentiful on it. My eyes goggled at it for a second.

"Morphine, and Codeine," he answered.

"You've been out for two days," mum said her voice was quiet and full of worry when she spoke. Mum moved to take my right hand and it felt almost too smooth and too cold.

"Whass happin?" my head lolled to the side and I blinked unevenly trying to get my eyes to focus on my parents.

"Edward, Bella, Jasper and Alice had gone to some hot springs in Southern Montana while you and Ren were camping. Alice had a vision of your…body mangled. As she couldn't see Ren or what did it, she panicked and all four of them ran to try and find you in Yellowstone-"

"Jake?" I asked, wondering what he had been doing there, unless I had imagined him.

"He never is very far away from Ness even when she is supposed to be camping alone with people." Mum explained, and I couldn't really dwell on it. I wanted to know how I ended up in their room.

"Bella and Edward rented a private plane in Wyoming, with Jakes help and flew the two of you back here in the early morning. Alice and Jasper stayed back to clean up the mess and take care of your things. They just got back an hour ago," dad finished explaining.

My eyes drooped shut and I wanted to sleep again. I nodded to him and slurred a 'thanks' before falling asleep.

I must not have slept long because when I woke my parents were in the same position as before.

"I have to pee," I said, and was surprised my speech wasn't slurred. Then when mum tried to help me move I understood why I didn't feel drunk anymore. Dad had cut back on the drugs. And I felt the tight pain all over my body. I winced.

Dad had my right arm over his shoulders while he and mum helped me get out of bed and walk to their bathroom. I nearly tripped when I saw my reflection in the mirror.

I had a long gash that someone had stitched going from my left temple back into my hair line. I was happy to see that my whole head hadn't been shaved, just a small patch were the gash had been sewn together. There was bruising along the right side of my face, it was still an angry purple and blue color. There was another smaller cut on my throat, it looked almost like a paper cut and I stared at it realizing how lucky I was that it hadn't been deeper.

Mum and Dad kindly waited for me to look myself over.

"Twenty stitches by your temple. A nearly fractured cheekbone. A total of seventy two stitches on your back, no more than ten to a group. You had a clean break of your radius and ulna on your left arm. Thirty five stitches in three groupings on the same arm. Bruising on your left side from armpit to hipbone. Both knees have been scraped ragged the left has two stitches, the right has four," dad detailed my injuries as I looked at them. And when I looked at my right hand, looking past the I.V. still in the crook of my arm, I saw some finger braces I hadn't felt before.

"Right little finger broken. And right hand nearly fractured," he said dryly, looking at me in the mirror. I swallowed, knowing Edward must have told him of my attack on him. It hadn't been part of the plan to hurt myself when I hit him, but no matter the situation, hitting a vampire always yielded the same results; hurt human.

They had put me in a hospital gown where the back was opened and I was highly embarrassed that dad had seen my bare back. Mum and I gave him a look after I was done looking at myself in the mirror.

"Ah," he gave me a hesitant and humiliated grin, "I'll just... be out there then."

Mum helped me, and I didn't say anything aside from "Thanks" while we were in the bathroom. I had avoided looking at either of my parents for too long, the secret Ren told me though still fresh in my mind would have to wait until later for me to get upset over. For one I was too weak to even work up the anger I needed to get to. And for two, I had to find out what happened, in more detail.

Werewolves? Seriously?

If I hadn't just barely survived an attack by three of them I might feel like laughing at the complete idiocy of the situation. Of _course_ werewolves would have to attack me just after I learned that I was being used. The universe was really fucking with me.

My knees felt sore and weak, and I wanted to look at my stitches. I bet I looked like a patch doll.

"You can come in," dad said out loud as he and mum helped me get comfortable again.

Their door opened and I saw a gloomy looking Ren come in carrying a tray. Her hair was braided and pulled off to the side. Aside from the dark circles I had never seen under her eyes before, she looked the picture of health.

Freaking hybrid, I grumped mentally.

"Eva… I-" Ren started, her mouth stayed open but she didn't continue talking, her eyes shifted away from my form and the tray lowered a bit. "There is some fresh fruit and cream of wheat. Mom's frying some bacon for you." Dad gestured for her to come closer, but she seemed afraid. They put a bed tray over my legs, and I intently watched Ren set my food down.

She was nervous and when our eyes met she couldn't hold the gaze.

"I think… What I need right now is to speak to the family and know exactly what is going on." I didn't turn my gaze from her. Mum shifted on the bed and I felt a cool arm on my shoulder.

"Would you like everyone to come up here while you eat?"

"Is that a safe idea?" my thumb indicated the stitches at my temple.

There was a pause where dad turned towards the open door, and sighed lightly.

The next second Edward was in the doorway. He nodded to dad who in turn looked back at me.

"Edward can explain everything," dad told me.

I stared at Edward, emotionless and bitter. Ren shifted to let her dad come sit opposite mum.

"Actually I'd like to speak with Edward alone," my statement was met with worried looks, "If that's alright." I added. Mum nodded her demure frown still on her face as she kissed my temple and stood. She, dad, and Ren all left and I met Edwards gaze again. I had too many questions and the anger was just beneath the surface over what Ren had shown me just before the werewolves attacked, would have to wait. What I wanted to know was how they got there so fast, and what had happened to Adam…

"Eva…" he started, hearing my inner turmoil at the knowledge I'd been played a fool. I gave him a sharp glare and demanded to know about the events leading up to the moment I had found myself in mum and dad's room. Our eyes met and I could see a slight resistance in his before he nodded and sighed.

"Starting at the beginning," Edward took charge, just how I liked it. No hee-hawing about the issue. "All the trouble started when Jasper, Alice, Bella and myself were at the hot springs in Red Lodge Montana. Alice had been having some odd feelings regarding your safety so we were slowly moving closer to where we thought you two might be camping. Alice got her first clear vision of you since the last time you needed to go to the bathroom. You were dead. We panicked and took off for your camp, while she called Nessie's phone," I took this information in, feeling a tense nervous feeling build in me. He stated the information as if it were a boring book report. But I knew he was just moving quickly through all the information so we could get to the questions about the man who'd died.

"When Nessie must have found you, wherever you had gone off to alone, we lost both of you. All of us knew there was a short list of things that could kill you with her there. We ran pushing as hard as we could but as Jake was already near the park, he got there first. Bella had been on the phone with him while we ran, as I had been on the phone with Ness until the truck rolled."

Edward paused there, and I took a deep breath. His eyes roamed over my injuries and he lowered himself to sit at my hips. I followed his gaze as it was on my cast, and saw fun little pictures one of the family must have drawn.

Adam… I thought of his agonizing cries and his body pinned beneath the truck.

"He… had a lot going through his mind. Would you like to know some of it?"

"Was he really my… father?" I unsurely asked. I wasn't really positive I wanted to know the answer.

Edward pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and I noticed its glossy film when he handed it to me.

"While you were out I took the liberty of looking through the photo's on your mothers terabytes. I found several photos of him," he explained while I flipped the photo over.

I was a newborn, and there holding me in his arms, smiling like a crazy fool was a young man with light brown hair and light brown eyes. He looked to be about thirty in the picture, and it took me a while to realize it was Adam. His scars had disfigured him much more than I had seen or realized.

A dry patch entered my throat and I took the mug of tea from the tray over my lap. I stared at his picture and wasn't sure if I'd ever seen a photo of him before. It was rather horrible that I hadn't, and it tore at me that I should have seen this and any other photo's he'd been in long before Ren and I were attacked. If I had, I would have recognized Adam as my dad and not wasted the precious few seconds I had with him in shock over everything.

He was gone now, and I only knew him for a couple minutes, but what he'd said… how he always wanted to watch over me, how he wanted to be there for me it dug a deep hole in me.

_What happened to him?_ I asked my brother as the tears slowly fell and I stared at the picture.

"He didn't think of the exact instance but it appears that he had survived an attack while on a business trip in Germany. He came home not knowing what he was and when he realized what was happening… he left. He was never able to explain to your mother why he had to leave."

I nodded.

"He was more in control than the other two. But it-" Edward stopped suddenly and I looked to see why. His face was downcast and his eyes closed.

_Tell me_, I urged.

"As it wasn't the full moon they weren't completely transformed. He had been keeping his distance from you, knowing the vampires that looked out for you would be able to smell him. But when you went camping he thought it might be a good opportunity to meet you. There were two others that were traveling together; apparently they were brother and sister. He met up with them in Nebraska; they followed Adam without his knowledge. Adam found your camp and was going to wait until morning to come look for you, as he was going to transform. But his thoughts didn't tell me how far he had been away. He knew you were in trouble when he heard someone scream."

_Ren?_ I asked

Edward nodded. I took another shaky sip of the tea.

"The other two were much too close and not in control, so Adam raced to go fight them. Werewolves, at least from what I came to understand through his scattered thoughts, as they age they gain more control and other wolves tend to treat them as Alpha's waiting for their lead before doing things when they are together. But from what I know through Caius's thoughts werewolves rarely travel together because of how volatile they are.

"Adam was not going to attack, so the other two waited. But when you and Ness ran…" gradually his eyes opened and he met my eyes again. "It triggered their instincts and they gave chase. Your singing did confuse them to a point. Adam realized that it seemed to be calming Jenny and Bennet… the other two."

_Then why did he attack us?_ I asked angrily.

"He didn't. He was trying to defend you from Jenny. Bennet attacked him, defending Jenny. As they are younger than he, there wasn't much he could do. He had been trying to stop them from flipping the truck again when it… pinned him."

The room went fuzzy as I heard Edward's words.

He hadn't been trying to attack us. He had been defending us. And perhaps because of his efforts I was alive but at the cost of his own life.

"He was impressed with how brave you were, and very happy when you held his hand." He murmured softly.

_What else?_

"He was fading in and out a lot. Most of his thoughts involved your safety. And many clear ones where of the few times he's seen you from a distance. It seems, from what little I could get, that he followed you and your mother here when you moved, and was homeless in Milwaukee. He has checked on you a few times a year since then."

_Why didn't he ever tell me who he was_? My internal voice was of bewilderment and sorrow. If he had just approached me _once_, while human, I would have been much happier. To know he hadn't meant to leave my mum and me. And maybe tell me all those things he had been desperately trying to as he died.

"He didn't feel it was safe, or a good idea." He explained.

My grandma Knight's name was Evelyn. That much I remembered from all the times my mum had talked about her. And now I knew how I got my name, Grandma MacAvoy was Angeline. I wondered if the MacAvoy's ever knew what happened to their son.

"Jasper is looking in to that; we knew you'd want to find out."

_What… did you do with him?_ I wondered if they would have cleaned up the truck and mess and left this body there.

"We brought his body back with us. It wasn't right to leave him there. He deserves a good burial," he was solemn, and I felt choked up at his words.

"When are we burying him?" I cleared my throat. And although I did feel a little hungry, the food was not appealing, even the mention of bacon didn't incite hunger from me. Edward was going to push me to eat, I knew. When we shared a look of unease I picked up the fork and forced myself to eat one of the banana pieces. It tasted like ash.

"As soon as you are ready. Esme has picked out a couple spots in the yard for you to choose from."

Blinking while staring down at the food, I nodded. But I was still rather shocked that they were deferring the location of his grave to me. Adam was a stranger to me, and yet I was his child.

It was so confusing, and painful, and frustrating. I didn't want to have to bury anybody, and since being in this family I thought I would never have to bury anybody important to me. To bury Adam would be saying goodbye to him, when I never even got to say hello.

It was as if I picked up a very important book and read the last two pages, it left me confused and bereft. What had happened all the years since he'd left? What kind of man was he? Now that I knew he hadn't left us because he was a horrible man I wanted to know him. I _wanted_ to care.

Being injured was taking its toll and I started feeling tired, the pain was increasing and it was becoming really uncomfortable. I ground my teeth lightly when I tried to shift, but the action of my jaw clenching sent a sharp pain along the side of my face.

Edward instantly put a cool hand on the bruised area, his palm and fingers just barely touching the skin. I could feel the cool of his hand on the spot and it felt much better.

"Do you want to go back to sleep?" he asked sweetly.

I didn't feel like sleeping, but the weariness and the stress from all the last couple days made me want to escape.

"I want to bury him at sunset… can you wake me up in time for that?" I asked out loud, thinking maybe the rest of the family would be listening. Edward gave a worried smirk to me and nodded slowly.

He moved the tray to the bedside table, I watched as the tight muscles on his arm moved. And I saw him, again, as a vulnerable seventeen year old boy. My eyes traveled to his bronze hair, and the memory of him telling his family he didn't want to doom me to the same fate as his, replayed in my memory. The anger at that and my reasons for being in the family would come later; he knew that as well as I did. It would wait until I said goodbye to the only true family I had left.

Sleep didn't come easy, but with the exception of mum the rest of the family left me alone. Dad had given me a little more pain medication to help me rest.

The whole time mum was sitting next to me I wouldn't look at her. If I was being honest with myself I was afraid if I did, the malice at the families lies would erupt out of me and I'd only take it out on her, when it was the whole family that deserved it. And I loved her, but it was so convoluted now, such a corrupted kind of feeling.

.~.

Mum and Ren had helped me change after dad had taken out my IV, and I finished my light dinner not really tasting the food, and not talking. Things seemed much dimmer, and my eyes seemed not to focus very well and I was certain it was the gloom hanging over the family.

Ren had apologized for the incident, and I in turn expressed how grateful I was that she was alright. Jake had to add his two cents in and tell me that he wasn't mad at me anymore. Stupid mutt, like he had any right to be mad at a human for not protecting a half-vampire.

Emmett and Rose had dug a grave for the casket Alice and Bella had bought out of state for Adam. It was a simple polished cherry wood number. No frills, no embellishments. The grave site, I had picked out, was at the base of a large rock that Emmett had moved there when they first moved in. Esme had planted all sorts of flowers around it. But she didn't bat an eyelash when I asked if he could be buried there.

Dad gently carried me down and as my feet hit the ground I felt like an empty shell. Whatever made people_ people_ was thrown into the far back of my mind as I tried not to feel anything about this situation. The family had gathered around the open casket set up on a small pedestal near the freshly dug hole.

The sky was a splash of light purples, pinks and peaches as the sun rested in the west. It was a cloudless night, and closer to the eastern horizon I could see the stars starting to show. It was unearthly quiet as I stood there the family scattered around behind me, as I looked into the box with Adam in it.

My eyes searched his scarred relaxed face. I'd never thought much about him as a person. Who my father was, what he was like. But now he was dead, and I had so many questions that would never be answered.

I grew up in the care of the State and foster parents. I knew I wasn't wanted and I never complained. Not once did I complain out loud to anyone that no one wanted me. In turn I never wanted to hear others complain about things. It was like the part of me that could feel pity for myself died and took the part of my humanity that could feel pity for others with it.

We all deal with pain and suffering differently, the way I dealt with it was to push the pain into the back of my mind and ignore it. And I suffered alone and in silence.

Laying there in front of me was my father's body, and for the first time in a long time I pitied someone. I pitied the life he had to lead because of a curse. But I think, above all other things I pitied his end. He was being buried in someone's back yard, with no true loved ones there. Sure I was genetically his kid but that didn't mean I loved him. There was a curiosity in me regarding him that would never go away, but Adam MacAvoy was a stranger to me.

I think that's what hurt the most for me. It was that _I didn't_ love him, and that I will never love him. It was my opinion that everyone should have at least one person that loved them at their funeral. One person that cared enough to shed tears and say "I'll miss you", and although I could easily provide the tears, I didn't know him well enough to miss him.

Someone had dressed Adam in a very fine suit, it probably had been dad, but I doubted Adam had worn anything that fine in many years, and I felt that you should be buried in the clothes you usually wore. I put my hand on the lid that had been propped open. Jasper stepped next to me seeing my action, and helped me slowly close the top.

With the lid closed I ran my hand along the fine polished wood. I looked up to the sky, feeling my hair tickle my back and the stitches, I sighed.

"I was happy I was able to sing for you… Adam." I whispered, and frowned. There wasn't anything else I could really say, so I stepped back from the coffin and Jasper and Emmett took my lead and picked up the coffin easily. They tenderly lowered it into the six foot deep hole, both of them laying flat on their stomachs and using one hand to set it down.

The thing for me that really stuck home about burying someone was the empty, harrowing sound of dirt hitting the polished box.

It struck a chord with me and it felt unbearable to listen to. Each lump of dirt Jasper and Emmett threw on top solidified the distance never to be traversed between myself and Adam.

Mum came to my side to put an arm around me, and I froze. She noticed my reaction but before she could ask about it I spoke up.

"May I," I cleared my throat as I saw Jasper tenderly smoothing the dirt over the grave, "Have some time alone please?" I didn't look at any of them as I said it, but I saw Ren and Alice out of the corner of my eye, they looked nervously at one another.

"Of course sweetie. Just let us know… when you want to come in," Mum quietly said her voice full of concern. I watched them leave me and I limped to the dirt and sat in front of it, my knees resisted the motion so I didn't sit cross legged. I sat on my hip instead at a side angle, just listening to the sound of silence pressing down on me.

Alice had handed me a bouquet of lilacs to put on the grave before she left me alone and I looked at them in my hand. Each of the family had a specific scent, and while each individual had many scents mixed into theirs there was always one smell that over powered the weaker ones.

Dad smelled of fresh Earl Grey tea. Mums scent was a light cinnamon. Jasper was a juicy peach. Alice was a strong fresh mint. Rose was the one that smelled like lilacs. Thinking about her scent, her face at the family meeting where they discussed me flashed through my mind. The memory broke a dam inside of me.

And suddenly the anger I had been putting off feeling flew from me, fury battered around inside my head as I remembered how _I'd_ been used. I hit the dirt with my right hand, and although it hurt like a sonaofabitch it felt good. I yelled with pure rage and anger.

I wasn't _wanted_, and before the Cullen's I hadn't really cared, but now… now they had made me _think_ there was something special about me, only to realize that I was being kept around because they needed me, not because they wanted me.

I _loved_ them! _THEM_! And they _lied_ to me. It was a crushing betrayal that felt like a chasm between what I thought I'd had with them and what was really going on.

Edward was by my side in an instant, and I glared at him, wishing with all that I was that I could blink him out of existence.

HOW DARE YOU! I yelled at him, making to stand. He held a hand out as if to help me and I swore at him. I heard someone gasp from the house and my eyes narrowed at him.

"Evangeline please calm down," Edward urgently spoke, concern radiant in his tone.

Ignoring him completely I focused on the pain in my body, both physical and mental. I strode into the house, unsure of how to handle this rage. The first person I saw was Seth, he looked alarmed at my face, which I was sure was fairly menacing; bruising, stitches and all.

Rose and Bella had been standing by the fridge in the kitchen, apparently getting ready to make me something to eat.

"Eva please let me-" Alice urgently said blurring in front of me, her hands out in a beseeching way.

Mum and Dad had looks of shock on their face and were standing in the entryway from the dining room; Ren was off to their right her head hung, as if she was expecting this. Jake had an arm around her and I couldn't tell if I was happy she was crying or if I thought it was pathetic. Jasper was positioned himself just a step behind his mate.

"I don't want to hear one more word from you," I spat at Alice, she flinched and hurt replaced it a second later.

"Evangeline what has gotten in to you?" dad asked, obviously trying to help calm me.

The instant it happened I knew there would be no going back.

He must have_ known_ what Ren had shown me, he knew I _knew_ and yet here he was trying to calm me. The image in my mind of a loving caring family that had taken me in was shattered. Thousands of memories of all the good times with them broke and fell through my mind at Carlisle's concern.

"NONE OF YOU HAVE ANY RIGHT TO SPEAK TO ME!" I yelled and wanted to ball up my fists and destroy things, my jaw hurt and it helped bring the angry tears into my eyes.

Jasper came closer and I felt a wave of something fighting my rage.

"Don't you _**goddamn dare**_ Jasper I have a _right_ to feel like this and I deserve to feel it," I pointed at him with my right hand, the tightness in my nearly broken hand helped to ground my fury.

"We were going to tell you," Edward spoke up from behind me. Emmett, who until I swore at Jasper had been behind Jake, came further into the kitchen where the rest of us were. His brows wrinkled worriedly.

"You _were_ going to tell me?" sarcasm was heavy in my tone. I didn't even dignify him with a glance as I was sure he could see the rolling of my eyes through the others minds.

"The time never seemed right, when I'd look I'd always see you reacting-"

"Like this?" I yelled at Alice again throwing my arms out to the sides to indicate the reaction I was having. She blinked, too shocked or perhaps scared to answer. "That is not an excuse!" I screamed looking to each of them.

"I think you are over reacting," Rose frustratedly sighed.

"You think this is an overreaction _Rose_? _Do YOU_! You have no _idea_ what the fuck you people have done to _me_! Not a god dammed clue! I_ trusted_ you, I _loved_ you," I turned from glaring at Rose to look at Esme and Carlisle. I was shaking my head with contempt and disbelief.

"We love you too-" Esme began but I shook my head sharply, and instantly wished I hadn't because pain shot through my temples. I wasn't about to let that pain derail getting this out, slaying this demon now.

"You don't **lie** to people you _love_. You don't _**use**_them. And you _never_ break their hearts," at this I turned to look at Edward. Angry tears were pooling in my eyes but weren't falling yet.

I had been abused in most of my foster families before, whether sexually in the case of the Golswiki's or verbally in the case of the Johnson's. I'd been neglected before too, that kind of abuse was too familiar to me. But never had I ever been _used_ like this. They brought me into their family just so I could prevent their futures from going dark.

"Please understand, it was not like that," Carlisle tried again.

"DON'T_ lie_ to me! I saw it through Ren's own eyes! If not for Alice's goddamn visions I wouldn't be here living with you, would I?"

"If you saw her memories you'd know we didn't want to do it like that." Bella spoke up.

"No, what I saw _**Bella**_, was everyone aside from Edward, Seth and Carlisle thinking that _using_ me was a good enough reason to take me in. The means in this case are just as cruel as the ends."

"I wanted to take care of you before any of this Eva," Esme spoke up, confidence in her voice. I turned to look at her, a careful look of blank anger on my face.

"But you never told me the reasons, you lied, _all of you_! Worst of all you were _going_ to _use_ me, for what? Was I ever more to you than some security blanket?" I shocked them when I yelled that. Bella, Jasper and Esme flinched.

"Of course you were," Jasper firmly stated, "You still are."

"Then _why_?" I begged achingly, and it was then the tears spilled over and I shook my head sadly again.

Why did they have to do this to me? What did I ever do to deserve this? I just wanted to be happy with them and they were the worst family I had yet to live with. I knew they were vampires but I didn't realize they were monsters.

None of them answered me, I half expected Alice to attempt to. And I knew I couldn't stay here with them. I couldn't cope with all the betrayal while seeing them every day. When I realized that, it broke my heart that I would feel safer and better away from my family rather than with them.

"We can explain!" Esme pleaded her face passionate and worried.

"**Explain!**" I parroted explosively, hurting my jaw in the process, "**EXPLAINING WILL STILL MAKE YOU LIARS!**" There was no explanation that could make this _ache_ go away.

Edward made a noise at that thought and Alice froze. I made to move around her, the anger in me was still rolling in waves, and the tears were like warrior's fleeing from a beast.

"Eva don't _leave_!" Alice had returned to herself and firmly grasped my right arm. I heard Esme gasp and start to do what vampires did when they cried.

I don't think I'll ever understand why I did it, and why Alice let it happen but the second she made to stop me I turned to face her, her tiny hand still clutching at me and I opened my mouth and spat at her.

The spit could be vividly seen by me as it flew out of my mouth and hit her in her face. Her face slackened and she looked completely defeated. Her cold smooth hand slowly slid down my arm as she let go. I didn't even look at the others as I turned and made my way to my room. The pain in my body was easily felt, but also easily ignored.

By time I got to my room the tears had stopped and I stood there, wondering what the hell I had just done. More than anything I wanted to get away from the fucked up family that had tricked me into loving and caring for them.

I took my back pack from school, which still had a few things from my last day; I turned it upside down and emptied it. In a blur of uncertainty and frustration I gathered a few things from around my room.

It was deadly silent down stairs and I wondered how hard they were going to try and stop me. I wondered if they'd tie me up and make me stay. My cast felt heavy and my head was throbbing. And leaving in a fit of anger didn't seem like the best idea when I was injured but all things being equal I thought this storming out would be more profound with me being injured. I looked at the bright purple cast on my arm as I delicately shoved my journal in the bag along with the famed photo's on my night stand. I had stuffed two shirts, a pair of pants and a skirt into the bag along with some underwear. Anything else I could buy with the graduation money they had given me.

I closed the bag and hefted it onto my right shoulder, and without a backwards glance I left my room wincing with the sharp sting of the bag hitting my stitches on my back.

At the bottom of the stairs the entire family was waiting for me. They weren't blocking me, but were gathered around the railing and the wall than curved towards the door.

"Evangeline don't _do_ this, you are still injured, your body-"

"Needs to get the hell away from you people!" I spat at Carlisle. It was _his_ betrayal that stung the worst. I had really thought the world of him, but he ended up disappointing me like all other men in my life had.

I didn't even say goodbye to them, I just kept moving towards the front door, half waiting to see who would stop me and when. They were capable of stopping me, but the second they tried I would never speak to them again. Looking down at my clothes I realized how fitting this black dress was for the evening, for burying the dead, and this relationship with the family was on its death bed. Only I was too enraged at their lie to care.

Would they force me to stay? Injury or no, there was no staying here anymore. This house wasn't my home, it was a cage.

I made it out the door and into the semi dark of the summer night. The heat of the evening hit me in a solid wave; it shook me making me realize what I was doing. I doubted I could walk all the way back to Seth's for my XTracer on my own in the dark, but I was determined to try.

Esme made a wailing sound that was muffled by something when I took my first step off of the porch. Carlisle must have been holding her to his chest to help calm her.

If I was so damned important to them why hadn't they told me the real reasons for taking me in before? The irritation at finding out may have not been as wild as it was now if they had just told me. Then again maybe it would be the same. I hated the very idea that they hadn't wanted me to move in with them because they actually **liked** me and **wanted** me. They did it for _them_, for _their_ family, not for me.

It was actually easier than I thought to focus on the path to Seth's while I was shaking with my fury and hurt.

If I was truly a member of their family why weren't they stopping me? I began to wonder. I absolutely would not stop in my attempts to leave, and them stopping me would only enrage me more. But there was that illogical part of me that would know the more they tried to stop me would show how much they cared.

_No_, I thought, _no…_ it would only show me how important I was to be _used_ for their uncertain future.

I tripped once and caught my balance with my right hand; I cursed at the shooting pain, but quickly recovered.

By time I saw Seth's house through the trees I was sweating and going numb to things around me. I just wanted out, I wanted away.

Seth was standing there, in a simple pair of black sweats, my XTracer out in the driveway. None of the rest of the family had followed me and I didn't know how I felt about it.

There was nothing to say to him, and I moved towards my motorbike. Someone had set the third wheel down, which made it easier to drive in the rain and such. I sat in and closed the hatch. Sitting there breathing heavily I turned to give Seth one last look. His face was blank of emotion and it bubbled up an odd feeling of loss in me.

He had been right, back in Ren's memories; they should never have taken me in because they _needed_ me to change their future. They should have taken me in because they _wanted_ me in their future.

The bike roared to life like a humbled bobcat, and I put it into gear with my right hand, my left, though in a cast was sitting on the wheel to help steady it.

There may have been a moment of despair at what I was doing, a tiny voice asking why the hell I had just stormed off like that, but as soon as I pulled on to the road that voice shut up and I focused on the pain of betrayal to get me further away from them.

..~..

..~...

AN: What now? Where is she going to go? Anyone want to make a guess as to what happens now that she's left?

*Emmett is uploaded to the photobucket.

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	20. Struggling

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 20 - Struggling<span>**

.~.

There was something horribly wrong with my eyes when I got to the edge of Madison. They were blurry and I could barely see the road right in front of me. The rage and fury only lasted for the first thirty minutes of my drive and agony replaced it soon after. I was exhausted, and sick, and my I could _not_ stop crying.

I used the GPS to find a Hilton and followed the directions without thinking. I pulled up to the valet and got out. The young man that came running up to take care of my XTracer looked excited until he saw my face, and he gave me a grimace like smile. I pulled my bag out of the back seat and gave him the keys; he gave me a little plastic card with shaking hands. And I wasn't sure if he was scared of me or excited to drive my bike.

Standing in front of the desk clerk looking completely wretched would probably have spiked my embarrassment meter but as I was too tired to care I mumbled an answer when she asked if I was okay. The room was put on my Cullen credit card.

Once in my room I didn't even take my tennis shoes off before crawling into the bed, careful of my stitches all over my body. I woke up from pain not long after the sun rose, and I decided to leave.

.~.

The road in front of me barely registered and I only realized I was almost to Chicago when I saw a billboard switch to an advertisement for the band "Yous Guys" and "Culture Cry Wolf" playing the next month at some concert stadium.

Chicago. It felt too close to the Cullen's, but it was far enough for the day so I stopped at the first hotel near downtown I could find. The Radisson was very accommodating, but it was still just a hotel, and not a home.

I put my things in the drawers and sat on the bed. It was around 4pm, and I hadn't eaten in two days but the only pain I felt was from my injuries. Just for some background noise I turned on the news and rested on my right side diagonally, away from the TV.

I didn't have a home any longer.

It was so odd to think that I was exactly where I should be if I had never met the Cullen's; alone, abused, and broken. If there was a flaw in my personality it was going too quickly in one direction without thinking it through clearly. Maybe knowing about vampires dictated me joining them one day, or my death, but I shouldn't have just accepted the half truths as to why they wanted me with them.

How careful had they been throughout my time living with them, not to spill any of the information that would set me off? They might have saved some face if they had told me themselves. And I was numb enough to wonder if that would have helped. Hearing it directly from Carlisle and Esme…

All I had wanted was to be happy and to be loved. And sure I was happy; the last ten months had been so fantastic I had to wonder if it was all a dream. The end with finding out what kind of people they were seemed like the perfect cherry on top of this dessert. But Alice used that desire for love and contentment to ensnare me.

Was there any other reaction I _should_ have had to finding out why I had come to live with them? What was I supposed to do now?

There was a knock at my door close to 8pm, and for a second or two I felt a jolt of trepidation. Did the Cullen's cancel the card? Was it Esme on the other side of the door?

I pulled myself off the bed and looked through the peep hole. It was a member of the hotel staff.

Opening the door I said asked if I could help him.

"I have some room service for you Miss Knight," the short rather chubby man stated cheerfully his chins wiggling disturbingly.

"I didn't order-" I began.

"It was ordered for you from a," he paused to look at the little card from his breast pocket. I took the pause to look over the silver cart he had begun to push past me into my room, "Jasper Whitlock." I scowled darkly at the man; he blinked rapidly as if he'd done something wrong.

"The management was also able to refill the prescriptions your doctor sent us, they are all there," he indicated to the nice sharp and clean looking white paper bag.

"I don't want it… any of it." I tersely replied using my right hand to gesture to the trolley.

"I was told you might be resistant of the delivery… but I'm sorry, I am to leave it here for you." The man, whose name tag said "Robert", told me in a fake confident voice.

"Robert, please enlighten me as to the extent you were instructed on to get me to accept this," I pointed to the food.

He swallowed thickly and stood straighter, not quiet looking me in the eyes, "If I do not get you to accept he will not give me the tip he promised…"

My eyes narrowed.

"My son served in Iran, Laos, and Yemen, he's been paralyzed and he's a candidate to get the nerve restoration done but we can't afford it. Mr. Whitlock will pay for the procedure if I am able… to successfully deliver it to you." Robert told me with a weak but determined voice, his hazel eyes looking up into mine.

"Did Mr. Whitlock also instruct you to tell me your story so that I'd be more likely to accept?" as angry as I was at Jasper's meddling, I tried not to take it out on this man.

"He told me it might work the best…" Robert hedged, and I saw the plea in his eyes. And I knew what a heinous bitch I would be to turn this man away and refuse the cart. I knew Alice was behind this as well. Damn them both.

Nodding angrily at Robert he quickly set the four trays of food on the dining table next to the sitting area. I crossed my arms as best I could on account of my cast, as Robert quickly past by me, the silver cart tinkling and clanking on the way back out of my room.

I could smell steak from where I was standing across the room from the table. It smelled delicious.

Eventually the war with my resistance to any of the Cullen's help lost to the hunger in my body. Stiffly I sat at the table and took the silver lids off the plates of food. There was a 10oz filet with garlic mashed potatoes, a whole tray of fresh berries with a sugar dish neatly next to them, a bowl of cream of wheat, a slice of chocolate cake that looked absolutely sinful and a pot of tea.

Before eating I looked at the medicine they had dropped off for me, and sure enough it was prescribed by Dr. Whitlock. I really, really wanted to flush them all down the toilet, as a show of disgust with the family. But I truly was in a lot of physical pain especially when I stopped thinking about how angry I was.

I took one bite of the steak and the potatoes, and felt disgusted. It smelled fabulous, but tasted like rubber and paste. I tried the cream of wheat and berries next. It too seemed un appetizing. I forced it down though, so I could take the codeine without adverse side effects.

The pills were taken after I carefully read the label, and decided to take a bath while I waited for the drugs to kick in. I was extremely careful with my cast and I had even wrapped the cheap hotel toiletries plastic bag over my arm.

There was a moment while I was about to get in the tub when I realized I didn't know if soaking was a good idea with my stitches. Frustrated by that thought I put a robe on and looked it up on the computer, the news was disappointing so I shuffled back to the bathroom and let the tub drain.

The oddest thing about being on drugs is you tend to forget how the pain feels. Codeine was a drug for physical pain, but with that numbed it was hard for me to access the emotional pain I was in.

Robert brought more food in the morning, this time I didn't resist him, and he simply took the old stuff away and left the new stuff. I didn't thank him, and I let him see him-self out. I ate one waffle before taking another pain pill and went back to bed.

I saw Robert three more times before I started to feel more aware of myself.

.~.

Somehow I had fallen into the emotional void while my body was healing. My arm was itching under the cast, and my right pinky needed to breathe a bit. I took the afternoon when I was cognoscente of the fact I was not taking care of myself to make some calls to some doctor's offices to see if they could give me a sort of check up on my injuries. It seemed like the adult thing to do in a situation where I was responsible for myself once again.

I hadn't showered in days, and I knew I smelled badly, but until my appointment there wasn't much I was willing to do about that.

There wasn't much of a wait in the tiny, and immaculate private office of the general practitioner I found three blocks away from the hotel. I barely picked up the "People" magazine before the nurse, or assistant called my name.

Dr. Warner was a funny looking woman. She had tiny beady eyes with thin wire framed glasses. She had a butterfly brooch on her lab coat and her hands were not as wrinkly as the rest of her face.

"It says in your file you fell from a two story ladder while helping to install new windows, that must have been traumatic," she nodded seriously.

_Cullen's and their lies, _I mentally rolled my eyes. All I could do was play along, I didn't have any other option even if I thought I did.

"Yeah, it was…" I quickly did the math in my head, and when I came up with the number it seemed so small, "Eight days ago."

Had it really been only eight days that Ren and I were laughing around a camp fire drinking and telling stories? It seemed much longer, and I wondered if she felt that way too.

"Well then let's have a look at those stitches first." Dr. Warner whistled lowly as she helped me move the flimsy gown away from my back. I felt her warm finger tenderly poke various spots.

"Whoever stitched you up did a wonderful job," she complimented in an awed voice. "All one hundred and thirty three are tiny, you'll be happy to know you won't have much scarring, the ones on your head can be removed today if you like," she proclaimed after looking at the stitches by my temple. I told her it was acceptable.

When she moved to look at the cast I saw her reading the writing written there as she turned it.

"You'll still have another five weeks at least with this on," Dr. Warner gently tapped the cast and I nodded. "You're pinky should need around the same amount of time, just to be safe. I'd like you to come back in next on Tuesday to get the rest of the stitches removed. We can get those stitches out of your knees today as well."

The appointment lasted thirty minutes and I had twenty six of my stitches removed, and a prescription for some strong anti scarring cream when I left.

When I got back to the hotel, the maids had been through, and it looked much too clean. And if I was staying in the area I should probably look into finding a more cost effective place. I didn't like that I was using the Cullen's credit card, but I liked having a place to stay more, and I figured they owed me.

Some of my clothes had been washed, three articles, and placed on my bed. And it looked rather pitiful to me. Personally it didn't matter to me if I had a lot of clothes or things, I had gotten by with minimal material things for most of my life, but seeing the small pile on my bed made me a little depressed.

Orphan Annie was back to being an orphan. And although I had cried for three of the last four days grieving the loss of so much in my life, I felt like I could have another go at it. It lasted for a good twenty minutes, and when I was done my eyes hurt and my throat was raw. Then I decided it was finally time for that bath.

Dressing after my bath I decided to go for a walk in the warm air, maybe find a good pizza joint. I left the hotel with a subdued sort of adventitious attitude. But that didn't last long, as I kept thinking I was seeing Alice out of the corner of my eye.

That night I was lying on my stomach searching for local cheap furnished apartments that I could go to. I had decided, while thinking Alice was following me, that the less I had to do with the Cullen's the better I'd feel…eventually.

The next four days I spent making calls and ignoring the texts various family members were sending to my phone. I found a cheap place just off the red line off of Clark and Division, the rent for the studio apartment that was only slightly bigger than my room back with the Cullen's was $700 a month. It included everything and it was furnished. The landlord hadn't been too keen on renting to me as I'd had no prior rental history and he was month to month, so when I gave him $2100 for three months up front he welcomed me with thick hairy arms.

I'd toured the place of course, but as I slowly opened the door to apartment 314 a wave of depression set in.

The decoration was uninspired, and I was positive that Esme would rather shave her head than let me spend any significant amount of time living here without changing things. At that thought I smiled smugly as I took in the bland light grey furniture and off white walls. Living here could be like a giant middle finger to her.

I set my bag down and did a small inspection of my place before I decided to go get a few groceries.

My first night in my place I received 45 texts from the family, all of which I didn't read and deleted as soon as they arrived.

I had been going about my life all wrong.

All that sadness and pain regarding my mum should have been worked through a long time ago. And only last year had I finally been able to let her go. Now a new pain was present in my heart and I was _not_ going to waste seven years of my life holding on to it. I was done with being depressed and letting life go on around me while I moped and protected myself.

What good had it done? When even after letting someone in and they hurt me? I hurt myself when I kept to myself, and I hurt when people wiggled their way into my heart. There was no escaping pain it seemed.

I had bled grey in my life before, letting all the color drain from me, and I refused to let this betrayal by a family I thought loved me drain the colors that had come back.

There wasn't a lot for me to do on my own in the city, I had no friends and I had no ambition to make any. But once Dr. Warner had removed my other stitches I went to the café two blocks from my apartment and applied for a job.

The manager was a goof; he had long wispy half blonde half silver hair, big eyes that seemed to be in a constant state of shock, large laugh lines, which were still there when he smiled. His name was Rigby. And I doubt I would have gotten the job working there if I hadn't mentioned growing up in England. Although he himself was from Ireland, he didn't let that come between us. His accent was thick and I could tell he had a hard time communicating to some of the other employees.

It was just a coffee house that served some pastries and sandwiches, and although I didn't like coffee I figured working so close to my place would end up being better than trying to find a different job.

Rigby hired me at the interview, which in all told only took about twenty minutes. I hadn't even been out on my own for three weeks and here I was living on my own, and working.

.~.

They averaged ten texts a day. And as I never looked at them I had no clue what they were saying. The vast majority of them were from Esme and Ren. Jasper sent me a few each week, Edward too. Emmett tried the bombard tactic and would rapid fire seven texts at once, annoying me and anyone who I happened to be near at the time. Once such occasion of the attack was when I was standing in line at the department store. At first I had thought it might be Alice warning me not to buy the few items I had. But when I saw Emmett's name pop up every time I was pleasantly surprised, the people in line around me were not as amused.

Carlisle had sent me one a day, and Alice and Bella sent about two a day for the first three weeks I had been out of the house.

Jake never texted.

Seth rarely did.

Rose sent me one, the first day I had been in Chicago, but none since then. But it never mattered because I never read any of them. All the emails they sent went straight to the trash on my computer.

I worked at "42" four days a week, mostly evenings. I still loved the name of the place; it had been like a beacon to me when I first saw it after I checked out my place. Rigby's first question in the interview had been about the name of the place. When I got it right he was very happy and keen to know how I knew that it was from "A Hitch Hikers Guide", that's how we ended up talking about the good ole UK.

Over a few small modest shopping trips where the fashion choices were picked out by a voice in my head that stubbornly sounded like Alice, I now had enough clothes to last a week. I had to buy new shoes for work, but other than that I hadn't bothered to purchase anything else. Aside from random trash lying around and the one framed photo on the side table next to my bed, there wasn't really much indication anyone was living here. I liked it like that. I didn't need fancy lace curtains smooth and soft 600 thread count sheets to make this a home. This was my place and I was paying for it on my own.

The day after I moved in I had taken the credit card the Cullen's had given me and cut it up. It was so goddamned therapeutic to do I wished I had more to cut up when I spotted the framed photo of myself and Jasper from last fall. With a sick sense of joy I took the photo out and stared at his handsome face.

The brother that protected me, that was laughable. More like I was the human that would protect them. I imagined what it would be like to cut the photo up and I planned on doing it. I waited a good three minutes just visualizing vandalizing that happy moment captured on film, before the scissors took to it. I hoped it ripped at Alice to have watched it. I wanted Jasper to _feel_ her despair at seeing it.

I made a new list in my journal, and it was of 'things I will not tolerate'. Admittedly it was a much more depressing and short list but it was vital, I thought.

Number one was being lied to. Then being used, then being tricked, and lastly I added feeling pity.

.~.

Every day was_ hard_. It would be a lie to not admit it. I _missed _them. I missed hanging out with Ren. I missed Alice setting clothes out for me. I missed hearing Edward play the piano. I missed hearing Esme laugh. I had to fight the urge to think about calling any one of them, because if I thought about it Alice might see it. I was depressed about the loss of them in my life, but I knew it was for the better to get my distance from them. But there was this unstoppable yearning left in me that I did my best to ignore.

Learning to stand on my own two feet was refreshing in a nerve wracking way. But it gave me something else to think about late at night in my apartment. I cried in the shower frequently thinking about the lack of love and comfort I had, missing them. When I tried to put it behind me it was like cutting off a piece of my body from the rest, it was impossible. Maybe it was more like breathing with only one lung, it was do-able, but so _hard_ and it always hurt.

I had stayed longer with the Conner's than I had with the Cullen's and I had an easy time getting over any angst I had over leaving the Conner's house. Someday I knew I would be able to move on, even though it felt like this empty caved in part of me would never heal, I knew it would. It had to.

.~.

I wondered about the secret I knew, how that would play into things. Alice said she had seen me as a vampire before they even decided on bringing me into the family. I still wondered if that was going to happen. There was no way I'd ever consider telling anyone about them, but the worry over my safety was almost always in the back of my mind.

My pinky was still stiff and I only had the brace on it and had it taped to the ring finger when I was at work.

I had finished cleaning the back prep counter for the evening, and it was pretty slow so I turned up the smooth blues Rigby always played on the MediaMix.

One of the evening regulars came in for his tall double shot espresso with whip, Francis. We chatted about his dogs that were tied up outside while I made his drink.

After Francis left another customer came in. He was wearing an expensive suit I instantly recognized from Alice's fashion line. Of course her fashion line was done through a human who had minimal talent of their own. Alice paid them well to keep their mouth shut about her being the actual designer, and the lady, Mrs. Pragnit, was internationally known for "her" designs, so I doubted she was going to fess up to being a sham. His suit was a soft heather grey, pleated sides and high collar. It was a design Alice absolutely adored, and its introduction brought a much needed change to men's business wear. He was even wearing the half leather sleeve, which meant he was a little adventurous.

The young man reminded me a bit of a skinny and slightly shorter Emmett. I sighed frustratedly when I realized I was thinking about them again. The customer was looking over the menu as if he hadn't a clue what coffee drink he'd like. He did look like the kind of man who was picky. His suit was any indication it showed he was used to people catering to his whims.

Alice had taught me how to read what people wore and how it spoke of them. I purposefully wore things these days that would tell her, "Leave me the fuck alone", a message that regular people wouldn't get.

"How's the green tea latte?" He asked. God I hated when people asked me stuff like that. I mean how am I supposed to answer that? It wasn't a person so it seemed like a general fishing question people would ask when they wanted you to suggest something.

I tilted my head slightly and shrugged, "It made it through the operation just fine, doctor says it can go home with you now if you like," I quipped. And waited till he registered what I said. He had been staring at the sign above me until I spoke, when his eyes slowly met mine, his lips parted slightly with my comment.

"Operation…" he mused then smiled widely and chuckled. He had a handsome smile and a kind laugh.

He ended up ordering the green tea latte, and taking out a net book before sitting down at an empty table. He was the only customer in the joint, and we were closing in a half hour. I let him go about his business and finished up my cleaning duties, and watched the flat screen Rigby had up. He liked having the Discovery channel on, and once in a while I would have a chance to learn something at work.

.~.

I was watching a movie on the Media Mix as I wrote down a little poem that came to me at work earlier, as I sat at my tiny couch in the area designated for my living room.

June was coming to an end and I was anxious about July. Not the month itself, it had been fairly innocuous my whole life, but for the date. It would soon be one year since I found out that Vampires truly existed. And then the day they brought me into their lives. Anger didn't cover how I felt about their lying. And I thought on it more than I would care to admit. It would often result in my screaming into a pillow.

Coming to the conclusions after my second paycheck that I wasn't earning enough versus what I was spending really brought me down.

It was the make or break moment for me, because my savings account had enough money for me to live off of for a while but it wouldn't have enough for me to move back to England soon.

One of the Cullen's had deposited over $30,000 into my checking shortly after I got my job at 42. I instantly electronically donated that same amount to a local food shelf. When it happened again, and I donated to another charity I began wondering if they'd ever stop giving me money. It seemed to be a regular thing for me to do, and I worried the IRS was going to get on my tail about all these transactions, so I looked it up. And apparently as long as the transfer of funds was $30,000 or less the IRS didn't look into it. They were tricky, tricky little vampires.

Most of my free time I spent at the café writing in my journal or using the free internet, Rigby didn't really mind because on occasion he'd get busy and I'd be sitting there he'd have me help out. I often wondered why he never asked me about my peculiar life, or where my parents were, but Rigby never got into personal things. I spent my time there writing little stories or even lyrics to songs I knew I'd never sing.

I kept putting off many things as I enjoyed my little Cullen-free bubble. Enjoyment was a little stretch of a word because I didn't like that I wasn't with them, but how could I go back? They lied to me, their lack of coming to find me seemed indicative of their lack of care for me.

Maybe they were still planning on turning me and using me. I was all knots in my stomach as I thought about it. Becoming a vampire was on my thoughts about as much as the betrayal. I would wait until my place was a complete mess before bothering to clean it. My laundry would all be dirty before I gummed up the energy to wash it. I was even putting off figuring out my financials. The whole Cullen's giving me $30,000 every week was enough to keep me begrudgingly entertained, but frustrated I still dealt with it.

Deleting the last line of the poem I sighed, and looked up when the door opened and the fine dressed customer was back. I had been working at 42 for about three weeks, and this man was in about twice a week, always clean pressed and dapper. I can thank the word a day calendar Rigby had set up behind the counter for that word.

He ordered a green tea latte every time, but this was the first time I'd seen him come in when I wasn't working. I looked away, back to the poem and tried to find the right words. A shadow drifted over me and I felt someone standing near my little table. Aside from Ruby, my coworker, and myself the place had been empty.

"You usually work Wednesdays," the man said, when I looked up. I shrugged.

"My boss is off at a convention in Cali, he left his wife in charge and she likes working nights, so I was put on days," I explained.

For the most part regulars are what made working at a café/coffee house fun. They talked to you, asked how you were doing, in turn you got to find out about them. But regulars also had certain expectations when they came in.

This one regular, Shoshanna, an exercise freak if there ever was one, always comes in on Thursday evenings after she's done with her 15 mile run, has a water and a raspberry crumble before heading home. I'd save a slice for her every day when I came in, because I knew she'd want one and sometimes they'd sell out, but one day I had been in back restocking the dry storage when Ruby sold the one I'd set aside. Shoshanna was livid. So after that day Rigby made it policy to have one saved in a special spot for her.

I wondered, as I looked up at the affluent looking man, if his hang up was having the same person take his orders at certain times.

"Mind if I sit?" he asked.

My eye brow rose in a speculative way as I took a purposeful glance around the empty tables.

"I don't…" I replied.

He sat himself down across from me; I heard the ripping of paper as he adjusted the wrapper around his cups edge.

"I'm Kevin," he introduced himself; I had gone back to my net book to type more, but looked up at that.

Suddenly I realized he wanted to have a conversation with me.

"Evangeline," I grinned, clicking twice to save then quit the program before gently closing my computer.

"So, what convention is your boss at?" Kevin asked, and then took a sip.

I hadn't really been this close to Kevin before but I realized he was probably just out of college, rather than in his late twenties like Rigby had thought. He had a tan face, and large eyebrows that looked like they'd been waxed. Kevin had a simple silver ring on his pointer finger; I noticed when he lifted the cup to his mouth. And I found myself staring at his plump lips, so I quickly adjusted my gaze.

"ComiCon," I sighed, I almost wished I could have gone as well; it would have been a lot of fun to see Rigby dressed as Altur from the 'Divided Kingdoms'.

"Wow, I forgot that was this week," Kevin smiled, his perfect straight white teeth shining in the dim café light. He ran a hand through his short black hair and sighed.

I didn't know exactly what to talk about with him, but I had realized over the last few weeks he wasn't as bad or stuck up as I thought he might be. Kevin was personable and thoughtful.

Something akin to butterflies fluttered in my stomach when he smiled, and his brown eyes twinkled at me.

"Did you get your XTracer looked at, by the way?" he asked, looking outside to see if I'd driven it today. He didn't know I lived so close by, and that I hadn't driven it in a couple days because I thought the brakes were going.

"Not yet…" my crestfallen tone wasn't lost on him.

"I don't need to tell you again how important getting it looked at before it turns into something worse, do I?"

I laughed, "No, no you don't."

As part of the casual greetings and such he and I had exchanged during the times he'd come in, he'd found out what I drove, and also how I had been hearing some odd sounds when I braked. And it felt odd to me that even though he and I had had conversations before I finally learned his name today.

My cell beeped and made its signal that a text had been received when Kevin looked ready to say something. I flipped it over to look, and it said it was from Edward, I deleted it without looking further.

"Boyfriend?" Kevin curiously asked, his eyes shifted and looked guarded, I sighed slightly exasperated.

Instead of trying to come up with some lame excuse I did the closest to the truth that I could.

"Brother," I grumbled shifting in my seat. "I'm not talking to him right now."

He didn't push for reasons why, probably knowing it wasn't his place to ask about it.

"Ange," Ruby called from the register, looking a little bewildered. I gave Kevin an apologetic look, scooped up my computer and shuffled to see what Ruby needed. Apparently she wasn't dismantling the cold press the right way, so I hopped behind the counter to show her how.

Kevin and I said goodbye at the door once Ruby locked it. I didn't like the idea of a stranger knowing where I lived so I told him I was taking a bus and waved to him as he got into his silver Mercedes, while I pretended to wait at the stop till he was out of sight.

It wasn't like he was a creepy guy or anything; I just never really trusted men in general and I was on my own out here so I had to be extra careful.

.~.

Getting through the anniversaries of July was rather easy, because I had distracted myself by going to a local music studio and renting out a space to practice. I had to rent a guitar too, but I wasn't eager to buy another one just yet. I had my net book recording all the little melodies I'd thought up over the weeks, and I was trying to put them to the chords for the guitar.

Progress was slow but rewarding. And it was August before I realized it.

Sometimes time would pass slowly, there were days I had off and I'd stare at the phone and when I'd get a text from the family I'd hesitate longer and longer before deleting it.

Why had they lied to me? If they had been honest maybe, by now, I'd have forgiven them. I still cried sometimes, at night, with the pillow over my head so Alice couldn't see if she looked.

I had just finished up closing things down for the night when Kevin looked up from his spot, today he wasn't wearing a suit, just a soft button up shirt, and khaki shorts. He had been coming every Wednesday just a little before we closed. I found myself staring at him when I had nothing else to do. He really was handsome, and I felt a small amount of shock when I realized I fancied him.

"Sorry Kev, gotta kick you out now," I sighed wiping the back of my hand over my fore head, the sweat was threatening to build up, the slight rough bump where my scar was by my temple always unsettled me.

"Alright, Ange," nodding politely he got up, dumped his empty cup in the trash and went for the door. I was behind him, and as he was only a couple inches taller I could see our reflections evenly in the mirror. His eyes looked intense, and I had a slight moment of panic when he turned looking at me, biting his lower lip in a very child like way.

"Look, I know this is going to be really… sudden-" he cleared his throat, and I crossed my hands behind my back. "Would you want to go out sometime?" He asked. It shocked me, how confident he was he wasn't really nervous at all. Then I realized how sexy I found that, a shooting feeling of giddiness ran through me when I realized, deep down that going out with him was exactly something I would enjoy.

A sly grin formed on my face, "Sure," I said demurely while blushing. The summer heat wasn't the reason my body temperature started to rise, the smile I received after I accepted was.

Kevin and I exchanged numbers and I waved to him as he drove off.

.~.

.~.

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><p>AN: Think she's going about this all wrong? What are the Cullen's doing?<p>

I have Edward up on the photobucket page, a link is posted in my profile, which you should check out because…. I have posted a soundtrack for Panthalassa! YAY!

_So please check out my profile for all links to the new stuff._

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	21. Growing

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

**Chapter 21 - Growing**

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><p>.~.<p>

It had been our third date, when Kevin kissed me and I _completely_ froze. When I nearly had a panic attack at the physical intimacy with something as simple as a kiss, I knew I was in trouble. I really liked Kevin. And even though he was 21 and just out of college, he was fine taking it slowly with me. But if I couldn't let him kiss me without having some sort flashback we weren't going to last much longer.

I was much more upset about it than I should have been. I wanted to touch him, and let him touch me, but the thought of his hands on me, or his lips on me reminded me of Cole or Mr. Golswiki every time. My problem was that I hadn't really talked about with anyone, not even the Cullen's really.

Kevin took me to a park for our fourth date; he had packed a picnic lunch and slowly we meandered through the crowds of people to sit partially in the shade. It was a bright clear Sunday afternoon, the heat could be seen rippling up in waves from the hot pavement, and I wasn't sure if there would be any ice left in the cooler.

Kevin wasn't shy exactly, but I found he wasn't chatty. He never went off on a tangent about anything; he would just make comments and talk at a slow deliberate pace. I joked that he'd be great at recording audio books. He laughed the idea off, because he loved his job.

When I found out he worked on a horse ranch outside of Chicago I went all girly on him. He couldn't believe I'd never ridden a horse with how enthusiastic I was about them, and promised he'd take me out sometime.

"Come here," he gently called to me, holding his hand out while he was sitting on the quilted blanket he had set up. I hesitated while still holding my small cooler. I put it down and took his hand. Instantly I was pulled into his lap.

A regular girl would giggle and laugh as their date pulled them into their lap and gently kissed their temple. A regular girl would have basked in the attention. But I wasn't regular, and my reaction introduced Kevin to that fact.

I stiffened and froze in his lap, and after a quick kiss to my temple he figured out I wasn't enjoying it.

"Sorry I-" he began, his tone was full of confusion.

"No… just- it's okay, it's me," I timidly told him while gracelessly crawling out of his lap.

"I would never hurt you Ange."

Kneeling next to him I looked at my arm, the scars so plainly running up and down its length. If Edward hadn't stitched them up I would have much more grotesque scars, and instead they looked dainty and almost like artistic markings.

"I brought pickles, you like pickles right?" I asked quickly, trying to change the mood that seemed to threaten the chances of this ending as a good date.

"Ange…" he sighed with concern. I avoided looking at him, and slumped back down so my butt was sitting on the blanket. I didn't stiffen when I felt his hand gently running through my hair.

He seemed to let it drop after that, and not attempt to hold me beyond my hands, and I felt horrible for the guy. I'd let the Cullen's touch me more within a couple days of knowing them, and I hadn't reacted like this. Maybe I had been unconsciously aware of the fact they weren't human and the only thing they desired from my body was my blood.

Kevin was very much a human man. And he was definitely good looking, nice high cheekbones, a slightly tan complexion I knew he got from working outside. And I had to be honest; he had a nice ass, almost on par with Edward. I mean, I may freeze at his actual touch but I did fantasize about it once in a while. There didn't seem much I could do to stop it either. My logical brain would stop working once I actually felt warm hands on my skin.

We talked about going to see a play when he came back in town on Wednesday night, as he was leaving for the Ranch after the date.

"Have you finished the song?" Kevin asked after compiling a cheese cracker combination.

I winced and crinkled my nose, "Almost, the bridge is giving me trouble."

While chewing his food he gave me a goofy encouraging smile. I returned it and watched the other people moving around the park. There were families, young teenagers, little kids, all enjoying the humid summer day. It was one of those bearable summer days where the wind would blow at infrequent intervals and cool your skin.

"Can I hear it when you're done?" he asked.

"I'd love to sing it for you," I blushed. And if there was one thing I was confident about these days, it was my voice. Somehow after leaving the Cullen's it seemed… more profound, even to me. And now that I didn't ever have to go back to school I didn't feel the weight of being so stupid on my shoulders I felt a confidence in myself I hadn't before. Kevin knew I sang, as we'd talked about me practicing at the studio, but he had yet to hear me.

It was a light picnic lunch, as the heat was too repressive to make you want to eat much, even if you were hungry.

"Vince is coming next Saturday, if you do manage to switch shifts you can meet him then," Kevin was enthusiastic about me meeting his older brother for some reason. I guessed it was because the two boys got a long so well.

"Did he ever figure out if that was a guy or a girl he made out with at Burning Man?" I asked chuckling. It had been a hilarious story, that Kevin made sure to tell me because as he told it everyone on the planet should know that story.

"No, but now he swears he remembers feeling an Adam's apple."

I made the psssspht noise and waved it off.

"He says that now, didn't he tell you he had no idea who's underwear he had, and how he had no idea how he'd managed to get his nose pierced?"

Kevin's grin broke out into full on laughter, "That's right. He still won't show me the undies. So…" he trailed off waggling his eyebrows mischievously.

We packed up and were saying our goodbye's by my XTracer, which was due to be checked out on Tuesday, thanks to Kevin bothering me about it.

"Ange," he started confidently. I gave him a coy smile and dipped my head, letting my pony tail trail over my back and the scars there. "I don't want to over step, but I just want to know… It really isn't me you have issue's… touching right?" he asked. I instantly felt floored by his question. He wasn't stupid; of course he'd notice my reactions to his touch.

"No," I said instantly and confidently. I blinked back the moisture that stung my eyes. "It's not you. I want to- I just. You'll have to be patient with me."

Kevin's brown eyes looked into mine searchingly, and I almost wanted to look away, but I held the gaze because he was just so sincere.

"I know I am just some guy," he waved his hand in front of himself and I shook my head about to interrupt, "-And you might not want to tell me what exactly is wrong, but have you ever told anyone?" he was nothing but concerned.

"I-I haven't really talked about it," I murmured, wishing he didn't look so damned sincere and kind. His eyes frowned, but he nodded. Sighing sadly he took my hand and gently brought it to his lips, and as ever his eyes held mine. They were like swimming pools of chocolate milk and the shimmered with adoration. The blush was natural as his lips grazed the back of my knuckles.

He gently held my hand after he'd kissed it.

"If you ever want to talk about it, I'm here to listen. And if you don't want to talk to me… that's fine. But maybe-"

"I will," I answered his line of thoughts. And in fact I had been thinking along the same lines. Talking about it, not necessarily to him, could help. And god did I want to touch him, to feel his soft lips on mine.

Once I got in to my bike he waved to me before putting on some chap stick with the hand that wasn't carrying the picnic basket. I found out early on that Kevin had one real vice, and that was Chap Stick.

.~.

Long lonely nights lying in my bed I would think about the Cullen's and why I had left.

When I was little, before my mum disappeared I had some semblance of freedom, at least what I could remember as freedom within the house hold. Then in the Foster care system I had been told who my family was, and who was responsible for me. I'd been controlled in a way I tolerated in a grey haze of ambivalence for the last eight years, because I had little choice. Of course I could have reacted like many of the kids in the system and dabbled in dangerous and self destructive behavior, but I knew then I didn't want to be that kind of person shortly after I'd seen what that path could lead me to. And I think that above all else that was the reason why I left after Adam's funeral. _I_ was finally able to _leave_, I was old enough and confident enough that I could leave when I wanted to. It was a freedom and understanding I had gained through living with the Cullen's ironically enough.

I wasn't sure what I was going to do on my own, or if I would ever see them again, because different sides of me warred when I thought on it. They had hurt me in a way I'd never fathomed possible and it tinged my love of them with a bitter taste. For the most part I tried to distract myself from thinking about them.

The middle of August was hot and stormy. One such stormy day I had just finished talking with Kevin, he was going to delay coming back into the city because of the weather warnings while I was at the music studio. I had been singing and recording things on my computer for about an hour before someone appeared outside the window in the hallway.

I caught him staring and he gestured to the door so I opened it for him, inquiring to what he might want.

Apparently he and the band he was producing music for had been practicing down the hall when they'd heard me singing. There was no way to control the blush that bloomed on my face when he complimented me.

Our conversation was short, as they had a limited amount of time to practice here before they had a concert to play that night. He gave me a ticket to come watch the band play, as well as his card for his indie label recording studio in south Chicago.

I had to stay in the music studio for an hour after my rental time was up so I wouldn't be driving in a downpour, all the while I studied the business card and day dreamed.

Branson Kildahl was the owner of Land Ocean records, and he begged me to come to his studio and work out maybe signing me to record an album with him. As I had refused his first offer to come sing for the band he was producing, he told me I could be a solo act. His green eyes beamed animatedly as he described my voice and style. Branson seemed like one of those happy-go-lucky people you only ever see in movies; despite the fact he had full sleeve tattoos and multiple piercings.

I fantasized about playing to large audiences and hearing my songs on the radio. Getting others to hear the stories I'd written in song while I pushed the emotions that matched with my voice would be a dream come true.

Most of the songs I'd been writing were based off of my own personal loss and trials but I wrote them with the mindset that I wasn't the only one to experience loss and pain, as well as love and joy. Branson gave me a sliver of hope to dream on, as if I could really put these songs out there and maybe one day, let someone just like me know they were understood. That they weren't alone, and through me and my pain they too had a voice.

The notice board in the lobby was regularly displaying weather map updates as well as electronic flyers. One caught my attention so I tapped it, while the day dream about recording my songs was pushed back in my mind.

_"Women's abuse support group. All Ages welcome. Meetings 6-8pmTuesdays and Thursdays in St. Michael's church community room. Supportive ears and light snacks provided." _

I blinked and blankly stared at the small notice. It was one among hundreds of different ads and notices. But it stuck out to me in so many ways. Maybe this was what people meant when they said something was kismet. I swallowed hard and tapped the notice again and put my phone up to the barcode it displayed so I could download the information. The light on my phone blinked twice letting me know it had the information.

Could I talk to a women's group about what had happened to me? Moreover could I deal with listening to all the horrible things that'd happen to others? It wasn't like I didn't care; it was I didn't _want_ to care. I'd never wanted to care about how horrible other's lives were, because there was never anything I could do to help them. And I'd want to. Julie had realized this about me shortly after we'd been sharing the same room at the Conner's. If I cared I would become depressed about how unbearable things were for others. I couldn't fix my own problems and hearing about others would make me feel more helpless and worthless.

But if going to this support group could help allow me to be comfortable touching Kevin it would be worth it.

I sighed heavily as I looked at my phone, absentmindedly stroking the new text I'd gotten from Ren. I deleted it after a moment where I wondered what she'd sent me. I wondered if her texts were all the same. The anger at the Cullen's lies had subdued quite a bit, and in fact I didn't think about their betrayal as much as I thought about how I missed them.

But even if I missed them, there were just some hurts that couldn't be forgiven, even if they healed.

There was a lot of water on the roads that kept getting kicked up while I drove to the concert where the band 'Shells' was playing. For a band I'd never heard of before they seemed to have a large following as the parking lot was full. Thank goodness for motorbike parking as it was the only area available for blocks. I got inside just after the opening act was finishing their last song.

I stayed in the back of the bar, watching the lights spin around, and the people sway.

While the opening act was clearing the stage I listened idily to the music over the speakers. I recognized the song, but not the artist, and I felt dumb for not knowing.

_"Don't worry about a thing,'Cause every little thing gonna be all right_." He sang, and it felt a little humorous that this song was playing while people got more drinks and mingled while they waited for their main act.

I had always been a fan of music, and lyrics. Often I would try and imagine what the writer of the song had been doing or thinking when they wrote it. This singer, if he wrote the song, I could imagine him sitting inside his small place on the beach somewhere tropical while it rained. He would look out his window and see the clouds slowly drifting away and the rain stopping. Every little thing _would_ be alright.

And those words, for him, might mean something much more profound than what I envisioned, but perhaps he really just meant it in the simplest way. As if to say to a good friend that he knew what hardships were out there and was just giving encouragement.

Someone stumbled into me jolting me out of my musings. I'd made a mental note to look up the artist of that song and really listen to it.

Shells were one of the bands on the new wave of rock and jazz. They had an amazing trumpet and trombone player, and the audience loved the set. I enjoyed it too, but I think Branson was right when he said they could really do with some more vocal talent. Their lead singer was a thin dark skinned man that could croon and belt out some fantastic soul soaring notes. But I could hear quite a few spots where a female vocal would be better.

By time I got home I was so lost in my thoughts about my future and the possibility of a singing career totally forgot I hadn't had dinner.

.~.

Parking and turning off my bike I stared at the plain looking cream colored building. I had left a half hour before and thought the drive would be short. But it appeared I had been mistaken in my assumption. There had been all sorts of time distractions on my way here. There had been a rather long detour because of a street parade and construction on one of the alternate routes. I hit every stop light on the way, and as a result I was about twenty minutes late.

I got out of my bike and shut the hatch, and then stood there staring at the entrance, wondering how awkward it would be to go in late. I debated with myself to even come at all and now that I was standing outside I debated myself again.

Looking at my cell I wished I could call Ren and have her give me a little annoyed speech about committing myself to getting better. It was better that I didn't call her; I decided putting the phone back in my bag.

It was a little quiet for my tastes as I climbed the stairs into St. Michaels the street noise seemed die down significantly adding to a little ominous feeling I already had. The little signs in the small lobby of the church pointed me to the community room, and I felt my heart thrumming stiffly in my chest. Every thump of it in my chest echoed in my ears as I walked through the hallway with glass on either side, each allowing me to peer into dark empty rooms. Rooms I assumed were used for other church activities. I saw the second door on the right open, light streaming out into the well lit hallway. I heard soft talking and murmurs.

My steps slowed, and I shifted my bag over my shoulder nervously. I bit my lower lip and ran through all the reasons I was here instead of at a psychologist's office.

I needed people that had been through similar things to help show me how to get past some of the hurdles I was facing. A psychologist would give me some schpeel about some mental mumbo jumbo I wouldn't really understand.

This women's group was free. A psychologist would charge money…per hour.

The biggest reason I was here was I needed to _know,_ I needed to see, that someone who'd been through hell and back _could_ get better. And although I felt normal the situation with Kevin was like a smack in the face at how _not _normal I truly was. I'd been very adept at avoiding thinking about unpleasant things as if they didn't happen, and for the most part it worked well. Except that I knew it didn't. If finally letting my mum go was any clue I knew holding that pain and anguish inside was only causing horrible side effects. Case in point Mr. Golswiki's attack on me was still hampering my ability to let a man I was lusting after touch me.

Once I got into the doorway I saw a group of about six women sitting in folding chairs in a circle. Purses and bags were on a table near the door, along with pamphlets a coffee carafe and crackers. One middle aged women saw me as soon as I stepped in and smiled at me. She had very curly brown hair worn short. The woman who'd been talking stopped and turned in her seat to see what the others were looking at.

Part of me felt relief at the fact there seemed to be one other girl here who was around my age. And the relief was just above the feeling of frustration I always felt when faced with other people with problems. I almost turned on my heel and left, but the curly haired woman stood up.

"Welcome… would you like to get a coffee before sitting?" she asked kindly as she shuffled to come stand in front of me. She was treating me carefully, as if I was a wild animal and any little thing could set me running. Which, to be fair, wasn't far from the truth.

I opened my mouth to say something, but thought better of it and nodded.

While I made a cup of coffee, adding creamer after creamer I heard movement of chairs on linoleum. When I turned around the six women were watching me interestedly.

I sat after putting my bag by the others on the table.

Curly haired woman introduced herself as Kendra. To her left of the circle wearing a flower print summer dress was Hannah, she must have been in her late thirties. Each woman quickly introduced themselves going around the circle, till it came back to me. I stated my name and ducked my head.

"Sam, would you like to pick up where you left off?" Kendra asked, and I concentrated on my cup, relieved at least for the moment they hadn't asked me to share anything.

Sam, was the other girl that seemed to be around my age. She had a sort of annoying tone in her voice that sounded half bitchy and half contemptuous. I couldn't be sure if it was because I'd come in and interrupted her story, but I didn't like it and I shifted in my seat as she finished the story she'd been telling.

Sam had been struggling with her college dorm mate and her dorm mates boyfriend's loud make-out sessions. I listened and didn't look up from my abysmal coffee the whole time, as I didn't have anything to add mostly because I didn't know what might set her off.

I didn't catch the end of the story and when someone asked me a question it jolted me out of my thoughts.

"Sorry," I mumbled and timidly smiled at the other women. The woman to my right chuckled lightly, in a friendly way.

"It's alright, Evangeline. I was just asking where you are from." Kendra waved her hand in front of her as if my lack of attention was nothing to worry about.

"Wisconsin," I stated, and sighed.

"Have you lived in Chicago long?" the woman to my right asked interestedly.

"No."

"Me either. I'm from Arizona, just moved here a few months ago. They keep telling me to be prepared for the winters." She chuckled, and I found myself cautiously smiling at her. She looked nice, although she wasn't what I would call pretty. At least her smile was genuine.

"Are you going to school Evangeline?" Hannah asked after taking a sip of her coffee.

"No." I paused and looked at the group, debating whether or not to add to that statement.

"I hate school, actually," I explained needlessly. Sam scoffed and crossed her arms.

"School was always hard for me," one of the older women admitted. She was rather fat, and reminded me a bit of an old version of Sophila. I thought her name might have been Stephaney, but I wasn't sure.

"You did well enough in Home Economics didn't you Stacy?" one of the others laughed, and Stacy (Stephaney) made a pouty huffy look, but broke out chuckling a second later.

The group meeting didn't feel like I thought it would.

It wasn't what I thought it'd be like.

But it was better. I had been thinking of upset depressed women going on about their abusers and each of them taking turns comparing their pain and trying to support one another. I mentioned part of these thoughts towards the end of the meeting.

"Well, there are days when the meetings turn out like that…" Hannah sighed sadly.

"Everyone heals differently Evangeline. All this group is here to do is help everyone along that path for as long as it takes for them to grow. It may take years to get over the abuse, it may never happen," I saw Kendra's eyes sadly glance to Stacy, "But for me the most important thing is to know I have friends that understand what it's like, and to know it's okay to smile and laugh. My life is no longer dictated by my fears and… I have the group to thank for that."

Sam nodded along with what Kendra was saying, and Hannah was smiling timidly at me.

At the end of the meeting, when I was walking to my bike, I felt a weight lift from me. Not that I had told any of the group my fears and my reasons for coming, but they hadn't pressed me to talk about it and I was relieved.

I went back to the Thursday meeting, and this time, I was on time, although it was raining again.

"Welcome back Evangeline!" Laurie greeted me. I knew a little about her and we started talking before the others showed up.

She was a mother of three, two boys and a girl. Her first husband had been very abusive and she left him after a very brutal attack. Her new husband was much kinder; he was a high school science technology teacher. She had a timid disposition, and she had this air about her that just reeked of her being a mother. It hurt being this close to her, and hearing the kindness in her voice. She reminded me so much of Esme, it was as if Laurie was channeling her spirit.

The others came in and Kendra called the group to order asking if anyone had something they'd like to discuss today.

Everyone looked to each other, and I waited to see if anyone else would start.

A pressure built in me; it felt tight in my throat and made my eyes tear thinking about my own situation.

"I have a boyfriend-" I blurted out. All six pairs of eyes looked to me; the varying degrees of emotions they sent to me had me nervous. No one said anything as they waited for me.

"I met him just after moving here… and I really…really like him." I glanced at Kendra, and wondered what was going through her head. I didn't want them to assume Kevin was the reason I was here so I pushed through the anxiety and told them, "I want to be able to touch him, and let him touch me. I do. But every time he tries-I-I freeze." I hung my head and looked to my hands after my confession.

"He isn't forcing you?" Sam asked.

I shook my head.

"After I was attacked, it nearly killed my marriage. I couldn't stand my husband to do the simplest touches, and I snapped at him when he tried…" Stacy stated, her tone consoling and understanding.

"There were days when I couldn't stand to touch anybody," Kim agreed readily.

"How did you and Zach work through it?" Hannah asked Stacy.

Stacy clasped her hands in her lap, and I slowly raised my eyes to meet hers. She looked at me while she answered Hannah's question.

"We took it slow, of course. But what helped was when I told him all the things going through my head when I flinched away from him. My therapist told me to just state whatever was running through my head the instant I started pulling away. Zach realized quickly it wasn't him that was the problem, any more than it was me."

Kim smiled, "When I started dating again I just worked my way up with smaller touches," at that all the women were nodding agreeing.

"Even…small touches have me freezing. And the thing is… I know I want him. I know what's doing it and yet it is still keeping me back and-" I stopped my face scrunching up in frustration.

"It's like your abuser still has a hold on you," Kendra stated, interrupting my moment of contemplations. I tried to keep the shock from my face, but it was useless.

"Do you trust him enough to tell him a little about what has you freezing?" Kendra asked.

I shrugged, "I do trust him. But I think he knows that something must have happened to me. He suggested I talk to someone about… what happened." My response was rather morose. Some of the ladies looked at each other.

"Well… when you want to tell us, we'll be here," Hannah encouraged.

I nodded; relieved for the moment I wasn't being pushed into talking. It was nice to not be pushed, and I should have realized what the 'support' part of support group meant.

.~.

That night I was writing some music down and thinking about my family. I still thought of them as my family, even with what they'd done.

Still I couldn't help but be bitter and angry about it. Abuse seemed to be my companion since my mum disappeared and I had thought I'd gotten used to it. The Cullen's had given me so much, but they hadn't been all I thought they were.

Sometimes I almost wished I'd never met them. And yet… I wouldn't have had them in my life at all if not for Alice's visions. They would have let me die in the hospital near Ashland, and never thought about me. It was harsh and foul, the twisted way I was wrapped up in their world and lives now. There was no debate that I was still angry at them for lying. But how did could I let my anger stay simmering while knowing how loving they all were?

My lyrics were going nowhere so I put my work away and moved to sit by the small window at my little dining table. The rain was still lightly falling and I watched as a steady flow of water went down the gutters on the building next to mine.

There were so many worries in my head. My future, my life, my past, my family I worried about how I was going to figure it all out. I wanted, more than anything, to feel Kevin's lips on mine and to know, just simply _know_ that I was being held in arms that wanted me for _me_.

I rested my head against the window pane and sighed. The fog of my breath made the view obscured for second, before the moisture and heat faded.

A knock on my door made me jump. I chuckled to myself about how I had nearly fallen out of my chair at the sudden interruption. I wrapped my hoodie tighter around me as I quickly made my way to the door. I almost forgot to check the peep hole, and when I did I involuntarily froze.

I debated whether or not to open the door, but it would have been more symbolic than anything, as I was certain she could break the door down if she was so inclined.

Unlocking the dead bolt I took in large breath of air, hoping it would help calm my already racing heart.

"Can I help you?" I asked indifferently as I opened the door.

The powerful scent of lilacs hit me, and there in the dim and grungy lighting, with her arms crossed over her chest and a familiar look of contempt on her face was Rose.

.~.

.~.

.~.

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><p>AN:<p>

Well now, we are getting close to the end of the story here, I think only three more chapters till it's done.

What's that? Oh yeah I do plan on having a "sequel" to the story. I think I will keep it in the same story link so you don't have to go looking for it. That being said once the first "book" is done I will be going through the whole story and editing like crazy, making sure all the formats are the same and such.

Any guesses as to what's going to happen? Please leave a review, as these chapters are becoming hard for me to write (I think it's because I know the next arch is going to be super hard to write and I am rebelling against hunkering down and getting it done) so give me some support please!

Oh and Evangeline had finally been added to the photobucket(dot)com(slash)Panthalassa

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	22. Sisters

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 22 - Sisters<span>**

.~.

"You could invite me in," she suggested archingly. She jerked her head towards my apartment.

I heard her, of course, but there was a part of me that was in awe of her standing in front of me. It'd been two months since I'd seen _any_ of the Cullen's. And here she was, standing in my hallway as if this was a familiar habit for us.

A dumbfounded feeling overtook me for a split second as I took in all her features. She was still perfect and gorgeous. But for some reason I expected to see her changed, somehow different. But she was the same Rose I'd lived with a year ago, and it disappointed me somehow. She was wearing a red trench coat and black leather gloves. Her long blonde hair was pulled back into a low ponytail, and the dark purple marks below her eyes were much more pronounced in the fluorescent lights.

Grunting coarsely to hide my contempt I turned and went back into the apartment, leaving the door open for Rose to choose to follow me through.

She sighed agitatedly and I heard my door close, I didn't turn around and suddenly found the pattern on the carpet much more fascinating than I ever had before.

"Will you stop being a baby," she coldly stated.

"What do you want Rose?" my tone was carefully even. I could feel the bitterness at the Cullen's lies start to simmer on the burner of my pride.

"I-" she began, then was curiously silent. I looked up then to try and get a read on her.

What I saw when I looked up made my eyes go wide with skepticism.

Rosalie was standing one arm still crossed over her chest but her free hand was draped over her face in a show of frustration and shame.

"There are so many points I could begin with its goddamned ridiculous," she muttered crossly, still not looking at me.

Of all the Cullen's I wondered why she was here. Rose, seriously?

"I came to… to remind you of who you are."

My eyebrows shot up at that and I scoffed, "Really?"

Her hand lowered and our eyes met. We were standing as far away as two people could in my tiny place, and yet for me it wasn't far enough.

"You seem to have forgotten," she supplied breezily, a small cocky look came to her face. It was a much more classic Rose look that I was used to seeing, but I still wished I could wipe it off her face.

"Maybe, but it would seem you've over looked the reasons as to why I left in the _first_ place. And why I haven't responded to everyone's attempts to contact me."

"You left angrily and foolishly, breaking Esme and Carlisle's heart-"

"But not yours right? You were perfectly alright with me leaving-"

"Would you stop jumping to conclusions?" She threw her hands in the air.

"What else am I supposed to do! _All _of you have lied to me! How am I supposed to know what comes out of your venomous mouths is anymore the truth than the fact you took me in because you wanted _me_ happy?" I raised my voice and balled up my fists in futile frustration, my accent becoming more pronounced as I seethed.

"I've _never_ lied to you," she replied instantly. And I blinked, caught off guard by her statement. Opening my mouth I tried to think of any instance she'd lied to me, but of course I wouldn't be able to find one.

"Omission is a _form_ of lying _Rose_. Don't try and take the high road on what your family has done to me by telling me you've not taken an active role in _deceiving_ me SIMPLY because you never had to lie to _me_ about it!" I spat back at her.

It actually felt nice to yell at her. For one, I knew she wouldn't back down. That was one thing about Rose that I actually admired, she was opinionated and stubborn but she'd stick out her side of an argument no matter if she was the only one on her side of the fight.

"Fine! I lied! Happy? _Oh great_ Evangeline has never lied to someone and regretted it," she sneered, and suddenly I wasn't sure if she was trying to goad me on or not.

"I've never lied to someone about their _purpose_ and reasons for being in my life!"

"You didn't even stop to listen to our explanation, you just left!" her tone was sharp like the edge of a knife.

"It's not like you couldn't have over powered me to make me stop and listen."

"Yeah,_ right_, that would have gone over so _well._ Jasper was practically catatonic with the waves of fury and hurt you threw at him. Both Alice and Edward warned us to not attempt to stop you, so I can only imagine what you would have done if we _had_ tried." One perfect eye brow rose in challenge.

"I would have never spoken to you again, all of you. Forcing me to-" I began.

"-Ah so you do see that it was a catch 22 for us," Rose had been ready for that and cut me off, which infuriated me more, "Stop you and try to get you to understand and have you end up absolutely hating us, or let you go and leave without truly understanding what had happened."

"What more is there possibly to understand? YOU lied to me!"

"God, you are like a record stuck on the same track, it's _annoying_." Rose rolled her eyes then crossed her arms again.

I chuckled once cockily, "Ha! Look in the mirror."

"Excuse me?" the acid in her voice was real.

"_I. Get. It._ You had your wonderful human life taken from you, wah wah wah. Up until that one night your life had been perfect, then every day after you had a loving family to look after you. _And_ on top of it you have Emmett's undying love and yet you still pine over the _human_ life you lost, that probably would have sucked by the way. In case you haven't noticed human's kind of suck. You ignored the things you have now and _pine_ for the things that were taken from you. _**I haven't**_ had people that loved me looking out for me! _**I've**_ been alone! Then you-" I jabbed my finger in her direction as she stared at me with narrowed eyes while I ranted, "Bring me in to your family so that you can USE me just like Royce _used_ **you**." After I finished that rant I stood there shaking with anger at her impudence thinking I was being a baby for being furious at them.

"_Royce_," she hissed with malice, "used _my body_ to pleasure _himself_. We had thought to _use you_ so that our family wouldn't be _destroyed_-"

"Maybe you deserve to be," I instantly stated.

Rose stopped short at that, the rage I saw flashing through her features when I had been ranting before faded from her.

"You can't mean that... you can't know what you are saying," her disbelieving tone hit home with me.

When I didn't reply she spoke again, this time her tone much softer than before, "Could you really stand by and watch Esme being destroyed?"

The instant mental image of some nameless creature tearing into Esme sent tears immediately to my eyes.

"Regardless of the reasons that brought you into our lives Evangeline, we…we love you. For who you are, _not_ what you can do for us."

"I don't **believe** you, _you_ especially. Not once," I sniffed as the fury had given way to sorrow when she forced me to think of a world without Esme in it. "If you ever thought of me as… as your sister why didn't you try to… help me?" I whined, while I frustratedly wiped at my eyes.

Rose had the benefit of killing the men that had abused her and destroyed her life. I had suffered eight months after Mr. Golswiki attacked me, carrying his child inside me. Rose knew this too. She knew how I'd been hurt, and yet she'd never… not once… tried to talk to me about the one thing we really had in common.

Subconsciously my hand went over my abdomen where I could feel the ghost of that bump from so long ago.

Of course I didn't feel or hear her move, but I saw pale hands gently reaching to lie on top of my own. Her cold hands soothingly pressed on top of mine, both pairs resting over my belly. I jerked away from her touch and backed into the wall by the dining table.

"Go, Rose. Leave, _please_…" I whispered brokenly turning my head away to look at anything but her form. The tears left cool tracks down my cheeks as I wished for nothing more than for this hopeless feeling to disappear.

I heard something being set on the small table by the door that I usually set my keys on when I entered.

"You forgot this, so I thought if nothing… I should return it to you." Rose said plainly.

The sounds of the door opening then closing and then I was alone again in my place. I stood there for a moment, just listening. The rain had picked up, and I could hear the thick drops hitting the window. I wiped my nose with the back of my hand as I went to lock my door. Even if she could break down the door locking it gave me a sense of security.

After I locked it my eyes involuntarily went to look at the thing she'd left for me.

Of their own accord, my hands went for the necklace. The pendant was still heavy, but somehow its weight felt more profound as I slowly lifted it of the table.

The small yellowed piece of cloth looked faultless under its glass.

Carlisle.

Tears sprang into my eyes and I choked back a sob.

Why was it me that had to give in? Why did I have to be so weak that I needed them? They lied to me, they were had been just keeping me around just so they could use me. Then why did I miss them so much? Why did I still love them?

Why did I push Rose away when this was the first time she'd ever shown me some sort of concern? She only ever fought with people she felt respect for. And I sent her away.

I was standing and out of my apartment before I knew what my legs were doing. I was vaulting down the stairs at an unsafe velocity and I burst out the front door onto the front steps, frantically looking for Rose out in the rain.

"Rose!" I yelled out, my tears mixing with the rain. I looked frantically around, my hand still clutching the necklace tightly as if it were a life line.

Nothing but the sound of rain hitting the pavement and trees responded to my call. I stood there feeling lost, hopeless and very much like the idiot I was, while I slowly got soaked. My gaze went to my hand where I opened it and looked at the rain as it hit the glass.

The water made a plip plip noise when it hit the pendant, and I swallowed, trying to shove all the sorrow and anger away.

I looked up sharply when the sound of the rain changed and I was covered under an umbrella. My watery eyes caught the sight of black leather gloves and I looked up into her face.

She opened her mouth, obviously about to say something, but I didn't let her as I launched myself into her chest, wrapping my arms around her as tightly as I could. It was as if I was hugging a stone statue

"The way… the way he _looked_ at me," I blubbered, vividly remembering the look of satisfaction on his face once he'd finished with me, "He touched me, he- _tasted like oil-_and grease. I fought and it hadn't been en-enough. I was never-" Rose had wrapped her arms around me as I cried, and I felt her shaking slightly.

"I want to stop _letting_ what he did to me control my life. I want to be _strong_ Rose. I want to be able to kiss someone and not taste oil in my mouth. T- to let a man touch me and not feel _his_ hands instead. To know that I am important to somebody not because of what I can _give_ th-them…" after that I couldn't continue as my nose was completely stuffed and my head was throbbing with pressure.

Rose leaned slightly away from me, and I was worried that maybe my scent had gotten too much for her, but she tilted my chin up with her free hand and locked eyes with me.

"I promise you Eva I will never let anyone hurt you again," her sweet breath brushed across my face. She didn't have the haughty pompous look she usually wore, and in fact her face was so tender that I wondered why she didn't look like this more often. She looked open and free, as if something I'd said had lifted a burden off of her. I was still in a slight daze from my sobbing when she directed my head back more, her cool fingers effortlessly and expertly guiding me.

I didn't know what she was doing until her hard, unyielding lips met mine for a fraction of a second. She pulled back and her eyes reflected an emotion I had never seen from her before.

"You _are_ my little sister, Eva. And I _do_ care about you, despite you being a complete pain in the ass recently." I hiccupped and tried to stifle the new round of sobs.

The reason behind her pecking me on the lips wasn't clear to me right away, but the answer came to me after she started guiding me back to my building.

For the first time after being kissed I didn't taste oil and grease on my lips, just a light fruity sweet taste, with a hint of lilac's.

.~.

Once she got me inside and dry we had had a very long talk about Mr. Golswiki, Cole and my new life here in Chicago.

I told her things that I had been building up to tell the women's group. About the trial, about how Mrs. Golswiki attacked me in the hall leaving the courthouse and all the horrible things she'd said about me. I knew the things she'd said weren't true, even then. But how could anyone attack an already wounded child? I had been three months pregnant when he was sentenced to five years in federal prison.

I told her how I would look away from babies and children so I wouldn't be reminded of the physical souvenir that I had become a woman far too soon. But it never mattered if I looked away or not, I'd always remember.

Rose sat with me on my bed while I spewed out all the horrible things that have been going through my head since that time. I had built up layers of defense to protect myself, and although being with the Cullen's had helped me heal from the loss of my mother I'd not addressed the pain from my rape. It was as if I had two festering wounds that didn't heal, and the Cullen's managed to make one of them smaller, while we collectively ignored the other one. I told Rosalie how it made me sick to talk about it, and how I hated anybody pitying me because of what happened. Pity wouldn't undo the fissures in my soul.

She calmly cooled my puffy eyes with the palms of her hands, and listened. She never interrupted, she never corrected. And it was in the simplest act of her listening to me that I began to realize how light I felt after sharing it with her.

When I was done letting the ghost out, I relaxed against my pillows, and let the weariness wash over me like water.

Rose made me a small dinner and I ate it silently. She explained the main reason why she'd kept her distance was because she was afraid she'd feel guilty about my original purpose in the family if she bonded with me. She also warned me, before she speedily cleaned up my place, that if I told anyone how "soft" she'd gotten for a human she'd shave my head in my sleep. I gaped at her, thinking she might have been kidding around with me, and the seriousness of her gaze had me smiling and knowing she wasn't.

"You better come back for Nessie's birthday," Rose sternly commanded after she had tucked me into bed.

I gave her a tired chuckle.

"Just because we kissed doesn't mean you can boss me around like you do Emmett ooof!" I exclaimed as she tossed a pillow at me from the couch.

"You don't have to move back…" she sighed dramatically, "Just give everyone a chance to grovel at your feet. And apologize to Esme for leaving the way you did, and not responding."

I snorted and crossed my arms while I wiggled deeper into the bed.

"Edward gets most of a decade to run amuck and play avenging angel then he comes back and they welcome him with open arms. I can't get even two months?"

"He's the _oldest_," Rose rolled her eyes while she turned off the light in my kitchen. "And two months for a human could be like a decade for a vampire."

"I am still upset… Just because you came here doesn't change the fact the whole family was lying to me."

"I know," she responded uneasily.

There was a pause in the conversation where were probably wondering the same thing. Would I really be able to come home again?

"You've helped set a new record by the way…" she said idly. She was fishing, and she knew I'd take the bait.

"Oh?"

"Alice hasn't gone shopping since you've left."

"What?" I asked, astounded.

"It's true. Not even internet shopping sprees, or to the grocery store. To be honest it's almost like she's turned into a monk and has given up the _one_ thing that gives her the most pleasure as penitence."

"How's Jasper handling the lack of sex then?" I asked. Rose gave me a considering look before breaking out into a grin.

"Touché Eva… It would mean so much to everyone if you'd just come-"

"- I'll think about it, okay, but no promises," I mumbled out.

"Say Eva?"

"Yeah?"

"For my part… I am sorry you had to find out the way you did. You were very… brave if not stubborn. But I respect that you stood up for yourself even if you were being complete-"

"Goodnight Rose…" I muttered while cutting her off. She gave me a small smirk like smile before turning off the last light in my place and silently moving towards the door.

.~.

A few days past and I thought about my family. Mostly I thought about Rosalie, and how our relationship had always seemed so awkward, as if we both knew how similar we were and instead of bringing us closer for the longest time it kept us apart. I regretted bringing Royce into our fight; it had been a cheap move. And as wounded and hurt as I had been it still wasn't something I felt proud doing. Rose had told me casually her story the one time we had been alone last December. I had heard enough from the rest of the family to piece together what had happened. There was no doubt in my mind that it had been traumatic for her.

I sat in my apartment wondering if you could actually compare pain and hurt. Was what happened to Rosalie worse than what happened to me? Was what Kendra had gone through with her own father worse than what had happened to Sam at a party in high school? The fact was, there was no comparing the pain, and to try to make what I went through worse than what abuse anyone else had gone through was petty and stupid.

There was a place in my heart for Rose, and there always had been. And when I needed it most she stepped up and was the big sister I needed. And although most of the time Rose really was shallow and selfish there had been times I'd catch a glimpse through her hard icy shell and see the girl who'd been broken and never given a chance to heal properly. She had been frozen in her state of anger and contempt, and it had taken finding Emmett and Renesmee being born for her to be able to grow and change what little she could.

If Rosalie had felt strong enough to come here and force me to think things over more carefully, and take the abuse I spat at her and still hold me while I cried, I could only imagine what the rest of the family would have been willing to do for me.

But one night of fighting with Rosalie wouldn't fix the bridge that had been broken when I found out my purpose in their lives.

I looked at my phone after it beeped happily; it was a text from Bella. I ignored it, but this time I focused on the exact reasons why I wasn't responding now.

When I left I had been upset, and I still was. But the fury and ache had faded some and I found other things to occupy my time that the family used to take up. I wasn't ready to forgive them for the dishonesty. The small inkling of curiosity, rather than anger, crawled in me whenever I thought about the dark vision now. What was it? What was so bad the family couldn't handle it without me? Were there other things that they were keeping from me for my own good?

I got all different kinds of anxious when I started thinking like that. And the only way for that curiosity to die was to go get answers from the Cullen's.

I touched the pendant as it rested just below my collar bone.

_My family_, I corrected myself.

.~.

On our fifth date I made the first move. Kevin had just picked me up and we were going to drive all the way back out to his work on the horse ranch, when I leaned in and put my lips to his.

This time _he_ froze, and it was a little comical the way his eyes bulged out and he watched me move back to my seat out of the corner of his eye. I rubbed my lips together and felt a small amount of Chap Stick I'd swiped from him.

"Sneak attack huh?" he asked while he used a free hand to try and poke me. I chuckled and stuck my tongue out at him.

"I thought if I took the initiative I wouldn't… freeze up." Kevin nodded at that statement and kept his eyes on the road. His right hand was resting on the center armrest, and I gently threaded my fingers with his. It felt… peaceful, and I closed my eyes resting my head against the seat.

The ride was quiet, but in a comfortable way. Kevin just held my hand for most of the hour and a half drive, only occasionally taking it away to help steer or use it to apply more chap stick, but it would always return to mine and he'd gently caress my fingers.

"My mom is going to try and show you embarrassing baby photo's, just to warn you," his voice smiled. I chuckled.

"Is she doing it in hopes it will scare me off?"

"No, she just enjoys embarrassing me."

"I can't imagine that it's easy," I squeezed his hand and he brought our joined hands to his lips and put a soft kiss on my knuckles.

We pulled up to a very long, but well manicured driveway with a white picket fence. I knew instantly I was in a place where more of St. Therese students would be comfortable in. Immaculately designed gardens lined the left side of the driveway, and once we got closer I took in the sight of his childhood home.

It was a large two story house that just shouted sophistication out to me. In fact it looked like a house that belonged in the south rather than in the middle of Illinois.

Kevin checked his phone as we pulled up, and shook his head with a small smirk. His were eyes dancing.

"Vince has Ginny all saddled up for you, if you want to ride first." He told me while he started typing a response.

"Ginny?"

"She's the gentlest mare we have. Mom was a huge Harry Potter fan back in the day, my dad banned her from naming us kids anything from the books so… she got to name many of the ranches animals. Snape just died from old age not more than two years ago. Broke my mom's heart," he quirked a mischievous smile. I wasn't sure if I believed him and I wrinkled my nose up in skepticism.

After a slightly interesting introducing to his brother Vince, where the brothers actually started wrestling before they even greeted one another, Vince kept shouting things like, "It's a pleasure to meet you Ev-OUCH DAMMIT KEV!", and "How was the drive?", and "He's told us so much about you!". I watched with interest because their horseplay reminded me of…of my brothers.

After Kevin had successfully pinned Vince to the point the older brother gave up we were properly introduced.

Where both brothers had short curly black hair Vince was a good five inches shorter than his brother, meaning he was a little shorter than me. Vince had strong masculine features, hard bulky shoulders, a long jaw line, and green eyes instead of Kevin's brown ones. But even with all the differences you could definitely see the family resemblance.

Mrs. Wheeler was short and squared off; Vince looked more like his mom than Kevin did. She had rough hands and a sharp look about her.

"I hope my boys haven't offended you," she muttered under her breath to me as she guided me away from them. She brought me to stand in front of a tall metal fence and beyond I saw several white and light tan horses, their coats seemed to shimmer in the sun light and it had me gapping in awe.

"The boys… well I kind of expected it after what Kevin's told me. What kind of horses are these?" I asked, gesturing to the ones in the pen in front of us.

"Champagne horses. They are the most popular ones we rent out for weddings and such. Their shiny coat is due to a genetic mutation. Beautiful aren't they?" She asked while watching me watch her horses.

"It's like their coats are... shimmering," I said in awe. I felt someone come up next to me and Kevin gently draped his arm over my shoulders, and I surprised both of us when I leaned into him rather than stilling at his touch.

I had a long yet happily exhausting day at Dover Ranch, I was certain I'd be walking funny for some time after riding horses all day. Kevin, for his part, didn't poke fun at me but he did joke about applying ice to my nether regions that night, something he was excited to offer his assistance with.

He helped me walk all the way up into my place, got me a glass of water and medicine, before he leaned over me and hesitated. Blushing I put my arms around his neck and pulled him closer, our foreheads were touching and I could feel the tickle of his breath on my face. Slowly, and ever so tenderly he caressed my face and kissed me.

I enjoyed it until I felt one of his hands go to the small of my back, as we stood there in front of my bed. He felt me tense and gradually pulled away, a look of understanding on his face.

"I showed you my work, next time you show me yours."

I laughed as he helped me sit on my bed. I winced at the bending of my knees. "You know what I do for work," I smiled cheekily at him as he sat next to me.

"I meant your singing. I don't think you are going to be working at 42 for the rest of your life." He responded, his deep voice relaxing me.

"Okay Kev. Next time, I'll sing for you."

"Good," he smiled, his straight white teeth peeking out from lips. He was so damn handsome that I leaned in and pecked him on the lips again. He took it in stride and returned the gesture.

After a small snogging session Kevin left me to get some rest.

I had a dream that night of Kevin riding one of his horses through the woods, running from a wolf. The wolf turned into Adam and I was screaming for him to stop. I woke up thrashing in my bed, sweat soaking my sheets and pajama's.

.~.

I had a lot of free time, a ridiculous amount of free time as a matter of fact. I worked five hours per shift, and only four days a week. Then I'd practice on the rented guitar at the studio twice a week, while I sang. And I wrote lyrics and poems most days. And even with Kevin distracting me two nights a week, I was really bored most of the time.

This was a problem.

So when I was cleaning out my purse and came across Branson Kildahl's card I idly thought about calling him up. I doubted he'd remember me. But if I could get the dozens of songs it'd written produced it could take up a lot more of my time so I called him.

Branson didn't answer so I left him a message explaining who I was and where I'd met him, then I offered to sing for him sometime the next week.

At 2:43 am I got a call from him. He had just gotten finished with Shell's at another of their concerts and just heard my message. And as I was very sleepy and kind of hazy I didn't realize until I hung up that I'd agreed to come in to his studio in the afternoon.

.~.

"Did you write that yourself?" Branson's co-producer asked ecstatically. He and Branson had on identical looks that people got when something unexpectedly fortunate happened.

"I started writing it about a year ago," my reply was met with the two men sharing a look.

"It can pretty much go without saying that you have obvious talent, have you ever sang professionally before? You have amazing control and pitch." Branson asked.

I set my borrowed guitar next to the bar stool I was sitting on and took a drink from my water from the high table next to me, while Branson and Greg were sitting near the wall with a ledge for their drinks between them.

We talked a little more about my style which they argued for a bit whether I was more of a Florence + Machine, Adele, Penny Yu, or Christina Aguilera, but they finally decided it didn't matter what style I had. They were certain they'd be able to sell whatever I was singing to the masses. My face was red with embarrassment by the time we'd said our goodbyes about four hours after I'd stepped into their studio.

.~.

Alice had been texting non-stop for almost an hour after I got home from the Land Ocean studio's. Actually she had been texting in between calls, and at first I had just figured she had seen something regarding my future if I recorded an album, which Greg and Branson were eager to start.

Then I started to worry that maybe I was in some sort of danger, so I debated what I was to do.

_If_ I looked at my phone and it wasn't about my own impending doom, I would be furious at myself _and_ Alice. And if I did, and it was… what was I going to do?

I fisted my hair up in irritation at the situation I was in. So instead of looking at my phone I thought, and planned on writing Alice a letter.

"Dear Alice,

If I am in some sort of serious danger please refrain from messaging my phone from 8:13pm until 8:16pm. Otherwise proceed as normal, and remember I am still angry at you."

I actually ended up writing it just to be sure she saw it. And I watched as my clock hit 8:12pm and she hadn't sent a message since I had started planning the letter.

My heart rate had shot up as she hadn't messaged in two minutes and I was starting to realize that she was trying to tell me I was in trouble. The clock on my phone hit 8:15 and I was shoving things into my purse at random before I bolted out of my apartment and down to my XTracer.

I had thrown my purse into the back seat and had taken a cautious but hasty look around the street to be sure there wasn't some sort of evidence to the potential danger.

There was one thing I was certain of; it was that Alice wouldn't lie about my safety, no matter how estranged we were.

.~.

.~.

* * *

><p>AN: I wonder how loud Eva and Rose were shouting. Seems like it was a very exhausting fight, surprisingly it was actually fun to write.<p>

I just want to warn everybody that the next chapter is the last chapter of the story. It is a long one.

There _is_ a sequel, and actually the sequel is the story I really wanted to tell from the beginning. It will be a much darker read, and it will have more mature themes. But before I post any of the sequel I will be going through all of Panthalassa and editing and reformatting. So I want to let those of you know that have me on alerts for updates that after chapter 23 is up not to get too excited right away, and I plan on taking a week for editing then post the next story/book/part.

I also want to thank everyone who has reviewed, added Panthalassa to alerts etc, it is a pleasure to read each and every review.

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	23. Acceptance

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

AN: I want to thank several people for supporting this fic in their own ways, whether it be by review or simply the fact they put it on alert. Firstly, COLORLESS LYFE and Mangagirl97, you two were the first to put me on alert, and so soon after I had started posting. It gave me confidence that I should continue as I knew people were reading because of you.

twilightgirl2, Mangagirl97, Blairx6661, PurplePrincess77, The Real Bella Swan Cullen, w8ing4rain, juniperlei, Ghostwriter71, Sarahwrites, LuvxXLessxXAngelxX, Domino2006, Geriana, AdmiralJoy, Owley; You have no idea how much your reviews have meant to me, I reread each one so many times because they are little rewards for trying to get this story out of my head and into words for others to read. So please keep up the reviews and alerts and everything else.

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**Panthalassa: Low Tide  
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**Chapter 23 - Acceptance  
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The all too familiar feeling of heavy regret settled in when I realized how utterly stupidly I'd behaved once I had pulled over at a border gas station and looked at my most recent message from Alice.

"_You are in danger, but not anything physical that I can see. We need to talk, please, please answer, please!"_

Alice had sent that, not more than two minutes after I had gotten into my bike to head back to Wisconsin.

I looked at my phone lividly. I sat behind my wheel and put my face in my hands after I had chucked my phone back into my bag.

_Great, just great,_ I thought. Alice struck again.

She'd had me so worried that an asteroid or something was going to kill me while I painted my toenails, which was what I had been doing once I got home, that I trusted her enough to rely on the information she'd sent me.

What the hell kind of danger had she seen then? Now she had me angry but mostly curious and about an hour away from my place.

My stomach turned in knots as I thought about what to do.

On one hand if I went back I'd get to find out all about this new _danger_ Alice saw, and probably also get into a huge fight with the whole family over their plans to use me, and I didn't really want to deal with that. On the other hand, if I really wanted to change and stop putting things off and not dealing with them, I should go and get things settled with them.

I hated that they had hurt me so much, and I wasn't sure what kind of relationship I'd have with them from now on, but if I didn't go I'd never find out. The people closest to you hurt you the most, and the Cullen's were the closest I had ever had to an actual family. I loved them and maybe I owed it to them to do as Rose suggested, let them grovel at my feet. What was the worst that could happen? It was obvious to me they'd let me leave if I wanted to, so they wouldn't keep me prisoner.

Huffing agitatedly I left the gas station and headed back to them. It was time to get answers, and time to stop being childish and not facing the problems that came my way. It was time for a change.

.~.

Not sure what I expected when I pulled up in Seth's driveway, I knew I didn't expect _nothing_. No one was there to greet me when I got there.

I sat there completely puzzled in my bike, looking at Seth's dark house. Not a single light was on, and it looked very scary and foreboding. Even though it was Seth's house, it looked creepy like a haunted old abandoned building. Looking at it I supposed the only thing that would make this moment creepier was if it was windy, and some random owl hooted off in the distance.

I hoped Seth hadn't changed the password for the security as I clumsily found my way up his front porch. Once inside I turned on a few lights and gave a casual look around. It still looked the same, slightly cluttered counters, and he still had the ugly woven basket his niece gave him in prominent display in the entry way.

If the family had known I was coming they'd have been here. I dug my phone out of my bag again, and looked for the most recent message.

_We are on our way back from Washington; we will be home about twenty minutes after you get there. Please wait for us!- Alice_

I rolled my shoulders in annoyance and went to rummage around Seth's junk drawer for a flash light. There really wasn't a point for me to hang out here, so I would just trek back to the house, maybe see if it felt different to be back. Once I got over the unusual disappointment I felt when no one had been here I found the idea being back at the house first pleasing. It meant I could set the scene. Sit where I would make the biggest impact, and think about what I was going to say to them.

It was pitch black outside, and I tripped more times on the way to the main house than I have ever in my life. I almost felt the urge to type out a message to Bella and comment on it, but perhaps that kind of light hearted banter would be best for some other time, probably months down the line.

I opened the front door and was met with a waft of vampire scented air. How could my brain have ever forgotten, or gotten used to the smell?

Cinnamon was the most prevalent at the door, and I could detect the light hint of plums. The smells sent me into a whirlwind of memories; the vast majority caused my heart to constrict agonizingly. I closed the front door then rested against it bowing my head as I forced tears back.

Initially when I got to the main house I had planned on going up to my room, but now that I was here, and awash of all the memories I eventually found myself going towards Edward's piano.

Something caught my eye when I came around the side closest to the windows and I looked out. There was a small light in the yard, one that had never been there before. It was odd to me for a couple reasons. The Cullen's didn't like wasting electricity, and as they could see perfectly well in the dark any lawn lights would have only been for my benefit. But sure enough there was a little light illuminating something out there and I felt drawn to it.

Once out in the yard I made my way to the light, only to realize quickly exactly what it was for, and where I was heading.

There weren't words for the emotion I had while looking at the grave marker for Adam. I am sure Jasper could have found the words, but I was at a loss. I knelt down in the small patch of grass in front of the light, and stared at the inscription that hadn't been here when we buried him.

"_Sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the richest inheritance"_ was carved into an area on the stone that had been smoothed out like a plaque, and just below it was some rather innocuous yet poignant information.

Adam Kenneth MacAvoy

Born the 10th of March 1977

Deceased on the 3rd of June 2025

Putting my finger to trace over the numbers of the day he died I realized it was finger width and that one of the family must have done it with their own. The stone was cold and the little light illuminated just the right amount of it. I felt a little awkward once I realized I was actually sitting on top of his grave, but I still couldn't move.

My hand kept caressing the engraving and I felt no reason to stop.

"Carlisle did that, two days after you left," a soft female voice said from somewhere behind me.

I startled out of my musings, and stiffened with the slight fright Esme had just given me.

A steady anxious feeling climbed in me when I debated whether to turn around and look at her, not that I'd be able to see much in the pitch black after having stared at the little light for a good ten minutes.

"He was forty-eight," I murmured, focusing back on his tombstone, hoping my math was right.

"He spent nearly 18 years of his life as a werewolf, according to Edward and Carlisle… that is an amazing feat."

The snort at her comment was involuntary, but somehow I didn't regret it. I wondered what kept him going all those years. From what I had seen of his transformation, on a night without a full moon, it looked more painful than what supposedly happened to a human when transforming into a vampire. And it happened to him every month, and sometimes more than one night a month it seemed. Which raised another question I hadn't really thought about, when and how they transformed, but now I was here maybe I could learn about the Children of the Moon.

The air behind me felt cold, and I knew Esme was standing as close as she could without actually touching me. Smart woman.

Even _if_ I wanted her to hug me and sob out her apology, it would only seem fitting after how furious I was at their betrayal, some part of me felt proud of myself for not wanting it enough to actually let her. I stood with deliberate slowness, taking in the darkness surrounding Adam's grave, and gave a half hearted sigh of frustration.

I wasn't sure how I was going to manage not looking at her as I walked back to the house, now that I was sure everyone was here. But as I turned around and could only make out the outline of her angelic face in the dark it was easy.

"How are you… feeling?" she asked rather awkwardly as I made to move, without even saying hello to her.

Here was the problem I faced and I wasn't sure how to handle it; On one hand I didn't want my relationship with my family to be strained, but on the other I didn't want them to think I was happy with the situation, or the original purpose for me joining their family.

Deciding on detached courtesy I glanced at her as she kept in step with me, "I'm doing well… as well as to be expected." I had to press my lips together hard after I said that, censoring the biting remark about how anyone who'd been used by their family wouldn't exactly be "fantastic." The fact Edward was listening in on my inner monologue made me a little happy that my need to be snarky was known.

"Did you have dinner?" the concern in her voice made my heart soar. And my stomach rumble in happy anticipation.

"Not yet…" I hesitantly said. I could see her face better now that my eyes had adjusted from staring at the lighted grave marker, and she was giving me a hopeful smile. And unfair, beautiful vampire hopeful smile. The distinction had to be made; a normal person smiling like that could never get me to agree to much with the mood I was in. A vampire doing it, a vampire whom I considered my mother made it impossible to say "no" to even if she hadn't asked me a question yet. But I knew I'd say yes if she asked to make me dinner.

"We could make you some steak, I have some fresh raspberries from the garden…" Instantly I craved one of her fruit crumbles. I gave her a non-committal grunt with a one shouldered shrug as I began to ascend the porch steps.

The lights inside were bright, and hurt my eyes but it didn't take me long to stop and see the entire clan uneasily watching me. I sighed not sure if I should avoid looking at them, or how this conversation was going to start.

Esme moved around me once we had made in, and was blurring about the kitchen, gathering ingredients for my meal I was certain.

Turning away from the kitchen I stepped with a false sense of confidence that was fueled by my curiosity.

"Leave it…" I murmured to Esme, knowing she'd hear me all the way across the room.

The clanging in the kitchen stilled and I saw her blur to Carlisle's side.

I took them in. Looking into each face briefly, as if to confirm to myself that while I had suffered and changed each of them had remained the same.

Frozen and unchanging.

Esme and Carlisle were standing off to my right just on the imagined line between the dining room and living room, he had his arms wrapped around her shoulders. Emmett and Rosalie, who had remained stonily yet wearily silent this whole time, were leaning against the bookshelf on the left wall closest to the couch where Edward and Bella sat. Jasper and Alice were on the other side of the room standing by the window seat, the window nearest Jasper was cracked open.

When my gaze went to Alice I stared her down coldly.

"Explain," I demanded.

The explosion of words came from everyone, but when I held my hand up they stopped talking over one another. Ren looked close to running across the room at me either to hug me or to throttle me I wasn't sure. But Jake had a firm grip on her shoulders from their spot standing by the front door.

"Alice," I said.

"Eva all I ever wanted was to prote-"

I growled at her, and her face made a priceless shocked expression.

"She means the "Serious Danger" from earlier." Edward explained.

I gave Alice a glare, wondering if she was capable of telling the truth.

Alice fidgeted with the rings she was wearing, and I saw her glance to Edward, then Carlisle.

"You were at a recording studio tonight?"

I nodded, slowly moving to cross my arms over my chest.

"It's dangerous for you to…" she trailed off with the intense stare I was giving her. I only had eyes for her, and I wanted to burn a hole through her with my glare. It helped to focus on one member of the family at a time; with all of them standing there I would feel too much pain and frustration that it would cause me to break down if I had to listen to all of them at once. But Alice was doing her dance around the topic which was her usual style, and before it was kind of enchanting and harmless now it was just aggravating and pissed me off.

"She saw you becoming quiet famous, worldwide. However your future as a vampire is still there, thus your fame would cause hindrance to a peaceful life as one of us. You would have no anonymity." Edward quickly explained.

It was hard _not_ to appreciate Edward, even if I was just as angry at him as I was at everyone else. I slowly turned away from my stare down of the little black haired meddler to look at Edward.

Bella was sitting with him on the arm of the couch. They and Seth were the only members sitting, and I wished the others would join them.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath thinking over what this meant. My dreams and hopes for singing my songs to the masses were going to be squashed because… I was still going to become an immortal. Didn't it matter that _I_ didn't really want to become one of them any longer? Before I found out about the lies I was pretty okay with the idea, sure. Now… I didn't think I could stand an eternity of them always meddling, especially Alice.

"You can still record an album…" Edward answered my thoughts, preventing the angry tirade from forming.

"I think I've thought of a way it'll work, you can still be famous and sing but-"

"This is _my life_," my voice came out rather hoarse. They were trying to control me, and I was on the edge of snapping. But I could tell Jasper was holding it back with his ability, which only caused me to become a subdued form of enraged, if that was at all possible.

"We are only concerned with your future," Edward explained, and I could tell everyone was looking to him to help dodge the mine field that was my fury.

"My-_MY_ FUTURE?" I laughed out gawking at him and then the whole room. Seth shifted in the chair he was in.

_We still love you, and we know what happened hurt you. I'm sorry; I am, for my part in it. But this is our family Eva-_

"STOP IT!" I swore at Ren, her voice in my head was drowning out all other sounds and my own thoughts for the most part. I balled my hands up and clenched my jaw. But being Ren she didn't stop, but instead she pressed.

-_Our family. You can't deny it now; we don't expect you to forgive us, not yet anyway. But let us explain._

"For the love of god stop that!" I screamed at her, "This isn't about you lying to me, _this_ isn't about that. It is- but- no I _want_ to sing, and if I can get my songs out there…. I don't care about fame- This isn't about you, or the family lying to me. That-that's I sep_ara_te issue altogether!" my accent was making itself known and I felt my agitation shifting.

"You don't get it," I looked to each member of the family again.

"We do, you are just being young and naïve to understand that our concern for you isn't entirely selfish," Jasper was direct.

My mouth popped open and I felt indignant that he'd just called me naïve.

"You said I'd still be turned into one of you!" I looked disbelievingly towards Carlisle his soft blonde hair, and quiet look of subtle pain when our eyes met had me wishing I hadn't looked at him.

"Your fate… it would seem still hasn't changed, whether you live with us or not." Seth added drearily.

I stopped short, blinking wildly.

"Red eyes?" I asked horrified.

"Yes," Esme whispered with the unmistakable tone of dread.

"But, Ren- she showed me. Alice's visions changed… does that mean-"

"The darkness I've been seeing is back, same as before." Subdued, Alice looked at the floor.

"So…" I trailed off.

Obviously if the visions were back, that meant that something in the future would kill the entire family. But I would still be changed by someone else. At least that's what I was gathering.

"As far as we've been able to tell you aren't too far off," Edward answered my thoughts.

I started feeling that crushing ache in my chest when I thought of them being destroyed, but the feeling was distracting me from my original line of thought. Edward sighed and I saw his lips move slightly.

"I think it's wonderful that you could become a famous singer Eva… You deserve to with the talent you have. But what we are saying is that when you are changed you won't be able to be near humans for a while, and they would notice the difference. The fact you'd never change or grow old would mean that you would always be highly recognizable. It's a risk, not only for you but for any humans that may notice the change."

I nodded stiffly not looking at Carlisle while I let his words soak in.

"We've been discussing possible ways that would let you have the singing career Alice saw, and also maintain a sort of… mystery about your appearance," Seth explained.

"How is that possible, you can't be famous and… anonymous, aren't they like-um- opposites?" I was dubious of the very idea.

"The two things aren't mutually exclusive, Evangeline," Carlisle calmly said.

"That might work…" Edward suddenly said, looking towards Jake. Everyone's attention now shifted to the Alpha.

He gave a half grin at me, "I was just thinking about one of those old time masquerade masks they wore at balls and such-"

"OH!" Alice exclaimed and instantly I saw her stiffen and I knew she was looking towards the future of me parading around on stage with a mask on.

I did understand the need for me not to be famous; my face would be noticeable possibly even centuries after I'd been changed. It would make living around humans impossible for me. Never mind the fact Alice had been seeing me with red eyes recently. That idea alone made me feel sick. If I was going to be changed, which seemed to be certain, I wanted it to be with my family.

Edward turned to look at me and I rolled my eyes at him when he gave me a gleeful smile at my internal phrasing of "my family".

_But if I want to sing and let my voice be known… _

"Oh that's it!" I exclaimed, and I saw eight pairs of gold eyes look at me, Alice having come out of her vision.

"I want my voice to be famous… not _me_ or my face," I could see it now; I would wear a mask whenever I was around others not in my family. I could even wear wigs or color contacts to obscure my appearance. But _no one_ would know what I looked like; it could be like my gimmick or device. I had to have a stage name or just make up a different one, but the idea to be unknown entirely was really appealing. I would be the voice… the voice of the people. I snorted at my own thought, it sounded pompous almost. I could sing my songs at concerts and I could record albums and be completely-

"Anonymous," Edward stated, the awe and appreciation of my line of thought in his voice made me blush.

Alice opened her mouth to say something when a vision must have hit her. I bit my lower lip wondering if my decision would work, if becoming some obscure singer that hid their true identity could work.

"You wouldn't be able to earn any money, it would be a way for it to trace back to you," Jasper said.

I frowned at that. Then again I'd never really needed much to live off of.

"We could have any of your earnings given to a charity of your choosing, we can provide you with anything you need to live off of," Esme beamed.

Before I could retort, both Alice and Edward shared an unrestrained look of pure exhilaration, Jasper clutched at his mate and his eyes rolled back slightly.

"Darlin'…" he murmured, which I could barely hear, but it sounded like she was emoting so heavily it was causing him some trouble.

"It'll work! It'll be SO prefect Eva!" the little black haired vampire started vibrating with excitement. At one point in time her excitement even without Jasper using his ability, would have infected me as well. But right at that moment I pressed my lips together and narrowed my eyes at her.

"I think it's time we visit the next topic," I spat harshly. And I wished I could have taken my words back; because I really did want to avoid talking about it, and here I was inviting us to just open up the wound. But it did have a desired effect on Alice, her face fell and her posture shifted into one that showed her reluctance. Maybe I was a sadist and I liked to see people suffer, that idea didn't seem right. It was probably just the fact I wanted them to feel as hurt as I was.

I heard Esme make a noise and turned my attention away from Alice, instantly I wished I had prepared myself for it.

I hadn't given Esme a proper look since I'd been in the living room lights, but her caramel hair was falling smoothly over her shoulders and her eyes were full of swimming unshedable tears. There was a tight pain in her beautiful face that slammed into me more than words probably ever could, that she was _sorry_. Not just sorry, but repentant and tormented and plagued with guilt. I swallowed thickly looking into her eyes; in my peripheral I could see that Carlisle had a similar expression. My involuntary action on reaching to my collar bone to latch onto the pendant Rose had returned to me had been seen by everyone, but I didn't really regret the action.

"I-… I thought you were so _good_, such wonderful people…" I ducked my head, unable to look at them a second more. "I felt so loved. And it didn't matter that you weren't human, but... _how could you_?" the question was for the room, and I felt myself curl inward. My shoulders slumped and my hands met in the middle both clasping the pendant as if it could shield me from the truth. Surprising myself I didn't feel tears forming, but I was starting to shake.

"I never wanted to hurt you. Not ever… Eva-p-please," Esme's broken plea had me grateful I wasn't looking at her.

"I was selfish." Alice's weak voice broke through the air during the short pause. Some noise erupted in my throat, somewhere between a whimper and snort.

"Eva… aside from Edward no one in the family understands what it's like when I see…nothing. It's far worse than any nightmare you could have. And I _feel_ it, I _see_ it… just _looming_ there," Alice's tone was pained and she seemed so far away, even if she was just across the room.

"But why-"

"-Because, just as much as you needed a family, I need them too. When I went to the hospital and told you _enough_ to ensure we'd have to bring you into the family, it **was** _selfish_. But when the people you love… when they are in danger-you- you'd do whatever you could to save them." She was pleading and self justifying what she'd done. A small part of me, the one that knew she was right couldn't let me hold it against her.

I swallowed and turned to look at her again.

"Regardless of the reasons I wanted you with us, which we are all aware were because you'll bring something to the future that may let us survive, it doesn't mean we care about you for who you are any less." Alice's hands were bunching up the fabric of her silk sweater.

There was a point when I would have spat something back at her and the whole family in anger over my original reasons for being here were, a point about ten minutes previous that was slowly fading and falling back as the seconds ticked onwards. This was my family; I could completely understand why Alice did what she did.

"I understand," I whispered, barely parting my lips. "It doesn't make what you did any less painful or…"

"A betrayal of your trust," Bella supplied. I shot her moody look, but then I sighed and nodded.

"You had so many opportunities you could have told me… why I'd been chosen to live with you. You had ten whole months to tell me about these dark visions. But it took a drunken mistake for me to find out-"

"We didn't know how to tell you." Emmett spoke up for the first time, his strong deep voice startling me.

"But does that make it alright? You didn't know how to tell me… so you just-_didn't_? How is that right? How is that supposed to instill a sense of trust of confidence in our relationship?" I asked as I turned to look at Carlisle again, watching his features crumble slightly. I think we both knew I blamed him the most for this. He was the leader of this family, and he'd let me down in ways I am sure he wasn't even aware of.

"It does not make it alright. Evangeline, how were we to allow you to open up to us to heal from those travesties in your past while living with us and knowing the original purpose for being here was because of the future Alice foresaw? You would never have been able to confide in us, thinking we were using you. We had to show you, convince you-"

"Trick me, you mean, Carlisle," tartly I hinted his name with the accent of our motherland.

"To let you know that you are _loved_, and I may regret the way you came in to this family but I do not regret that you are a part of it now. I love you, and I am not going to apologize for that." His tone had taken one of stern command, and although I had never heard it before I found myself captivated by the authority he possessed.

"As for the matter of trust," Rosalie added, "We can promise not to hide anything from you any longer."

A dull ache in my head was making itself known and I was facing the moment I'd been curious about since I'd come to understand what had really upset me the most. There was no undoing the love that had formed for them in my heart. It was as Carlisle had said the night they told me I was going to be adopted, I couldn't remember the phrasing and I wished I did.

Loving them didn't make it okay that they lied to me. Rose was promising they'd be truthful from now on, but a precedent had been set for them lying to me I doubted I could ever truly trust them so blindly again.

"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things," Edward spoke softly. Carlisle turned his head to look at his son, and I hung mine again.

That was what Carlisle had said. Could I bear this pain? Could I believe not just them, but _in_ them? What of hope, what was I to hope for? Enduring… I'd endured far more terrible and agonizing things than being lied to.

"I can endure…" I stated more to myself than to the others.

A long pregnant pause hung in the air about us like a thick fog, and I heard my heart thrumming steadily in my chest signaling the seconds as they past.

"In an effort to not keep you in the dark, perhaps we should tell you what has been occurring over the last seven months." Clearing his throat Edward gave Carlisle a nod.

This was far too short of reconciliation for my tastes, as I was still resentful and had wanted to perhaps have the same type of yelling match with them that I had with Rose. It would have been cathartic.

At that everyone seemed to take their cue and start to seat themselves around the living room. Jake and Ren sat next to Jasper and Alice on the window seat. Ren gave me a tormented look of longing, which I ignored the best I could. I took the only other lone chair, which was Emmett's favorite gaming chair, turning it so I was at a better angle to see Carlisle, whom was taking a seat next to Edward. Also my new position had an advantage of being turned slightly away from the group at the window. Seth was sitting to my left now, which for some reason made me feel better.

My phone rang and caused me to jump. When I looked at the display reading Kevin's name I hit the ignore button, regretting that I had to.

"Is that the boy you've been seeing?" Esme was interested. I pursed my lips at her and huffed.

"And what would make you think that?" I asked slowly folding my arms over my chest. I barely caught the movement out of the corner of my eye but Jasper hadn't been able to hide it from me.

"We had to make sure you were safe…" Ren tried to help her uncle out from under the blazing hot glare I was giving him.

Honestly, they made me want to scream. How could I go from being partially calm about clearing the air with them to furious in a matter of seconds? It was making my head hurt.

"Rule number one. No one is allowed to spy on me any longer. Got that?" I asked the room icily. Edward was frowning and he shook his head once answering someone else's thoughts.

As they agreed to my first rule, I had to wonder how strictly they were going to follow it. Of course Edward couldn't help hearing my thoughts and I didn't really consider what he did was spying. Alice on the other hand, with watching everything I was doing from a distance, and Jasper constantly hacking in to security camera's set up around the area I lived in, just to watch me.

We didn't need to discuss the fact they lied to me more than we already had, it was made apparent by my attitude that it was intolerable from this point on. With that in mind they began to divulge some rather insidious secrets they'd been holding back from me. None of what they told me had me more upset than them lying to me so I listened with horror.

Seven months ago, while I was at school, the family got a call from a nomad by the name of Randall, who had been traveling in the Philippines. He had encountered a newborn vampire and barely managed to defeat it because as Randall told it, the newborn attacked without any reason. The only reason he brought the fight to the Cullen's attention was because he found the trail of no less than ten newborns later that day.

Then Alice had a vision of a mated couple on a tropical island being attacked by two other vampires. According to best guesses Alice and Edward were able to see that the couple had been attacked by newborns.

At this point in the story I was starting to recognize a pattern.

Carlisle explained that they had been finding an increase of mysterious deaths and disappearances in seven different third world countries and an abnormal amount in Jamaica as well as China.

Dread built up in me as to why they hadn't been telling me all that was going on in their world. Alice and Jasper had gone to Brazil to meet with their friends down there and have them help find other nomads in South America to see if any other vampires had noticed a pattern.

When we got to the part where Tanya, Kate, and Garrett had gone to Jamaica and run into a battle that very nearly cost them their lives had me livid with fear. When Ren and I had gone on our camping trip, Rosalie and Emmett were in Ireland with the Irish coven trying to figure out where several British nomads had gone. Siobhan had been rather happy to find less British vampires initially.

But the Cullen's were caught between a rock and a hard place. Normally in situations where it was obvious that they were new born vampires being created in a way that could garner suspicions from humans, the vampire coven would bring the evidence to the Volturi. If they brought the information to the Volturi, their already strained relationship could become worse, especially if Aro demanded his kind of reporting. Carlisle was certain that since they were committed to changing me they weren't actually in breach of any vampire law. Edward, however, knew how Aro thought and the risk of telling the Volturi was my life. Alice couldn't tell as they hadn't decided to tell the Volturi about this world wide newborn problem.

For the most part Carlisle told the story, but others added to the conversation. Edward however remained mostly silent. And from his expression he was having a silent conversation with someone as he was nodding and shaking his head at random intervals, which distracted me slightly.

"So what's the game plan now?" I asked the room once Carlisle finished telling me they had just come back from having a tribe meeting in La Push with the wolves.

"She is curious," Edward said aloud to the room, and I quirked an eyebrow at him wondering who he was talking to.

"There is one more point we haven't really talked about." Jasper said heavily, his eyes swiftly moving to look at his family and settling on me.

"It's about what Eleazar felt when he met you," Carlisle supplied to my building curiosity.

"Eleazar?" My shock tugged at my memory, the memory of when I met the cousins sifted through my thoughts.

"We did not inform you that he too has an ability," the shame in Carlisle's voice had me rolling my eyes.

"Wow this hole just keeps getting bigger," I said irritated, in reference to the fact they had started off in a hole with their huge lie of using me, and all these confessions were showing me just how important I was. I was beginning to see myself as some sort of pet to them.

"That isn't fair Evangeline," Edward interrupted my thoughts.

_You and I can talk later about what's fair _**dear**_ brother_, I shot back at him crossly. My tone didn't mollify him, but then Jasper ignored the glare I was giving Edward and continued on with the explanation.

Eleazar could sense abilities in other vampires. In humans it was rather nebulous, like catching a whiff of a familiar smell and not being able to place it, if the human had potential at all that was.

He had been able to catch something with me that he told my family felt very similar to the feeling he'd had with Demetri.

"A tracker?" I scoffed, half with amusement and half skeptical.

"Not exactly a tracker," Edward's tone was contemplative.

"Well good thing you brought a potential _not exactly_ tracker into the family, I mean, that will definitely help fight off hoards of newborn vampires," I folded my arms over my chest and nodded with mocking seriousness. Ren let out a chuckle before she could stop herself. And it surprised me that hearing her laugh had a smile tugging at my lips.

"Evangeline…" Esme said in her motherly warning tone, "This is serious."

Like I needed reminding, but instead of retorting I tilted my head at her communicating with my body language that her telling me that was redundant.

"You went to all this trouble of getting me in the family and I don't even have a cool ability like Bella or Edward?" I asked the room. I purposefully picked those two, as I was still upset with the little pixie. I could see her out of the corner of my eye forlornly pouting, and I felt smug at her frustration.

"Tracking, or whatever you might have when turned, could be very valuable in a war. It has many tactical advantages, especially when combined with Alice, Edward and myself," Jasper enlightened me. I was still dubious of it.

I remembered back when I first moved in and they told me about abilities. For the most part when human all of the Cullen's with abilities exhibited traits of their future vampire abilities. I'd never been able to "track" anything or know where things were, so it really made no sense to me. Edward, who in my opinion had the most profoundly useful ability, had been hyper aware of others when human. He had told me he didn't actually remember it, as his human memories resembled very much how a human feels after they wake up from a dream. Just wisps of the feelings that are like dreams are all that's left for vampires of their human lives. Edward had the feeling that when human he'd been able to predict what someone would say before they said it.

Jasper had been able to guess if someone was upset and know how to calm them. Bella, we all knew had been immune to all sorts of mental abilities as human. And Alice, we assumed had been able to have visions while human, and that's why she was shipped to an Asylum.

So where did that leave me? Sure knowing I'd have an ability was cool, but a tracking ability? And I wasn't exactly exhibiting any of the types of things that the others had while human.

Then a memory spilled into me, quiet randomly.

Carlisle, when I had been at the hospital, had asked me how frequent the flashes of light were, and at the time I had correlated it to something to do with the Whitlock's. My eyes widened as I thought on it and I met Edward's eyes, wondering if he had made the connection before I did.

"Do you think…?" I asked him, the shock and awe of my discovery causing my voice to waver.

"It is something I have given a lot of thought to… and yes. It is possible," he answered.

I was about to mentally ask him if he'd told the others but simply by looking at their slightly concerned and confused faces I knew he'd kept it to himself. Which didn't seem very Edward like; it did seem like something he'd tell them.

Opening my mouth, I didn't know exactly how to communicate the epiphany to the family; the thought had kind of bulldozed over me and left me mute.

"What?" Rose sternly asked.

"My lights…" I managed to whisper my eyes looking at a random spot just over the front door as I recalled the instances when they'd flashed.

In the court house when I was 10.

The day I got caught shop lifting.

When I fell off Mrs. Mews bike and into the street.

The night Mr. Golswiki came into my room.

At the camp when I stepped off the bus.

Right before I saw that I was surrounded by werewolves in Yellowstone.

All of those moments had one thing in common, one defining thing. And all the times that I could remember my lights burning my eyes were times when something dangerous was close by.

.~.

The chair I was sitting in seemed to gain distance from the rest of the room, as if suddenly by gaining this insight I was being propelled backwards through a tunnel. My residual feelings of contempt and anger were lost among the new feelings of understanding. Or at least the itching of comprehension, I didn't think I had the mental capabilities to really grasp the whole gravity of discovering my link with the flashing lights and what ability Eleazar said I had potential for.

"Eva… are you okay?" Ren spoke up, she had risen from her spot next to Jake and taken a tentative step towards me the movement which I had somehow missed while off in my own world.

"Sorry," I replied instantly. My stomach chose that second to make rumbling noise, and I winced realizing how hungry I now was. Esme shifted in her seat, antsy, wanting to make me that steak she'd mentioned before.

"I –think- I mean it's possible that the lights… those lights that I see sometimes- I've never," I was stumbling around my words like an excited kid unable to convey a story of great importance.

"Evangeline has come to the same realization I had hypothesized shortly after Eleazar mentioned her potential," I nodded absentmindedly along with Edward.

"You've never mentioned a theory regarding her potential gift before…" Bella had a look uncertainty on her beautiful features.

"I apologize, there are a few reasons why I never mentioned it, and the biggest one is I wanted Evangeline to discover it for herself when the time came. As we are all aware this family dynamic doesn't work without each member feeling equal and Evangeline has been at a severe disadvantage for the duration of her relationship with us. As not telling you my theories did not put us at risk nor would knowing have helped us figure out who is behind the newborns. Or what is the cause of the dark vision Alice sees, I decided not to divulge my hypothesis." Edward told the room, then he turned his gaze to me, "Evangeline I believe you are right in thinking that those lights you see have to do with the potential ability Eleazar felt. I have noticed all in of the incidents that it's happened you have almost immediately encountered some form of danger or threat. The more severe the threat the greater the pain when they flash."

It made sense and I was significantly less befuddled with him helping to voice the revelation.

"The flashing lights?" Seth asked wanting clarification.

So maybe I'd be like an early warning system for when something dangerous was coming, but that was a redundant ability with Alice and Edward around.

"May I?" Edward asked me and I shrugged, knowing he'd discuss my last thought aloud.

"Evangeline if it does in fact manifest as a sort of danger warning system it already surpasses aspects of my ability and Alice's." This got everyone's attention, Seth sat up straighter, and Esme's mouth went slightly agape. Rose however pushed her lips into a thin line, looking between Edward and myself.

"Alice cannot see real werewolves, yet you were able to sense them. I am always hearing the thoughts of others, however if they were thinking in a language I did not know I would not be as easily able to assess the threat they posed-" I gave him a skeptical look. Edward knew more languages than anyone else in the family, it wasn't likely he'd run into one he didn't know.

"It is highly likely that we may run into a threat where I will not be able to translate their thoughts. The most recent example is of Nahuel's and Huilen's tribal language. They think in it, and I have been able to grasp a good portion of the vocabulary and structure after having been exposed to it. However if we had met in a potential hostile situation, I would not have known it in advance. In short it would seem you could fill in the gaps in the limitations Alice and I have."

That seemed impressive.

Shortly after that Esme rushed off into the kitchen to make me dinner and I got another call from Kevin. This time I texted him telling him I was visiting my family and settling some issues we'd had.

I didn't want to stay and eat. And there was a very tangible tension around me, I was hyper aware of it. It stemmed from the fact I was unsure of what to do now.

I hadn't exactly forgiven them. And with all the new information I was certain I was still angry somewhere beneath the stress of learning all I had tonight. I was wary, and being around the family again was awakening feelings I'd buried. Love, hurt, longing, disappointment circled about me pressing down on me.

Where did we go from here? As a family? Edward seemed to be championing the fact he wanted me to have equal footing in this family, and as sweet as it was I seriously doubted it happening until I'd been changed. The spark of desire to have it done had diminished because I had found things I wanted to do. Things I could only do as a human.

Such as sing. Sure I could sing as a vampire, but as my family pointed out it would be hard not to attract attention in that situation. It was a little thrilling to have the fact Alice had seen me as a famous singer, knowing it was still a highly likely future had me giddy on the inside.

Maybe some people wanted to sing to gain fame, notoriety, money, or power and I found myself liking the fact none of those things really appealed for me. Fame, sure, to have my name out there and known by millions was exciting, but the best part about the fame would be my songs and my voice lasting throughout the ages. Even if through the decades my songs became outdated and unpopular they would still be listened to, and still be out there.

When our conversation about my potential ability dwindled and Esme had finished preparing the dinner I hadn't asked for, I dragged myself out of the chair.

My mum hadn't been too terribly strict while I was growing up, but she had rules and instilled in me the understanding that it was the highest disrespect not to sit at the table when a meal had been prepared for you.

Most of the family stayed where they were and watched as I went to the dining room, they were probably waiting for me to give them the go ahead to follow me in.

_Though luck_, I thought bitterly.

Once I reached the dining room, feet heavy and head swirling with a tirade of emotions and thoughts, pale white hands thrust a small stack of plates at me.

Blinking at Esme's patient and kind face I took the plates pursing my lips.

Bitterly I set the table, while Ren helped. She had cut her hair, and although I had noticed it instantly I hadn't really looked at her.

She looked tired.

Her hair was cropped short, much like how my hair had been about Christmas time, long enough to use hair clips but too short to use a pony tail. In fact Ren had a beautiful black bird hair clip pulling the bronze curls that normally would have fallen over her eyes back. She had simple diamond studded earrings in, and her wedding band as well as a locket that Bella and Edward had given her when she was only a baby.

She kept trying to make eye contact with me as we set up the table, ferrying dishes Esme finished from the kitchen. I avoided her gaze, though snuck glances at her.

The meal was at best a test in balancing my desire to be content and happy with the Cullen's again with my aching heart. At worst it was a way for them to wheedle information about my life without them out of me.

As I wasn't too terribly talkative, I wanted to get home before it got too late, I let Jake and Seth tell me all sorts of things about the last seven months they'd been keeping from me.

.~.

I was walking at a steady pace, letting my flashlight hit various trees. Forests and dark places really creped me out. But the woods between Seth's house and the main one never did. Perhaps because I knew nothing scarier than my family could possibly be out there.

Soft footfalls behind me pulled me from my musings about the evening, and how tired I was.

"Are you upset with me?" Ren asked just behind me, and I knew she'd only let me hear her so I wouldn't freak out when she just appeared.

"What do you think?" I asked rhetorically, not actually sure of the answer to that question myself.

"That I've lost my best friend…" She said in a defeated voice, and I noticed she wasn't keeping step with me. I turned around and flashed the light in her face.

"Best friend," I tasted the word, it felt a little foreign. I pursed my lips and we looked at each other in the dark, the only light from my flashlight. It illuminated her features and they were burdened with grief.

I could torture her, make her think she'd really lost my affections for good. It would be easy, and the evil piece of me that had reveled in Alice's pain was keen for the same reaction. She can cry, the beast cooed to me.

No matter what she'd revealed to me two months ago, it hadn't changed my feelings for her, or any of them really. I chewed on the inside of my lip as I listened to my heartbeat. Her chocolate eyes were swimming, and it became clear to me that although I had been unmistakably wronged, I too had hurt those that cared about me.

As she was arms length away I took one step forward and wrapped my arms around her. Her body swayed and I heard a sob escape her, while she clung to me. I felt tired and weighted down about this reconciliation with the Cullen's, but when Ren held onto me and cried I felt some of the hurt I'd been carrying around slide away.

_I'm so sorry_, she brokenly sent me.

I got small flashes of her crying in the morning after I'd left. Jake trying to consol her. A flash of her standing in front of the mirror, eyes red and puffy from crying, tear trails still clear on her perfect face. She took scissors and started randomly cutting chunks of her gorgeous hair to a cropped length. There was a flash of Rose, and Alice practically in hysterics after seeing her hair. A brief memory of Alice sitting at a window on a windy day limply staring out, thanks to Ren's ability I knew that Alice stayed like that for three days before Jasper worked up enough nerve to move her and force her to do something. That something apparently was to help him research my father's life.

When her quick slide show ended I pulled away from her slightly. She looked up into my eyes and in the tiniest voice I'd ever heard she whispered to me.

"I was terrified I'd -that I had doomed you to living without those that love you. I missed you _so_ much. There were days I drove down to Chicago just to stare at the coffee house you worked at. I wanted to be close to you, to tell you- I _missed _my friend, and I didn't-don't know how to tell you how sorry I am." She swallowed and took a shuddering breath in. I sighed then tugged at a lock of her short hair.

Rather tell her my thoughts on the matter, I decided to save that for another day, and I gave her a wan smile.

"For how beautiful you are, I can honestly say… I looked better with short hair," I stated half wistfully, while turning on my heel lighting my way back to Seth's. I smiled when I heard her scoff then catch up to me to walk at my left side.

She didn't attempt to ask for forgiveness, probably because she knew me well enough to know I wasn't yet ready to give it.

Ren waved to me as I pulled out of Seth's driveway, and I thought I could make out the shapes of some of the family standing in the shadow of the woods as I drove down the long driveway.

Maybe I should have given Esme a hug. I know it would have opened up a cascade of tears, but my arms felt tingly and excited after having held Ren close.

.~.

I didn't ignore their texts and phone calls any longer. But usually my responses were one or two words. Alice and Jasper were coming in to Chicago three days after I'd gone home, to help me get ready for the signing of my contract with Land Ocean records. I'd been told Alice had a game plan. And Jasper had sent me a rather happy text saying he had been forced to join Alice on a shopping trip. He had a " " in the message, and the fact a civil war veteran had sent me a frownie face had me laughing all day at work.

Kevin and I had missed our last date because he was needed to help drive the horses out to a mansion that was having an 1800's themed garden party. He sent me several pictures of the event, which looked fairly realistic to me. And as I had been distracted with the residual issues to do with "making up" with my family as he called it, I didn't have a whole lot of time to miss him.

It was a cloudy day and up until an hour before closing 42 had been steadily busy. I was bored after having done most of the closing duties and cleaning work so I sat on the edge of the counter watching the Discovery channel.

The most fascinating programs to me were the ones with information I'd never knew anything about. The particular program I was watching was about Earth and how it formed to what we know now.

The narrator was some bloke obviously from the London area, and I was mesmerized by his descriptions of the plate tectonics. It turns out that Pangea was only one of the many super continents, and I was about to turn off the TV when I heard the narrator mention a phrase I'd never heard.

I took a moment to watch the cg of the earth and how it looked with a single large land mass, surrounded by water.

Shuffling along the two blocks to my place I thought about the ocean, and specifically the large ocean that once surrounded all of the land on earth. The poet in me, the song writer awoke with those thoughts and soon I was making comparisons to my family and the ocean.

.~.

Jaspers first reaction upon entering my apartment was to stiffen and hold his breath; my scent must have been heavily concentrated so I gave him an apologetic smile before quickly going back to the bathroom to finish getting ready. Alice should have known I wouldn't be ready yet, why she had sent him up to make him suffer was beyond me.

They were to take me to the studio to meet with Branson and Greg to discuss my terms for working with them. Alice had emailed me a list of "unnagotioables" for my contract. By the looks of things I was going to have to get used to wearing colored contacts.

When I emerged from the bathroom Jasper had my notebook in his hands and was reading what I had been working on. I was embarrassed and I felt the blush forming on my face, he glanced up at me and sent a small wave of calm.

"I- haven't figured out the melody yet… Or a title." I murmured.

"This is beautiful," Jasper stated, his accent hinting his words.

"Panthalassa," his voice caressed the word and it had me shyly smiling at him.

"Panthalassa, such a comparison to us is… inspired. If we are the never ending ocean that surrounds the land, then Eva, you are our Pangea. And as you have written, though we are beautiful, and cold, we can be savage and powerful. But you have only seen the love we have for you through your eyes, through the eyes of someone who is so solidly the land we surround and protect.

"For eternity, Eva, we will surround you with our cold," he smirked, "and loving embrace, that much I can promise you."

I could only stare at Jasper as I felt the ache in my heart, the grief over their lies break apart. What girl could stand unaffected by such a declaration?

"I missed you," I whispered, still keeping my gaze on him.

A small frown formed on his handsome face, "We were always right there." He gestured to my heart and I came to realize exactly how much I had taken his brotherly love for granted before. In fact I had taken all of their love for granted.

"And you'll stay there… forever."

..~..

..~..

AN: So, that was it folks, the last chapter for Panthalassa: Low Tide, and for those of you who have been with me from the start, yes the title did change. Because although in my head this was what the first part was called. I wasn't sure if I would make a whole separate story for the next part. And I decided I will.

So this chapter will be the last one for Low Tide. And just to make it easier for everyone I will be posting the sequel immediately after posting this chapter. But that doesn't excuse you from not reviewing this last one! Give Panthalassa: Low Tide a farewell, because Panthalassa: High Tide is going to be a whole new bag of trouble.

Once you are done with Low Tide, please continue to the review section before heading to my profile to see the new part in Panthalassa.

Last chance for Panthalassa: Low Tide.

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